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929 · Feb 4
On Selfish Suicide
Think of a fish with no water to breathe
That's the state of my heart
Where love is oxygen

Now think of a man who's tired
Of the cycles his emotions live in,
Nomadic from happy to sad and over again
That's the state of my well-being

Now think of all the pills
And capsules and liquids
And tablets and vials
In your medicine cabinet right now
A feast to hungry eyes

And I'm here, with all this desire
To live, and the desire lives in my optimism
Will the next cycle break, as the big bang
To start life again from the top?
Am I patient enough for that?

So I write
To distract from these unhealthy thoughts
At least long enough to
Realize they're unhealthy
893 · Feb 2
When I See Her
When I see her and
How her body moves
I see embers cast
From shooting stars
I see the earth split
With new landforms
I see optimism
In the moment

When I see her body arch
And hear her so softly
I feel ecstasy
I'm in harmony
I feel weightless
In the open ocean
I feel her hand
Squeezing my own
And it brings me back
To the present

And I see her face again
With loving expression
And I'm free
If only for tonight
709 · Feb 9
Another Windy Day
The wind is gusting
And shingles are flying about
It's like
Nature is describing my composure
And she speaks of it with such flourish
584 · Feb 9
To crave the intangible
Like it's light and I'm a plant
Or like it's water and I'm a fish

If I was a fish I wouldn't need attention
I could swim, yeah, I could breathe
Maybe even suffocate in a fisherman's net

To crave the intangible
Like it's needed to live
A new class, up there with
Food and water
But why?

I used to think I feared abandonment
I probably still do, actually
But this is different
Maybe it's replacing my self image
To know I'm desired by others

But I dream I could be that fish instead
583 · Apr 7
I framed my soul in wire
Gnarled as I am
With sharpened points and
Barbs all around

So don't approach me
Or I'll love you
And you'll feel every needle
Puncture through you too

And I don't think it's worth it
Or maybe it is
Because I've felt that pain
So many times myself

So what's my purpose?
What's my journey here?
My soul is framed in wire
Am I'm punishing myself?

Will you tell me the truth?
What will I tell my soul?
For I know it's all wrong
And acceptance is valuable
581 · Feb 6
The Earth Is a Slut
i think
the earth is
in a
love affair
with herself
the sands of every beach
**** her deep oceans
as everybody
and the fish swim in it
and castles are built of it
the sun shines on it
the earth moans
while everyone is standing there
571 · Feb 4
As I Grow Older
I had a voice as a kid
And as quiet as it was
I was so much louder then
542 · Jan 28
I want to burn up all my time
Because this **** happens nearly every night
Every time I close my eyes
It's your face that fills my sight

I think this might be trauma
Or maybe it's karma
Coming to steal my heart
And it lures me in with your voice

I ride this roller coaster of
Different emotions every day
I know they're in my head
But I never have a say

It takes time to come back down
Is all that my friends can preach
It'll be okay, Brandon, as long
As I keep trying to make the reach

And sometimes I believe that
And sometimes I can allow it
So I keep walking, sometimes striding
To keep myself from checking out

But all that said, I'm never fine
And I'm never at ease or at rest
Sometimes these thoughts of you are torture
As I'm still trying to be my best

And maybe it's for myself
And maybe it's to show you that I can
But the reason honestly doesn't matter
As long as I'm better in the end
509 · Jan 23
I say
Like I deserve all the attention the world has to give

What'd you do today?
I reply
Like there's a grand scheme that's hidden behind locked doors

Oh nice, what for?
Oh what?
No one wants to talk to you?
******* for saying that to me
To me...

Narcissistic hero
And his friend
The antagonist
Crossed paths in the chat window today

Friends are more like enemies
Because I keep them close
It's not right, it's not right
Always making friends of my foes

It's not right, it's not right
And they're right to be upset
At the narcissistic hero
Whose story isn't over yet

And his friend the antagonist
Postured neatly, types away
All their problems and what
Does the narcissist say?

******* for friendship
And ******* for my problems
I'm sorry I snapped
Now what's YOUR problem

And it flips over
And I'm back again

I say
428 · Feb 3
Impossible Beauty
I've never met a beauty that was
Without the pain it inevitably brings
Never a gift without tribulation
And even nature gives thorns to its roses

It's a law that everybody and everything obeys

But who are we
To not question this natural authority
To not seek answers in the first person
To just lay back in all this sickly comfort
And turn a blind eye on impossibility

It's a ******* waste, if you ask me!

