It's been a while but I'm back, my life has changed significantly and I am happy now. No longer with the guy I was with, he turned out to be not what I expected. With someone new, and he is my life now.

I didn't know how much I meant to you entirely, but everyday goes by and I lose my myself when I cant hear from you. You are my other half and I said " I am not giving you a third chance", maybe I wasn't thinking all the way through. After 5 years of hardship, distrust, love, pain, patience, we are still here for each other after that. That is a miracle because most people give up on the people we are. Everytime I see the love in your eyes, I feel the protection in your arms and I sense the 'wow' in your voice of having the honor of being my best friend. I am still in love with you, always will be and that is permanent

I've never felt stuck, not like this. Pleasing my parents but also stabbing them in the back all in one sitting. I don't know how I can keep going with this. I don't know if its depression. You want me to be happy, and me being all the same person, but I don't want to come home to a judgmental father, who yells because I didn't give him the correct answer to life. I just wish you could see the good in him, the love of my life isn't ruining me, the only heart breaking, unbaring, piece to all this is you not accepting him because he didn't show up in a collared shirt, slacks and the perfect church boy look. You were mad because he showed up smelling like a 20 year old, with scars and a broken heart, and a way with words to love me. Its not rocket science, we clicked, accept it, I am tired of crying my eyes out for two hours every night hoping you come back and say "I'm sorry", I'm stuck.

I don't understand you sometimes, you want me to be happy but I can't be with him. You want me to be the good little girl I am well sorry that is not available. I think of what not to do and some how manage to ***** something up. Why can't we go back to when everything was good and every one was happy with who they are. I don't eat because I am not hungry, I don't talk because I know I will get hurt, but you think its all to fit in with who? I dont' know. But here is me saying I don't care anymore. Here is me saying good luck without me

"I'm searching for something I cannot reach"-Halsey

What doesn't **** you, makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take
One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown
Who will make me fine, drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown

What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take
One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown
Who will make me fine drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown

'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own)
(Who will fix me now?)
(Who will fix me now?)
Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown

People ask me how I maintain a smile everyday, how I am still going strong with the one I love, how I hold it in. To be honest, I don't know. I listen to music, draw, and write, sometimes that doesn't cure the need of a hug. Life experience carries me to the full potential of what I know. I have people of all ages asking me for advice, and I tell them to be patient. Let the wave ride out and resume life, don't give your love to someone who doesn't deserve it.

I have finally found the freedom to be me
I thought it was hard, but I was making it difficult
You stayed with me and helped me even when I pushed you away
I was unbalanced and when I looked back at every bridge I burned
Every scar I made, and every tear I shed, I am truly sorry for the pain
And suffering I put you through. Trust can take a thousand years to earn but only a second to loose. I miss being happy and I am tired of hiding behind a mask of smiles and that where fake. Know I am happy and I do smile because you saw something in me I didn't see before.

The judge's think of military brat as always rich, get what they want, and never get in trouble. In fact, that is all wrong, at least for me. I'm a marine corps family, so I can say that. I've been to 9 different schools and I've moved around 6 times. Yeah its fun, but you become strong, leaving behind the one's you love and at first it hurts but then you get used to it. Like numbness settling in and you forget what it feels like to have hurt. I guess that's why most people feel offended when I don't talk to them. Cant help it, I was born into a military family. Besides, Marine's are the best people.

Tell me your favorite video game if you have one, mine is The Last Of Us, mainly because I can relate to Ellie, she is strong, and can manage to be funny sometimes.

How can you stop something you have no control over? When will the string finally break into two after bring stretched for way too long? Or when a heart shatters to the ground, have you found the last piece to complete the puzzle?

Dry cement on the ground, doesn't do anything, it can't. Nothing notices it, wind blows past it, rocks land on it, and by force of nature, go away. Dirt is the only piece that stays on it long enough. Until you light a match, and let it fall, will the cement burn, or will it just sit there burning the wood and causing smoke?

