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Sep 15 · 709
Broken Edges
BM Green Sep 15
Mental
Physical
I want you wrapped around me
I want your fingers between mine
Your breath over my body
Breathe life into me
I beg you
I want your name engraved on my lips
Your sweetness covering every piece
Molded together
I need you
Inside me, my mind, all of me
Fill my missing parts
Smooth my broken edges
I surrender
Put me back together with your body
With your words
Force me to be hole again  
Blow, break, burn, cool and make me new
Wrap your name tight around my insides
Brand me
I can be what you need
Never ending cravings
I’ll fulfill your needs
Euphoria
I was born to make you feel it
Mentally
Physically
I wrote this after meeting someone who I immediately felt a connection to. A connection I haven’t felt in years. He told me he could feel the brokenness in me and he wanted to put my pieces back together and he didn’t know why yet..
Jul 14 · 1.4k
She called him the moon
BM Green Jul 14
And she whispered to the moon
“You promised
to stay wild with me.
I didn’t know then,
the wild would take you
so far away from me.
Don’t worry my love,
I’ll carry your secrets until you return.
Distance doesn’t break our bond.
Forever is still to come.”
Jul 12 · 373
What about now?
BM Green Jul 12
What I imagine
Who I imagine
That kept my heart safe
It isn’t fair
You were supposed to be happy
I kept going
Because you had a good life
I was okay
Because you got everything you wanted.
I didn’t matter
You mattered
Above all, your happiness
But now
Now that I know the truth
Who can survive that?
How am I supposed to go on?
Knowing you’re not a fraction
Of the person
You were supposed to be.
How could you do this to me?
Your smile is gone
Your fire blown out
Your light covered in shade
Where are you now?
How will I survive?
Feb 9 · 103
Guided by a Hawk
BM Green Feb 9
I keep seeing Hawks
On the way to work
Souring through the sky
On the way home
Diving towards the earth

I saw a Hawk outside my window
Sitting on the neighbors roof
I saw one at my parents house
Perched beneath the trees

Each Hawk looks right at me
With little movement we lock eyes
The Hawk knows me,
Recognizes my soul

Seeing a Hawk could mean many things
Protection
You need perspective
Representation of a memory

But overall
It means following your intuition
Intuition
Intuition always leads me
To you

Then again
Seeing a Hawk could also be a warning
That evil is near
Be aware and ready to defend yourself

I guess when it comes
To Hawks
To You
It means the same thing.
Nov 2018 · 346
Grief and Grace
BM Green Nov 2018
Life never stopped,
No matter what happened.
Life never stopped moving forward.
It didn’t care that I missed you.
It didn’t matter
That “my plans” were ruined
So I moved on.
I fought,
When all I thought I was capable of
Was falling to pieces.
I fought.
Life kicks you when you’re down
You kick back
I lost some days
I lost some weeks
but I never once gave up.
Life doesn’t stop.
So neither did I.
It never allowed me to stop,
I never thought I would get here
But I’m thankful
For both the grief and the grace.
Nov 2018 · 113
The definition of Settling
BM Green Nov 2018
He will never know
He will never make me feel as you did
He will never love me enough
He will never know my soul

I will never be mesmerized by him
I will not love him as much as I once loved you
Because that much love
It no longer resides in me
He will never get to experience it all
I will always have that part of me hidden

He’ll never see my truest smile
Hear my fullest laugh
My eyes will never shine as they did those years ago
He’ll never know your girl

Maybe that’s a good thing
Maybe that’s just fair
Because If he did
If he new that version of me
He’d know what a fraud I was
That in your back pocket
You still carry around my happiness
Every piece of my heart.

Every night my heart breaks for you
No one even knows
The people I know now
They don’t even know you exist
That we existed
The fire we held between us.