And yet I am the optimistic hypocrite
Stuck in the same trenches he's dug
Pacing, pacing, pacing his daily rituals
In stagnant comfort, without impossibility
Running from death, and never fighting it

So be that soft beauty, please

Somebody has to and it can't be me
371 · Jan 29
Our Story
Sometimes I wonder
If my handwriting was yours
Something you left for me in another life

One day I'll turn the page
And see a message you wrote out

And other times I wonder
If I could be your favorite book
In a story about both of us

That one day you'll turn the page
And then the next, until you've read it
A hundred times
355 · Feb 17
On Happiness
There are three constants in life
And happiness lies in their acceptance

The first is time,
Which has existed longer than us, and will outlive all of our problems

The second is ourself,
The only one you can truly know

And the third is death,
Which is something I haven't quite gotten figured out just yet
343 · Feb 7
My child, you are a survivor
You're so full of depth
And feeling
That no soul could ever know
And you live...
You live and that's powerful
God ****** I hope you can see that
One day
Because you inspire me
Every day, you inspire me
Every smile, every frown
And every breakdown you fight
Is everything to me
For you are a survivor
And you will go far
336 · Feb 26
Emerald Opportunity
I met a girl in the city once who
Was the emerald of Seattle
She loved the arts
And the passion of the
Common man -
It was inspiring
Told me
The countryside is all wrong
And I believed her

We'd walk
The sidewalks between
Coffee shops and bakeries
Vacancy and marketing
The line
Businessmen and the homeless
All these people
Like mantises feeding on
Each other's heads and hands
All this opportunity

Then she was swept away
At the light of the
Next city crowd we passed
So I went home again

I met another
From my city who
Told me
That art is all wrong
And that dried all the
From my heart
But I believed her

So I followed her along
To find out what
Art meant
And it was
Sleeping in
Gluttonous love
That was never
Satisfied by just one man
But I think
Was scared of
Committing to
The opportunity
306 · Feb 11
I Feel
I feel
For I am a Piscean artist
With statues
Built from marble sentiment

I feel
As I search for love
Holding hands
With ever-bitter longing

I feel
For I am drowned in depth
Where winds rattle
My heart and the house she lives in

I feel
For I am human
With a fire kindled emotion
And there is nothing deeper
297 · Feb 4
You're Strong
You're a flower in the night
Where darkness persists
You're waiting there
For your chance to bloom

And god, it'll be so beautiful
If you're reading this, I love you. The views and reactions I get to my poetry on here help me so much more than any of you could know. We're strangers on the other side of our screens, but in poetry, we're friends and family.
I've never been a kid person
I've never felt comfortable making them smile or laugh
I'd honestly rather just leave the room
And I hate the birds
That sit outside my window every ******* morning
Chirping their little useless heads off
And the rain
I hate the rain
But only when it ruins my clothes or ruins my day
And I'm angry
As I write this, and as I live through another day
How I can let myself hate so much
Yet give so much praise to love as well

And it's *******
It's *******
How the most fleeting things have the greatest impact
And those that hang around upset me further
So I hate those birds
And how carefree they fly away
When a car goes by or the branches shake in the rain
And I'm jealous
How I wish I could fly away with them
And chirp my useless head off in the morning

But these metaphors fester, and it's all *******.
288 · Feb 5
And I have to confess
I write about love a lot
Because it's
My favorite way to die

And I'll tell you
When the fires of Hades
Shine bright
Behind blue-grey eyes
Or opal and brown
Or whichever **** color
My heart craves
In this moment
It'll be the death of me

And I warn you
It'll be worth every second
282 · Jan 27
Circular Thinking
Maybe if I relax for once
I can see clearly and find
What I really want to know
Or maybe even
That I don't need to hide

Or maybe that's optimistic
And I need to sit back
Just go with the flow
Brave the waters,
Dodge the rocks
And get swept into the undertow

But maybe I don't know and
Maybe I never will
However at this point in life
With where I've been
I need to believe that
I'll find
A greater truth if I keep digging
I hate that sometimes I am so scared
Of burning out
That I scream to the heavens
To have you back
To have you set me on fire again
The way you used to

And it's because
You gave me a reason
To feel this way
To feel this raw and cold
And without you here
It's just a meaningless pain
On top of
Meaningless pain

But deep down
I know you're cruel
I know you're wicked
And I'm better off
Plastering these walls
With bricks
Built of time
Between us

But god, I'd throw it all away
In an instant
To feel that beautiful anguish
You put me through
One more time
278 · Apr 3
Nothing But Endings
I am woodrot on the tree of life, and flames where new growth attempts its bloom.

