I thought I could erase you
a point of no return
yet every time I've chased you
in my heart and mind it burns.

I wasn't what you wanted
confused to want was I
once the truth was confronted
I knew the end was nigh

I want to forget you
I do not want you back
but yet I don't regret you
you were always what I lacked

I thought that it would hurt more
but all I feel is numb
Like an old returning pain
too many times succumbed
A heart already broken
A mind already lost
words that cant go unspoken
a line already crossed.

This notion seems unclear
and I really here?
I can't abide
decline divide
Outsider to the fear
divine denied
voided inside
step aside for what grows near.

Love is not enough
Love, is, not, enough
this is not a bluff
this flame in which you snuffed

Love is not enough
Love, is, not, enough
just too much to rough
I have broken its cuffs

Love is not enough
Love, is, not, enough
this final rebuff
cuts at every tuft

My energy is now free
Yet my heart remains broken

Or so I am told
Trapped inside the sociopathic fold.

I no longer have a lick of trust
That could fix this disgust
I no longer have a dream to clutch
I just don't sleep enough
Saturated in the darkness
What was my light lost in the midst
Disconnect myself from everything
What I once felt not returning
Was it me who ruined myself,
Or was it someone else?
Staring at the walls inside of my bed
Calling for answers in my head
Loving the loveless
Pits my stomach again
Carelessly searching an end
These feelings
have been beaten from me
And there's no escape I see.

I feel I'm getting smaller
and one day I'll disappear.

I'm a bi-product of an environment
that buys products
till the resource is spent
to eat drink and breathe paper
not vapor
not liquid
not Earth
not life
not Nature
To chase ghosts
and heed to celebrities
Who give toast
to excessive degeneracy
To change tides
for the evils that be
and hang sides
under veils of equality
Traverse a wasteland
of senseless information
Inert hands
given helpless stipulations
A negligent stare
over the horizon
that isnt burning to our backs

I feel I'm growing cold
is this getting old?
as the passions which I hold
stow slowly into stone

A crooked compromise
watching the demise
of love for younger times
eroding quickly with the tides

Holding to emotions
I wish would still arise
yet with every motion
swallowed more within my mind

Is this poem too simple?
Does it have no depth?
at least I carry words
there is no peace in breath.

I like beautiful words
for ugly truths
Whats your excuse?

I'm a kind of tired that sleep can't fix
in a game gone amiss where no one wins
in a race stuck in place that don't begin
where every action is seen as sin

I am kind of lost where no compass
can find a home or points to bliss
facing the wind as I ****
the stains on my soles will iterate this

Im the kind of mad that lacks their tricks
a sad gone bad that cant be nixed
perplexed and had caught in the mix
as it all comes down like a ton of bricks

An introvert to escape the hurt
whos grew quite sick of chasing skirts
nomad on the landscape scraping dirt
disguising a grave as a yurt

Sorry I can't relate to you
or if my act seems see through
as the voices scream I'm destined to lose
on a path that Im told I can choose
yet the only one praised seems lead to a land of fools

how does a man covey
the truths that we evade
its like we're playing a game
we know no winners escape

I'm at a loss for words
and the more that I blurt
the more it seems absurd
contemplating what is worse
to quit this race and go unheard
or push on only to be burned
wading in a world of hurt
reducing it all to a blur

Nation, or relation,
religion or procreation
assimilates me deeper
into disassociation

maybe they taught me how to fear all the hatred
but rarely how some love and cheer can change the situation

now I'm just exhausted
waiting for the rules to change
being accosted
by those who always point the blame

reptilian brains
thats been raised
bound by chains
to anothers mission
driven insane
by the thoughts ingrained
with repetition
same old same
to envision
imposed superstitions
to be swallowed whole
polluted souls
who no longer have control
with no indication
no escape
no letting go

sickened and disgusted by your ******* cause
to raise a sense of greed
for everything
above of all

the more feelings taken from me
the more I feel like a machine
that I never wanted to be
am I too far from rescuing?

in a group of robots
who know not what they do
who will use any excuse
to continue what their used to

am I the only one who seems to see this cell?
because when I point it out I am told to go to hell

We are all heard
eventually
Unfortunately
its usually too late

Are we so utterly destroyed?
Are we raised to be lowered
into depths
a man can not physically dig?
Why do we seek a hell
so obviously guised as heaven?
Are we beyond repair?
Can we never be fixed
to match the idea
of a standard model?
Would you want to?
Did these gears in the machine
ever have a chance
to pass inspection in the first place?
Was I doomed upon that assembly line?
Were we all?
Am I the reject
in the dollar bin
of a land
full of selfish
consuming
monsters
who have no teeth of their own
waiting for their masters to chew
and regurgitate back
into their joyous awaiting mouths?
Is the way I write this
too imperfect?
Does this gain me nothing
but a stroke of ego?
Should I expect to deserve more?
too little product?
a lackey robotic?
Not enough dollar signs
to place upon it?
Are these feelings, feelings anymore?
Or are they nothing
but programmed responses?
Am I alive
by falling from the branch
of a toxic Oak
only to pollinate
the oily soil?

