there was one night when i got home from work.
my family was getting ready to go to sleep while i was just barely taking off my shoes.
i dragged my body up the stairs and into my room where i leaned against my doorway.
it was thanksgiving.
my older sister began telling me everything i missed and i began to relive my work day.
something in my chest began to feel heavy.
and once again,
i needed a hug.
my mouth felt zipped,
i couldn't open it if i tried.
i remember slowly falling to my knees.
still in my work clothes,
i began to cry.
oh how badly i wanted to spend this holiday with my family,
oh how badly i just wanted that day to be over so i could consider it the past.
the present felt like a sharp pain in my chest.
i closed my eyes as tears made their way down my face.
in that quiet, painful moment
i felt arms around me.
i let myself go completely.
the silent tears turned into sobs as my head dug into my older sisters shoulder.
she rubbed my back and told me i did good, that she was proud of me,
that i did well.

every time i laugh
i quickly look over at you
hoping you’d fall for my laugh
as fast as i fell for yours

the cold crawling of a sharp knife,
tasting your blood bitter than truth,
yet
sweeter than sin,
whispering gently
amen.

ripping apart your look for tomorrow
filling your eyes with glasses of sorrow
how does it feel,
ending it all at once,
and yet painting your beliefs
with the color of the blood you bleed?

but don’t worry one stab cannot be that bad,
please, don’t be mad,
pull yourself together and
the warmth inside your soul
may survive;

it could.

but the knife fell again,
not intentional,
a small mistake,
carving a name
on the back of your
heart,

did anyone survive?

"The little girl could not sleep, for her thoughts where way to deep. The little girl, gone for a stroll, had fallen down the rabbit hole..."

Further and further, the girl screamed as she fell, till she finally landed, in what appeared to be the bottom of a well.

the little girl, clutching her shall, felt along the muddy wall. Keeping calm, occupied by her thoughts, found a door, of course, its locked.

No. She did not kick, she did not cry, for her mind led her to wonder why..

Why is it locked?
What things lay inside?
Is it a way out?
Is it where the wild things hide?

Feeling her hair, she felt for a pin.

In it went, jiggling the lock, till it let her in.

So, if your mind runs wild too, be wary where it wanders too, for the hole is still here today, and is where the now not so little me plays....