last week, one of my students told me, "Excuse me Mr. J, But can i tell you something, You've changed my life in such a great way",
#7 "Inspire the Youth" Scratch that one out.
Or throw yourself at candles in the form of a prayer.
prayer that #100 can be met by my winged hands that is to soar with my dreams.
Ring the door bell of roots as if you're loosing your mind.
#3 say what you really mean to the deaf so a blind man can tell you the meaning of love at first sight,
or talk as fast as you can about a deck of cards, be the joker in the crowd.
#9 "touch a whale",
although i have no interest in become a marine biologist or working at sea world,
so perhaps seeing one will do justice,
i want to know how big, is biggest on earth,
i want to size that to earth just to remember how small i really am.
#10 "have a good day" this means 24 hours a day,
this means 24 hours without wanting to slip under the storm drains like rain.
or use those 24 hours to mean something to someone.
i have written enough love letters, i can repurpose them as wallpapers.
but perhaps one of the biggest faults of being a writer,
is having countless ways of telling someone i love you,
and only hearing one way back.
#34 break every mirror in the house,
and watch the wonder's of superstition control my mental. breaking the code will only strengthen my whole.
#4 go an entire night without flirting with the steak knives.
we all have days when we feel we've lost ourselves right? but find someone to wake up with to flirt with at breakfast.
flirt with the idea of knowing someone is something to you,
you are something to someone,
and someone saw that in you.
#2 "live long enough to see your child grow"
make sure you're there and able to walk her down the aisle when she's ready to say i do.
everything isn't perfect but i promise you,
the man that i give her away to,
will have to be.
these are just some of the things i need to do before I'm casting myself as casper.
some of the things i can never finish but up mostly will endure to do until the lifts of my soul are called for.
my bucket list.
finally, #1 always fall forward.
use these 365 days knowing you'll fail
but fail towards your green light.
the road isn't always a slipped *****
but a stairway to heaven which heaven placed that dream just for you.
I'm amazed by you.
I'm amazed that i was able to do all of this with the same 24 hours as you.
I'm sure you're expecting this list to finish along with the clip of its bits,
but this list finished while i spoke it all into existence.
now tell me, what on your bucket list?

I am nothing more then commercialized Voodoo.
You, can't seem to put me down can you?
Holding me can make you feel the rush of the pump, your heart needs to withstand the company your in, or maybe just to distract the pain from being in my reality.
Just take a drag of me and ill make it all go away.
i promise.
But it's going to cost you. About $30 a week, thats $360 a year, not including the cost you're paying to yourself, thats the most, you see.  
Maybe if you just pull me in and ignite my coil with this built in fire, I now know… you were a liar.
I let you kiss my lips, I allowed you to expand my lungs like a japanese puffer fish, I, never knew how addicted I was until I set you down for longer then a 48 hour.
I hate losing things, umbrellas and addiction, both gave me shelter.
While you drag me, drink your breathe in sips. Inhale molecules, I'm treasuring the taste of your tremor.
I shake and exhale, nothing.
every drag is killing me, soft and slowly like the fugees on repeat,
Freeze firmly between fingers stained by the soot we sowed together, signs of life course through me, yet you wind me down and winged me.
Sate, and then escape me, for you I live through you, no more.
This cloud can no longer cling to my judgment. I left a trail.
This trail I paved for a much stronger version of me to overcome this troy scene.
Vape, meaning a Vicious, Addiction, Prolonging Health Effects, V.A.P.E.
Maybe the FDA's way to secretly manipulate us to become that hamster on the wheel,
Can you hear it? Thats my lungs cracking. My heart racing but not to take 1st place.
I lost 3 years, last place to me, but 1st place to the CEO I gave part of my life too.
I quit. I quit believing that I need this. I handcuffed the mod, while I shackled the urge to puff again.
I will celebrate this with my new VAPE. Victory. Around. People. Everywhere. That I overcame this.
while i set her down for the last time, it spoke to me,
"i cannot help you, i cannot save you, i cannot grant you a wish, i am only temporary. i make you feel good for about 15-20 mins, and then i leave you with the same emotions you had before i came, because i know you will come crawling right back to me, how desperate can you be, i hit you and quit you every time you smoke me, you've made me into your master and willingly became my slave. the definition lies in the nicotine in your mouth every time you kiss me, can't you see, we care not made for each other, lovers of me, may not all die from lung disease but they will all, suffocate on deception."

Patience?
Patience is just a padded positions of parallel pandemonium.
Are you paranoid? Or pacing through an appalled parity of the pre-script prerogative.
At this time, the prosecutor pronounced a plea for your partner after you followed protocol.
After provoking your protege to pull the pistol.
Prolonging the purseument to a plausible place.
Persevering a personal pioneer.  
You beat them all, huh?
Against every phenomenon.
You picked through pleasant park for the play to pilot off.
I can see you becoming more pleased now.
Pleased with the plan to plus one while poetry just isn't enough.
This letter P can fill the void.
It's a letter with possibility.
Politician. President. Principle. Prince. Promise. Professor. Producer. Professional. Provider.
but i can promise you,
***** rules them all.
Surely, there is a purpose for all this psych.
Primarily prevailing the precious power of those positions.
Keep the Peace. Acknowledge the positivity peeling from your parents.
Personal growth comes from the perspective of experience, personality endures from your inner peace keeper. Find the peace. pain free. paradise is within.

