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84.3k · Sep 2018
If You Could Read My Mind
Blckstr Sep 2018
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.
Blckstr Apr 2018
One night, Depression knocks on my door
So I let it in, without knowing its identity.
I let it in, because I think it needs my help.
I let it in, and then it reveals its personality.
Depression…
Depression is an earthquake I don’t know when will come,
But when it appears, it creates havoc I don’t know where it comes from.
Depression is a rain of tears,
And when time passes by, it becomes storm and my great fear.
Depression is a sad and tragic movie
That makes my tears fall freely and rapidly.
Yes, it is a sad movie that makes me cry at night,
And I don’t know why I’m doing so, and I can’t understand this plight.
Depression is a brother of anxiety
Who can just knock me down easily.
Depression is a friend I want my mother to know
But she just says, “Let your stupidity go!”
Depression is the handcuffs locked on my wrist
That I don’t even know it still exists
Depression is the coffee that stops me to sleep at night.
Depression is the onion that can easily make me cry.
Depression is the voice ringing in my head.
Depression is the monster under my bed.
Depression…
Depression is a car in a parking lot,
And I’m the parking lot I don’t want to be at.
Depression is the ghost that haunts a house
Although, I’m the house I don’t want to live at.
Depression is a star that always stays in the sky
And, I’m the sky I don’t want to look at.
Depression is a silly child who asks me
“Are you tired of living?”
But I just answer with
“I’m tired of Dying!”
Because Depression kills me everyday.
Depression makes me feel I’m already dead.
It is a bullet that in my heart forever stays.
It is a vicious, painful word forever said.
Depression…
Depression is not a treasure from a chest.
Depression is not a kind guest.
So, when Depression knocks on your door,
Don’t open it, if you don’t want to have a deadly tour,
Because when Depression knocks on your door,
It wants to make you feel lonely until you don’t know why you’re lonely anymore.
Inspired by Sabrina Benaim's spoken word poetry "Explaining My Depression To My Mother" on Youtube.
3.5k · Feb 2018
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Blckstr Feb 2018
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Nagsimula ang lahat,
Sa ilalim ng kalawakang
Iyong pinagmamasdan.
Sumasayaw ang kinang
Ng mga tala sa kalangitan,
At tayo’y nasa damuhan
Nagkukwentuhan,
Nag-aasaran,
Naglilibang,
Habang ang amihan
Ay dumadampi sa ‘ting katawan.
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan,
Doon kita laging nasisilayan,
Habang ang ‘yong mga mata’y
Naglalakbay sa kalangitan
At ang aking mga mata’y
Naglalakbay sa kagandahan
Ng iyong mga matang
Kasingganda ng buwan…
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Ipinagtapat mo ang ‘yong nararamdaman.
Kamay mo’y aking hinawakan,
Yinakap kita at sinabing
“Huwag kang mag-alala.
Mamahalin ka rin niya.”
Kasabay ng luha sa ‘yong mata,
Pumatak din ang aking luha
Mahal kita, pero mahal mo siya,
At ‘di ko kayang makita
Na nasasaktan ka
Dahil sa kaniya.
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Luha mo’y aking pinunasan
Doon kita pinatahan,
Doon kita unang nayakap,
Doon ko unang naramdaman
Ang init ng alaapaap
Sa kamay **** aking nahawakan.
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Doon ko naramdaman
Ang ‘yong lungkot at saya,
Ngunit ‘di mo nadama
Ang aking pagsinta.
Sa Ilalim ng Buwan
Doon kita nakitang lumigaya
Sa saliw ng musika,
Sa kislap ng mga tala.
Doon ko nakita
Ang pinakamakinang
Na sinag ng ‘yong mata
At ang pinakamalawak
Na ngiti sa ‘yong mukha,
Habang hawak mo ang kaniyang kamay
Sa liwanag na alay
Ng romantikong buwan.
Sa ilalim ng Buwan
Doon ko napagmasdan
Kung pa’no mo siya halikan,
Kung pa’no ka magmahal,
Habang ako ay nasasaktan,
Umiiyak, at nawawalan
Ng pag-asang
Akin ding mararamdaman
Ang ‘yong pagmamahal.
Sa ilalim ng maliwanag na buwan,
Dumilim ang aking buhay.
Sa ilalim ng maliwanag na buwan,
Luha ko ang naging ulan.
Sa ilalim ng buwan,
Nag-abang ako ng bulalakaw
Upang humiling,
Hindi para ika’y maagaw
Mula sa kanyang piling,
Kundi para hilingin
Na ika’y kaniyang mahalin
Kagaya ng pagmamahal
Na aking nararamdaman
At itinago sa ilalim ng buwan…
Sa ilalim ng buwan
Tiniis ko ang sakit,
Ang bawat hinagpis.
Sa ilalim ng buwan
Nagsimula ang lahat.
Sabay nating pinagmasdan
Ang tanglaw ng kalangitan.
At sa ilalim ng buwan,
Tatapusin ko na ang lahat
Ng sakit na aking nararamdaman,
Pagmamasdan ang bituin at buwan,
Ang madilim na kalangitan,
Hanggang sa dumating
Ngayong gabi ang bulalakaw
Upang humiling
Na sana’y dumating para sa ‘kin
Ang pagsibol ng bagong araw.
#NagpapakamakataXD
2.4k · Sep 2017
ALAALA
Blckstr Sep 2017
Naaalala ko pa kung paano nagsimula ang ating tula...
Naaalala ko pa ang mga panahong pinapangarap lang kita.
Naaalala ko pa kung paano nagsimula ang ating pagkakaibigan na naging pag-iibigan.
Klaradong-klarado pa sa aking isipan kung paano tayo nagsimula.
Ngunit ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung paano ulit ako magsisimula at mag-uumpisa,
Ngayong hindi ko pa makalimutan ang bawat alaala
Na itinanim mo sa aking puso't isipan.

Alaala na lang ang lahat!

Oo, alaala na lang ang lahat!
Hindi ko na pwede pang ibalik pa ang bawat detalye ng ating pagmamahalan.
Hindi na natin pwede pang ayusin ang lamat ng nakaraan.
Hindi na pwedeng maging TAYO pang muli.
Sapagkat alaala na lang ang lahat.

Alaala na lang!

Pero malinaw pa sa'king isipan ang mga senaryo't pangyayaring ibinaon na ng panahon...
Ang bawat salitang binitawan mo sa aking bawat kahapon,
Ang bawat pangakong tinangay na ng bawat alon,
Ang bawat paglalakbay nating hindi mo na matunton,
Ang bawat pagdampi ng aking mga labi sa iyong noo,
Ang bawat yakap **** nagpapabagal sa'king bawat segundo.
Naaalala ko pa ang bawat alaalang nilikha ng ating mga puso.
At sa bawat araw, oras, at minuto
Na sumasagi sa aking isipan ang ginawa nating musika at ritmo,
Pumapatak ang aking mga luhang hindi nagsasawa sa pagtulo,
Sapagkat hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin aking pinipintuho.

Mahal, alaala na lang ang lahat!

Ngunit bakit gano'n pa rin kasakit?
Bakit sa puso ko'y pangalan mo pa rin ang nakaukit?
Bakit lasap na lasap ko pa rin ang tamis ng iyong halik,
Ang init ng pagmamahalang kailan ma'y hindi na pwedeng ibalik?
Bakit ikaw pa rin ang laman ng aking isipan?
Kung pwede ko lang gawin, kung kaya ko lang kalimutan,
Siguro'y matagal ko na ring nagawang ibaon ang bawat lumipas,
Katulad ng iyong pagmamahal na bigla na lang kumupas.
Sana'y kaya kong burahin ang bawat nagdaan,
Sana'y kaya kong pigilan ang aking nararamdaman,
Sana'y panaginip na lang ang lahat ng alaalang iyong iniwan.
Sana panaginip na lang...
Ngunit kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko mababagong ito ay ang reyalidad.
Isa kang panaginip, isang alaala.
Isa kang bangungot sa matamis kong nakaraan.
Isa kang trahedyang kayhirap pigilin.
Isa kang alaalang kayhirap limutin. Sana'y kaya kong baguhin ang aking memorya
Upang mawala ang sakit na aking nadarama.
Sana'y kaya kong pahiran ang aking mga luha
At ilibing sa'yong puso ang aking pagsinta,
Dahil hindi ko na kayang mabuhay pa sa'yong alaala...