How incredible
Incredibly sad  
People in my life
That don’t know you
That never will
They never witnessed our beauty
They never witnessed our fall from grace

You are centuries away
Miles upon miles
Valleys and rivers divide us now
Yet in the middle of the night
I still close my eyes
I pretend I can hear it
Hear your car coming to take me away

I meet you every single night
In my dreams it worked out
In my dreams we found our way back
We always go back to our park
I get the smallest taste of happiness again

Waking up is excruciating
But my heart has come accustomed
I know how to push it down
Shake it off and smile
I know how to put you back in that box
That’s where you stay in the daylight
Wrapped tightly up in the smallest box I could find

That’s how I survive
I survive by settling
My life is good
I have a lot
I am blessed upon blessed
I am the happiest I could be
The absolute happiest I could be
Without you.
Nov 2018 · 112
For you, anything
BM Green Nov 2018
I wonder
What God values more
How we treat others
Or
How we treat ourselves?
Aug 2018 · 858
To you, I am.
BM Green Aug 2018
Therapy
Is that all I am?
All I will ever be?
His therapy
Never the one he’ll love
Always the one he’ll run to
Will you ever notice the storm behind my eyes?

The best kind of therapy
Used up but useless
His therapy
Never the one he’ll miss at night
Always the one he’ll “need” come sun light
Will you ever feel this heaviness in my soul?

Destined to never be heard
But always be listening
Everyone’s therapy
Fixing all your problems
Forever your sounding board
Morning, noon or night
You could never be an inconvenience right?

You’ll take all my advice
Soak up every word
Yet you’d drop my heart on to the ground
Walk away
Wipe your hands of the blood
on your ***** jeans
All you’ll ever want from me
Is free therapy
Aug 2018 · 1.2k
First “Love”
BM Green Aug 2018
It consumed my soul,
Every single day
Begun with you
Ended with you
You were so heavy to hold up,
All this disappointment building inside
Why wasn’t I enough?
Why her?
Or her?
Or her?
Each time
I kept the pain to myself
I told you I understood
Mistakes happen right?
You’d never hurt me again?
I still “believed you loved me”
I was so young back then
A fire raged in my heart,
Slowly burning it up
You tore me apart
I let you
Because I actually loved you.
Jul 2018 · 248
Winning isn’t Everything
BM Green Jul 2018
You won
I’m just his past
I didn’t even know
We were competing
I didn’t know you existed
I didn’t believe
I could ever lose him
That’s what love does
Blinds you
Makes you believe
You’re in the clear
I swore he’d make his way back
Back to me

You got the man I made
How does that feel?
You should have met him before me
Before I guided him to who he is now
I spent years listening to him
Nights upon nights teaching him
Erasing every insecurity he had
You wouldn’t have believed
You won anything at all
If only you would have known
the boy
I loved

You See
I loved him before
Before you
Before he was smarter, wiser
Before he grew that filter on his mouth
I loved him when he was wild
Reckless
Dramatic
I loved him when he thought
The world would end
if we were apart for just one day

Does he love you like that?
Yeah you won
But that’s not the boy I loved.
Jul 2018 · 226
Nightly Nightmares
BM Green Jul 2018
I required you to show me
I didn’t know the way
What I couldn’t see
Was your future betray
I was so petrified
I couldn't see just how naive
All emotions magnified
I made myself believe  
Every word you said
But these are just my dreams
Every line unread
Left only with my screams.
Jul 2018 · 538
Green Eyes
BM Green Jul 2018
The way you looked at me
That is what I miss the most
Wild and reckless passion
Your eyes were filled with so much love

It didn’t matter
Where we were or
who we were with
The way your green eyes burned me
Always finding a way inside me

I could see every emotion
One glance and I new
Passion
Anger
Love

Even when I made you insane
Maddened with jealousy
Your eyes would betray you
Love filled them when your eyes met mine

Why is it
The older we get
The less passion I see
The less our would thrives off of it

I could lose all memory of you
Grow old with someone else
Spend a life time away from you
Dementia could take over