I am the thunder warning of lightning upon the deaf.

I am ink.

I am starvation of the mind, of the heart.

I am a bone to the wolves and coyotes, I am a blanket of dew.

I am coldness and I am ember, dark but only until the touch. A kiss, a blessing, an ending.

I am death, and I am nothing.
270 · Feb 11
An Analogy For Life
To work to death
Or to work for death
Or to cheat her into submission
It's all a verbose analogy I make
Out of fear for death herself

And I've seen some who chase her
Like a calf to a cow
And spend their whole lives running
To or from, it doesn't matter which
I've seen it happen with my own eyes
And they're still scared regardless

For death is to life
As love is to the heart
And the sun is to the sky
She's fleeting, but inevitable
And we're obligated to do something
For or about, it doesn't matter which

So some work to death
And some work for death
And I try to cheat her into submission
Yet she still lives in me
In verbose analogies I make
Out of fear for her inevitability
Life and death are twin siblings
265 · Feb 3
My Heart Is In Needles
And I gave her my heart
My soul
That selfish
Excuse for a woman

She was sick
From cover
To ******
And I only knew it
Too late

But I'm self destructive
And sitting here, wanting
To share my victories with her

Maybe it'd **** her
While killing me too

For the sake of

That god awful woman
Deserving of nothing
But burning coals

I wish she'd burn me down
255 · Feb 2
A Rant On Lust
I could **** these feelings out
But my last lover ruined that
For me

And I can't even blame her

But I don't want to be like her
Because I did enough of that
Already, for both of us

And isn't it ******,
My friends,
How heartbreak
Can do that to a person?

And where's the drive now, huh?
Why's the release locked up
A ****** vault door?

And now the winds howl
And the rain pours
And the house creaks
And the blinds are shut

Oh what a day, a lovely day
Old promises mold as
Bitter lights fade
Revealing new destinations
Waiting on horizon's edge

Is it love and ****
Or a **** for love
That drives me
I can't tell which is which

So I break bottles
On new sentiment
Exposing sensuality in prose
Give way, give way
Give way, all you saints

Tensions build and release
Emotions escape
As old promises mold
Revealing even more
Of the same
249 · Feb 3
What's In a Word
What's in a word but meaning
I mean
How many promises
Have I made
To be broken
How many questions
Have children asked
For curiosity
And here I am
Putting those
Children at war
Where the bullets
Are words
And the enemy
Is ambition
It's self torture
A mutilation of
Peace of mind
And unforgiving
So I ask
What's in a word but meaning
242 · Jan 24
Black and White
Black and white
Striped in patterns over my life
Never grey
Never green
Never red
But always new

Black and white
These words that make me tired
Experienced in vivid contrast
In forests
In concrete
In health and wellness

Iron and treasure
Painted by the rain
To rust
To nothing
To be buried under words and houses

Black and white over again
240 · Feb 26
My Birthday Is On Friday
Mentally speaking
Every year
I feel
A little older
And a lot
More free
But I hope to feel that way every day
So birthdays don't mean much to me
227 · Jan 31
Another Word For Love
*** is easy
And so is romance
If you know where to look
But I'm learning
What I really crave
Is defeat
225 · Feb 22
I need a scoreboard outside my window
To get up in the morning
I want to sit up and see where I'm at
Because the devil knows I'm not in last place
Not anymore, at least
And god knows I know others worse
Those ******* who burnt me out
I know they're down below me
Or I hope they are at least
And heaven would be to watch
From grand stadium balconies
Upon death, from above
As these people everywhere live chaos
And judge
And get judged
And we judge their judgements
And give them a score
And put it in the sky for all to see
Or at least for me to see
To know I'm not in last place
God, I hope I'm not in last place
219 · Jan 25
Emotional Vocabulary
207 · Jan 27
Sign the card, O apathy
Get well soon, I tell myself
As I hold my hand out
To grasp what's left behind
In the aftermath
In the wreckage

Light the fuse, O apathy
With time being a hidden bomb
Ticking, sparking, molded to fit
Into sentence structure
And verse form
Into handwritten letter

Save the day, O apathy
Take me to a different place
Where weather never changes
And the earth doesn't circle the sun
Never burning
Never freezing

Twist my words, O apathy
Contort them to your whimsy
Play this melody over again
Until the notes crawl to the gutter
A time to rest
A time to recover
195 · Feb 8
Good Morning
I just woke up
It was supposed to snow today
But it didn't
I hear a baby crying
In the upstairs apartment
And although it's almost noon
I haven't left this bed yet
There's really nothing profound
About this morning
But I guess there's really nothing
Profound about any morning
Until we find a meaning
In the mundanity
Or put it there ourselves
So I think
I'll try to do that,
Good morning
191 · Feb 6
It's strange how every stranger
Has no face until you meet
No eyes to see with
No mouth to speak through
No height
No weight
And it's stranger still how
Sometimes I'm a stranger to myself
180 · Feb 17
Life's a zoo, you know?

