I remember the confession,
And the dress I wore that day,
I will not forget the silence,
That sound never goes away,
I sat clothed in the bathtub,
Elbows to my knees,
As I watched the running water,
And told myself to breathe,
In that terrifying hour,
As I heard you go to bed,
I tried to comprehend,
All the words that you had said,
How easy you watched my tears fall,
And never even flinched,
It was constant fear I lived in,
Each time your fists were clinched,
My scars remind me every day,
Of something you made clear,
Hell must be empty,
Because the devils are all here.

"Your day" caused me to reminisce,
Of a day I had before,
My dress was not as beautiful,
But I, too, was promised a love forevermore,
My forever did not last long,
Barely four short years,
And the only thing I learned of love,
Was it should not instill such fear,
I know today is about you,
And he's right, who am I to say?
For he's so proud to be with you,
As long as you act the right way,
I hope that every dream you have,
He's always there to cheer,
Of course I see your eye is blue,
But we can blame that on the beer,
I know that time he cheated,
You know will never happen twice,
You must know how much he loves you,
Since you can only seek his advice,
Yes I recall that beautiful day,
He recited his vows to you,
And I've heard all the times he's told you,
What you could or could not do,
Yes he's humiliated you in public,
But he said sorry for making you frown,
You say he's the perfect man there is,
He couldn't have meant to push you down,
Yes, of course, he loves you,
I see the house he put you in,
Yes, your photos are beautiful,
We all know how happy you both have been,
I pray you always keep this love,
I have no wisdom to offer you,
I know you'll never end up like me,
Just a victim of abuse.

One day I hope you realize,
That he was just a boy,
Marriage was a word to him,
He juggled hearts like they were toys,
And it hurts, my God, it hurts to know,
His love with just a lie,
And how easily he left his family,
With a simple wave “good-bye”,
But the victory has been won, my dear,
Your suffering is not is vain,
For the day will come when you wake up,
No longer in constant pain,
Time will heal these wounds somehow,
Every bruise and every word,
And you’ll use this pain to help another,
As a beacon to their hope,
But I know that this brokenness,
Is not something you’ll soon forget,
But cowards like him will never win,
At games like Russian Roulette.

Your pain is overwhelming,
I know you’re tired and confused,
For how could someone express such love,
Only to tear your soul in two?
Nothing will make sense right now,
And with every breathe you’ll ache,
For how could God give so much at once,
Only to take so much away?
But perhaps He had no hand in this,
Or suppose maybe He did,
If you’ll trust He knows His plan for you,
And no evil from Him is hid,
He knows the depth of pain you’re in,
For it measures the joy you’ll know,
So pray for those who’ve hurt you heart,
Soon they will reap all they have sowed.

My paintings on the wall,
Won’t be there when you wake,
And the moment you roll over,
You’ll soon realize your mistake,
Little footprints down the hall,
Won’t be there for you to hear,
And the shame of what you made me do,
Will soon turn into fear,
Your coffee won’t be waiting,
Neither will dinner be at night,
You’ll have no one to watch movies with,
Or hold close to you so tight,
I won’t be there for holidays,
Or for another romantic date,
You threw so much of my love away,
But didn’t realize what awaits,
Until you feel the loneliness,
Like I did in that hospital room,
The day you left and called me names,
As our little suffered in the womb,
Though don’t you worry,
You don’t need me, right?
Since I’m crazy and no use,
But karma is real and it won’t be long,
Until you know what it feels like to lose.

Life will throw you curve *****,
Sometimes back to back,
And nothing will make sense right then,
When life gets thrown off track,
Perhaps your love betrayed you,
And then you lost your job,
Or an unexpected tragedy,
Becomes the cherry on the top,
I promise if you hold on tight,
You’ll see the sun still rise,
And in months you’ll look back where you were,
Glad you’re still alive,
For these moments are when you realize,
That life is about the storms,
Since if your heart stays just as soft,
This cold world you will warm.