Alaalang pinapatay ang aking naghihingalong puso,
Alaalang hindi ko alam kung saan patungo,
Alaalang nagpapagunaw sa aking mundo.
Sa oras na 'to malungkot kong masasabing

"Alaala na lang kita"

Ngunit umaasa akong balang araw, mabibigkas ko nang may ngiti sa aking labi at maihahampas ko sa iyong mukha, puso, mata, at tainga ang mga salitang

"Alaala na lang kita!"
Balintataw
1.8k · Sep 2017
You and I
Blckstr Sep 2017
You are the moon in my deepest night,
I’m just a shadow of your light
You are the color of my sight,
But I’m invisible to your eye.

I’m a droplet of your cloud,
You are the rainbow to my shroud
I’m a thunder to your ear,
You are the music I love to hear.

You are the stars, you’re my galaxy,
In your space, I’m a dead energy
You are the sky, you are my universe,
I’m a cluster of hollow matters.

You’re my “everything,” I’m just nothing,
I’m your fall, but you are my wings
You are the blood of my heart,
But in your heart, I have no part.

You are the rhythm of my word,
I’m just a lost line in your board
I’m a poet in my own lost fight
And you’re the poetry I write.
Y
1.4k · Oct 2018
Kill Me
Blckstr Oct 2018
Stop the beating of my heart.
End my life and let everything
Be forgotten like a fossil in an ocean.
Cease me from living.
Bar me from breathing.

**** me!
****** a thousand nails into my chest,
Slit my rasping throat, cut my trembling wrist
And let my blood drip on the floor
Until it forms a sea, enough
For my horrible childhood reminiscences
To drown and walk off the shore,
Where I am the fragments of sand,
Trying to create a stone
Just to be whole, firm, and strong.

**** me!
Pour a hundred-gallon of water into my mouth
And let my pain evade and flow out
Of my suffocated body.
Maybe then I can finally say
"I'm fine"
Without trying to extend
My hand above water
Or trying to breathe bit by bit
While my lungs load a river.

**** me!
Pull my eyes out, so I won't feel my tears anymore.
Slice my ears, so I won't hear myself again yowling in mourn.
Break my legs, so I can finally stop myself
From jumping on a deep water like a stupid whelp.
Hook my heart out of my chest.
Bludgeon my head to death.
Maybe then, I won't feel for once
Like I'm a canary underneath
The undertow of an ocean,
Wings ripped off and flight unfound.

**** me
Because I can hardly breathe.
I'm drowning in the thought of being sad
While losing the reason to feel so.
Every day, anxiety drags me to my bed,
But insomnia has this silly prank of hammering my head.
I try to ask anyone for help,
But whenever I see people in my surroundings
All I feel is like eternally drowning.
They make me feel like a terrestrial flower,
Trying to breathe underwater.

Every night, I write poems,
Not to **** boredom
But to **** something that kills me -
Ceaselessly.
Every letter I write on a paper
Feels like the water
Inside an aquarium where
I keep on suffering
And drowning forever.

I'm in the abyssal zone,
Too deep that even light can't penetrate.
Darkness engulfs me,
And light easily burns me
Take me from this depth.
Take me from this kind of death.
This depth makes me lose my breath.

**** me
Because living already feels like dying.
**** me
Not becase I'm tired of living,
But because I'm tired of dying!
**** me
Because it's suffocating.
It's asphyxiating me.
This darkness makes me
Hardly see
Myself.
It feels like I'm dying forever,
And I don't want to die anymore,
I'm drowning.
I can never reach the shore.
Save me!
1.0k · Feb 2019
Some Nights
Blckstr Feb 2019
Some nights are meant
for writing poetry;
for bleeding all the pain out;
for mending the emotional cuts;
for trying to make everything right;
for standing up with a fight
through scribbling all the breaking
words and phrases
my tongue held back
back then.
Some nights are meant
for stealing the stars
from the sky
one at a time
just to light my life up.
Some nights are meant
for dragging the best constellation
in the sky
to put it on my dried lips
so I can have a
brightest smile.
Some nights are meant
for burying all the mournful nights;
but every I-have-still-woken-up day
is seemingly meant
for digging all the pain inside.
888 · May 2019
Just a Typical Broken Story
Blckstr May 2019
Do you still remember
how we stepped into the pages of a book
and lost ourselves
amid the world of romanticized words?
I mean,
do you still remember the time
when we were writing our love story
between the spaces
of unbreakable compound words?

I mean,
do you still remember
the smell of the old books
we used to get addicted to
and how we fondly read them
on our favorite wooden bench
by the rusty, timeworn streetlamp?

I mean,
have you already forgotten
how it felt to turn to the next chapter
of an underrated novel
while our hands were interlocked
with the mysteries of never-ending heartbeats?

I mean,
I still remember
how we embraced the warmth
of "I love you's" and "I miss you's"
and how they slowly turned
into obsolete phrases
swimming away from your tongue.

I mean,
I still remember
the bittersweet aftertaste
of your kisses,
of your tender hugs,
of your love poems,
of our love story
you chose to burn to ash.

Darling, I still want you
to come back for me;
I mean,
I still want to continue
everything we have started –
the bouquet of rose-scented words
and the proses we once had read
and we had written
beneath the starlit ceiling
of ever-burning feelings.

Darling, I'm still terribly in love
with the heartache
I once had felt
while holding your hand;
I mean,
I'm still stuck
inside a love-spangled book
you have ended with tragedy.
I mean,
I should've just refused
to begin our story
when I still had the chance
to create a better one
with someone else –
with someone who's way better than you,
because now,
my heart is already tired enough
to write a new one
that can make me end
my broken love for you.
774 · Sep 2017
Her Lullaby: My Lullaby
Blckstr Sep 2017
She sang a lullaby
To help me sleep at night,
She sang a lullaby
To help me sleep so tight.

She played her dateless piano
With the rhythm in her hands
She played the tone of high and low,
I played with vague demands.

She sang a vivacious song
With a greatly tired voice,
She gave me beat when I felt alone
But I just gave her an eerie noise.

She sang a lullaby
And danced with my fearful night,
I sang a destructive sigh
And took away her light.

She sang a lullaby
But I just ignored her light,
She gave me light at home,
Yet I gave her the darkest sight.

She sang a lullaby
‘til the demise of her sound,
She sang with my cries
On this devouring ground.

She sang a lullaby
‘til her throat gave up
She kept on singing with might
But now I’ve seen her stop.

She has stopped the lullaby,
For her life is now gone;
And now I’ve seen her light,
But it’s fading with my dreadful town.

She’s now lying on the ground
And I can’t do anything but cry
I lost her melodious sound,
So I just sing her a lullaby.