I know somewhere inside me
I know I’d see your eyes
Forever haunting
Staring at me
My eternal ghost.
Jun 2018 · 189
The Other Side
BM Green Jun 2018
Sometimes I feel like this is really it.
Like there will never be a “better day”.
I find myself thinking
Every possibility of happiness and opportunity to smile again is gone
That’s just not true though
I have to remind myself
There’s always another day,
Always a way to make up for the bad things we have done
We can always try and prove to the people we have hurt, that we won’t do it again.
We can always apologize.
There is always someone who loves you. Someone out there fighting for you
Fighting for you to do or be better
Even when you feel like
You are completely alone.
Even when you think nothing good could ever come your way again
Like you’re just out there just floating along, waiting for the next heartbreak.
There is always something better coming.
Jun 2018 · 184
10:49
BM Green Jun 2018
I just don’t understand
how it can still hurt so badly.
How my heart can still be broken.
It’s like all the air leaves the room
All over again
I find myself alone
I don’t see how I can possibly
survive it.
It’s not all the time
Tomorrow I won’t feel like this.
But I know it won’t be the last time
I know I’ll sink down low again.
I wish I could rid my soul of him,
of ever loving him,
of ever being loved by him,
of ever knowing him.
Jun 2018 · 229
The Wisest Man I Know.
BM Green Jun 2018
My Dad use to tell me
Back when I was younger
He said
“Baby Girl you have a travelers soul
trapped inside a body
with a settlers heart.”

All those years ago
I didn't understand him
I was sure I'd never settle
for anything, for anyone

Then I grew up
The older I got
The more meaning I found in his words.
Those words
Constantly coursing through my veins

You see
My Dad always saw
the constant struggle inside me.
My mind was always wanting to wonder
my soul needed to be free,
Yet, my heart, it knew better.

He said my heart
Knew where I belonged
Somewhere within me
It aways knew my home would be
where I was bound.
Happy father’s day.
Jun 2018 · 282
The Tide
BM Green Jun 2018
Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
The best way to describe us,
Our love,
To define what happened
Is to compare it to the ocean,
My sanity the sand.
Your love became a tide to me.

Consistent in only one way,
The way it never
Never ceased to exist
Yet inconsistently  
Constantly changing.
Your waves cascaded over me,
across my shoreline
swallowing every bit
of who I once was.  

All the while I was gasping for air.
Your water filling every crack
Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
Each passing time
disturbing my sand
My sanity
Taking away the smallest pieces
Every time the tide rolled in
Until finally
Nothing that was once there
Still existed.
Jun 2018 · 252
Elements
BM Green Jun 2018
Earth
The wolf
Hidden in the dark forrest
Gracefully walked up to me
“I can smell your hands bleeding.”
I told him regardless of the pain, I had to hold on.
He said no, you need to let go.

Water
The stingray
At the deepest point of the ocean
Swam right up to me
“I can feel how tense you are.”
I told her change is too hard
She said I should accept it, move through it.

Fire
The Elephant
Standing strong in the worst of storms
Shaking the ground as he came near
“I can see the fear in your eyes.”
I told him it’s not easy being jaded
He said I needed to open my heart, trust again.

Air
The Nightingale
Singing loudly in the blackest of night
He flew straight towards me
“Why can’t I hear your heart through your words.”
I told her the heart is naive
She said better the heart than the mind, let me hear your soul.  

Spirit
The Sea Serpent
In stories, tails from long ago
Slithered up to my feet from the blue water
“I can taste your pain on my tongue.”
I told him about my past
He said emotional wounds can heal, you just have to believe there is more out there.
I recently did a tarot reading for each element- this is what I learned.
Jun 2018 · 164
Just Like Water
BM Green Jun 2018
I failed today
Like the waves
trying to wash the dirt away.
I decided not to think of you
I almost made it
But you were stronger
I failed today
The undertow took over
Pulled me back into your memory
You seeped into my skin
Drowning in who we use to be
I failed today
I will try again
Try to stay a float
Tomorrow.
Jun 2018 · 171
The Battle Within
BM Green Jun 2018
The brilliant boy
He's in this limbo
Almost living
Completely dying.
It's all so poetic really.
Killing everyone
everything for something;
for the love you
desperately think you can get back
Even though you are the cause
of every single thing
that has happened
of everything that you have lost.
You made the decisions that
Got you here
Now it’s war
Mayhem
Fighting everyone around you
but truthfully fighting yourself.