Should I just
be a good slave
to the cult of "us"
and earn for myself
which no mortal
has right
putting a price tag on.
Can robots trust?

Youre still fighting
for their broken promises
and you still buy into
the ancient texts they've read
You apply the enemies that they present
for you cant see
it is yourself who is the threat

Come place your bets
to chase whos most threatened

You consume their *******
without hesitance
Dooming your heirs
pushing them into your debts
You can choose
to reject these offenses
you can look to
a better future

With no regrets

You are the threat
not mending the fence
ignoring whats best

Come place your bets
to see whos most threatened

You claim to turn a new leaf
but what about the trees that fell
in your name, and ceased
are they forgotten in the path you claim?
Look at what you uprooted
from all that you disputed
no solid ground to take foot in
you wish to forget this nuisance?
You say you're different now
but does that change the past
and how, exactly
does that change it now
directly, when whats been done
affects me already
All you do is run
and I'm sure that changes the outcome
just as you said
but still
you cant change the past
and never will.
The quill you penned within my head

They say my head is in the clouds
But I'm really not so sure
I feel I lost it long ago
And how remains a blur
My heart is in my throat
My stomach in my feet
While I may not be complete
I still have parts of Me.

Maybe I wont
But maybe I might
Exhasting this course
Forced and contrite
My mind screams flight
My heart sings fight
My silent soul torn between
This never ending plight.

Love is short
forgetting long
every night
awaits new dawn

I only seek
a dampened pain
this bad liver
is a result
of a good heart
putting my faith
in those
with self-serving intent
I know it is I
who chose these paths
but Im still not sure why
darkness falls
on even the most beautiful
of landscapes
I burn the bridges
yet linger
hoping to find
some kind of warmth
letting the black smoke
sting my lungs
these twisted synapses
that always seem
to lead to dead ends
making me turn
to travel
down those same old roads

Try to scream over the thunder
try to stay dry in the rain
this dark cloud that Im under
lightning strikes with subtle pains

I can feel myself eroding
this water overflowing me
the storms sounds are forboding
fog over an endless sea

Slipping through slick fingers
trying to catch a grip
a lonliness that lingers
adrift, a sinking ship.

Wading in the chaos
as I kick and flail
my spirit lost in seance
my preservation fails

Trying to rip out the ugly
in a beautiful fashion.

Out there
somewhere
not very far
from my window
I hear a gathering
people laughing
screaming
talking
experiencing each other
and here I sit
alone
on warm Saturday night
staring into nothing
tapping away my laments

As I look upon a broken sky
very much as I
showing hues of midnight blue
the stars weeping bright
my soul sits here in darkness
but my eyes still seek the light.

I want to **** the sadness
and strangle the heartache
which gives life to madness
not sure which is worse to take.

Set me up for failure please
Sell me into slavery
keep practicing apathy
as a cog inside of the machine

Bombard me with redundancy
imprint me with this disease
teach me only of dependency
keep your eyes fixed upon the screen

Leave your mind idling
stay blind to everything you see
be deaf to what you are hearing
life is made for forsaking

Influence my way of thinking
following robotic dreams
keep the lemming mentality
pray to non responsive deities

Do not dare to break the mold
stay calculative and cold
unless you wish to face the scold
by those doing what theyre told

I did nothing but try for you
I sacrificed for you
altered my life for you
everything that I had to lose
all that I had to choose
to make it right with you
I did nothing but try for you
I sacrificed for you
altered my life for you
after all that we both been through
you only needed me
for benefiting you

I guess I'm destined for relationships that don't work
shooting from the hip with "I don't cares" but it still hurts
holding this heart broken too many times
with cracks growing so big they're resembling fault lines
where every falls like a bottomless pit
Ive been coasting so long that I hope the bottom hits
I could call you ***** or could call you a *****
I could break the bank at the profanity store
but I wont though, what good would that do?
because even in the end I wish the best for you
Even if I wanted to, we both know the simple truth
when we get to questioning just who really failed who
I held my cards close, but yet I exposed
myself and look just where I got with that gamble
Yes I knew the odds, it was a long shot
dancing in the moonlight with frauds on a grave plot
of whats dead now, you made sure of that
handling that rabbit you kept hidden in your hat
**** all that

You play the victim so easily
love lost, misery, someone too hard to please
I never really asked for too much but with your me me mentality I'm losing touch
Planet earth population one, here I stay finding ways just to remain numb
its like they say. whats done is done, don't jump the gun, have you ever felt alone when you're with someone?
I know its I who left, it wasn't lack of love, it was abundance of stress when push comes to shove
My glass jaw has been broken and shattered from the masks I saw in your manipulative patterns
I saved you whos supposed to save me from everything you turned into a tragedy
made you my one and only, when were you there for me?
when its bad, in jail, rehab, or when theres cash to grab

My heart hurts
and Im not sure whats worse
the pain that remains
or that I disperse
I try not to spread
that which is in my head
should I try to ignore
or share the ache instead?
Who would that make?
Is that me?
Why can I not shake
this discrepancy.
I hide with a smile
questioning the worthwhile
I feel like a fake
just an unsure child
Have I known
who I am?
Whats left to be shown
should I give a ****?
I have built a wall
and Im still adding bricks
wondering if this all
I should just submit

What happened to the dashes?
Where are they now?
They used to like my poems
some of them cried afoul

Electronic phantoms
ghosts in the wire
these digital unborn
Where have they retired?