She sang a lullaby
To help me sleep at night
Now, I sing her lullaby
To wake her up this night.
Blckstr Sep 2017
Ako ang bagong mamamayang
Magtatangkang makialam,
Makisabayan sa mayayamang
Sa pamumuno’y walang alam
Ang gagawa ng hakbang
Upang mabawi ang kabang
Ibinulsa ng mga mangmang,
Ipinakian sa bitukang
Ganid at halang.
“Ako ang Susunod na Presidente!”
Tatakbo rito sa landas
Na nawalan ng batas
Kung saan ang “patas”
Na salita ay butas.
At sa aking pagmasid
Sa kabataang sumisisid
Sa dagat ng hapis,
Sa ilog ng paglilitis,
Unti-unting luluha
Ang ulap sa’king mata
Habang ang mga hunghang
Ay bulag na sa kasamaan
At ang tanging kasiyahan
Ng ligaw na lipunan
Ay ang pagpapaulan
Ng bala sa karimlan.
Ang bawat baril,
Ang bawat buhay na kinitil
Ay katumbas ng kaunlaran
At bayad sa kapayapaan.
“Ako ang Susunod na Presidente”
Ako ang susunod na pinunong
Gagawa ng bagong talukbong
Na magsisilbing bubong
Sa bawat hapong pusong
Naghahanap ng katarungan
Sa loob ng kulungan –
Sa rehas ng kasinungalingan.
Ako ang Susunod na Presidenteng
Magsisilid ng liham sa sobreng
Iaabot sa langit
Upang ang bawat pait,
Ang bawat pighati
Sa lupa’y magapi.
“Ako ang Susunod na Presidente”
Ako ang susunod na pangulo
Na gagawa ng tuwid na landas,
Ang landas na tapat at totoo
Para sa bawat isipang kupas.
“Ako ang Susunod na Presidente”
Ang gagawa ng solusyon
Sa dilim ng ilusyon.
At sa aking pagbaba
Mula sa’king templong payapa,
Susulpot ang mga bagong buwaya,
At ang bawat alaala
Ng aking pag-unlad,
Ng Ating Pag-unlad
Ay lilimutan na lamang
Ng bawat kasalukyan.
Sa aking pagpapahinga,
Babalik ang bawat bala
Na nakakalat sa daan.
Ang kabataan,
Ang matatanda,
Ang buong lipunan
Ay muling magbubulag-bulagan.
Sa aking pag-alis
Mula sa pamumuno,
Mapagmamasdan ang kwitis
Ng mga bagong pinuno.
At sa kanilang pagtayo
Sa kanilang entablado,
Maririnig ko ang bawat salita
Na nakasulat dito sa pahina
Kasabay ng mga pangako
Ng sinungaling na puso.
“Ako ang Susunod na Presidente”
Ang bagong mamamayang
Iiyak para sa bayan,
Habang ang lipunan
Ay bulag sa’king salitaan,
Magududa sa’king tinta,
Magpaparatang ng kasalanang
Hindi ko ginawa
At kailanma’y ‘di maniniwala
Sa katapatan ng aking Salita.
Blckstr Jan 2018
Roses are red;
Violets are blue
But nothing is bluer
Than my heart without “You."

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
The tears I shed
Were because of you.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
My heart had bled
With a tragic hue.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
My love was sacred
And I gave it to you.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
And you just wasted
My love so true.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
Leaving me wrecked
Did not make you rue.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
All of our flowers
Lost its hue.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
My life is gone
And so are you.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
You are the sin
That I love to do.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
I can now see nothing
But the bluest blue.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
I hope I can find
The way back to you.

Roses are red;
Violets are blue
I hope I can see again
Your beautiful hue.

Because roses are red
And violets are blue
But nothing is bluer
Than my heart without “You.”
Lol
641 · May 2019
I Never Really Loved You
Blckstr May 2019
I only stayed with you
because I wanted to have someone
I could be with
along the road of emptiness
when everything was breaking apart
and my bruised heart
was craving for a scrumptious remedy.

Darling, I never really loved you!
I justed wanted to have someone
who would hold my hand
under the starless sky
as I held my scarred pen
and overly tattered papers;
Darling, I only stayed with you
for I needed a muse
that I could use
in writing poetry and proses;
and those comely roses
I had given you
were only meant for fragrance
that could make my words
attractive enough
to be read and heard;
and those kisses we shared
in the middle of the nights
were only meant for sweetening
the dull ink of my pen;
and those poems I gave you
were not really written for you –
I wrote them for myself.

Darling, I stayed with you
not because I loved you,
but because I just needed you.

Darling, I never really loved you –

I never really loved you
until I broke your heart;
I never really loved you
until I broke my own heart;

I never noticed that my heart
was actually beating for you
until you fell out of love from me;
I never knew that my life
would be incomplete
until you left me alone –

until you left this world;
until you finally met Death.

Darling, it's too late;
it was too late for me to realize
what I've been feeling towards you
Darling,
I've been falling in love with you –

I'm falling apart for you.
630 · Feb 2018
ALAALA II
Blckstr Feb 2018
Ipaalala mo sa ‘kin kung paano kita minahal,
At ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo kung paano mo ‘ko sinaktan.
Ipaalala mo sa ‘kin kung paano tayo nagsimula
At ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo kung pa’no mo ‘to tinapos na lang bigla.
Ipaalala mo sa akin kung paano kita pinasaya,
At ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo kung paano mo ‘ko pinaluha.
Ipaalala mo sa ‘kin kung paano ko pinakitang MAHAL KITA,
At ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo kung paano mo sinabing AYAW MO NA.
Mahal, naaalala mo pa ba ang lahat?
Sabihin mo sa ‘king limot mo na ang ating nakaraan,
At sasabihin ko sa ‘yong nasasaktan
Pa rin ako sa kasalukuyan.
Ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo kung pa’no ako kumapit
Sa ating relasyon,
At alalahanin mo kung pa’no ka bumitiw
Sa paglipas ng panahon.
Ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo ang ating mga pangako,
At alalahanin mo kung paano mo pinako ang mga ito.
Ipapaalala ko sa’yo kung paano ako lumaban
At alalahanin mo kung paano ka sumuko sa pagmamahal.
Ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo ang pagtanong kong
“Mahal mo pa ba ako?
At alalahanin mo ang sinagot ****
“Hindi ko alam, pero ayaw ko na.”
Mahal, bakit gano’n na lang kadali para sa ‘yo
Na limutin ang ating pinagsamahan
Mahal, kung babalik ka at sasabihing
Mahal mo pa ako,
Sasabihin ko sayong
“Mahal kita, pero ayaw ko na.”
Alalahanin mo ang iyong paglayo
At ipapaalala ko sa ‘yo ang sakit na naramdaman ko
Alalahanin mo kung pa’no mo kinalimutan
ang nakaraan
At sasabihin ko sa ‘yo kung pa’no ako pinapapatay
Ng kasalukuyan.
Alalahanin mo ang bawat salitang iyong binitiwan
At sasabihin ko sa ‘yong gusto ko nang bitawan ang nakaraan!
Hahahaassfghjkl
626 · Jul 2018
Love is Not a Poem
Blckstr Jul 2018
Love is not a piece of writing
that comes from a heart;
It is not a flowerful verse;
It is a flowerless vase
that holds no decoration,
no rhythmical motion,
no verbose potion;
Love is not a poem.
It does not bear a stanza
full of melodic metaphors
that attract the cores
of one’s eyes and ears,
because love has no rhymes
that make two heartbeats
sound as one.
It is an offbeat
kind of sound
like two metals
clanking with a hard,
earsplitting clang.
Love is not a poem.
It bears no hyperbolic
kind of feelings.
It is a catastrophic
kind of rain.
It bears no onomatopoeia
like a thump-thump–
beat of a heart.
It is just a thunder
with a destructive art.
Love is a storm.
Love is not a poem.
It has no alliteration
in a tiny tinkling tone.
It is not a poetic notion
in a simile or an oxymoron.
It is not a set of written words
which provide a colorful world.
Love is not a poem.
.
.
These were the things
I used to say before…
But then, you happened…
.
.
Love became a poem.
It turned into a free verse –
no patterned rhyme
no regular rhythm.
It just flowed
through a beautiful heartbeat
with an ineffable heartbeat.
Love turned to be the skeleton
of my poetry.
Love became the pedestal
of my words,
creating a series
of lines and stanzas
with touch
of fragrant language.
Love became a poem
because my poetry
turned to be you…
You are
my poem –
my love…
Love
is
a
Poem.
576 · Oct 2017
Transparent Heart
Blckstr Oct 2017
My love is conspicuous – visible
Yours is so fanciful and so subtle
Like a sun, you are shining so bright
Like a cloud, I am raining with plight.

You’re supposed to be my light
And I’m supposed to be your might,
But darkness is our clear sky
And you can’t see me nigh.