"It's always been his job to fix this."

That’s what you convince yourself
Your job to make things right
You believe that murdering it all
will end it.

He thinks it’ll take him
completely back
to the beginning.
It won’t
You can’t
You are so far gone
You’re killing yourself
Brilliant.
I wrote this about a boy I use to know. He always believed he was responsible for making everything better, even if he was making it worse. Strubborn, he would never walk away. He’d **** himself and everyone around him to make a point. Any point at all.
Jun 2018 · 506
It’s about Choices
BM Green Jun 2018
I didn't stop missing you.
I didn't wake up one day
and decide everything
was going to be okay.

I didn't just decide
to not love you.
I just decided
to let go of you.

I stopped making excuses
Stopped making them for you.
I stopped convincing myself
I was right in holding on.

I was so sure
No one could tell me different
I really thought I knew our fate.
I was wrong.

I put my faith
where it should of been all along.
I let go of your words
and trusted my own.

I asked the sky
to point me in the right direction.
When it answered me,
When I decided to finally listen.

This is what I heard.

We don't get to control
what is going to happen.
We don't control
what others are going to do.

However we aren’t
helpless
we do get to control what we do
about our own feelings.

I think I'll always wonder what we were.
What we could of been.
Yet, we aren't that.
We aren't anything at all.

That's the only point that matters now.
I lost myself
I was always there for you.
I lost myself in trying to find you.

Trying to fix us or
what I believed we would always be.
I lost myself
I spent my entire being saving you.

I failed at that
Saving who I thought you were
but I didn't fail the lesson.
I am still here

I didn't give up,
I gave in.
I gave in to what I didn't get to choose.
I gave in, and let myself fall.

On one hand
I didn't choose to love you,
On the other hand
I do get to choose to live my life
with or without you.

I choose me.
I choose my life.
Jun 2018 · 669
Falling for a Liar
BM Green Jun 2018
Falling for a liar
I keep asking myself why?
You said my wall was the problem
My wall built to the sky

You didn't realize
what you had done
Every time that you came by
You put my hand on the gun

Step by step I went
Just building that wall higher
Brick by brick it grew
Falling for liar

That's exactly what it'll do
itll make you feel so numb
Realizing nothing you said was true
How could I be so dumb

So high no one could see the top
Looking down from my sky scraper
I couldn't figure out how to stop
Walls and walls built with newspaper  

Here I can see you from a far
I can predict who's trouble
Some say I'm too close to the stars
Far away from your dirt and rubble

Blinded by the light
Nowhere near the ground
All your pretty words
Couldn’t ******* back down

My shelter from the storm
Here I know what's true
Miles and miles from your lies
My clarity is nowhere near you.
Jun 2018 · 338
A Mortal Memory
BM Green Jun 2018
I realized tonight
While I laid in what use to be our bed
I realized that your voice
has left my memory.

I can't hear it anymore
Not like I use to.
I can't remember it
I kept trying so desperately to remember

What did it sound like?
Any of it
when you laughed
or even cried.
What sleepy noises did you use to make?

I can still see your smile,
thank God I can still see it
I can see the crooked grin
but I can't hear you.

You're beginning to fade
I don't know how to stop it.
I don't know how to memorialize
every part of you.

You're drifting away
I thought I could hold on for eternity.
I thought for sure I’d keep every bit of you
Locked away in my memory
I was wrong.

You see we’re human
And humans forget
I'm so scared one day
I will wake up and
you'll just be gone.

You've been gone
4 years now
I don't want anymore
of you to leave me.