What were their names?
where did they go?
Im here just the same
In the afterglow

If loving you too much was a crime
I willingly admit my guilt
And I'm still doing the time
My memories of you
Are the cold steel bars I look through
From the back of my mind.

My life existed
before your presence
I  never needed you
or to hear your voice
nor feel your touch
or share a moment
that brought a smile
to my face
in the worst of times
but I did want you
I still do
and that life
I look back on
feels that much
more empty
because of it.
Yet it still
merely exists
just as before

Letting the vultures pick my bones
For all the love I have disowned
There's no Embrace which I call home
I am more comfortable alone

For all the times that I have tried
To nurse something destined to die
A life derived by hearts of stone
I guess I'm better off alone

Emotions I will not deny
only to wind up crucified
the gray areas I roam
is probably why I am alone

If I knew
that was the last time
I would see you
I would have tried
to retain a clearer memory
but now
all I have
is a distorted image
like a misted mirror.

I wish I never saw your face
I wish I never heard your voice
I wish I'd never given chase
I wish I never made that choice

I wish I never felt your touch
I wish we never shared those stares
I wish I said enoughs enough
I wish that I just didn't care

I wish for different circumstance
I wish we never had romance
I wish that I could change my stance
So future love could have a chance

Stifled into servitude
infiltrated
*****, pillaged
consumed
The papers piper
plays their tune
Thick as thieves
they lead you to their ruse
Pay into the fuse
lighting our inevitable doom
Fictitiously facing
agitations of their separation
Believe youre free
to serve a nation
which merely is
a corporation

Large
eloquent
words
with attempts
to show
big emotion
scattered
with small words
to drive it home.

Some people
learn to give up
yet survive
for years and years
their suicide
is slow
their certain death
hidden behind a smile
a laugh
a word of encouragement
as others **** away
the life they willingly give
as if they hold
some majestic secret
that everyone already knows.
Their acceptance
a prolonged curse
yet immediate blessing.

Vindictive and spiteful
your pride is your drive
You push and you pull
your desires derive

Resentful, obtuse
blame your existence
always an excuse
for all you diminish

I wanted to save
not try to fix
but you never forgave
you wallow in ****

I waded therewith
for far way too long
any way I shift
you'll point out as wrong

Had my problems too
although you never knew
because I don't lack the empathy
to push them on you.

Some memories
are like
a cigarette
whose firey ends
burn a mark
upon your favorite linen
while you look elsewhere
and as you're able
to hide it from others
you know
it will always be there

I don't get angry with the sun
For being what it is
Or doing what it does
When my skin burns
From overexposure
I just become disappointed
With myself
You were no different
I just wanted you to be

Trained to say okay
when asked if we are okay

Flooded
entombed
perhaps even doomed
this place no longer
holds the magic
which I once consumed
drowning in simplicity
an undertow of redundancy
Where do I go
when its no longer home to me?
How much must one pay
to keep the vultures away?

Watery eyes
haunted mind
in love with a ghost
whos still alive

This electric séance
tries to revive
what I had once
before I die

I'm smart enough
to know this true
dumb down my trust
just for your ruse

Hidden reasons
I suppress
my heart seizing
my time less

I thought this over
believed it passed
but here I am
with love poems again

and in the end
of this pass through
I shall become
more phantom than you

I the burden
with words effortless
this endless endeavor
this death perfect.

Doesn't matter
what side of the wing you are on
if the bird is sick,
you all hit the ground together.
You are the mites,
biting away
at its already ruffled feathers.
or the fleas
feasting on its anemic flesh
and its invisible cage
is just big enough
for you
to make a choice.

I've always known better
but love blinded me
My instincts told me
yet passion subdued me
I am smarter than this
but the heart does not hear the mind
I heeded all warnings
yet ignored and got lost in my awareness
I had better choices
but persistence led me astray
My punishment
remains my choice
from reluctance
to let go
of my own reflection

Those waving the banner of Democracy
Are those most duped
By the true shot callers
Whining about their trivial matters
Their minor inconveniences
Swallowing the lastest distractions
Shoved down their throats
By the powers that be
Regurgitations of that same old shtick
They were told to say
Like. . "Fighting for our freedom"
Or. . " If you don't vote you can't complain"
A ballot pull for an elected leader
Is as effective as thoughts and prayers
for some senseless tragedy
They wouldn't otherwise
lift a finger
to do anything about.
Both are just
Self-serving gratitudes
To stroke your delusions
One big circus circle ****
I have no interest in participating
I don't pick the clowns
I don't buy their stories
But I can still watch them dance
As the empire crumbles.