We’re supposed to be the lullaby
At sweet night as we vie
But your voice bid a farewell
And your love slept with a knell.

I’m supposed to be a mellow bell
And you’re supposed to be my well
But your love just sank without my sound
And just let me fall underground.

Visible pain can now be found
Subtle rest, with me, is bound
You’re opaque, my light can’t pass through
You’re obscure, and I’m a useless hue.

I can see your blue, you can’t see my blue
I’m in falling pain but you don’t have to rue
Your heart is bubbly with a sparkle
My Heart is Transparent like a popped bubble.
T
572 · Apr 2019
You're Still My Poetry
Blckstr Apr 2019
You ripped me apart
until the shards of my heart
lost their way
to be whole again.
For so long,
I’ve tried to fix myself
and normalize everything
while living
in a caricature of a broken love
and in a pad of shattered words,
but you know what,
my foolishness
still messes
and still misses your lies
and every ***** thing
that made me fall
in love with you .
My late night thoughts
still flood my head
with artworks
that portray your face,
and the paper
of my shattered poetry
still screams
the sound of your name
between the spaces
reserved for your return.
Maybe I’m stupid enough
to still wish
for you to find
your way back to me.
Maybe I’m dumb enough
to still want
to have a taste
of the storm
that once destroyed me.
I want to find
the self I lost
the moment
you found your way
away from me,
but my head
is still coming back
to the memories
that make me
lose myself
a little more.
I want to forget
every little thing
about us,
because these
little things hurt me the most.
I want to stop
writing you
countless poems;
but then again,
all my poems
are still named after you,
all my words
still long for you,
because darling,
you are still my poetry,
you are still my favorite kind of tragedy,
and I still can't get over you.
525 · Sep 2017
HAHAYAAN
Blckstr Sep 2017
Mahal kita, at saksi ang kalangitan sa aking nadarama
Mahal kita, kaya't 'di ko hahayaang pumatak ang iyong luha
Hindi ko hahayaang masaktan ka nang lubusan
Hindi ko hahayaang ikaw ay mahirapan
Hangad ko'y hindi ang aking kasiyahan
Hangad ko'y walang iba kundi ang 'yong kaligayahan
Ang ngiti sayong mukhang nakaaakit pagmasdan
Ang ngiti ng mga labi **** kaysarap halikan
Nais kong matupad ang iyong bawat kahilingan,
Ang iyong mga pangarap, ang iyong kasaganaan
Mahal kita, kaya't di ko hahayaang malugmok ka sa kalungkutan
Hindi ko hahayaang manakaw ang iyong kasiyahan
Hindi ko hahayaang ikaw ay hadlangan pa
Kaya mula ngayon, papakawalan na kita
Hahayaan kong maranasan mo ang saya
Hahayaan kong ikaw ay bumitaw na
Sa pagkakakapit sa pag-ibig nating dalawa
Dahil 'di ko hahayaaang ikaw ay masaktan pa.
Hahayaan na kitang humanap ng iba
At hahayaan ko ang sarili kong hanapin ang pag-asa.
Hahayaan na kitang talikuran ang ating kahapon
At hahayaan ko ang sarili kong danasin ang pighati ng panahon.
Hahayaan na kitang maranasan ang kalayaan
At hahayaan ko na lang na makulong ako sa kalungkutan.
Hahayaan na kitang magmahal ng iba
At hahayaan ko ang sarili kong mahalin kang mag-isa.
Dahil alam kong nagsawa ka na
Alam kong ang pag-ibig mo'y wala na
Alam kong wala na tayong pag-asa
At alam kong kailanma'y hindi ka na babalik pa
Kaya, hahayaan na kitang sumaya sa piling ng iba
At hahayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong lumuha mag-isa.
HAHA... Lol
Blckstr Apr 2019
You tasted like magic
of the music at a party,
a little like an addictive
champagne on a night
of ecstasy and dancing lights.
We danced to the rhythm
of our lost heartbeats
like a couple of strangers
soaring to the heights
of bliss and crazy starlights.
You were the rest and relief
after an exhausting week,
and I wrapped my arms around you
to feel some electrified sensation
that would soothe my body
on a cozy bed of unfamiliar sheets
or on a dancing floor of drunk souls.
The vibration of the midnight tune
crawled over our skins
as though the healing melody
touched our deep-rooted wounds.
It felt so nice,
I thought you could mend me.
I kissed you in the breadth
of pain and pleasure,
thinking that the confectionery
flowing from your lips
was an eternal satisfaction.
I kissed you in the middle
of darkness and disco *****,
in the middle of strange crowd
dancing in a room of broken bottles
and noisy harmony of heartbeats.
I kissed you like a Friday night,
and I found myself
on a Saturday dawn
in the middle of the road
having a hangover
from the music of your heart
and the bittersweet taste of your lips.

I kissed you like a beer.
I loved you like a stranger.
I lost you like a lover.
488 · Sep 2017
Broken Temple
Blckstr Sep 2017
I can see the people kneeling,
Learned prayers they are uttering
I can hear the hymns, the sacred songs
The shattered faith, the faith so wrong.

They kneel and close their very eyes
But cannot feel the warmth from highs,
Instead they see the darkest depth,
They choose to live the life of death.

They cannot see the elated hearts
But they can see the darkened marts
They cannot feel the prize of love
They choose to find the price of love.

I wander how they can breathe
In the air with a smile so blithe
Although it’s filled with lies,
Anger, envy, greed, havoc and cries.

I can see their blatant eyes
With a sight that vaguely flies
While the music of their psalm
Can’t hear the soul of the Father’s lamb.

The sound of their golden trumpets
Flies into the high firmaments
But the harmony turns into frets
The harmony turns into fragments.

They sing the praise of holiness
But their fight is an impious mess
The heads kiss the floor of faith
But their minds are darkness’ mate.

They listen to the words of enlightenment
But they verbally harm the other men
The guns… the bullets roam in the air
The infectious blood for them is fair.

They lost their lives, their hallowed lives
They release their hearts and hold their knives
They enter the abode of sacred light
But their hearts still reflect the shady night.

They broke their faith in their own temple
And forgot the sound of the righteous treble
They are strangers in their own realm
And I’m sorry, ‘cause I’m one of them.
458 · Sep 2017
Homonyms of Hearts
Blckstr Sep 2017
Tell me you won’t ever leave
And I will be dying to live,
Tell me you will stay right here
And my heartbeat you can hear.

Tell me you still love this site
And I will brighten my sight,
Tell me you can feel my beat;
I’ll revive every dead bit.

Tell me you still love me too;
I’ll be counting four, three, two;
The last one will be for you
If you still love our love’s hue.

Please tell me that our own hearts
Are still having the same arts.
Please tell me that our own beats
Still sound for the same heartbeats.
Blckstr Feb 2018
Nakangiti ang kaniyang mukha,
Hanggang langit ang tuwa,
Tumitingkad ang mga mata,
Na parang kumikinang na tala –
Kumikislap, walang pagkurap,
At lumilipad-lipad sa alapaap…
‘Yan ang nakikita,
‘Yan ang nakapinta
Sa kaniyang larawan…
Sa larawan lamang
Makulay ang kaniyang mundo;
Walang dilim; hindi malabo;
Walang problema; walang pagguho;
Walang sakit at hapdi sa puso…
Dahil dinadaya
Ng mapaglarong tinta
Na naglalaro sa mga mata,
Nilalaro ng kaniyang mukha…
Sa larawang buhay na buhay
Habang ang kaniyang sariling buhay
Ay namamatay, nahihimlay
Sa luha at lumbay.
Sa larawan lamang…
Sa larawan lamang mapagmamasdan
Ang ngiti niyang hanggang langit
Ang mata niyang walang pait
Ang buhay niyang walang sakit.
Sa larawan lamang makikita
Ang mga tala sa kaniyang mata
Ang mundo niyang maligaya.
Sa larawan lang siya
Nakakatawa
Natutuwa
(Dahil kailangan – kailangang magpanggap).
Sa larawan lang niya
Naipipinta ang kaniyang saya
Sa larawan lang niya
Nadadaya ang kaniyang mukha
Sa larawan lang siya nagmumukhang masaya
Pero, hanggang larawan na lang ba?
Lol
431 · Sep 2018
Not yet, Little Canary
Blckstr Sep 2018
Not yet, little canary!
The world is too dark for you;
Spread not your golden wings;
You’ll break them if you do.

