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Words lend

things I can’t

possibly commend,

Through them

my feelings shed,

through sentences

it all makes sense,

and in poetry,

I find release

for my soul

only then,

I am made whole.




By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
My heart is full tonight, just like the moon.
So far from sight, I wish I could break through.
The sun rises with its light, but it'll only see you.

Blue skies in your irises, could light the way.

But your sun rises, as my moon wanes.



By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
I am not a hero nor your savior.
Eclipsed eyes, I want to live. But only to die.
I am a lost cause, a unique disaster.
I don't plan to make it out alive.
Be the destroyer
     To the mirrors in my mind?

   Since you left,
I'm just shadows dancing on mesh,
Without your grip,
                       My World Bends.



When all our years draw their last breath —
Meet me where everything ends?



By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
For you,

I took the chain

from off my ribcage.

Opened my skin.

Left a key under your tongue

so you could let yourself in.

Lit a fire in my own stomach

to keep you warm.

Provided you shelter

from your own storm.

But when you walked out

I closed the door.

Because the one thing

I will not do

is let you

be the reason

I turn cold.
You say "don't go"
but you don't know —
         how at "Hello", I've already begun mourning our end.
I don't know what else to do though ~
Where I am,
                   so low
you've never been;
             it's another world.

Butterfly,
Even I,
don't forget, nor forgive.
Marked red lines like a failed quiz, your favorite self-destruction,
a method without instruction.
I don't know, if I'm coming back home again,
I get so sad,
     consumed, mad.
Sometimes, I get so sad that, I completely shut-down,
I stare blankly at the door as it becomes a wall,
& it doesn't matter what you say to me,
Leave me alone for the break & shatter, & I don't want your apology.
~
In that falling moment, I find the precipice...

Because in that moment,
                              I don't exist.


By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
I can't erase your name

You may see a smile,
You might see a grin.
Stay awhile,
Pain is my only kin.

How can I live?
When,
I can't feel anything but hollow?
I'm a puppet—your strings I must follow.
~You string me up, and string me along~
To dance to your hopeless song.
I trip to feel alive, and die to forget.
I don't want to ever feel again.
Now, lost in your web, I don't even care for living.

This relationship feels like a race.  
Forgot' what it feels like to just be okay.  
I'm alive, but I feel insane.
I'd cry but I'm constantly replaced,
by other boys' bodies, and their "traits".
Even being so empty,
you see a heavy weight.

My mind is drained, I can only see so far away.
My eyes are clouded by shame made by pain.
Pain made tears, and tears became rain.
The seeds you planted in my heart ached', as they began to germinate.
Rain grew heavy, with the weeds that grew deadly.
Rain became a hurricane.
The wind took a turn, too late.
I claw my eyes—raw, at the end of each day.
Who's responsible, who's to blame? I asked you to stay,
But you wouldn't & the rain,
won't wash away your stain.

I can't erase your name,
and it comes about in all I say.
Probably because it's written across my face,
where rain streams cover the places,
that your fingertips used to trace.


By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
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