I miss the Painted Lady
The way she strides on top of murky depths
Making it pristine like rain down crystal beams
Like a white tipped brush that sweeps one with grace

The way she erotically leaps from ripple to ripple
With her gestures like man in amphitheatres
I, longing for when she dove for blackness say
I miss the Painted Lady.

Stand still...
Feel as if the silence is defeaning your ears—
Hear the fear beating within your chest—
Think of it as a test, this twenty-story height
Fright is sublime as the dark sky is as black as  daylight is bright
Yet at the same time inside, you fight
Because tonight eternal punishment is your delight

Spread your arms...
The warmth of the cold city wind is home—
Alone is no longer a word to describe yourself—
Help is not a number to be dialed on a phone
Help is the couple hundred feet, your distance from below
Your adrenaline rush as your feet push concrete robust
Memories flush as cold wind brush your skin
Pushing the thoughts of hard concrete replacing satin wind

Peripheral visions alert you
The sound of trickling sparks are familiar too
Ecstatic spirits embark on a journey to
The center of their world becomes those sparks in a blast
A vast symphony from an ear bleeding band
Yet this show is never bland unlike this man
Standing on top of a building ready to fall face flat on pavement or that conveniently parked red van

You wonder how you got this far.
You wonder how you got this low.
You wonder what it's like when your already six feet below.
Maybe, I guess so, you just want to be the star in your own show
Because you couldn't do it in life 'cause they ignored you the most
So you got provoked
They invoked suicide in your mind like a card shark owing the mob a loan

Alone you see the lights start moving
Spiralling sky high astonishing eyes on the ground
The visual equivalent of an angry concerto
Hitherto, you've been standing amazed
On how everyone's in a daze with lights that quickly fade
It made you think that no one would notice what you're about to do
So you step a little closer to the edge in front of you.

You never did much in life, for them not much,
Never even touched the life of at least one person you know
This life is ending on the sour note at the end of show
I let myself freefall...
Let mother earth pull me towards her cruel embrace
Falling, I still chase for limelight's given grace
Crestfallen, I face the skies hoping I go to heaven after my grave
Yes, an appalling fate
Self-inflicted with distaste
As I crash on that red van I saw that people paced,
raced towards my body...
I smiled, because before everything faded everyone's attention was on me.

I miss the days euphoric
The wonderful tunes of music that made me frolic
The times when love was a tonic drink that made me a stoic alcoholic.

But life is tragic enough to render anyone a philophobic;
making them manically depressive,
making humor esoteric,
making them despise anyone
whom to love

was ecstatic.

Do you know hard it is
To fall face first, stand up,
And show off that toothed grin
To disguise the loosening cluster of bones?

Ivory on ivory,
White horse on white horse
Clenched tightly
While you also struggle to keep
Your elastic lips from snapping
In trying to keep your incisors from falling.

But then there's an ache
On the left hemisphere
Of your itching face
And when you realize what it is
You shut off your vision
With the worn down excuse:

You close your eyes when you smile

But that is also to stop yourself
from flooding your face,
putting weight on that strip of muscle
That prevents your teeth from falling out of place.

Gravelly and coarse
is my strained voice.
I do not know when
it became this tense,
it is either when you
forced me to shout
your beautiful name
or when you left me
forcing tears to drop
on my wrinkled face.
But I am sure of one
thing. I will continue
shouting 'til my voice
reaches your frozen,
non-beating heart.

My heart breaks at the sight of your face
A hearth's burning stake pierced through my body
Realizing that it was from your mouth it did originate
I let the stake's embers burn and eat me wholly.
For it is my happiness to just see and not own your grace.
You're the angel that smote my entire existence
Because you represent the wrath of God on people like me.

Crystal windows rest,
Glistening at the faintest of lights
Its ivory body filled with luster and glints of awe
Pure, neither tainted nor cracked.
Iris is at an ocher hue with umber undertones,
A mandala etched by nature on polished stone
Centering a void that engulfs
All that gaze upon the ascetic purity it holds

"Its fairness is a lie," cried the Right eye.

Ruby stone fractured,
Crumbling at the gentlest blow of wind
Its crimson dyed sheen is broken beyond repair
Bloodshot, both pained and aggrieved.
Iris is jet as the night that is starless,
Singularity of corruption and indignation made stone
At one with the entropy
Emanating from its core, its truth breaking away

"Says you who bathes in rusted scarlet!" shouts the Left.