Nothing is enough
Nothing says love more then a social media post about her, right?
A post to reinsure that my position being a son is formed by approval for the media to recognize that my love is enough
I think about this every day.
Why do you need a post to assure your loved? Liked?
Maybe ill just like the post so the repercussions don’t fall far from the petty position she’s left standing on,
Firm, aligned, or is she an allie?
An allie that this mother tore the son’s soul from every being that man she always wanted but never let the soul of cujo surpass his demons.
I was the demon.
I never knew how to love her. I was always civil.
I always knew resentment.
Because to her,
Love is letting everyone see a satisfaction,
Stevie wonder’s superstition, spoke to me, while he sang “writings on the wall”, I posted a post of a glimmering light while I was sitting, dwelling in the dark.
Addicted to drugs, and now pills till this day and somehow she wants respect out of me?
Respect from what?
Respect to whom?
****, you got to respect my hustle.
All I ever did was want nothing more then a mother,
I can call my best friend.
I see it everywhere, the bond that a mother shares that a child will chase to the highest cloud looking for their mother’s direction to soar.
Soaring always came as an instinct to me.
My father drank my childhood down,
I found my childhood down street,
I was never trained to expand my wings, to oversee my demons, direct myself to a clash of life’s titans,
I found strength in friends.
I’m alive cause of them.
I’m a better man cause of it.
I’m the king who was killed from chapter one.
I will always love you for being my mother, being the one who kept me alive before memories faded from the blunt I held, choking.

And though we've all commonly been caressed by oppressive distress,
We're granted the opportunity
To Repossess
Our spirituality.

These are the rules that reign our domain.
i remember the day he asked me
"Yo, Boogz, you wanna run a session",
What the **** was he thinking?
****, I'll run it on a neurotic progression
Of this lyrical obsession,
Forget your indiscretion,
I'll leave your head knotting in impression
Have you second-guessing the oppression of this "session",
And embedded with my confessions,
No order or succession,
Personal expression is not my profession, but I think im getting clear to you

If you want meaning out of this,
Good luck I'm gonna need a C-section,
See, its all words strung together only identifiable by the person who wrote 'em,
Any questions?

Good, cuz i have one for you.
Have you ever seen a person with a soul glimmering gold
Who strolled down the wrong road?
A person who stowed such a load of mold
That he couldn't unfold,
And the end result was to implode?

Well I've met a lot of them. Including me.
In fact this room is full of them.
But we're not outcasts
unless we place that label on our skin,
There's too many good intentions fighting to win,
But its almost like we have this evil twin,
This Mr. Hyde that hides within,
It's actually a good thing the shell is thin,
And since we all share this downfall,
It doesn't matter what shade our skin is... we're kin.
Our tears run from eyes in the same que.
We've all been beat down,
Felt defeated,
Needed
To cry
But we all grow bolder,
Become generals,
And in order to be a general - first you gotta be a soldier.

I commend all men who ascend to the end,
Whose worlds of pretend
Transcended through the bends,
Twists, and all kinds of mends, to meet.

The ones who make are examples,
That we don't have to die.

The journey of a million tears,
Starts with that first lump in your throat.
It's only a speed bump.
You can get over it.
Your addiction.

Bartender,
I ask for a full glass of the elixir I asked you for before.
Something inside me cries, more then it did before.
Or ever actually
Weeks, and days, turn to hours, minutes, seconds, but still ripple of moments.
Moments that find me back here lusting for the poison that becoming, so becoming.
Maybe im here cause my father craved this chair.
Maybe im here cause he’s seeing my day become D-day, and not just today but everyday, all day and probably tomorrow too.
13 years old, crying for help,
a little boy appeared at his meadow of wisdom,
and all he says is  “have a drink with me”
So I drink, I drink some more, and I drink enough that now the foot of my bed
has become this wooden armrest where I meet a new neighbor by the hour,
My bed pillows have become this poison,
the only feeling that lays my head to rest, battles caged and blurred in routine, battles with the child inside me,
the man now, and everything in-between.

Life’s a trip aint it?
Cause I can see myself there.
In the courtside of movement with my daughter
Teaching her the fundamentals to this foreplay break form we call top rocking
See, cause we all started while still in the fetus of knowledge,
dance was our way out
far sighted to the violence was most important
My neighbors enriched themselves a devil’s deal with other advocates
Sold their souls to hate,
Gun play, drugs, **** and discriminate……tion.
Since that first get down on my auntie’s wooden floors,
Or since seeing the smooth criminal himself steal the encore,
I became the Xerox copy,
mirroring my master like a parrot,
I studied more and observed a new culture.
Not even knowing this family was my narrative teen story.
****.
I devoured every second.
Danced till my body couldn’t stand it.
I danced in the light and were steps away from my own shadows.
Sometimes the shadows were heavy
a filament that needs to be observed and cleansed--- go figure huh
A self-judgment clinging to aura.
A child crying who felt unloved.
A beings dependent on promises from Ones outside self.
Suddenly, light shines and the dancer feels the power--
A breath that aligns inside grace.
A moment where ones heart expands with love.
A moment where a dancer meets melody
Hip hip is a masterpiece,
hip-hop is you, me, him and her, and because of this masterpiece is a dancer inside of me.
His movements created mists around his company,
I didn't need to tell hip-hop I loved her.
I gave her all my love with this dance.