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poesuer Jan 2016
I love her. She's beautiful. She is gone forever.
Her name will always bring me aches.
Always.

I fear her. She's horrific. She won't leave me alone.
Her name will always make me flinch.
Always.

I need her. She's serene. Her time is fleeting.
Her name will always be.
Always.

I am not her. She's something, at least. She will always be within me, but never outwardly will I pay her mind.
She will always be with me.
Whether I like it or not,
Always.
Poem about the women that shaped who I am. For better or for worse.
poesuer Oct 2014
If sitting in the middle of a boring class, half-asleep with the teacher droning on about long-division was a colour, that would be my eyes.

Dull. Boring. Nothing special.

Somewhere you just want to leave.

My eyes don't sparkle like the stars, they aren't deep like a poem.

They are shallow.
Lifeless.

My eyes are the only thing that describe me well,
because with no words they still say something about me:

DEAD.
.
poesuer Jan 2016
.
Indifference will truly be what ends us

we all want to mean something,

Don't we?
poesuer Dec 2017
you're too young for your skin to look so faded
10w
poesuer Mar 2015
10w
I honestly did love you
But I didn't know you
And you did not know me
poesuer Nov 2014
Do not lecture me on the present or now

I will spend the rest of my life

Trying to live in the past

I will spend my entire life

Trying to find what I already lost for good

And this will never change

Because the only constant I'm allowed to have

Is to regret wasting what I had

And I will regret wasting this moment writing ****** poetry

And I already do

Because I could have had what I want

If I didn't squander my nights like this

If I didn't waste my days feeling sorry for myself

Maybe I could be who I wanted to be

If I was allowed just more constant

Just please give me one more thing that isn't so changeable

Just one thing

*please...
1am
poesuer Nov 2015
1am
It's 1 in the morning and I'm trying to decide how I want to die

But I don't want to die, of course not.

I want to live.
I just want to live in a way in which I feel good..

****, a life in which I feel anything would be great.

"Pain is the only thing that reminds us we feel"

sure, okay!

I don't even ******* dream anymore.

What does life mean when you don't even want anything out of it?

If you can't dream or aspire then what is the actual point ?

What's the point of living as a ghost ?
What?
poesuer Sep 2016
When I was young I didn't think I'd spend my nights like this
I don't really know what I imagined
But I know that it wasn't lying in bed at 3am
Trying to fit suicide into my schedule like lunch with an old friend
poesuer Apr 2016
"Why don't you write about me?"*

I can put any insignificant thing into words, why on earth would I want to do the same thing with you?
I could give you thousands of metaphors of love but it will end with broken hearts on the sidewalk
and I could give you hundreds of synonyms of happiness but it will turn to fear of being alone soon enough

you should now by now that
my writings are not the place for things that I love.


They'll get mangled and die.
poesuer Feb 2015
You are like the night sky

You are dark and scary and hold secrets that humanity must never know

People will glance and see such beauty,

People will stare and question everything at the sight of you

They will question why they even matter anymore if such beauty can exist with them not needed

You hold answers to questions we cannot even think of
and questions that we are too afraid to ask

You give us questions of why does anything even have meaning anymore?

Meaning means nothing in the presence of you

It will take great thinkers millennia to be able to describe and define you

Yet you can not be defined still- you are an enigma after years of trying to understand

You cannot be understood

You are an infinity of terror

Pure

Undefined

Misconstrued

Magnificent

TERROR
Also your eyes sparkles like the stars or something along those lines.
poesuer May 2016
There was a glimmer of an emotion still inside him but it was definitely not a good emotion.

He wondered if he should dig it up until he hit water or bury it with more apathetic personas.
poesuer Jun 2014
Such a rude boy
Never listens
Always argues
Opinionated
No reason to be this way
Right?
Of course there isn’t
Never a reason, is there?

he's always been defiant
he's always been angry
he's just always been a problem

Just because
he’s a problem child
Because he is
A problem
To be fixed

he is
Such a rude boy
Inspired by my **** maths teacher..
poesuer Jan 2018
I asked you who you were and what you like to do and you responded with a list of girls you want to ****

I asked what music you listen to and what TV shows you watch and you responded by telling me that the girl at the coffee store counter in the black coat with the dyed hair and dark blue lipstick probably had a tight *****

I asked you if you care that I think you're defined by the young girls whos names don't even matter to you as you drag them through the mud

I asked if you thought a woman is worth anything more than tight jeans and fully-made faces

I asked if you thought that a woman had something more to offer her legs and whats between them

and you told me to shut it with that feminist *******
and help you get that girls number etched into your bedpost
poesuer Oct 2017
the streetlamps are broken
and so are the stars
-
but I'll find my way home
by the light of my phone
-
It's not the glowing screen
that lights my way
-
your voice on the other end
is what blurs the dark away
Heido
poesuer Nov 2017
IN THE END ALL I HAD WAS AN ADDICTION AND A GROUP OF FRIENDS I COULDN'T TRUST
poesuer Dec 2015
I HATE YOU PEOPLE,

YOU KIDS WITH HAPPY FAMILIES AND FRIENDS

COME ON, MY FELLOW UNWANTED AND ALONE-

GRAB A GUN AND **** ALL THOSE HAPPY *******

WHY DO THEY DESERVE IT MORE THAN US?