Loneliness can be hard I know,
But it’s nowhere near as bad,
As crying yourself to sleep at night,
Because the abuse makes you so sad,
Imagine rushing home from work,
To see the one you love,
Only to be greeted by,
More insults and more shoves,
I’ve learned we mistake love sometimes,
For fear of being alone,
And even if it’s the devil waiting,
At least someone’s at home,
The bravest thing I ever did,
Was finally run away,
I ignored his calls to get me back,
And soon began to pray,
I finally learned what real love meant,
When I read what God had said,
And though I may be lonely still,
At least I am not dead.

If he had truly loved you,
You wouldn’t be sitting here alone,
In a pool of doubt and sadness,
Hurting right down to the bone,
You would not be ever wondering,
About what was wrong with you,
For you never once deserved the pain,
Or the abuse he put you through,
If he had truly loved you,
He would have stayed true to every vow,
He would have held you when you hurt,
But your feelings were not allowed,
And I know you think he’s fine and all,
Since you’re in this much pain,
But you know he’s good at acting,
And making you feel insane,
Because I promise the ones who hurt the most,
Are the ones who pretend they're fine,
So your pain is not in vain, my dear,
One day your life will be divine.

Physical beauty might catch your eye,
But inner will catch your heart,
And if you can’t see past each other’s skin,
You’ll always be lost in the dark,
For I once met a woman with beautiful skin,
But she was the ugliest person I knew,
Since it wasn’t her physical beauty that hurt me,
Her inner self tore me in two,
And I found myself being fooled once more,
By a man with beautiful skin,
Since I learned it was only my body he saw,
And never my beauty within,
For it was the hardest lessons I ever learned,
But they taught me a lot about love,
Because the day all our bodies deteriorate,
It’ll expose what they were truly made of.

I know your heart is hurting,
But please try to understand,
That God does have a reason,
And He has you by the hand,
If you run back to what broke you,
Due to stigma, shame or doubt,
You'll sink lower into darkness,
And God wants to pull you out,
The best advice I ever heard,
Was when my grandpa said to me,
Only God ordains a marriage,
And that's what most people do not see,
See, a marriage made in Heaven,
Will protect you at all times,
And no man on earth can combine two souls,
It's only God who will decide,
So if you've prayed and waited,
And your spouse's heart won't change,
No man can judge you for divorce,
If God never ordained.

I know he fed you honey,
And acted proud to be with you,
But sometimes that’s an act,
Of something cowards do,
Because I know he called your pretty,
And so talented and smart,
But now he’s got you hating yourself,
Right down to an art,
For in public you were perfect,
And the best wife of them all,
Until the moment he came home,
And beat you down so small,
You’ve patiently waited for him to change,
To who he used to be,
But that is not the man he is,
He just had honey.

A flame out of control,
On a cold December night,
If love was given wings,
We once were soaring in flight,
Turbulence picked up quickly,
As I held on to your hand,
Afraid that we were falling,
But you promised not to land,
I began to rest my fears,
And trust that you were true,
Until the venom you spit at me,
Made my sky no longer blue,
I then began to fade,
Into the clouds so ever dark,
But I quickly crashed and broke my wing,
And worse I broke your heart,
You tried to stitch us back together,
But my heart bled through the thread,
And I fell too many times,
Not caring love was dead,
Until revenge grew in your lungs,
And you found you couldn’t breathe,
So in desperation,
You did the same to me,
The betrayal sank us quickly,
To the bottom of the ocean floor,
We were both beaten black and blue,
When we washed up to the shore,
Time began to heal our wounds,
But scars forever there,
And in one last attempt to keep us,
You decided not to care,
An 8 week 2 day fetus,
Never got to breathe this life,
Because once I tried to trust your words,
You again stabbed me with a knife,
My world is now forever changed,
And my heart forever broken,
But I’ll never forget the day we soared,
Or the day we fell to the ocean.

I’m glad that you were born,
With no flaws instilled in you,
Since it’s hard to feel real feelings,
That only real humans do,
It must feel great to be so perfect,
And never be in the wrong,
For when real humans admit to their mistakes,
Sometimes they don’t feel so strong,
But now tell me why you’re angry,
Are you not proud of what you’ve done,
Is the narcissist inside you,
Wanting to escape away and run,
Oh no he’s back and tightly gripping,
His tiny hands around your soul,
And once again I’m the one to blame,
And the one out of control.