I will not,
I can not survive that.

I squeeze my eyes as tight as possible
Hoping that the memory
of your hand on my thigh
will come back

Hoping I can still feel the feeling
of you fingers laced with mine...
It's gone.
I can't remember how rough the felt.

I can't remember
the exact shade of green
your eyes held
I have lost the smell in the air of
when you first got out of the shower.

I still remember
it use to be my favorite moment
First thing in the morning
but now it's disappeared
with so many other things.

It’s losing you all over again
I don't know how to stop it,
stop you from becoming
a fictional time in my life.

You were real,
We were real.
You loved me.
You loved me so much
I know you did

There are people
People in my life now,
that have never heard your name.
That never knew us...

People that have only known me
Without you.
How is that possible?
Who even am I without you?
Just a casing of who I use to be?
A hollow person with nothing to give?
These people don't even know
They don't know me at all.
Jun 2018 · 178
Good Intentions
BM Green Jun 2018
Walk away
What I should of done

Next time someone tells me
"You know I'll never hurt you."
That's exactly what I'll do
I’ll walk away

I know I should of braced myself
There was already so little of me left
Why did I believed you,
How could I give you a chance?

How could I have thought
it'd be different?
Your words would be truer?
Like the meaning behind them
Could be solid this time?

No one says that
Unless that's their plan
To hurt you, break you
Cut you down
or at least unless they know there is a chance...

A chance I should not have taken
Life and death
My life
My death
The battle of your good intentions

The fight to stay alive
You think that if you say
you won't hurt me this time
That when you do
it won't be so bad

Like we will remember
what you said
Remember you had good intentions
And we'll think
At least it wasn't on purpose

But it had to be
It always is
People don't get hurt unless someone chooses to conflict the pain

You chose
It doesn't come from no where
It doesn't just happen
People choose to hurt people

The people they said they loved
The person you said you loved

Never again
Not this time
Not next time
I will not survive

I'll save myself the ache
The bleeding pain
If I walk away now
I might get to keep the little pieces I have left
From your last good intentions.
Jun 2018 · 228
Puzzle Pieces
BM Green Jun 2018
Puzzle pieces.
I found out today
My future will not consist
of the sound of little ones
running around.

I won't be awoken
to the sound
of a child in need
Due to a nightmare
or crawling into bed with me.

I won't ever get the chance
to feel something
I created
kick me from the inside.

I'll never know
what it's like
to grow a tiny person
from two people loving each other.

My partner will never
Hold my hand
while I bring our child
into the world to take their very first breaths.

I will never be pregnant.

I will never have a baby.

I'll never get to see
My eyes
Nose
Hair
on some smaller version of myself.

I won't get to laugh
at the way my child
smiles or frowns
like their father.

A failure at womanhood.
What our bodies are suppose
to be made to do,
I can not.

I can not give
my future husband
a child
to carry on his genes.

I can not conceive
if I do
I will not carry
my sweet baby to term.

"Infertile" they call it.
"Inferior" I say.

I guess this is what happens
When the puzzle pieces
Find there way
Together

This is why
I lost our child
it wasn't because of my age,
or because I didn't take care of myself.

My body simply failed me,
Failed you
failed our baby.

The reason that though
we never prevented it.
I only conceived that one time
I only got so close to happiness
Just the one time


This is why I lost you
This is why we broke

Neither of us even new it then.
I didn’t want to know
So scared of this reality
This is why I didn't get to keep you

This is why she does.

God knows all right?
He knew you were born to be a Father.
She gave you the sons
I would never of been able to give you.

She gives you miniature versions of yourself.
Little boys to run around
Little boys to look up to you
Little boys to call you daddy

The family I never could.
I am so glad you got this chance
Without question
I know you're incredible.

They are lucky
Your blood runs through their veins.
Being a parent was always in your future.
It just wasn't in mine.  