This one's an engineer
This one's an architect
This one's an addict
This one's a preacher
This one's a lover
This one's a teacher
This one's a crier
This one's dead
This one's a scientist
This one's a mathematician
This one's in a bad place
This one's a helper
This one helped too much
This one's lying
This one's working
This one's watching
This one can't move
This one is sick
This one is singing
This one's a dreamer
This one's a doer
This one just gave up
This one took that one's place
This one's building walls
This one's building infrastructure
This one's lonely
This one's destructive
This one's blind
This one's deaf
This one's fine

And this one is writing
173 · Feb 2
Love Isn't Polite
Love isn't polite
And love isn't happy
It isn't sunshine
It isn't flowers in bloom
It's not even human
Love isn't fair
And it isn't a mind at peace
Or your favorite pet
Or in the books you read
Love isn't alive
Love's not even dead

But don't listen to me
I've never even had it
172 · Feb 5
To My Ex-Lovers
There's this moment
Between breathes
Between heartbeats
Where we might as well be dead
But that thumping
God, that tremendous thumping
It brings us back
Like thunder
Like horse hooves over soil
Trodden to death
Until it's hard as stone
And I want to be as well
You know
Hard as stone
In constitution
And life
And promise
So I try
And I try
And **** it all if I don't succeed
But I'll try
And hope
I hope you all do as well
170 · Jan 29
And a sense of right and wrong

For whatever is best for yourself

                                    And we are
All just temporary in existence

My heart is torn
Between logic and beating
So I start overthinking
When I start overfeeling
160 · Feb 16
My Old Friend
She was a bridge
Built of her own design
No water could stymie us

But soon people came
To use her as a diving board
And she was much too fragile
To handle that burden

So she crumbled away
149 · Feb 5
My Favorite
You were always my favorite
The one who hurt
The one who listened
And I speak in the past tense
Because that's
The only self I know
144 · Feb 15
Valentine's Day

Cupid can go **** himself
Doesn't he know that arrows are for killing?
Does he even have a hunting license?

What was he thinking
When he shot
This hole
In my heart?

Was he trying to make me bleed out?
Every moment I hold where
My core, my heart is in agony
I realize how young I am
How much there is to learn
To cope, to weather storms
To spark fires and chase
New growth with new soil
Every paper cut is a stitch
And we're never old until
Tomorrow comes
138 · Feb 11
so it goes
and so it goes
another morning in bed
and another night looking in the mirror
wondering if
i'm a start or an end
if love is one big game
and i was never told
how to play
just sold the pieces
and scolded
for not putting it together myself
but maybe
this beer will tell me
how to build
a heart
from the pieces i was handed
and this **** cycle
will break
and i'll go to a place
where love is not of ****
and trust is a fact
and not a prelude
where i'm not
spending my nights
and writing
of dead ends
and dead dreams
that still cling to me
and really
in the grand end
i just want to be loved
133 · Feb 2
Lover's Resolution
In almost bitter fashion
All lovers clash
Be it in backward glances or
In each other's embrace
They clash
And that's beautiful

Some fade away like a summer's night
Whilst others outshine the fullest moon
Others even turn to primal escape
And it's all beautiful
130 · Jan 28
Coffee Shop Windows
Fortuitous are my glances
Through coffee shop windows
As the strangers pass by
In cars and by heavy step

What fleeting glimpses
Of lives I'll never know
Exist beyond this glass portal
Founded with warm drink in hand

And I think of their lives
What drives them to pass
To venture the places they're off to
And experience that which I've never dreamt

And fortuitous as am I
To browse the wonder
That exists in the heat of other's glow
Through coffee shop windows
To heaven from earth
But your arms are heaven in life
Although I haven't found you yet

But with every passing breathe
I step closer to you still
And it's that thought that keeps me afloat
117 · Jan 24
I Taught Her How To Fly
clipped wings
open cage door
deafening stillness
learned obedience

and so it goes...
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