But both window to the patriotic soul fail to see
That their visions made one is what's needed
In steering society towards a panoramic view of tomorrow.

Lunes

Siya ay tatlong-daang talampakan mula sa aking kinatatayuan
Sa kanyang pinaroroonan ako ay patungo
Sa dulo ng pasilyong ito siya'y taimtim na naghihintay
Sinuway ko ang tawag ng kahayokan ng damdamin
At hindi kumatok nang madatnan ang pintuan ng kanyang silid
"Hahayaan ko na lang siyang umidlip." sambit sa sarili

Martes

Siya, isang panibagong habol ng paningin, sumenyas
May ngiti siyang ipinakita bago dumiretso sa kasilyas
Sa silong ng eskuwelahan kung saan ako nag-aaral
Ako'y sumunod sa utos ng aking katigangan
Sumunod sa estrangherong may kislap sa kanyang ngiti
Ngunit dali-dali akong umalis nang mga mata ko'y nanlisik

Miyerkules

Ako ay nakaupo sa dulo ng bus, iniwan ng mga pasaherong inip
Napaisip at nag-iisip na bumaba na ngunit
May sumakay na lalaking marilag at ako'y nabihag
Hindi ko naiwasang hindi tumitig habang siya'y nakangisi
At sa kanyang pagtabi at mag-dikit ang mga biyas namin
Agarang tinawag ko ang kundoktor at pinahinto ang sasakyan

Huwebes

Mag-isa sa aking silid, nakahilata sa kama, Luna sa aking mukha
Ang diwa ay naglalakbay at may hinahabol na alaala
Bigla kong naalala may mensahe sa aking selepono
Isang hubad na larawan ng kausap ko nang wala pang limang araw
Nandilat ang aking mga mata at nagising ang aking diwa
Sa kalakhang kanyang ipinakita na aking di naman gaanong pinansin

Biyernes

Ikaw ay aking muling nasulyapan sa isang kainan
Malapit sa iyong tinitirhan, may kausap sa iyo'y nakikipagtitigan
O sa imahinasyon ko lang iyon?
Ngunit hindi ko maiaalis sa puso ko ang masindak,
Manlumo, malumbay na kaya **** mabuhay na wala
Ang init ng mga balat nating nagtatagpo.

Oh Diyos ko,

Ako'y pagbigyan mo makasama siya kahit isang gabi lang
Isang magdamagang nananaig ang kamunduan
Na maglapat ang aming mga dila
Na masubo ko ang kabuuan niya hanggang mabulunan
Na malasap ang alat ng pawis sa kanyang balat
Na mahila ko ang kanyang buhok sa gigil ng pagkasabik
Na muling takpan niya ang aking bibig, pinipigilan akong umimik

Sabado ng gabi may mensaheng bumungad sa'kin
Kami raw ay mag-hapunan at kumain ng pang-himagas hanggang Linggo ng umaga

At sa pagkakataong ito ay pumayag na ako.

"I am yours and you are mine until the day that we both cease to exist."

I cherish these words like how martyrs hold crucifixes close to their hearts
Only separated by a wall of bone and flesh
I keep these words fresh
By reiterating them every morning since you left
Their poetic tone makes me long for your voice,
Your warm breath and your soft caress as we lay in my bed
Chaste, no acts of lasciviousness or mundane carnal lust
It was just us.

Do you remember when we first met,
How your voice that rivalled thunder bellowed as you fell,
How you appeared as a flash of lightning that failed to destroy
For grace ground zero is pure creation and no other choice,
Or how you took the likeness of my form
And as you said to an awestruck me
Using typhoon from your lungs and a canyon deep voice
"I am an angel of the Lord."

Yes, you were an angel
—As the windows to my soul followed the water dripping from brow to knife-edge cheeks
To course through first man's downfall to nestle where collarbones peek
I could not speak for I was transfixed by your androgyny
Or is it just that the symphony of celestial applause silences my throat
And the low heavy notes of thunderous cause muffles all when the Heavens cried for its children lost—
I agreed

You stared at the distance, admiring how your brothers and sisters met ground
As they used natural phenomena as a facade
Like how Rameses decided the last plague in Egypt long ago
Is angel-kind disguised
Ending the lives of a thousand slumbering children at night
But this coming of the Heavenly Host was different
You came here not to deliver seven plagues nor fortnights punishment
You came to know what it's like to be human

Do you remember how I was dumbfounded,
As I, a testament of how flawed a creation humans are, hear this from perfection,
How I witnessed in your eyes Cain's mistake,
How I saw you make your first steps in disobedience
That will lead to a series of consequences that you said you would cherish,
A road of pain, suffering, and anguish
Or how you told me that you long for human emotions
And how you envied the mouth that bit the fruit in eden?