Cars, people, trucks and traffic can easily ride along a bridge, holding 1000 pounds and more. It can't hold a souls that's falling into an ocean of depth.

Broken Smiles and empty eyes
Shattered HEARTS and hollow lives
Put on your mask prepare your lies
they'll never see through your
Disguise

Escaping into a reality
Thats only a fantasy
Grab a gun, ****** Rifle, and go for it
This is your time to let go and explode
All the volcanoes will crumble
I am tired of people telling me what to do
Not seeing the real picture here.

Wondering on a yellow brick road with no place to go
Stuck on the same road, to where will I go tomorrow
Back home, or to my loved one's? But the important question is
What does my heart want? That is a secrete that only I know.
But my yellow brick road is still going straight, lets see about tommorrow

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

It seems as though i'm feeling for something that isn't there
I grab it but it runs away, I don't know how to catch up, but then it turns around and laughs at me like i'm a silly little girl. IT=LOVE

Somebody once told me to believe in who I am, that I am special, loving, kind, and amazing because of who I am. But to be honest, society makes it hard for me to be me. So what I don't wear super tight jeans? Or I don't wear enough make-up? Am I suppose to look a certain way for you to like me? No, I am an amazing person without all that. In fact I hardly wear make-up, I don't wear super tight clothes because if I did, I'd end up in bad places in this world.

I feel as if in walking in the darknes
light stiches are broken but the twitch just enought so I can see something in from of me. I walk towards it, a mirror, it goes my scars, bruises, and cuts from life.
I want to disguise them, but they don't disappear. Especially the one marked with Love on it. It hurts, it hurts like a knife penetrating the skin. I can't seem to stop it. The damage is done

Hve you ever had that moment when you want something so bad and it's right there in front of you, but the closer you are the more it starts to move away, and you can't do a thing about except fight for it, even if that means breaking the law, hurting loved ones. It might sound selfish but, until you loved him so ******* much that he is the only one, them you couldn't possibly understand. Starting from 0 and ending at 10 because of him, smiling, laughing and nothing could go wrong because of him, and just knowing that your safe, secure and comfortable with him is a big sign that it's love. But never tell me I don't know love, because I do. It's not easily described, but you can feel it in your heart. Every pounding moment, every ounce of it, is special

You may look at me and think my life is perfect because I'm blonde, blue eyed, and because i'm white. Two parents, 2 brothers, freinds who care and a nice home with shelter, and someone that I deeply deeply care about and love. But my life isn't perfect, in fact it's far from perfect. I didn't choose the lfe I have, I didn't choose the military life. It choose me. At first it's fun, moving to differnt places and going on adventures, but it does have it's flaws and bittersweet moments. Like having a dad go to war 3 tines and you pray tht 2 men dressed in service don't come knocking on your door. Or that he misses your soccer game,  your 1st, 6th, 8th, and 13th birthday, your 8th graduation, school events. Isn't there most of the time because he is trying to provide for a family. And how he has the words to comfort you tht mom can't find. Then you have the times when you try so hard to make sure you don't ***** up, but no matter how hard you try. How protective he is of you, and that you don't want to let him down. But that's just sone of it. Truth is, I've made so many mistakes that I can't count them on my fingers, I have cried enough times to make a river, and I made enough scares on my self physicaly and emotionally to **** someone. Because I didn't talk about my sadness and misery, I felt trapped, but it all changed, but sometimes it came back in different ways. I've been to 9 different schools, 7 different states and I've managed to keep in touch with 6 people. I've felt with police, and it wasn't my fault, I've don't illegal things, and I'm still in this earth. I'm currently 18 and I'm in high school about to change all of that. So here is to the people who aren't seen the right way, judged and messed with.

