Remembering him after losing him, is like losing him all over again.

A new smile blossomed in her life, turning all the pain into ashes.

For the first time, it wasn't a thought, but a decision, my last decision.

Your heartbreak will never **** you.
It will slowly overpower you,
making you vulnerable and unguarded,
making your eyes drop to bed sheet,
Making you feel a pain more than a human body could bear.
It will consume you till your last being.
Sometimes it will hit you like a bullet,
piercing your heart right through.
But no, it will never **** you.
And one day you'll find yourself,
Lying on the floor gasping for air.
You will feel like you're dying,
But the truth is you're not.
No one has ever died of a heartbreak.

The day i looked at you,
I found love in you.
The day you looked at me,
You found love too,
Not in me, but in my eyes,
Growing for you.

The day i knew i love you,
I wanted to love you more and more.
I wanted to love you, forever.
Forever not only means till my last breath,
But till the very last breath on this planet.
I wanted to love you,
Here, walking by your side, holding your hands.
And everywhere, even from a distance, watching you grow in love and life.
I wanted to love you, in truths and lies.

We all have been there. Don't we?
Addicted to something that leaves us for no good.
And maybe we are all guilt ridden of some chapters we don't read out loud.
When everything hurts, every **** thing.

When you were nervous to walk out, afraid to suffer,
reluctant to meet new people.
When you try to pull with one hand,
but are forced to push with the other.
We all have been there, don't we?

When you were unable to turn your emotions down,
and anxiety ruled over you,
so you decided to disguise your love. When you were too tired of chasing things,
and getting knocked down every time, so you decided to walk away.
We all have been there, don't we?

My unrequited love
has always been a constant mess,
of so many things together
the lies,
the truths,
the tender wounds,
the broken heart,
the jealous heart,
the unspoken tears,
the unforgettable moments,
the broken promises,
the hidden care,
the blissfull warmth,
And you.

Today, I let go of the hurt, I used to call home.

Even if you're not here,
Even if we're not in contact,
Even if its been a long time that i saw you,
Even on the days i'm angryand bitter,
Even when nothing is fine and life's a mess.
Even if my hopes are gone and my faith's fading away, slowly and slowly.
I'll still choose to be in love with you.
I'll breath deeply and slowly,
Praying for you,
Willing all my love to follow you where ever you go.

Losing someone,
Is not a one time thing.
You lose them everyday,
Slowly and slowly,
You feel a part of yours missing everyday.
You lose someone,
When you bury your hopes,
When you stop fighting,
When you lose the urge to make things work out,
Despite the intensity of your feelings.
You may be losing them,
Everyday every moment,
But they are never lost.
They always exist within you,
Somewhere, somehow.

I need you to be with me.
I need you to listen to me.
I need you to stand by me.

I need you
I need yo
I need y
I need
I nee
I ne
I n
I.
I don't need you.

Losing you, is kinda level of stress a li'l too high from my saturation.

From where to start,
And where can i end.
I used to write poetries
I used to dance while words sang,
They used to be my best friends,
And now they're gone.

I don't know how to express,
I don't know how to rhyme,
It feels like i've lost the feeling,
Like i've lost love of my life.

Lost or replaced, a question remains,
Maybe replaced by a never ending pain.
This pain stops me from writing,
This pain has left me with nothing,
Either it makes me feel itself,
Or it makes me feel nothing.

I don't deserve to be loved,
I don't deserve to live,
I've nothing to give in return,
I'm just holding on to these noisy breaths.

I slit my wrists, i slit my hands,
I slit my thighs, i slit my skin,
Not to shake hands with death,
But just a try to say a firm 'hello' to life.

And maybe some of you care about me.
And don't want me to die.
And feel a bucket full and flowing and flowing kinda pain,
If i die.
Maybe some of you would stare blankly at the wall,
Regret a few words of yours and miss me.
Maybe some of you would go out of your way to get me back.
Maybe some of you are just my mommy and daddy.
Maybe you love me at times,
And maybe you contribute to my depression at times.
But one thing remains,
You're my parents and I, I'm your child.
And losing your child ain't easy, no?
And maybe if i'm holding my heavy breaths,
the reason are you.
I know I'm a bad child,
And by choosing suicide over you,
I don't want to be the worst.

Maybe if you people were are as careless as you're today after my death too,
And be least bothered of my feelings as you're today after my death too.

I'd have died long ago.