I still remember how I fell in love with you
How you told me that the weatherman on tv was a false prophet
And that he had changed the weather himself
How you told me every being in the universe that became one of your Father's favorite
Showed similarity with Heaven's most wanted
How you, in veil of night, moved from my living room couch
To sleep by my side
To roost on my bed

Every night I held you tightly in a warm embrace
Close to my heart like how a child holds a blanket reminding him of his mother's calming face
At morning jet skies remain as you stretch your raven wings
Gale winds push forth to ******* away,
Bedazzled by gleaming feathers astray
You are a monument to beauty, a greco-roman statue
Obedient to the Maker, chiseled, stone cold, perfect.

Obedient to Him you were,
He called for all of His children, including those who have fallen
To fight a wargame against Hell, Avalon, and places unknown of name and origin
And you, you headed His call
You again summoned a storm to conceal your true form;
Titanic, terrifying, and phantasmagorical with a hundred pallid furnaces etching the surface of your rock like skin
And in that moment I knew I lost you to Him
Because you said "I am an Angel of the Lord, now and forever."

You said those words using typhoon from your lungs and a canyon deep voice
And as you raised your hand
To an act of God approaching fast,
I lost your warmth to skies unrest
Your memory a dead man's switch if I let go it will detonate unstable emotions
I begged you to play me like harp strings because my heart seams to
Unravel, remembering from Earth you did depart
Knowing I could no longer feel your warmth.

And it came to me,
Angels are not the cloud-jumping-perch-on-your-shoulder kind,
They are monstrous warriors
With the Word of God tattooed on their hundred feet bodies
You are soulless automatons built for war yet you still loved me
You told me stories of alternate realities and distant galaxies
Elegies to dying stars and civilizations in jeopardy
But never again can you tell me...

I still remember how an angel came to me in a dream,
Told me you died defending Heaven from the enemy
Told me that your last words were for me:
"I am yours and you are mine until the day that we both cease to exist."
And since angels are soulless they cease to exist when they die
I cried myself dry, regretted the fact I once had an angel in my life
Whose grace filled me with warmth and whose wings comforted my lonely nights

I still remember how I realized I was human
And I, with those cherished words
Can buy myself more time, buy our relationship more time
For me to be yours and for you to be mine
You may have faded into nothingness but I have not
So until I call out to you using my dying breath
Until the last second in my deathbed
Until my soul's eternity in its infinite Heaven...

I am yours and you are mine, as simple as that.

Pangarap tutuparin nang masabi natin
Ang mundo'y nalibot, hindi makakalimot
Tuloy lang sa pag-ikot
Karamay mo kami sa ginhawa at lungkot
Pagagaanin namin ano mang lumbay na nadulot
Nandito kami palagi, hindi mo mararamdaman ang puot
Walang **** sa sasabihin ng iba, hayaan mo sila
Basta tayo'y magsasaya nang walang kaba
Tuloy lang sa pag-ikot tropa

Let us sail, hand in hand, off this cliff towards the endless azure
The fresh air, a soft caress, lifts us up towards that circled warmth
I see your light, brighter than the torch above, shines not for me.

If I was an angel
I'd put you in a warm embrace.
My wings will be your shield,
your raincoat,
your cooling breeze,
your warming blanket in a cold winter's night.
But I'm not an angel.
But I'm yours.

It should be dark.

Ethereality is brought upon by shadows
Comforting shades that beautifully waylay prancing lights
permeating mysticism to arouse the blandest of hearts.
Clustered crowns of effervescent greens scraped the sky
Their lithe fingers clasped, uneasy to divulge light
yet they do so for their trunkless kin at their feet

There should be music.

At dusk the chiming of army throats moan
the deep humming legato of elastic croak to their content
rich baritones with an orchestral blend of alluring notes.
Exoskeletal feet, an angels' choir too quick to play
Their voices, violins in concerto with hissing air
that slither in between the crevices of trees for beauty to play

I should be afraid.

