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floW Oct 7
19
19: I’m picking up the pieces of glass trying to put the mirror back together so I can see myself again.
18: my dad, perfectly healthy says goodnight to me on February 28th. And on March 1st, I watch him die in front of my own two eyes wishing I could be the one on the hospital bed.
17: I don’t tell my mom, but I stay at my dad’s house most of the time on purpose, her house is just too toxic for me.
16: my mom gets remarried. I watch as my mother and sisters are emotionally abused.
15: my moms been dating this guy for about a year, he’s not a good guy and everyone knows it. she wont listen to anything anyone says, she thinks he’ll change, people don’t change.
14: freshman year ******. maybe my parents got divorced cause of me.
13: switching between two houses isn’t too bad, plus double the presents on Christmas.
12: I found out my parents are getting divorced, we TOTALLY saw this coming.
11: we start hearing arguments roaring through the night like a lion. my dad starts sleeping in my room.
10.
9: I’ve started to remember what my oldest sister was like. I can see as each year goes by, like a page flipping, her death is tearing my parents apart.
8: life in this new town is pretty great, my family has a big house and we eat dinner on the couch together and watch tv:)
7.
6: life’s pretty cool, I’ve got a couple friends and I play sports with my parents. my sisters take care of me.
5.
4.
3: March 2003, my oldest sister, my second mom drops dead right in front of my eyes. I can’t comprehend it, but I see everyone else crying so I do too. Where’s my sister? I can’t find her.
2.
1.
0.
if only I could hit restart.
floW Oct 7
you’re happy,
until you’re not.
you want to breathe,
until you don’t.

we come out of the womb,
innocent, joyful, excited for the prospects
Of a whole new world.

But it only goes downhill from there.

we experience:
loss, trauma, pain, depression.

you’re enamored,
until the true feeling of life sets in.
you want to live everyday over and over,
until your days are filled with more agony than happiness.

we begin life with a fresh, clean plate.
and each day we live, this plate is sullied.
sullied with the pain we experienced that day.
we try to scrub it off, but no matter how much you work at it, there will always be remnants.
you may ask, what about the joy?
the joy,
that gets covered up by the stains of pain,
As if it had never happened in the first place.

you’re curious,
until you don’t care anymore
you’re getting through, day by day
until you just can’t anymore.
floW Sep 5
breathe in,
breathe out

let the gust of air brush against your lips,
as you contemplate how
meaningless
it all is.

breathe in,
breathe out

let the world melt away,
because it all means nothing
anyway.

breathe in,
breathe out

let the thoughts take control,
cause you were never really,
in charge.

breathe in,
breathe out

death is cruel,
but i guess...
so is life.

breathe in.
floW Jun 22
chained around the wrist,
bound with thoughts and regrets
you can't break them without breaking yourself.

there's no escape for you.

a light flickering in the corner of the dark cell,
a shadow appears in the doorway.

"Time", they say

"Time?", you ask, "how is time going to help me?"

sure enough, as the days pass, the flicker turns into an intense flame.
the whole room, illuminated with light.
the chains slowly deteriorate, until nothing is left besides
the clanging of metal within your mind.

you're free.

you stand up to move, but you're frozen.
your hands aren't bound but they're still stuck together like two lovers refusing to even coming up for air.

"why can't i move?" you whisper softly,
the shadow speaks one last time, "only you can decide when you're ready."
floW Jun 19
Love is a trick,
a facade, a mirage,
Love is a poisoned apple,
sweeter and sweeter with every bite,
and before you know it,

you're dead.

Love is a rope,
strings and strings tied together,
growing tighter
constricting like a snake, until you can't breathe.

Love is a door,
being pounded on,
screaming "Open Up",
over and over.

Until you just can't scream anymore.

Love trickles,
droplets of rain,
washing down through the sewers,
simply a drink for the rats.

Love is the tick of a clock,
tick, tick, tick,
stopping time, making a minute feel like eternity,
making a day feel like a second.

Love is a trick,
but Love is everything.
floW May 10
it starts with a simple drop.
drip, drip, drip
the light fades deeper within the shadows
close your eyes,

now open, they’re blurred.
your lungs are filled with everything you lost,
that which you long for,
your hope slips away, floats to the surface like bubbles.
you’re drowning.
floW Apr 6
the body is lost,
voice is nothing but an echo,
replay the memories until they
fade,
until it’s all turned to dust.
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