"Aren't you tired of feeling the pain again and again.
Looking for the lost pieces,
You know lost things never find their way back, right?
Don't you feel worn out of stretched skin and aching muscles.
You know its making you look pale and fragile, right?
Aren't you fed up of looking for long lost happiness.
You know its not coming back, right?
Don't you feel sick of being desperate for just warmth and love.
You know they don't exist, right?"

"You need to do something other than getting hurt all the time."

"I know, I know.
I'm trying."

"How do you write so beautiful creative lines? The things you write, i can actually feel them. Trust me you build homes for long lost nomads, and decorate them so gracefully with your words.",someone said.

Listening to him she sighed, this wasn't any sigh of relieve but a sigh of anxiety and Frustration building up in her mind, but she chose to remain calm. She took a deep breath, a breath of disappointment and sadness.
She looked up to him.

"You know what people have fears and so do I. Some are afraid of clowns, some of spiders or heights. While some fear the dark. But I, I fear people feeling the as same i do. Every time i miss him, i feel my lungs burning empty, my heart hitting the chest so hard that it would break my ribs and rip apart my skin. There's a void in my head, a hollow black hole reaching deep inside my soul, slowly swallowing all my hopes and dreams. And no matters if its 3:00 in the noon, or 3:00 am, i feel the same, i feel a vacuum enduring my happiness, and I, I feel nothingness.
I question myself sitting in my room "where I'm?". On getting no answer i slender my fingers pressed into the skin of my forehead. I take on a sharp razor to slit my skin, drawing beads of blood. I try to calm myself, but soon the anxiety turns up into panic. And i get lost." she paused and sighed fighting back her tears.

"you can't feel me, you're barely aware of the words i write, you haven't faced my demons yet. And i wish you never will." she said.
Just when she was about to give up and cry, she relaxed and smilingly lit up her face to a person she truly never was and will never be.

You ain't my master, and I won't commit to you as long as you are the only loved one I'm left with.

I had a bestfriend.
She used to keep my sercets.
She used to be my constant.
And one day,
Depression took her place.

I HAVE A FANTASY TO TELL.
The last day, I'll be lying in bed, the room won't be familiar with white walls and some machines around, one of them showing my heartbeats drifting slowly and slowly towards silence. When there will be only one door left, and death will be waiting to greet me ahead.
Apart from my own noisy breath there's nothing to be heard and then, there will be a sudden knock on the door. As I'll see the person, my senses will be robbed and replaced by a paralysing fear. A fear of "last time". "Stay with me, just a little more,
As Its time for destiny to close the doors.
Maybe it is the last time,
You are mine and i am yours." I'll whisper to you smiling and my eyes full of tears.
Adding on I'll say "l love you and I'm gonna love you forevermore". You'll ask me for a dance. And the music will play " Lag jaa gale, ke fir ye hasi raat ** na **, shayad fir iss janam mulaakat ** na **". Feared from all my fears I'll grab you more close, and we'll dance to live my eternity on toes. With no life left in my body I'll still move and I'll bring my face close to yours just to feel you breathe for the last time. I'll look into your eyes to look me there, and kiss your cheeks to bid goodbye with care.
As my eyesight will blur , my desperate arms will clutch you tightly, my eyes still there and i will feel myself blink, still instinctively moisturizing the organs I will have no use for. And then I'll realise my breath fading away, I'll close my eyes and rest my head on chest.
Slowly and slowly my body will calm down and this pain will come to rest. Embraced in your arms I'll drown to my last breath.

Hey best friend, I couldn't tell if its good to be with you or the things get worse off. But you are only thing i feel truly, when I'm alone in the dark or when I'm in the brightest sun surrounded by hundreds of unknowns. I like it here with you in the black, it's better than emptiness, trust me.
They say it can't rain forever, that there will come a time when it must cease, when the last drop will have fallen and no more will be left. But to me, I just don't care. I don't wait for that last drop. I am okey to be here, just staying in the cold, comfortably numb with you.
What i carry with me is heavy, and it gets heavier day by day. I don't want to carry it but I've no choice. It follows me like a shadow, sneaky reminder of where I'm, and how this place Just doesn't belong to me. It hits me like a rock and crushes me into pieces.
Shattered, broken, tired, I stand here struggling to keep breathing when my entire body seemed to sag with exhaustion. I for once again start collecting up the pieces to readjust them to their original places. So, I've thought of staying here with you, as its better to be sad than falling in a hollow where there's no end. Don't you think the same?
Day by day everything is growing in strength else than me. I wonder if things will get better but I no longer hope so. I am just inhaling and exhaling in the moments greeting the sun every next morning in a grief no less than bereavement.