A tiny mouse that shifts beneath dry leaves should scare
Rustling grass dimmed by jet skies fill you with dread
The tapping of leafless hands on rusted roof puts you under duress
Flash lightning mimics the morning in negative filter
The heavy blows of drizzling rain harmoniously mix with discordant wind
Then when it all settles, the beating of your own cardinal is unnerving.

Then I realize, all of which I stated are now in memory

That the stone road that always greeted me is now but dry and dirt
That the music I once heard met a sharp end that made everything else flat
That the movement in the brush no longer shivered my spine
That the birds and beasts will never again come to cheer
That the storms that ravaged my midsummer's night dream
is the same storm that ravaged my youth

And without these childhood memories
I am left unsophisticated, rural
Bare.

Journeying into deep ends of thoughts silent and unprovoked
     A growing tremor lay in slumber
     Asleep yet its consciousness aware
Wary of predatory emotions that seek to rest beside this truant bare
     Beguiling heat do they propose
     Bestowing dreams of ardor prose
     Beseeching thoughts six deep
Yet their prodding could only rouse it to grow further in its sleep
     Calling out to old man grey
     Clustered with thoughts astray
Journeying into deep ends of thoughts silent and unprovoked.

     Despite its vice grip on normalcy desired
     There is little truth in its solitude
     There is little truth in its cowardice
     Despite all hiding there is little truth in this heart.

It is a fallacy we all believe.
As we vehemently exclaim six words
to prove the chastity of our thoughts,
to fill our pride with self-validation,
to ratify our existence with falsehoods.
"The Devil made me do it!"

"The Devil made me do it!"
I bitterly laugh at your blundering gaucherie,
as you lay blame on an eons old transgression,
as you smote the sinnerman flying with flames,
as you called him out for your own actions
impassioned by heresy.

Impassioned by heresy
You sought to relieve yourself from perdition;
brought upon by perjury declared,
brought upon by authenticated truths,
brought upon by the duplicity,
of your favored reverent ideologies.

Of your favored reverent ideologies
which is to laud your skirmish against evil
in order to remove yourself from auburn eternity,
in order to induct you as a citizen of argent fields,
in order to orchestrate contempt towards another?
Is there no truth to you?

Is there no truth to you
now that perfidy imputes your entirety?
as you declaim in front of paradise lost,
as you coerce to regain what is rightfully deprived,
as you throng duress by intoning your delusion:
"The Devil made me do it!"

"The Devil made me do it!"
Its recurrence is maddening to Him
while you, in all your sentience, chose to act unbecoming,
while the celestials perched on your shoulder bawl,
while He that you blame does absolutely nothing.
It is a fallacy we all believe.

Dawn came as exultant release called out to me,
unleashing their alluring notes from the endless chiming of hearts
like evangelical sermons directed to impure minds
constantly begging for me, like divine wind, to throw myself at your celestial body

Morning lingered when warmth embraced my hands,
setting its golden gaze on my earthly tones
like wings pristine with incensed hints on its tips
shedding light on my soul, overshadowed by a monolith of self-hatred

High noon was evident when you spoke of desire
of how you fell from admiring me from above
as the dark winds from wings aflame trailed us
as you told me of ardor, with the light silhouetting your design, with your mask before mine

The doting sun, oh so true does set to rest,
unmasked by the evils that plagued my caged cardinal
as you craved for seven heavens to soar
as you flew away from me, further each try, further away with every leap from ground to sky

Evening came without stars or moon to haunt,
when you grew weathered by winds too strong
when you decided Nirvana was no longer I
as you undid heartstrings, with feathered blades that came from your frustrated inabilities

Midnight grips at my chest but you are not within my reach,
candle light can no longer chisel your androgyny
nor courteous words be answered when I pray
but one thing true fell from a single star, that shed its light, from hope of your return–

Just do so when your appetite roars to love me again

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
sang the people of the depths
burdened by the blackness of deep
and by those who wish for heat

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
they wailed underneath,
as the last light of the moon
escaped their holy stone too soon

How they longed for a warrior
to fetch the priceless pearl
beyond rigorous obstacles and traps
beyond mindless beasts of sea

To exchange it with man
on a cave by the beach
beyond their star maps
for a moonstone to shed light on their city

But no Tidecaller came to their aid
and the threat of death did
swished and swam their way
and they lost hope until–