Not yet, little canary!
Lay still on your hidden nest,
The hunters are still watching;
You must stay still and just rest.

Not yet, little canary!
Chirp not a single sound,
Sing not your frail heart out,
Your sole life will be shot down.

Danger is in the woods;
Stray not out of the woods;
Fly not, little canary!
Not yet, little canary!
429 · Oct 2017
Rest and Peace
Blckstr Oct 2017
I’m at rest but not in peace,
My heart stopped beating
For every broken piece
But my mind is still trembling.

I’m at rest but not in peace,
My heart is already dead
My soul is lost in torment’s kiss
Your memory’s still in my head.

I’m at rest but in peace,
My heart cannot even move
My heart rests in deceased lease
But my mind is in chaotic groove.

I’m at rest but not in peace,
For you’re still stuck in my head
My heart feels numb and distressed
But I can’t forget the words you’ve said.

My heart’s at rest, my mind is not
I’m at rest but not in peace
I want to escape this confusing knot
I want to rest and live with peace.
R
Blckstr Feb 2019
I –
I am a demon perishing
from fire to fire,
with maggots crawling
over my scorching skin,
thorns ****** into my heart,
horns ****** into my head,
born to bring chaos
a forsaken soul in the underworld,
forbidden to feel Love –
yet my heart fell for you.

You –  
You are made of halo
and sanctified wings –
a creature molded with purity
a creature with precious beauty.
You are a special creation
in this complicated cosmos;
and if there’s more special
about you,
it’s the fate that you
fell in love with a demon like me.

We –
We are the bittersweet
flavor of ice and fire,
ultimately contrasting,
heavenly and hellishly
forbidden to be with each other.
Whenever our lips conspire,
everything is falling apart.
The heaven and hell
roar between us
as we stay together.
Maybe we’re not meant
for each other.

We are torn between
loving each other
and dissociating
with each other.
You rip your wings apart,
throw your halo away,
and discard everything you have
just to be with me.
But I choose to walk away
and dive into the deepest hell
because I know,
Love won’t do anything good
for the both of us.

I love you
and you love me,
but maybe –
just because we love each other
doesn’t mean we’re meant to be.
Inspired by Avril Lavigne's "I Fell in Love with the Devil"
397 · Oct 2017
Ctrl+Z
Blckstr Oct 2017
I wish I could go back in time,
Delete our broken rhymes,
And change the fatal fate of mine.

I wish I could nullify
The havoc in my mind
And my heart’s heavy sigh.

I wish I could erase
The time for our break-up
And our love’s sudden stop.

I wish I could change
Everything we’ve done
So that your love might not have gone.

I want to undo the parts
We’ve input to our hearts
So we could make a new art.

I want to redo the things
That I felt when my wings
Were still on our promised rings.

I want to Undo the bitter ending,
And redo our sweet beginning;
I want you to be mine again.

I can’t undo the break
I can’t escape my fate
It’s already too late…

Well, I guess it’s time
For me to accept
that…


"Just because we loved each other
Doesn’t mean we’re meant to be."





*We can’t make the wrong right.
We can’t undo the past light.
C
396 · Jan 25
Heaven is Closed Tonight
Blckstr Jan 25
Lucy, cut the rope for a moment
the ceiling is not too strong
to lift the weight of your angst;
Lucy, open the timeworn window
because heaven is closed tonight;
take a look outside, Lucy,
stars are dancing in the sky;
take a look outside, Lucy,
the dusk is waving you goodbye.


The bullet is running away this time,
so put the gun down, Lucy;
the floor is not yet ready
to taste the sad trace of your blood;
walk out of your hell, Lucy,
the rain has stopped burning outside;
don’t try to walk in, Lucy,
because heaven is closed tonight.


Lucy, close your weary eyes;
darkness is too blinding
that it makes you want to kiss the fire
when your sharp tears
rip your soft heart out;
don’t be deceived, Lucy,
by the shadows climbing up the walls,
don’t try to come undone, Lucy,
there’s an angel waiting for your call.


Put the knife down, Lucy,
throw the evil pills away;
step out of your room Lucy,
the light is knocking at your gate;
hold on to the rope for a moment
this is just a single nightmare,
step out of the golden stairs,
do not climb up yet this time;
do not walk in yet, Lucy,
heaven is still closed tonight.
380 · Jul 2018
If I Were To Die Tonight
Blckstr Jul 2018
If I were to die tonight,
Burn the poems I gave you,
Throw my letters away,
And think of my love as a game
You don't ever want to play.
If I were to die tonight,
Let the flowers
In my poetry wither
And never bloom again
Like my dead forgotten name.
If I were to die tonight,
Leave the metaphors
I carved on my papers -
The shallow containers
Of my submerging words.
Never read again
The personification
Of my syllabication
That dances
As nuisances.
If I were to die tonight,
Forget the words I said
Delete the messages I sent
And let your smile erase
All the memories we've made
If I were to die tonight,
Forget that you've met a writer
Who loved you who you were
In his dying poetry.
If I were to die tonight,
Please... just please don't cry;
Don't let a tear fall from your eyes;
Instead, sleep so tight.
So if I would die tonight,
Please try and try to smile
And forget about me
'Cause I know it would make you lonely.
Before I die tonight,
Forget about me,
'Cause I don't want
You to cry and cry
Because of our memories.
379 · Oct 2017
I'm a Murderer
Blckstr Oct 2017
With this dagger in my hand,
I killed an innocent man.
I took away the life, the world, and everything
From this one lonely being.
Because I’m a malefactor,
A villain, an evil, an exterminator,
I made him suffer from a delicate pain,
A suffering worse than death so plain.
Well, indeed, I’m an evil without pity
But I just helped him to escape the reality.
I healed his pain with this one great pain.
But of course he should have been slain.
A malicious laugh roamed inside this room,
While I was slicing his beautiful ears,
I never did want him to dolefully hear
The tragic music in his surroundings,
So I just annihilated his sense of hearing.
I’m a very sympathetic evil.
I always think about my victim.
The world is not a world anymore,
The beautiful scenes from the folklores,
The comely vision of reality
That were once in this home of humanity
Were now gone, like my benevolent heart.
So, for this man to see a wonderful art,
For him not to see the falling earth,
I took away the eyes he has been holding since birth.
I’m a killer, a compassionate killer
I’m a destroyer, a munificent destroyer,
I was slaying an entity, but I couldn’t hear a complain.
Maybe this man was relishing my artistic way of killing.
I couldn’t hear him cry, no sounds, no voice,
But the heart still beat with a noise.
So, I just seized the moment of bliss,
With my hand, I held a beautiful killing piece,
A sharp artistic instrument of death,
And with this piece, I made an aesthetic set,
Canvas was his body, and this piece was my brush.
Blood was my paint; I didn’t need to rush.
I passionately made a set of lines
All over his body of perfect strokes and styles.
And as finale of my art, I aimed for his heart,
It was my board and dagger was my dart.
My eyes sparked for my masterpiece,
A masterpiece like a sweet divine kiss.
I’m a murderer. Indeed, I’m a murderer!
But as I’ve heard the last beat of my victim,
I also heard an ending beat of my heart’s hymn.
I could hear nothing, and I could see darkness.
The dagger I used now tells me I’m a mess.
I’m a murderer, I’m a victim of myself.
This is my art – silence in my shelf.
379 · Jan 2018
Little Blue Eyes
Blckstr Jan 2018
Little Blue Eyes
On a wall of reflection
Such spheres of perfection
Create colorful fiction.

Little Blue Eyes
You give sight to my life
You bewitch me with your light
And, with dark, create strife.