What has happened, sweet girl,
How did he rob you of your smile,
You once gleamed with happiness,
But no one has seen it in a while.

Why do you believe these awful things,
That he says to you,
Please tell me why you’re crying,
You must know those things aren’t true.

How many chances does one get,
To change and treat you right,
Love doesn’t hurt like this, sweet girl,
It won’t cause those tears at night.

Please stop believing empty words,
And checking through his phone,
Love won’t instill these fears in you,
Love is peace you’ve never known.

Have you ever sat and listened,
To the hatred in the world,
Envy and greed are all that’s spoke,
Not things we’re grateful for,
We don’t care for one another,
Since it’s easy to turn our backs,
That when our needs are desperate,
No one has time for that,
Words are our biggest weapon,
Yet we’ve all failed to see,
Violence does not start with guns,
It starts with you and me.

I was born into this world,
And hated by a mother,
Who never showed an ounce of love,
And loved to watch me suffer,
She picked apart my flaws,
And ignored my pain when I would cry,
“Your tears don’t phase me,” she would say,
Oh how I’d wish I weren’t alive,
Yet she made me who I am today,
I give the love I did not receive,
But how I long for someone to notice,
How much I have achieved,
But because of her I feel too much,
And often feel misplaced,
For I’ve discovered many like her,
And once more her words roll down my face.

When you’re older,
You will fall in love,
Is all they ever said,
But no one ever prepared me,
Of such heartache up ahead,
No one told people cheat,
Or lie right to your face,
I guess this is what they meant,
About learning the hard way,
But I’ve yet to meet a soul,
Who has shown me what it’s all about,
So where’s this love they spoke of,
For now all I do is doubt.

Today kindness is endangered,
And each day we grow more selfish,
We take everyone for granted,
Even ones we claim we cherish,
We judge every book by it’s cover,
And act like we don’t see,
Our pages are also damaged,
But we’re too prideful to agree,
So we knock each other down,
And walk away and smile,
How did we become such monsters,
What has made us all so vile,
Yet we wonder why this world,
Becomes more dreadful by the day,
We keep filling it with hate,
While our heartbeats slip away.

I once cared for an old lady,
With an illness in her brain,
She couldn’t tell me where she was,
Only memories remained,
Although her mind was fading,
She thought it was 1973,
I found it fascinating,
How she remembered certain things,
I asked her if she married,
And I saw her face light up,
She spoke of 60 years together,
And said, “That still was not enough”
Our marriage was so beautiful,
But don’t think it never rained,
For sometimes it was ugly,
And we caused each other pain,
We spit fire at each other,
And one of us would leave,
So don’t think I never questioned,
If he was meant for me,
But here’s my only advice
If one foot is out the door,
My marriage of 60 years is proof,
God can and will restore.

Maybe if you closed your eyes,
The pain would go away,
Even if it’s for a moment,
That might be okay,
Sometimes sleep is what we need,
When our hearts are hurting,
Your heart will be relieved one day,
These flames can’t keep on burning,
I’m sorry that you feel this way,
But know you’re not alone,
I’m there with you during this hour,
I will be your stone,
Nothing in life makes sense to me,
So I can relate,
I’ve been so shattered recently,
My soul has been betrayed,
But Jesus Himself was wrongfully traded,
For 30 useless tokens,
So if God dealt you a difficult hand,
Know that you’ve been chosen.

Each day will be different,
And no feeling will ever last,
You’ll climb some mountains to the top,
And others you’ll fall down fast,
There will be days you can’t get up,
And nights where you can’t sleep,
This place called Life is where you’re at,
Where none of us asked to be,
There will be moments you fall in love,
And a broken heart will follow,
You’ll learn very quickly the meaning behind,
“We were not promised tomorrow,”
We all hate something about ourselves,
So we pick on others,
And we never stop to think about,
How one another suffers,
This place is hard to understand,
So make it up as you go,
And no one can tell you why you’re here,
Because no one really knows.