A young promising warrior
swam to accept the challenge
to take what's rightfully their's
and to save their kind from destruction

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
they shouted in glee
for the lass that came
had power to command the seas

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
they sang as she left
bidding her farewell until
The day she returns with light

She fought krakens and serpents
just outside their realm
she waited and averted danger
as cunningly as she can

She made allies that helped
but along the way they perished
she made friends that died too
ones that she truly came to cherish

Upon retrieving the pearl
she swam as fast as she can
too a cave beyond star maps
but no one was there to make the exchange

She waited for days
hoping that man would come to their aid
to grant them a moonstone
that would save them for another age

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
she called to herself
as despair and hopelessness
swallowed her totality

“Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!”
she screamed to the lands
as she found new hope in finding what's lost
is it the stone or did man forgot?

For the first time in eternity
a Tidecaller touched land
determined to retrieve and receive
salvation almost at hand

Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!
I wish thee luck
For the world of man is shameful
and filled with ill will

You will find what you seek
in exchange for what's left
of your sanity and health
in exchange for your only wealth

Oh Tidecaller! Oh Tidecaller!
Hold on to that pearl
Hold on to your dreams of a better world
for your people, for your home
Oh Tidecaller!

You see them
—ravishing in their chosen craft and marvelous before your sight
Resplendent creatures born from the union of fabricated thoughts and witty artistry
Tantalizing celestials that grow larger,
making you feel like you're engulfed in their searing arms—
branding you with marks of inefficiency

You look down
—unsure of your own atrocious behavior and crude mimicry
Revolting are you, you believe with utmost conviction and undying self-loathing
A carnal wanton of jealousy,
insisting that you will never share the same grandeur as them—
and you miniscule yourself

You stand center stage,
—on a platform where an audience could only ridicule you from below
Unnerving is their unmerciful criticisms to your lithe skill of transformation
******* savages are they,
when oceans of daggers spill forth from their mouths—
prepared to plunge into shame

but this feeling you have in your chest,
that distinguished bass filled tune
is unmistakably and undeniably,
*Unrehearsed.

Guns or knives; barrel or edge,
Choose which way to end
In times of war where conflict stands
The tongue is the hammer to–
Feelings, propellant to bullet words
The eyes are hands that throw–
Tears, daggers to the heart that's stone
As the cloud of smoke fades with the wind
And crimson river streets are all but dried and stains
Remember destruction is brought upon
By thine own hands

Dear reader,

He was a child when misfortune came knocking on his door
His step fathe–
the monster entered his room drunk
It told him that he should’ve died along with his ****** father
The monster’s fist came crashing on his face
Baby teeth went flying out of place
He felt like he was dying
The whole time crying
His mother’s name he was calling
She came in running
With a rush of adrenaline she pushed the monster aside
A plethora of calming words she confides
And through the child’s eyes
All faded into the void
The wailing cries of banshees both scarlet and lapis woke his soul
Ravens in navy blue told him how the monster took his mother’s life
And how that poor beast took its own with the pull of a slipknot breaking its neck
Bulbs flashing,
Ideas popping above every head in the crime scene
Covering what was what the very definition of home
And much like that definition
Emotions left the child
Leaving nothing but pain alone

Like a single snowflake rolling into an avalanche as it falls down from the everest
Our child grew into a young man
And much like that destructive force of nature
He found it amusing
To wreck lives wherever he was put in
A red river rushed right out of a jagged hole
Stalactites and stalagmites,
Blood stained,
Cracked as they crashed on polished tiled floors
Just as soon as a five year old scavenger sees a half-empty bottle containing granules as white as the broken horses from before
Our young man empties his stomach and cleanses his mind
Regurgitating everything
He has taken in ever since he was put in the care
Of the man he just killed with stomach cleansers
Foster,
As cruel as his care can be,
Immediately took him to another plain
Pain followed right away
Like tailwinds that whip what a storm could not destroy
The rapture seemingly came early that year
Designated guardians fell like raindrops
Blood drizzled on printed flowers on the wall
As our killer wallflower craved to see handprints made of blood
Replace them all
Red seas emerged wherever he went
Not leaving a single body alive

My unseen hands touched the cold faces of bodies that met an early death
Just because they have met our young man
Now a revolting adult
It is my fault!
If I had not taken pity on that toothless child none of this would’ve happened
I cannot say that I enjoyed reaping the souls
Of those he enjoyed to reap too early
He was a convict giving a cruel verdict to the jury that didn’t know him
They did not choose to know him and that is also my fault
If he ever comes knocking on your door,
I apologize
For not taking his life as a child.