Puzzle pieces right?
What happens
When you don’t like your own?
Jun 2018 · 428
Good Days
BM Green Jun 2018
I missed you today,
I miss you most days
but today it’s different
Today it hurts more

Today wasn't a hard day.
Today I lived,
I worked
I smiled
I spent time with friends and family.

Today was a good day,
but I still missed you.
I somehow miss you more
On good days

I was always told
Sooner or later
We stopped missing someone
that ache just faded away
Over time

Once you have loved a person,
a person as I have loved you
I don’t believe, it ever leaves.
I think that type of love
Is the exception to the rule

Quite possibly
It resembles losing one to death.
You miss that person
You try to find solace in knowing
they are safe and sound somewhere.

But you see
When you lose someone
and they still exist
Your mind wonders

That ache doesn't go
You can never know how they are.
You want to to be there safe place,
the person they run to
but you aren't that anymore

You are no one,
they don't even think about you,
They don’t crave you
And still you can't seem to stop
Stop caring about them.
Jun 2018 · 249
Ironic
BM Green Jun 2018
It's ironic in away
The way you don't care at all
The way I care so entirely much
Yeah it’s ironic you see

In the beginning
You begged me
Pleaded with me
“Give us a chance
I will love you forever”
Yeah it’s ironic

See you left those words behind you
Your days went on
you made a life
So my days went on too
I made a life
Two separate lives
Worlds without each other

It’s ironic
You said
You couldn’t breathe without me
Now my lungs burn
I gasp for air in your absence

See the difference is
every single day,
even if only for one minute,
my life stops
I think about the irony

In the midst of everything around me,
in that minute
all I see is you.
All I feel is you
And what you left behind.
The emptiness your abandonment left.

It’s ironic because
Then I have to swallow it down
Bury the ache way down
So I can keep going
Just until you creep back up again

Yeah I find it ironic
I didn’t want anything
To do with you
And now my world revolves
Around surviving without you.
Jun 2018 · 249
The Ghost Years
BM Green Jun 2018
Today
Today we would have celebrated
Today marked 13 years
Somehow though
We only had the first 9.

You're still just as important to me.
You're still in my heart.
I still think about you.
Every single day.
I still think about what you’d say
Silently asking for your advise
You talked me through everything

Loving someone can change
That love it can modify,
it can alter,
it can grow
It can break
but it never stops.

If there was away
To leave that love somewhere
Abandon it
Drive it as far away as possible,
I would have.

Loving a ghost,
a memory,
It can be crippling
the what ifs
They are devastating.

Caring for you was never easy
but I chose to do it,
I chose you over and over again.
Even when you stopped choosing me

I loved you so much.

I continue loving you
That choice I made
Will be for the rest of my life.
I can’t take it back

I will miss you every single day.
A part of me
destined to be lost
for the rest of time.

Im no longer full,
a shell of a person.
I gave you such a big piece of me,
throwing caution to the wind.
I gave and I gave and then
I gave some more.

You took and you took and then
you left.
Never looking back
Not even to see if I could stand on my own.
Not even a glance to see if I’d survived.
I did.
Didn’t I?
Jun 2018 · 181
Sharp Edges
BM Green Jun 2018
My scars tell a story
Of the person that existed before you
Before the person I am now
They explain how I become
Who I am today
Reminders of my past

I may not talk about them
That doesn’t mean
I am ashamed of them
I may not explain why
That doesn’t mean
I don’t remember each time

I use to be someone
That needed each scar
I use to be someone
That couldn’t fight back
Fragile little girls grow up
Forces to be reckoned with

Just because I carry my past
For you to see
On my arms
On my thighs
Doesn’t mean
you have a right to my story
Does not mean you know
Where I have been

You see a faded delicate red line
You can’t see it still alive within me
I use to rely on those sharp edges
Rely on the pain it brought me
I still rely on sharp edges
Now they exist within me
Jun 2018 · 168
The Truth
BM Green Jun 2018
She makes comments
Comments like I never actually loved her.
She thinks it was a phase for me.
A teenage experiment.
Rebellion.
Like it didn’t happen to the both of us.