I talk about you to my freinds, but they tell me to seeing you, that I'm too young to know what love feels like. Everyone thinks he has me pulled in so tight, but they are wrong. My light, armor, courage and everything in between reflect more when I'm with him. He is my other half, soul mate, I can't live without him. If I lost him, I wouldn't know what to do, because he makes me happy and that's all that matters. Are boundless hearts remain in one peace. That's all we want, together.

When you feel like giving up, and wanting to just drop everything you work for, don't. Each door that you open has a million possibilities. Everything is sour before it turns and tastes sweet. The wound has to burn and sting before it heals. Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking until you decide to run for it. Every choice has a consequence, good or bad, but don't stop striving for it.

[Verse 1:]
Take a look past our innocence, take a step back to yesterday
When life would move slower, we would never grow up
All we knew that love was for when we're older
Anything could happen, secretly imagine
They could never tear us apart too young to fall

[Chorus:]
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our lonely glory that we could get back they say
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our hope if only that we could take back (some day [x7])
That we could take back some (day [x9])

[Instrumental]

[Chorus:]
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our lonely glory that we could get back they say
This is our story that we could get back some day
Our hope if only that we could take back some

[Verse 2:]
Take a look past our innocence, take a step back to yesterday
When life would move slower, we would never grow up
All we knew that love was for when we're older
Anything could happen, secretly imagine
They could never tear us apart too young to fall

[Chorus:]
This is our story that we could get back some day
Our lonely glory that we could get back they say
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our hope if only that we could take back (some day [x7])
We could take back some (day [x9])

[Instrumental]

[Chorus:]
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our lonely glory that we could get back they say
This is our story that we could take back some day
Our hope if only that we could take back some

Its funny how a simple "Hello" can change everthing
How a hug can mean so much, even if the rain comeschasing you
Looking at a smile that was gifted to you only, melts the heart
Or how a simple ounce of care can go a long way
Time passes, and before you know it, that door that wsa locked up
Has now opened to new possibilities you never knew existed
Thats the Meaning of You.

I hope soon I'll be standing with you, because in your arms, I'm home
The feeling is rare, even for my heart
One day I'll be back where I belong an that is next to you saying I love you.

Why am I still standing here with tears, when in reality it's fear
Why do I care enough for you but don't care enough for me?
I hope everyday that you at least think of me because I think of you alot,  but I can't keep guessing on the sidelines to what I did wrong. I deserve an answer, not a disapper. But you are pretty good at that I guess, next time, I'll think twice before letting you back into my life, and when I do, I will put on a fight because you and I both know I'm right. You were my best freind, know, you're just a fear I don't want

I am like a rose, I need light to grow and water to feel nourished, but without sunlight, I die, and I'm worthless

You're Romeo and I'm Juliet
You are a Montegue and I'm a Capulet
I fell for you, when we first met
Though forbidden to see you, I still fled
My dad kept me away, and that hurt in many ways
He didn't see you from the inside out
He judged a book by it's cover
I explained to him you were different, because he didn't want to hear it
He saw the look in my eyes
The fire of fear of losing you
Losing you was too much
But I'm no longer 10, I'm 17 who is madly in love with my boyfreind and nothing can change that. I might be a scratched up Diamond, but as long as I still have my shine, I'm alright

I'm standing in the dark
Held by chains, can't seem to go far
I'm breathing in poison from you
When will enough be enough
I'm not your slave nor will I be
You don't seem to see, what your causing
Broken mirrors surround you
Because you are afraid of you
You ripped me apart and let me fall
I was walking in gold, now I'm stuck in stone

I await day by day 
When I run Into your arms
With your warmth and 
Comfort surrounding my heart
Washing away every scare
That was ever made in me
The day I can hold you and 
Tell you that life is temparary
But I am permanent 
Living in eachother arms
Until we die together 
Making memories of 
Watching shiny bright stars
Your love will forever be engraved
In my heart and it's protected
Staying up late telling childhood stories
That we are both luminous beams
Dancing in the night sky drifting
Far away from everything 
And realizing we are better off
From the forgotten reality 
As effervesent stars that glow
Brighter with eachother 
We are giants who can run 
The world, or run away and find 
Are own place, somewhere unique
Becuase nature awaits are presence
With you, anything is possible
Forget about the inevitable
And let your heart become lovable
My warm hands can heal it
Because I've healed it before
And I'm not of afraid of losing you
But choosing you was the most
Intelligant decision i've made
I will never regret it, I promise