I once heard a story,
That forever changed my life,
Of a man who was struck,
When another chose to text and drive,
And though he did not lose his life,
He told me he lost much more,
Like the ability to do any of the things,
He was able to do before,
He could not move a single muscle,
From below his neck,
And the biggest tragedy to his story,
His wife left him after the wreck,
He spoke of years of marriage,
And all their children together,
For if this was her instead of me, he said,
I would not have left her ever,
My chest began to hurt,
As my heart began to break,
The selfishness in this world today,
Was more than I could take,
I looked him in the eye,
As tears ran down my cheeks,
And for the first time in my profession,
This patient was a person to me,
How could he look at me and smile,
And tell me it would all work out okay,
How could a man be full of faith,
When so much was taken away,
I do not know the reasons,
These were the cards that he was handed,
But a society as one,
We take everything for granted,
We brag and act like what we have,
Cannot be taken away tomorrow,
Now all my problems seem so small,
When I think of this man’s sorrow,
And each day that’s passed since we met,
I have thanked the Lord above,
And I’ll never forget what this man taught me,
About how to measure my cup.

It’s during your darkest hour,
That will crack open your soul,
And out will pour the things,
You’ll need to gain control,
At first you won’t believe me,
Since your eyes are blurred with tears,
And if you’ve been in this much pain,
I know you can’t think clear,
The demons who have caught you,
Can’t hold a grip for long,
Once you realize it’s not your fault,
Your heart was handled wrong,
But please hang on during this ride,
Of crippling emotions,
You’ll soon realize why I say,
Women like you drown oceans.

If each of us were born unique,
Why do we try to be the same,
If this world was made with meaning,
Why do we treat it like a game,
Why do we define our value,
When we look at our reflection,
As we change our bodies in ways,
The world has taught us is perfection,
Why wait in line for iPhones,
And wear clothes we can’t afford,
Why are we competing with each other,
When there is no grand award,
We need to stop and remember,
Even though we all are human,
That a mirror shows just skin,
And is only an illusion.

I've traveled down this dark road,
One too many times,
These voices in my head,
Are crippling sometimes,
They tell me that I'm worthless,
Life without me is the same,
They talk of my mistakes,
And I walk around in shame,
There aren't any others here,
Though I’m not sure why,
Others have told me they've been here too,
Perhaps they left me here to die,
Sometimes I get lost in here,
And calls for helps are all in vain,
Because even though I hear voices,
They just laugh at all my pain,
So maybe I'll just lay here,
And keep breathing through the hurt,
Maybe if I fall asleep,
I'll wake reminded of my worth.

She once met a prince,
Who filled her with lies,
False promises and love,
Until the day that she dies,
She believed for a second,
Every word that he said,
Until she realized his words,
Were not written in red,
And though love is not perfect,
Some things must exist,
He should have protected her heart,
But most men can’t resist,
The temptation of females,
Who fill them with lies,
There was a princess at home,
With tears in her eyes,
She chose not to fear,
To change the name,
Of the prince in her story,
And put an end to her pain,
There is beauty inside a woman,
With scars on her heart,
It taught her that true love,
Will not tear her apart.

I'm thankful for the lies you told,
And for every vow you broke,
I'm thankful for every single way,
You pretended to love me so,
I'm thankful for every insult,
And how you would belittle me,
I’m thankful for every sleepless night,
And all the times down upon my knees,
I’m thankful for all the painful ways,
You picked my soul apart,
I’m thankful for the day you cheated,
You never deserved my heart,
I’m thankful for all those awful times,
For I learned what love is all about,
Love does not destroy someone,
I’m now sure without a doubt,
That it was not me who made you mad,
Or made you act those ways,
I did not cause you to stray from me,
It’s your fault you betrayed,
I did not cause those holes in the wall,
Or the bruises on my skin,
I am not any of those awful names,
That you convinced others I had been,
Though I do not regret ever loving you,
Or begging God for you to change,
Because it doesn’t matter which woman it is,
You will treat us all the same.