WE CAN BE GODS

TRUST ME,

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIX IT

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE WILL BE HAPPY

THEY HAD THEIR ******* CHANCES,

THEY HAD OUR PHONE NUMBERS

THEY HAD OUR TRUST

AND THEY DIDN'T DO **** WITH IT

COME ON, OUTCASTS-

RED BODIES EVERYWHERE

AND PARENTS CRYING OVER THEIR POOR LITTLE BABIES

AND FRIENDSHIPS BEING TORN APART RIGHT BEFORE THEIR EYES

*THAT'S THE TEENAGE SPIRIT!
I've been very interested in mass murderers lately. I read the journal of one Eric Harris (a shooter at Columbine), and it inspired me to write. He was a very angry young man, and he felt left out and isolated by his peers. This poem is from his perspective. I do not condone his actions or attempt to glorifey them, I just find his motives for killing rather fascinating. Especially considering it's a very normal teenage thing to feel isolated and angry, but most teenagers don't become notorious mass murderers.
poesuer Jan 2016
THESE THOUGHTS JUST DON'T LINK UP
A MESS OF EMOTION LOST
IN THE ROUGH TRANSLATION OF POETRY
A LANGUAGE THAT FEW CAN UNDERSTAND CLEARLY
poesuer Jul 2016
"How can I stop myself from dying alone?"

"Don't die."
poesuer Oct 2017
I've lost my way with words recently, you know that
I mean, I stutter like a nervous wreck and the things I say are pretentious as all ****
but even so
you make me want to write something sweet and sincere
you make me want to shout ****** ******- my heart is beating so fast!
you make me want to laugh so hard we fall in the mud and even though we're filthy we keep on laughing like the morons we are
I want to be still for you, no more fits and no more tremors
but most of all?
I want to kiss you
and enjoy the simple pleasures of being two teenagers in love
i retract everything this poem says. the subject of it was a lying *******. It was not written about anything based in truth, and therefore it is only a work of fiction. all references to a real person are accidental, because there were no real people in this poem. only a lie.
poesuer Jun 2016
I could have pushed you into traffic today
...
There was a bus coming
...
Why didn't I?
The impulses are getting so bad.
poesuer Jan 2016
Letting go
Of things
That never should have been

Strike a match
Light up
Old photographs

Happy faces
Stuck forever in
Better times

And those times
Are gone
Now

And she
Is gone
Now

But without
Her
I breathe

And without
Her
I live

She is not
Here
Anymore

And when
I lit up
The photos

The feeling
Was not
Gone

The feeling
Simply made way
For new things to feel

And I
Will move on
Away from her

And she
Away from me
Will move on

And in
The burning memories in front of me
I found peace
I miss her, and I will never stop missing her. But I have found peace, despite the fact we will never speak again. The things we shared will always be something beautiful, even if we were young and ******.
poesuer Jan 2018
I don't write that kind of poetry
you know the type,
pretty flowing words that trickle down the page like a quaint little waterfall in a fancy garden
while daisies open themselves up with so much confidence
without any doubt

and I say something about myself without saying anything at all

the three dimensional poems that you could take a stroll through
and you can lay in the summer grass by the lake
you could get lost in the meaning

even though you're not so certain what the meaning is,
at least not for sure

no, I'm not so good at that

my words are more like...
running through the forest while it's dark and cold
because you want to get home and you're positive
you just heard something rustle in the dead leaves behind you

like telling your blaring warning signs to calm the **** down,
it's just an uneasy feeling

like telling the paranoiac to grow up and walk the **** pathway

it's shameful, annoying,
it's just some dumb feeling

no,
I don't write the sweet paintings kind of poem

I write my heart out into my notebook before I scribble it out and decide I had better not bother

my poems are regret-
regretting putting something good in my butchered understanding of art and words

every piece is the best I can do
and that's about it
poesuer Mar 2018
if you see a bright light it's only human nature to chase after it
poesuer Jan 2016
FEEL MY TEARS, FEEL MY BREAKING HEART