Little Blue Eyes
By your hue, I am enticed
Such iris reflects skies
Wherein sea of clearness lies.

Little Blue Eyes
Portray sparkling stars
Create rainbow in the night
You open the morning bars.

Little Blue Eyes
Stay with me all the time
Please keep the evening rhyme
And the morning’s shine.

Little Blue Eyes
Don’t go, don’t ever leave me,
For I’ll be lonely when you flee
And my world will be empty.

Little Blue Eyes
Sing with me; dance with me
I’ll make you smile like a baby
Just don’t leave me in this reality.

Little Blue Eyes
Don’t take away my light
Stay always by my side
‘Cause you’re my only sight.

Little Blue Eyes
Now, you’re making me cry
You’re making my world dry
You’re giving me lonely sigh.

Little by little, I’m losing my way
Little by little, you’re fading away
And little by little, I’m losing my sight
‘Cause you’re blinking away, Little Blue Eyes.
375 · Sep 2017
Can You Hear My Love?
Blckstr Sep 2017
Can you hear the voice
Of the rustling wind
That plays with the toys
Of the dark night’s grin?

Can you hear the hoarse
Of the floating wave
At the cosmic shores
At the broken grave?

Can you hear the cry,
Sobbing, and weeping,
The yelling of sigh,
The tears of mourning?

Can you hear the sound
Of the twilight’s light
And the darkened mound
Of the howling blight?

Can you hear the tune,
The musical blues,
The tone’s plenilune
For the fading hues?

Can you hear my beat,
My one dead heartbeat?
Can you hear my love?
I can’t hear your love.
You can't. You don't. You're deaf.
I can. I do. Yet... I'm deaf.
369 · Jul 2018
I Met Someone Like You
Blckstr Jul 2018
One night, as I gazed
The stars above,
I met a girl
And she looks like you, my love.
She talks like you.
She laughs like you.
She smiles like you.
Her eyes glitter like yours.
She has this kind of force
That makes my time stop -
That makes me fall
The way I fell for you.

I met a girl, my love
And because of her,
I remembered everything -
Everything about us
In the past.
I remembered
How you held my hand -
How I kissed you -
How we watched the sun
Fall...
Like we did -
'Like I did'

I met someone like you,
My love.
Her words are also filled
With flowers' fields -
With butterflies -
With stars in the night.
Her words are as colorful
As yours.
They're beautiful
To hear.
She's beautiful
Like you, my dear.

I met someone like you,
My love.
She dances like you.
She goes with the music
Of the mellifluous wind.
She sings and speaks
The way your lips
And voice create
A honey-flavored trip
In my tickled ears -
Iniside my head -
Inside my heart -
A romantic art.

I met someone like you,
My dear.
I found someone like you.
I met her.
I found her
While my heart
Was crying,
Breaking,
Shattering,
And losing
A billion beats
Because of the memories
You left with me.

I met someone like you.
She looks like you.
She smiles like you.
She talks like you.
And even though
She never hurts me
The way you did,
My heart still beats
And beats
And beats for you.
And it still hurts me.
You still break me.
Though you've already left me.

I met someone like you.
I have a choice to fall for her
But my heart still chooses
To fall for you.
369 · Jul 2018
You’re Unfair
Blckstr Jul 2018
You’re unfair
Because you left me
For you to be happy
While I was drowned
In melancholy
And beautiful
Yet tragic memories
Left mournfully
In my mind.
You’re unfair
Because you
Can sleep tight
And rest at night
While I feel uneasy
With the beat
Of my heart.
You’re unfair
Because you
Don’t feel
How much
It hurts
To be left
By someone
You badly want
To stay
Until the end.
You’re unfair
Because you
Won’t feel
The sorrow
I’ve been feeling
Right now.
You’re unfair
Because you’re
Just lying
Peacefully at rest
While my heart
Is breaking
Every day
I cry
In your graveyard,
And since the day
You had ended
Your life.
364 · Oct 2017
Broken Ring
Blckstr Oct 2017
Have you forgotten our love back then?
Have you forgotten that my ring finger’s for you?
But now that you’re just my heart’s pain,
This ring finger has no already use.

I’m lost in the mark of my questions
I’m lost in the bivouac of solitude
As lost as the broken heart of mine
Lost like a worthless rambling feud.

The intertwining love of past
Had traveled in the moon of dusk
The beat which states a love to last
Now gives an infinite blurred mask.

Do you remember how you held my hand?
Do you remember our passionate kisses?
Do you remember our love story
That was carved in the ring of bliss?

We were flying with a halo of love
We were living in the sphere of affection
We were once a streak of gold
In a purest heart of passion.

We were once a perfect light
From a firm diamond of love
But now I can’t see a flash of heart
In my own sight’s crystal dove.

My world has stopped revolving
Since I lost my source of drive
My heart has stopped beating
I can’t tell myself I’m still alive.

Your promise, our promises,
Your vow, our vow of love,
Everything about us was gone
So I just let our Broken Ring shine above.
360 · Apr 2018
Sorry, I Can't Wait For You
Blckstr Apr 2018
Sorry, because I’m giving up.
Sorry, for I’ll already stop.
I know, we’ve been waiting
For too long.
But now, you better start finding
For new man.
It’s not because I’m tired of this love,
But because love’s already tired of me.
It’s not because I’ve found a new love,
But because my own love can’t find me.
Maybe it’s because of the people around me,
Or maybe because of the misery inside me.
I know you’ve been waiting
For our future wedding.
But, sorry I can never wait,
So we have to separate.
Sorry, I’ve tried to wait for you,
But my mind is invaded by tragic hue
Sorry, because I’ll already stop.
Sorry, because I’m giving up…
I’m giving up –
I’m not giving up on this love,
But I’m giving up on my life.
So, sorry, I can’t wait for you,
For I will end my life tonight
360 · Sep 2017
Eccentric Clock
Blckstr Sep 2017
It was an eccentric clock
On the wall of a stable block,
Holding a pair of hands
With a speed of unknown brand.

It was an eccentric clock,
A cryptic piece of lock
When a light hit its glass
Change has seen from its class.

I touched such eccentric clock
To explore its eccentric hock
But in a glimpse of a sight,
Time had passed faster than light.

I removed my hand from the clock,
And its hands stopped like a rock
But time was still passing by
And enigma’s hour still made a flight.

I touched the clock for the second time
With a minute sigh in my rhyme,
Those hands of clock still were still,
Then, my eyesight had lost its will.

I closed my eyes and felt the darkness,
But my heart became so lifeless
I opened my eyes and devoured the light,
Then I lost my day and night.