In your darkest unlit nights,
Black clouds seizing lights,
I'll talk to moon,
To flare for you so bright.
I promise.

Did i told you ?
"you hurt me"
Yes,  you heard me right, you hurt me.
With every action of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were destructive.
Did i told you ?
"I got physically tired, and emotionally drained.
Yes, you heard me right you drained my emotions leaving me empty.
With every word of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were devastating.
Did i told you?
"how much i cried that day"
Yes, you heard me right, you made me cry, getting me on my knees, as i listened to my own voice like a helpless distressed child, the muscles of my cheeks trembled.
With every step of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were terribly crushing.
Did i told you?
"I lost my spirit"
Yes, you heard me right, you theft my spirit, leaving me numb, with thoughts of ending my life for there's nothing left.
With every statement of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know it was shattering.

Each step forward, I found his ego winning over my love.

When things are falling apart, They're actually falling apart. Don't assume them to be falling into place.

I still remember your last touch. That set my body on fire, and still felt like everything in me was at peace.

And sometimes love isn't enough.

People, are more like fragments with sharp edges, the more you let them in, the more they hurt.

The harder it is getting to endure the pain, the harder it is getting to resist the crave to feel it.

I am not strong.
If I'm holding it in, don't call me strong.
i am weak, to yell it out.
I am weak, to hear what loneliness shout.
I am not strong.
If I'm fighting my tears,
If I'm keeping it in,
If I'm faking a smile,
If I'm laughing around.
Don't call me strong.
I am scared, for the coming wrong.
I am scared, of this depression to last long.
I am not strong,
If I'm holding it, don't call me strong.

Only if he could understand the love, that still existed in between those broken pieces.

Sorry, I got a li'l imbalanced with your uneven promises.

I fell for someone,
Someone who watched me fall,
with no intentions to catch me.

Heartily connections sarisfies me no more, I need to meet your soul.

Stay with me, just a little more,
Anytime destiny might be closing the doors.
So stay close a little more,
Hugging me against every inch of yours.
Making love in way never known before.
For it will be the last time,
You'll be mine and I'll be  yours.

I can't say "tu me manques", for it means "you're missing from me". As you're not you're always there in my heart, hugging my soul.

The more she untangled her soul,
The more she discovered how deeply in love she was.

In those silenced nights, I inaudibly screamed through words.

You challenge my love by loving her the way i love you.

And i can see my forever in him.

Why is it you never leave my mind? Why are you always there, in every thought,  in every phrase?  Why don't you stop pinging me? Each and Every second i wonder about you. I think of you. I miss you and i love you.
I no longer hope for you to love me. For there's no reason to me. If I were you maybe i wouldn't have loved me too. But every night i dream of a life with you, no matter how much pain it gives, but i love every moment of it. When reality tortures me, i look for a home in my dreams.
I love you. I can say it a thousand of times,  and it still wont be enough to tell you how much i love you. I may write hundreds of poetries and it still won't be able to tell you my feelings for you. After every write up i realise there's still a lot more to say. Maybe it will take lifetime to tell you for how much i love you.
No matter how many times i say i love you, once or twice (tho i love repeating this little sentence over and over) , I say it to remind you there's someone who loves you a lot. I never say to hear it back, i say it because i want to make sure you know.
I know you don't feel the same. Its ohkey. You don't need to reciprocate the love. You just need to keep the love i give you. You just need to be happy and smiling always.
I never planned on this, and then i realise why the unexpected things makes the best moments. And why the most unexpected persons in your life means the most to you. ♥

Feels Like your heart once whispered to my heart "forget-me-not".

Even with your presence you are not here.
Even if you are sitting beside me, i find your heart nowhere.

I feel my heart and my mind doesn't cope,
My heart need your presence, and my mind destroys all the hopes.

Nothing really changes ,you may or may not be here,
Loving you is like a drug to me, leaving this addiction is a strong dare.

In the darkest of nights,
And the stars shining bright,
Lets make love.

In a special kind of way,
Your fingers running tenderly through my hair,
Lets make love.

When your eyes are reflecting moonlight,
Just hold onto me tight, and,
Lets make love.

Listening to your tempting voice,
With me appreciating you as my choice,
Lets make love.

The warm embrace of your arms,
And your touch healing my soul,
Lets make love.

A lil forehead kiss and nothing more,
With all these small gestures,
Lets make Love.