Keeping your mouth shut
let's people think you are a fool
but opening your mouth also proves it

You are either the pursuing, pursued, tired, or busy
         - The Great Gatsby

Her eyes sparkled when she looks at the moon, the glow reflectes off her skin, she looked whole again.
When she speaks, its smooth, silk sound that echoes on forever, and you know she is confident. She wishes the best for everyone and helped when someone needs it
Her personality, it reminded me of an angel that came from Heaven, her wings spread high and vibrant, beautiful, pure and white, as if her soul was in the hands of God. 
She is loved by everyone around her and she stands strong, with power and beauty. This is for you mom, hope you liked it.

You can either let me
              fall to the ground or
              get out of my way

I'm a wolf without it's pack
I'm alone and I can't turn back
I loved you, but you wouldn't love me
What happened? What did you see when you saw me? I know what I saw: fear, anger, and weakness of me

Beauty is something you can feel, touch, and listen to. Stopping for a moment of inoccence and watching the sunset. Or feeling the water run between you hands like silk, and the sounds of angels singing within thr distance

You come when I sleep
Only to leave me in misery
You tell me you will be back
The red glow in your eyes, I see the Evil
You call me the Devils Angel
Hands grab at me, where do I run?
Where are you coming from
My words bounce off of you
Not a single dent
You look into my future and see my weakness
Don't hurt me, he deserves to live
I'll sacrifice my life
After, I hope you are a lie

Close the curtain
I'm done showing you ghost of me
obviously you can't think no further
I will never come to find you as my need
I poured my soul into your hands
and then you go and stab it
your heart must have lost color
and now you want mine

I try to stand straight
But making you happy is a battle
I build my walls, too strong for you to tear down
I try to love you, I do try
But in the end, shots are fired
Im sorry I am not the perfect daughter
Living a life based on one moral
I'm sure I broke that many times
I was afraid of letting you in 
Letting you see what who the real me
I didn't want you to hate me
I'm not the person you think I am
I'm dangerous on the inside
Fire within me rages the more your words are thrown

I wish to walk into a field of grass
Running my fingers through the tips, 
I wish to take long walks on the beach
And watching the sunset laying in the sand
I want to have picnics in the grass, where it's calm, listening to the birds chirp, and the leaves bristle against eachother, while I sip tea
Walking along the ocean line and smelling the ocean

Floating in my dreams
Singing in my head 
Dancing in the rain
Running in mud
Screaming to feel free
Loving to be me
Writing passionitly
Rebel at night
Winning my own fight
Xbox all night
Living until I die

I am walking in fire instead if ice
I am willing to make a sacrifice
And with you, I'd risk my life
I'd pull the trigger if I can't  have you
After everything, I still want you 
We have something so special
It's so beautiful and fragile
You are my knight and shining armor

For a moment, just close your eyes
Cancel out everything around and just breathe, try to remember what the ocean sounds like
Let the air around consume you
Take a deep breathe and let everyhting go
Imagine you are walking on water that's very shallow
Imagine breathing in crisp fresh air through your nose
Let the wind brush against your fingertips and face

I build my walls but you break them down
I put my hands up but you bring them down 
I push you away but you keep running back
Why? You don't deserve me, I'm a mess, i confess, I can't let you see this
It's not who I really am, you deserve better

Life is a tune, you want to hear a melody
Hit the right notes and you can get a beat going
Something that sounds all right
And you don't want to stop
But then you hit the wrong note
The melody doesn't sound so good
The more wrong notes you hit
The more you don't want to hear it