She acts as if she didn’t break my heart.
She thinks I didn’t feel
every single moment
without her.

She was my first love.
The first person I gave everything too
The first human I wanted forever with
I thought she wanted the same

She didn’t
She wanted it all, so many others
More than just me
She believed sharing was in fact caring

Leaving her was unbearable
She had broken me down so far
I had no choice but to leave
She gave me no other option

Then I met him.

He held me as I cried for her
Listened to my heart ache for her
He healed a part of me
Trusted me
He needed me
He loved me

But still I loved her
That is what I believed
I believed I couldn’t love again
I was wrong

She doesn’t even realize loving her
Cost me the greatest love of my life.
He was the best thing I never knew I had
Because I loved her
I lost him.
Jun 2018 · 221
Angel Flame
BM Green Jun 2018
She is the waves that match my eyes
The ocean inside my soul
Ever changing grace
The steady change
I have always needed

She is the bones that make my spine
Bending but holding me up
The wolf howl
Escaping out when the moon is high

She is the compass to my freedom
Her heart the guiding light
The choices I have made
She has never turned away

She has been burned
Walked on blackened coals
Tracked ashes
North
South
East
West

She has been cut down
Bled out
Licked her wounds
And risen stronger

She is the storm
That washes me clean
The sun after the darkest of nights
She is my mirror
My soul in another
A reflecting flame that can not be put out.
Jun 2018 · 233
Four Years Later
BM Green Jun 2018
Each other's safe place.
Chained together
One soul that dwells in two bodies.
That's what we use to say.
Destined to find each other over and over never knowing why God or whatever higher being is up there
Why they put us in each other's paths.

Lessons learned
Messing up was something I was used to
Sometimes to find yourself
You have to lose you

You would tell me to roll with the punches
You'd say we can't change fate
We accept it.
We adapt to it.
We conquer it
Cannot change what the world throws at us.

I use to believe our love had purpose,
Over coming everything.
The worst people for each other in the best possible way
Always putting the other above anything else.
Pedestal.
That's what you put me on.

The only love I new that pure.
Then maybe, maybe I just made you up
A figment of my imagination
I created in my head what I needed so badly
Because there was no way
No way someone that actually felt our love could walk away from it
But you did
You ran
You were real
And you ran

I can still feel the heat your finger tips could create against my skin
When my insides burned and threatened to explode out of me, the thin frail skin that covered my body failing to contain my agony, my self hate.

I couldn't see what you once saw in me
Not with you gone.
You weren't there, not anymore.
Not here sewing up my wounds,
lightly tracing my scars with your fingers reassuring me they would not give way again.

I was worthy of something
Love, your love.
Not anymore
You promised me.
You swore eternity to me.
Placing my mind, heart and soul into you.
Like a story I heard but didn’t actually live.

Now all I can remember is the way you left.
The exact day you left.
I remember the air leaving me.
But my lungs did not give way.

I remember the day I realized you would not be coming back.
I could feel my legs shaking and my knees splintering from the weight you left behind.
I did not break.

The day I screamed out for you to hold my stitches together, knowing for sure my pieces could not stay whole for one more second.
I did not shatter.
I held strong.

My body twisting.
Small strips of my flesh slowly drifting down.
I began to change like the chameleon you taught me to be.

Roll with the punches
That's what you said right?
Roll
Roll
Roll

The day finally came that my heart recognized sadness
more than any other emotion.
Listening to my heart.
My eyes obeyed and closed to the brightness of the colors around me.
Darkening

Realizing it could never love again.
Shutting out all the light it once held in. Finally closing the door on any hope that I scratched, fingers bleeding to hold on to. Dissipated.

The numbness of what emptiness truly is, took over.
No longer sober
Each strand of my body breaking down.
I learned the lesson you so gracefully tried to teach me all those years ago.

— The End —