her name stands out on each breath of wind that whispers across him

silent to others but to him it screams, engulfing him

until he's nothing but a mindless slave striving to show her perfection when there is no such thing

he screams her name, expelling all the force he can, mustering up the words calling her back to him as if she had left hours ago but he only just found his voice.

she hears him, the sound is nothing but a silent ripple across a cacophony of names ripping through her

she recedes, into her sanity which left in its wake lies hollow eyes and a broken mind.

he saw it coming but nothing prepared him, his mind torn apart, emotions at a constant war threatening to eradicate all which stands in his mind, but just like that, with a snap of her fingers

and one simple word

he's mindless again, striving for perfection.

the words she utters cause nothing but a seething anger boiling inside of you threatening to bubble over the edge and burn you alive

sitting across from her unstable frame you feel more alone than you've felt in weeks

wishing you could disappear and forget everything and everyone

but you can't

you're stuck in this abyss,

sinking faster every day, plummeting into the darkness that's taken over your mind thrusting you deeper into that pit you know you'll never crawl your way out of

so you live on, buried beneath the thoughts controlling your mind, different, but still the same

empty and hollow following the routine you stick yourself to because you know nothing else, forgetting the feeling of joy and happiness replacing it with a cycle of regret and disappointment

finally with nothing left to give you let go,

burying the feelings with bottles, popping open the container and devouring the contents without a second thought, you feel your insides being ripped apart like a small child seeing his gifts on Christmas morning  

after what feels like an eternity it stops, you feel nothing as the night closes in, everything is still, your mind peaceful, as the silence drones on you feel a sense of contentment, you smile, as the darkness follows.

the clock is ticking

he feels the time fading away like his memories as he drinks another.

the burning down his throat the closest he's come to feeling in months
but even that fades to a dull nothingness that he's associated as normal.

on sunny days he doesn't feel the warmth,
when it rains he doesn't feel the downpour,
every day the same, each hour set to a strict routine all ending the same way,

another bottle down but always prepared pulling the next from the drawer
cracking the top before he knows it he's tipping it back trying to get to the bottom as if the key to happiness was attached to it

but that happiness never comes, it's fleeting touches are mere flitters of an existence before the darkness had touched him

all these bottles he uses to try to get to that key at the bottom just add up, collecting silently to the point seeing them just pushes him to forget in the only way he knows how,

another bottle,

until finally he runs out, he throws the last empty bottle with the rest, grabs his keys and drives to feed his corrupted sense of bliss

halfway there before he realizes, it lights are shining on him as he sits paralyzed like a deer in headlights, he doesn't feel the impact but more so watches the lights flash and disappear, the sounds of shattering glass and airbags nothing more than an excited gust of wind rippling through his body

the sirens disrupting the silence he was content to accept, he looks around seeing the carnage around him and can't even feel a sense of remorse, he drifts off, feeling the shaking of the paramedics who know there's nothing they can do, the sirens fade, the lights dim, and everything goes silent.

he feels the pull of an imaginary force
desperately ripping into him like a bitter night chill

as he escapes the dark thoughts in his mind just to be caught right back in the clutches of the part of his head that push him to the edge

he sees her

a light at the end of the tunnel

salvation

he runs, calling her name in an attempt to get to her faster

her back turned, her hair flowing like a goddess standing on Mount Olympus
he reaches for her only to grasp nothing but the rushing air as he's pulled back farther into the darkness

again and again he tries to no avail, he can't reach her but he can't stop trying

he falls

defeated

he knows his time to fight has come to an end, he can't even stand, so with head in hands he closes his eyes accepting the night

as it envelopes him he finds the strength to stand

he looks to her

he pushes, harder than he ever thought possible and he reaches
his hands grasp her shoulders and as she turns
that deadly cigarette smile, locking him up like a criminal sent to a maximum security prison

she reaches to him

both hands on his chest she looks up at him, smiling menacingly into his eyes
she pushes him, sending him farther into the dark than he ever got caught before
he glances back to see nothing but shadow fleeting

and everything goes black

the flickering flame of a candle stands burning brightly against the pitch black walls of his room

feeling nothing running his hands over that flame hoping, just hoping that maybe he can feel the warmth or even the pain
but again, day after day the feelings never come back, try as he might he can't fix himself

going numb to every feeling and emotion, a broken and hollow shell, his headphones in just going from point A to B
surviving each day by barely containing the thoughts he holds at bay, but eventually as they always do,
they creep in

consuming his thoughts and his mind,
slowly over time everything starts to get darker

those voices in his head telling him the things he didn't have the heart to believe before

useless, a waste, disappointment, worthless, better off dead

all these words sticking to him like a memory that just won't fade
until finally he gives in, he let's his walls down and let's all the thoughts roam freely

he sees himself sinking into an abyss, the waves rolling over the surface just out of reach, tumbling under the currents,
the Crack and flash of the barrel of his dad's old gun,
and finally he sees one that feels like more than a memory

he sees himself stepping off the ledge of the highest point he can find, falling freely
and finally he feels something,

a sense of content washes through him, seeing the concrete rising up fast,

it all goes black.

he was stuck in an everlasting wasteland
one of the few able to see the real evils of the world
the evils that destroy and ravage even the most innocent and kind hearted
attacking their fickle minds like a vulture on the hunt
ripping through skin to pick apart everything they keep hidden inside
feasting on the weak until they are nothing but an empty shell of themselves
left dormant, abandoned, hoping for the light
but the light they want is a light easily attainable through a cold barrel and that bright white light flashing against a blackend sky
making them finally feel at peace with the world around them
laying as part of that very world finally able to escape the horrors experienced
decomposing in one final effort to do some good in this hell people call life
while others were smiling, and laughing inside and out
he was putting a facade and knowing he was already dead long before the light enveloped him
but those same vultures who ripped him apart and broke him down
pretending to be eagles flying proud and standing for the very boy they pushed over the edge.

the silence is deafening

the tendrils of words you wish to hear spoken but get nothing other than those glistening eyes staring right at you like you're nothing but a sad movie ending she just can't move past

you hope to hear something back, just one word but all you hear is that silence,
it screams louder than anything you've ever heard

because you can't hear it

it radiates within you, pulling at the very fibers keeping you together and slowly pulling them apart like a seamstress starting over on a sweater she couldn't get just right

it rumbles like the sound of the limitless expanse of the roaring ocean tides
drowning out anything other than the subtle breaths catching like a kid left in the cold for too long starting to sniffle and wheeze

you wish you could say something

anything to end this awful torment but even your words come out as nothing but a silent whisper

heard by nobody

you don't believe in a God but you pray for some sort of noise to come along and cause a ripple in this ****** up game of statues where you mimic each other
both desperately clinging to the little sanity left inside while internally you're breaking and you can feel piece by piece falling apart

just like the window on your neighbors old house when you threw that ball a little too hard

or when she said I love you for the first time and you felt the walls of your barrier crumbling away

replaced by a feeling you could never get enough of

until it stopped

she said it less

you're walls rebuilt

the distance becoming immeasurable
willing those walls to just come down
setting up demolition at the bottom of every nook and crevice of that ******* wall, trying to do the same to them as they did the Berlin wall

but after the smoke and ash clear from your mind you realize

that wall has now doubled, standing higher than you could ever reach past
completely isolating you in a way you never felt possible

and that was the moment you noticed most just how much

the silence is deafening.