Sincerely yours,
*Death

For those who, whenever they chase pavements,
stare at the adjacent road that mimics the starless night sky
And inside their heads they pretend
that they unknowingly trip on a crack on the cement,
so that they could find an excuse to use the incoming vehicle as an escape goat for life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

To the men high upon beams and chains and towers, overlooking the city skyline
filled with people tracing the sidewalks like ants in a single file,
who think to themselves: the fall will probably hurt less than the onslaught of words
coming from their wives for giving them a hard life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

I lift the crystal in my hand to the women who, no matter how battered and tattered are their skins,
choose to paint their faces with whatever powdered pallet they have
even though Rowling's metal wand sits beside their makeup inside the drawer of their dresser,
waiting for them to take their own life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

And to the students who have never gotten over their childhood traumas
and to the bullies who never outgrew the bruises from their fathers
that no matter how much it hurt you,
you never chose to end everything with a slipknot or the edge of a blade or with battery fluid you found in your garage,
I envy you

So, let's raise a glass to you too for not doing so!

I raise my half empty glass to all those who failed to take away god's gift
To the men and women who failed in fear of abandoning their children
I spill the contents of this wine glass
in honor of the sons and daughters of wealthy politicians, who succeeded in receiving eternal punishment for taking their lives
And to those who regret that they failed in their first try, please,
don't throw away your life

You are exquisite, you are tantalizing,
you are worthy of a million praises like the saints we see on mosaics and church pieces
Your works are rousing and they enflame the tiniest of sparks in at least one person's heart
be ravenous and unmerciful when improving your craft
Let's raise a glass!

Because as you are reading this, the glass of wine I have been carrying high above my head
had already spilled on the parchment where I have written these words with utmost care

So, will you raise your glass to me?

Cascades were dripping outside of this moving vehicle
White noise, patternless and arrhythmic
like magnified sounds of nails on a concrete wall,
made by souls desperate to cleave their way to dryness

This public utility vehicle holds spirits successful in finding this temporary heaven
Weathered, soaked and almost drowned
like panting dogs that managed to swim ashore from a shipwreck
caused by the iceberg that is the eye of the storm

This safe haven holds champions in a world of misshapen men

A woman clutches tightly on a bag of lime and her ever waning youth
Tired, but not eager to face Death
still closing her windows to his cat burglars
that come faster than the downpour of Typhon's tears

A homeless child comfortably sleeps on the far end of this ride
His innocence tested by fate
Too experienced for someone his age
instead of just playing in the streets he calls home

The jeepney driver has eyes on the road painted by Van Gogh
Unabashed, industrious and assiduous
determined to serve,
provide for a family whose stomachs hunger not but they hunger for his return

This other dimension nurtures alien thoughts and parallel thinking among beat down men

I do not know them but I can hear the cries of their emotions,
their longing to be felt and empathized with
Their voiceless cries are guns with a silenced nozzle
shooting at anyone ignorant who curiously stare at this minefield of a passenger jeep

If I see you
—walking down the street in the arms of another,
staring at them like they were the blessed mother,
holding them like fragile equipment—
I'll trod along, pretending to never have known you were there in the first place

My love, will you let me stay slave to loneliness,
will you continue to shun me in your desparate attempt to move on?

The thought of you in the care of someone else
irks my mind and pains my soul
It punctures my armor scathed
like the claws of a lion that fell itself

The very sight of your iridescent face
gleaming like a multifaceted gem
struck by light in a way it shows
life in glamorous technicolor burns my thoughts

The way your hands are clasped with theirs
Contrast to mine holding my own
together in prayer that you are mine alone
but what I wish differs from what I see

My love, will you let me stay slave to loneliness,
will you continue to shun me in your desparate attempt to move on?

If you see me
—strolling pass by you, trying to catch a glimpse of your face,
admiring you like you are a dancing sun,
trying to catch your image in my memories—
trodding by, just pretend you didn't so it wouldn't hurt any more than I have already hurt myself

The man without someone to talk to is, without a doubt, left out
You want to shout and your lips pout because you're the odd man out!
You want to challenge everyone to a bout; to take their spot -
to be part of the crowd but you're still cut!