I stepped towards the steady wall
And looked at the clock’s glass’ call
I’ve seen my heart’s reflected beat
The eccentric clock ran for a bit.
Man is the ruler of his time.
354 · Jul 2018
I Envy the Moon Above
Blckstr Jul 2018
I envy the moon above;
He doesn’t live in this world
And experience
How spiteful words
Make a heart
Die in silence.
I envy the moon so much,
For he doesn’t cry at night
While looking at the sky
And losing a trace of light.
He’s just lying up above,
But he catches a rain of love.
He captures people’s eyes
Despite of the thousand stars
Shining so bright
In the night.
I envy the moon above,
Because the cloud
Embraces him
And serves as his shroud
When cold tears
Pour like beers.
The sun supports
Him to shine,
Regardless of his dark spots
And keen, murky signs.
I envy the moon at night;
Though sometimes he may be wry,
He can still defy the dark sky;.
He can withstand the doughty dusk
And roll like a gleaming husk.
I envy the moon so much,
But sometimes, I wonder…
“Does the moon envy me, too,
Because no matter
How plenty the stars are,
In the sky, next to him,
He still seems to be alone –
A misfit and an odd stone?”
352 · Jan 2018
Fun
Blckstr Jan 2018
Fun
It’s funny how I try to laugh
When I really want to cry
It’s funny how I try to stop
But my feelings never die
It’s funny that I’m still not fine
Though I know you won’t be mine…
Again.
It’s funny; you’ve already left,
But I still can’t do what’s right
It’s funny; you’ve committed theft
I let you steal my life
And it’s funny, I gave all my love
And now I can never have…
Your heart.
It’s funny how I try to smile
When I’m tired of my own lies
It’s funny when I say I’m fine
With a tone of million cries
It’s funny; no one knows the thing
That I’m crushing and shattering…
Inside.
It’s funny ‘cause I’m not too strong
To let go and just move on
It’s funny; my life’s not too long
For me to wait and hold on
And it’s funny ‘cause I’m too weak
For you to beat and break…
My heart.
It’s funny how I love this sight
Of hurting myself so much
It’s funny how I try to fight
In this love’s dreadful match
And it’s funny ‘cause I’m giving up
But I never want to stop…
My love.
It’s too lovely; it’s too funny
That I still cannot be happy
It’s too crazy; it’s too silly
I’m too lucky with this destiny
I'm still breaking and I'm sorry
'Cause I know it's not really
Funny.
348 · Oct 2019
A Sin Made of Love
Blckstr Oct 2019
You taught me how to fall in love
with a seraph riding a lightning
made of heaven’s wrath;
the first time you touched my heart,
my innocence was crushed
as though the cherubim
plucked the forbidden fruit
and made me eat it
in the garden of pleasure –
it tasted like love,
the same one that wafted with
the smoke of your cigarette
when our tongues intertwined
inside a wretched shrine;

honey, you made me fall in love
with the bittersweet sin
and inescapable pit of pain;
you locked me up
in a dungeon
you built out of heartbeats
and sordid lies,
and I was so naïve
to embrace the flaming bars
when they were still open;
instead of leaving,
I let you chain me
with your ferocity,
I let you ravage my heart
in a lake of fire and brimstone
just to keep the hymn
of our bodies
echoing with the sound
of the seventh trumpet,
I let you drown me
in the blood of my own;
you stole my devotion
and fooled me
that the wounds you put on my skin
were a sacrificial lamb
for keeping the fire
of our love burning on,
but every time the blade
dug deeper in my body,
it just hurt
and hurt
and hurt
without feeling
the slightest touch of your love;
maybe you never even had it
in the first place;
maybe I shouldn't have let the beast
grow darker behind the light,
maybe I shouldn't have let the serpent
bite my heart
for an elated judgment;

honey, I crawled out of Eden
just to kiss you under the morning star;
had I known we’d just come undone,
I wouldn’t have let my wings
touch the fire
just to fly with you
beyond the seventh heaven.
341 · Feb 2019
Distant World
Blckstr Feb 2019
I wonder what
you’re thinking about
right now.
Maybe you’re traveling
over a book
while watching the sun set
upon the horizon,
or maybe you’re writing
a new tragic story
there by the auburn sea
while waiting for the moon
to rise up.
This distance that separates us
breaks me into pieces –
like the sand that slips
into the spaces
of my fingers –
I’m losing every
part of me.
I wish you were here with me
to join me waiting
for the stars to come out
one after another,
but no –
we’re beyond miles apart.
Maybe by now,
you’re reading a love story
while holding the hands
of your lover,
maybe you’re watching
the sunset
at the shore together,
because I know,
you loved the reflection of the sun
between 5 and 6 PM
on the warm water of the sea.
You loved the soothing breeze
in the breadth of
late afternoon
and early night.
You loved everything about the sea,
and I’m drowning in the thought
of you without here beside me.
I wish I were there with you.
I wish I could drag you into my world.
I wish I could drag your world into mine.
But I know, some wishes
would not easily be granted
even by the brightest stars
in the darkest sky.
I wish we would still meet again,
maybe not soon,
maybe after forever –
when distance
won’t matter
anymore.
I know you’re resting
on your paradise,
and unluckily
I’m grieving in this hell
they call “graveyard” –
the cradle of your bones.

I’m wishing not upon the stars,
but upon the pieces of warm sand
on your grayish seashore.
Please, let our souls
intertwine even just
for once –
perhaps not now,
perhaps not soon –
maybe,
after forever.
340 · Sep 2017
Fallen Sword
Blckstr Sep 2017
I’ve had fought for too long
But I’m not that too strong
I’ve conquered too much pain
But I couldn’t clean our stain.

I’ve been a dumb warrior
But I couldn’t be a victor
In this game we called “love”
In this tragic game we have.

I still want to fight for you
But you’ve given up with blue
I am still willing to fight
But my heart lost its might.

Tears are running down my shield
Blood is flooding in my field
My armor’s breaking and collapsing
As my heart is slowly shattering.

I can feel the defeat inside me
I’m devastating physically,
Mentally and emotionally,
Just because of your memory.

The spears and arrows of yours
Are passing through my heart’s doors
Maybe this is the last time
I should love your very kingdom.

I’m tired, I’m swiftly dying,
I’m failing, I’m greatly falling,
If standing up will result to nothing,
I’ll just let myself lose in fighting.

Maybe it’s time for me to stop
I won’t ever pick my sword up
Since my hand is already tired
And our love runs out of fire.

There’s no use to hold my sword
When I’ll just bleed in this tragic cord
The sharpness of our love
Might just **** a breaking dove.

Your sword stabs my heart
And my sword’s breaking apart
My sword is falling with a failed art
Like my heart in this awful chart.

I’m giving up, I’ll stop this fight
I’ll set you free from this game of plight
Because my one love’s Fallen Sword
Can never lift up our broken words.
323 · Sep 2017
It's Hard To Say Goodbye
Blckstr Sep 2017
Falling in love is a an easy process
Breaking a heart is much easier
Saying “I love you” may be hard to do
But bidding a farewell is much harder.

It’s far easier to say “I’m fine”
Than to cry in front of your love
It’s much easier to laugh and smile
Than to explain the reason why you’re sad.

It’s not easy to hide the truth,
It’s not easy to take the pain inside,
It’s not easy to feel like you’ll lose,
It’s not easy to take a dreadful ride.

No one likes to be hurt repeatedly
No one likes to feel always lonely
No one likes be left alone awfully
No one likes to say goodbye painfully.

I know you’ll be happy when you’re not mine
I know you want to be free from my heart
I’m not the one who can give you lifeline
So, I’ll bid farewell, though it breaks me apart.

Farewell to you my love, and please be safe
I’ll let you free while I’m crying inside
I’ll let you leave me with a smile
Even if It’s Hard to Say Goodbye.
318 · Oct 2017
My Beautiful Sun
Blckstr Oct 2017
You were the sun who gave shine to my life
You were the light in my darkest season
You gave me reason to widely smile
Just like a brilliant celestial icon.

Indeed, you were the sun to my eye
Your beautiful rays had infected my sight
You heated up my frozen life
But such heat had burnt my tranquil site.

You’re supposed to lighten my heavy sigh
But you just always leave me when I cry
You’re not there when my saddened rain falls
You’re not by my side when my heart calls.

You’re just always present at a clear day
And you always forget to extend your ray
When teardrops fall from a starry cloud
When the winds carry a knell so loud.

Your absence is always present
When my heart is in a gambling state
The beautiful cite you had once sent
Now torments my melancholic fate.

I know, your presence is just for show
Thus, I don’t want to feel you anymore
The flame of my heart, I want to blow
I want to lock myself up in a dead core.

I’ll blind my eyes, I’ll throw my sight
Just to be oblivious of your shining light
I’ll end my very life this very time
‘Cause I’m giving up on your lustrous chime.

I cannot take the pain any longer
Next time that you will rise, my beautiful sun,
I’ll bar my light and set a farewell
Goodbye, I’ll end my day with a woeful dun.
M
307 · Sep 2017
I'm Not Going to Love Again
Blckstr Sep 2017
My heart broke into pieces because of you
My life lost its light when I found your hue
After falling into throbbing love’s pain
I’ve promised that I’m not going to love again

Love has always been so hard to me
Life has always been lived painfully,
My heart has been tired of loving,
That’s why I’m going to stop this feeling.