So, I'll wait right here until the boredom kills and you feel the urge to talk to me
Awkward silence fills the air, liked stacked up bills you still haven't paid yet!
You know it's there but you don't care and wouldn't even dare to try and talk to me
And I'm afraid you only would on a bet.

Let your paper missiles fly across the air as you try to hit my crying eyes -
That are in disguise as white tinted windows staring emotionlessly at the sky
Let my vulnerable naïveté taste the touch of cold steel.
As long as you give me attention it's okay, it would heal.

You don't know the loneliness that being unmemorable brings!
The way it stings as they fling those sharp notes that sing in your ear 'you are not worth remembering'
You are not someone worth fighting for, worth settling a score, worth dying for
So they slam the door to your face and leave you alone in the cold lonely fjord.

The deep push of angry slurs to your head blurs your idea of humanity
And it stirs the notions of being different and loneliness hard, hard that they turn into synonyms
Which makes you cling to the idea that your very being is frowned upon by everyone
Even your own family.

The constant blame and shame that they force you to claim under your name
Puts a stain in your heart which gives you fame in the game that is life!
It is a painful sport, that game of life. Yet you strive
—strive to separate yourself from the infamy that was given to you since the beginning of your time.

You often find yourself paying fine for a crime that you did not commit
There is a raging fire within your cold beating heart and you feel it.
Every morning you tell yourself you are not a monster but a knight in worn down armor from battles past
And every night you tell yourself that the last insult you heard today will be the last.

Yes, I keep telling myself that.

A rippled sky, waylaid
projected by reflected light
on the floor beneath my feet
On top of the pitch it seems–
like starry nights with echoed rings

A dauntless guardian, still
in protecting those under him,
avoiding the meteored blues
Its fruitful arms extend–
to reach children, prideful and anxious

The downpour of thoughts, torrential
ravaging the inner workings of a rippled mind
muddy with unsolicited fetor
Misfortune had her way–
with the brine on this man's body

Offsprings of a frothy child, joyful
jumping on the heads of
worn down golemns
Nurturing weaponized yet–
repressed emotions that fell prey to false empathy

From the canvass sea to the mirrored sky
travelling through concrete mattresses and blankets pure
and men,
They seem to neglect this jubilee
because of the sadness its aftermath brings

Lines on each side
Pressed between your lips and cheeks
Oh, how they take me to the skies when you smile

As the cloistered horses appear to greet me with your heart's sensations
Roughed, a rose snake reels in vibrations
That mention of your love

Windows glimmer
Under the light of the sun
Oh, how I wish to gaze upon them day and night

As those hazel wards keep their watch on the dull of vision presented
Dead, without the beating and twinkling
That you can see in mine

I, insecure—
in your apparition's stead
Oh, how I dread your departure from my tight embrace

As the songs of the cardinal that sings within my beaten chest sharpen
Piercing, desolating the wrought plate mail
In fear of your inevitable absence forever

A cold touch, lingering, searching
with every tiptoed meeting
A cold tongue lingers, searches

The warm caress of brown-paper packages-
After us, unravelling
The warm caress of gift giving

Breathy open mouthed kissing
In each stolen evening
Breathy, open mouthed, we finish

Golden walls intricate
             regal behind your stead
Lights reflect every detail
                      on your beautiful head
                               on fabric, indigo
             pressed against my body,
                                        my bed

Beams, dim, light your cream skin
             Vivid images shown
Distance, a hairline fracture
                      Inhales, exhales, become
                               beautiful exchanges
             heavy plunges with our–
                                         deep moans

Words intricate, precise
          handpicked by lips so chapped
Marvelous, perilous sounds
                 graze my skin, steel bullets
                     as painful as your thrusts
          Inaudible groans leave
                                          your love

‘Your voice,
           I feel sedated whenever I hear
                     its dark caress
           Yet it invigorates me enough
                     for it to be my work song
You took me from Eden
                 to the church that is
                                  you
I entered its ancient confines-
                 to meet another you,
          someone new
                                              and Wilson you said:
“Be my Jackie,
                         let’s steal a child from creation
                         for I don’t want to be alone
          like real people do
who run into the woods somewhere ne'er to return to humanity"
               I wallowed in the heat of your
                   Auburn cathedral
and got seared by the heat of your *****
             and I hear your voice
                        as sweet
                              as cherry wine
And as I hear the trickling of fire
I realized that it is the arsonist’s lullaby.‘