It feels hard to love an inconsistent one,
It feels so hard to still hold on like a man
With a weakening heart and a frozen soul,
Thus, I tell myself “Loving is not my role.”

I’m Not Going to Love Again –
These are the words I carved in my brain,
But every time I see you at any queue
I can’t help myself loving you.

It feels so hard to be fallen for you,
But it’s much harder to still fall for you
Knowing the fact that you won’t be mine again
And loving me can’t be reached by your ken.

I’m Not Going to Love Again –
The greatest lie in my memories’ glen
Because no matter how I try to stop my heart,
I’m still falling in love with your art.

I’m Not Going to Love Again –
Indeed, I’ve not fallen for anyone or a friend
But I can’t deny that my own heart
Repeatedly loves your painful chart.

I hope someday, I can stop myself
From loving and hurting in my own shelf
I hope someday I won’t ever lie when saying
“I’m Not Going to Love Again.”
305 · Sep 2017
Heedless Love
Blckstr Sep 2017
Your heart was drug of mine
My heart, for you, was a wine
We were so drunk and high
We were enthralled by the sky.

Your blood ran through my veins
My love was your heart’s grains
But our love produced a rain
Of very addictive pain.

The smoke of our limerence
Went down the grey fence,
While the light of our wine
Devoured the dark mine.

Our hearts beat so fast
With a tranquilizing rust
We thought that love was love
But now it’s the wound we have.

We let the pain of pleasure
Flow with a risky pressure
Knowing that our hands
Did not fit to create a bond.

We smiled, laughed, and rejoiced
But now we burn as a choice
We were lifting each other up
But our souls fell down without stop.

We drank too much poison
We thought it was love potion
You were numb; I was careless
We were senseless; we were restless.

We fell in love, we fell apart
We’re now missing our broken parts
Because we were thoughtless
Of this sole Love so Heedless.
H
301 · Feb 2019
Bones under My Bed
Blckstr Feb 2019
When I was young,
I used to believe
that there were
creepy monsters
under my bed,
but as years went by,
those monsters
turned out to be
a bundle of rotten bones,
the remnants of broken
dreams that were buried
in the graveyard
of my memories.

When I was young,
I used to shroud
myself with a blanket
just to hide from
the monsters
that scared me every night,
but by and by,
that blanket turned
into a shabby casket,
my pillow turned
into a headstone,
and my silent cries
an epitaph
of a horrible tone
that once surrounded
my unsound life.

When I was young,
my bed used to be
an occasional sanctuary
of my shuddering body,
but when ages
slithered through my skin,
it has become
a perpetual churchyard
of my own corpse.
And this morning,
I was woken
by the stench
of my barbed bones –
a skeleton
of my own melancholy,
the scars of my past
that made me
a stowaway
in a tricky journey
of a dead future.

This morning,
I was woken
by the nostalgic air
crawling over my body.
The remains of my existence
are lying on the floor,
drowning in my blood –
smelled like a trace
of the memoir
I have failed to dig out
of the depth of time.

This morning,
I was woken
by the rotten
and barbed bones
I seemingly own.
I’m trying to revive
the remnants
under my bed,
just so I could escape
the cage I, myself, have built,
just so I could obliterate
the scars that made me wilt,
just so I could forget
that I have hurt myself so hard
just to ease the pain inside.
But maybe,
the remnant
will forever be
a remnant.
What’s under my bed
will no longer wake
from the graveyard of death.
289 · Sep 2017
Syzygy of Hearts
Blckstr Sep 2017
Like a moon and a sun at darkened space,
We were shining with great luminescence,
A sweet epoch for our aligned solace
Had happened with a cosmic limerence.

It was a transited love for the two of us,
An ineffable love that’s promised to last
Like a comely stars’ constellated class,
Attached with heaven’s genuine blast.

Gravity of the doughty firmament
Opposed our shining lights’ keen blend,
But our worlds defied the revolving cent
Of the nature’s primordial trend.

It was an iridescent light of love
We created when our own spheres met
Like a supernova in a kiss of dove…
But our times are not linked kismet.

Like a sun and a moon, we just passed by
Our transited hearts were just ephemeral
We’ve met in just a rise of moonlight
But never did stay at zenith’s portal.

Like a sun and a moon, we are not destined
To be with each other at infinite line,
Our converged worlds are celestial fiend
Our promised world is a nefarious sign.

Now that the light of our serendipity
Is totally faded and lost in the space,
My time stopped in the obscurity,
My orbit was defenestrated beyond trace

The plenilune of our broken parts
Forever will be wry at galactic den,
For the Syzygy of our cosmic Hearts
Is now completely forgotten.
S
288 · Sep 2017
Love Myself
Blckstr Sep 2017
I was so busy taking care of you,
I forgot to care about myself
I tried my best for you to stay,
But I was still left alone in the shelf.

I was thinking ‘bout your happiness,
While myself suffered from loneliness
I’ve always tried to make you smile,
While I couldn’t validate mine.

I wiped your tears and ceased your pain,
While my eyes were drowning on rain
I held your hand as tightly as I could,
But you still let go for your own good.

You uttered “I love you” without love
You made a promise without a heart
You stabbed the fragile heart I have
I was already broken from the start.

I was so busy fixing your heart,
While mine was already breaking apart
I was so busy loving you
I forgot to Love Myself anew.
284 · Jul 2018
This is Not Written For You
Blckstr Jul 2018
I'm still breaking,
I'm still crying,
Every single night.
My heart's burning
And I'm still writing;
But this time,
My words are not
Written for you.
This poem is not about
How I fell in love with you,
How the butterflies fly in my stomach,
How the amorous views
In the sky of black
Invade our hearts in the night
While you're holding me so tight.
This poem is not about
How my heart shattered
When you left me,
How I faltered
When you handed me misery,
And how my hands bled
When I started
Writing poems about you,
Writing poems about us.
This poem is written
Not because I'm still waiting
For you to come back.
This poem is written
Not because I'm still trying
To reverse the flow of clock.
This poem is not written for you!
Yes, I'm still breaking,
I'm still crying
Every single night.
My heart's still burning,
But this time,
I'm not writing for you.
This poem is not written for you
This poem is written for myself.
This is written to convince myself
That you will never love me... again.
This time, I'm not writing poems for you;
I'm writing for myself!
279 · Sep 2017
Bring Me Back to Hell
Blckstr Sep 2017
Bring me back to fiery,
Burning rocks of glee
And hold my very hand
In a comely filthy land.

Bring me back to dark,
Solaced lascivious park
And give me a devilish
Kiss that I’ll relish.

Bring me back to greedy
Home of sensuality
Where touching each other’s body
Is the only food of psyche.

Bring me back to you
Bring me back to dim hue
Bring me back to forbidden well
Please, Bring Me Back to Hell.
B
269 · Jan 2019
Broken Reminiscences
Blckstr Jan 2019
Here's to hoping that someday,
looking back at the past
will no longer feel
like an aftertaste of a nightmare,
and wishing upon a star
will no longer feel
like stumbling upon my fear.
Someday, I won't see you anymore
from the old books
that tell our broken story,
and my longing poetry
will no longer bleed
out of the memories
we made
from the currents of the seas;
from the sound of the zephyr
as we drank and got wasted
on a starlit rooftop;
from the backseat
of my nostalgic car;
or from the heartbeat
and broken "I love you's"
that molded our scars.
Someday, I will no longer
cry with some bottles of gin
just to try healing
the wounds I got
from failing to win
the battles of our love.
Someday, Paramore's songs
will no longer sound
like you're still the only exception,
like you're sill the one
who wants to fool with me,
like you're still the one
who wants to hear my sad songs
and wants to feel my pain.
Darling, someday,
I'll be able to find happiness
from the memories
that broke our hearts.
I'll be able to see an art
from reminiscing
about the saddest part
of our past.
Darling, someday,
all these memories
will no longer pull
the tears from my eyes,
but rather push my lips to smile.
Someday...
and I hope that day will still come.
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