FEEL MY SCREAMS, FEEL MY BEGGING,

FEEL MY FORCE, FEEL MY KNIFE,

ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU STAY

YOUR BLOOD STAINED FACE IS BEAUTIFUL

GIVE ME A PIECE OF YOU TO KEEP, AT LEAST

YOUR CHEATING TONGUE? I WANT IT NOW

I'LL TAKE YOUR EYES SO THEY CAN ONLY GAZE UPON ME

AND YOUR VOICE SHOULD ONLY EVER GIVE ME PRAISE-

I WILL CUT THAT OUT TOO

IT'S ALL MINE NOW

AND OF COURSE

I'LL TEAR PAST YOUR CHEST TO GET WHAT TRULY BELONGS TO ME

RIP OUT YOUR HEART AND KEEP IT FOREVER

YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MINE

ALWAYS MINE
Take your relationship advice from Jeffrey Dahmer.
poesuer Apr 2016
MY BOYFRIEND HIT ME SO I USED THE BLOOD TO PAINT A PICTURE OF BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

MY DOG GOT HIT BY A CAR
SO I TURNED HER CRACKED BONES INTO THE MOST WONDERFUL MOSAIC  

MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN SO I DUSTED THE ASHES ONTO MY SKIN AND IT MADE MY FACE SPARKLE AND MY EYES POP

BUT ALAS

THE BOY WAS STILL VIOLENT
MY NOSE STILL ******

THE DOG WAS STILL DEAD
MY HEART STILL SHATTERED

THE HOUSE WAS STILL GONE
MY MEMORIES ALL BURNED TO NOTHINGNESS
poesuer Apr 2015
Why would you tell me
That you loved me

If you knew that it wasn't true?

The truth might hurt,

But you hurt me more than the truth ever could

Ignorance was not the bliss you said it would be

A lot of things are not what you said they would be

I gave you nothing but honesty

And you gave me

Fantasy ?

Not the wonderful kind with blue skies and flowers,

The kind that leaves you empty and hollow

Because you can't help but feel

That it just might happen

But in your heart of hearts,

You know it never will

And I knew all along that something was not right

From the very beginning

I used to think it fell apart sooner but I know now

From the beginning it was wrecked

I just wish I had the courage to say something

Like you had the cowardice to say nothing

Flowers really are cowards, huh
Lilies are the worst kind of lover
poesuer Jul 2018
No more blood letting rituals to clense me of ***** hands

my blood flows only through heart and veins

As it should-
my blood flows,
my chest rises,
the light, once again, shines on my ****** skin
poesuer Jan 2016
YOU
ARE
WEAK.

WHY
DO
YOU
THINK
YOU
MEAN
ANYTHING?
today is a bad day
poesuer Dec 2017
I'm the 5th child
the youngest out of my siblings

I'm the 3rd daughter
and I'm the 3rd son

and I'm a little bit lost
in this family dynamic
poesuer Dec 2017
people tell me
"never stop writing"
but unfortunately
I don't have a lot to say
poesuer Jan 2016
FROM YOUR MOUTH FROM MINE

DOES IT MATTER?

IN THE END
WE ARE BOTH THE SAME

BRUISED LIKE PEACHES
AND BROKEN LIKE UNKEPT PROMISES
poesuer Jul 2016
Here, I'll pour the gas for you and I'll even strike the match

All you have to do it drop it and we'll watch it all light up
poesuer Feb 2016
AND DOWN DOWN DOWN WE GO

DOWN THE SPIRAL OF THE SLIDE

PUSHED TO THE BOTTOM AGAIN

COVERED IN BRUISES BECAUSE YOU WERE UNPREPARED

BY THE PERSON WITH THE SAME BODY AS YOU

BUT ITS NOT QUITE YOU

AND ITS ASKING YOU SOMETHING

"YOU'RE ALIVE AREN'T YOU?
I'M REMINDING YOU THAT YOU ARE ALIVE
WHY AREN'T YOU THANKING ME?"
poesuer 3d
I try to act natural, try to blink like a human might do
but I can't help but check, check, check
the TV is off, the computer is off, the plug socket is on

where is that sound coming from?
poesuer Jun 2014
I thought I saw a cage

I thought I saw iron bars covering my escape

I thought I saw the walls being built around me, the spaces smaller and smaller until I was crushed

I thought I saw a prison

I thought I was going to be held captive until I died

And I was wrong

I'm free like a bird

But then I realised

Not all prisons are cages
poesuer Dec 2017
and the pit in my stomach opened up
like the sky does when I pray
but I don't know if god was listening
or if this feeling will go away
tryin out some rhyming!! look at me woo
poesuer Jun 2014
When I was younger
I loved the world
I saw no suffering
Pain is a distant myth
Bees fly high in their way
Birds singing their cheerful melody
Cats and dogs played chase till sun's end

That was a wonderful time

And what did you do to it?

"****** boy, that's not right"
Your words were foreign to me
I have not heard them
I tilt my head and ask you
"what?"

"Dumb boy, you have an attitude"
These words again
No definition in my mind
I ask you again
What do you intend with these words?

"Your mother has done wrong in raising you, undisciplined, disobedient, you'll get nowhere in life"
Am I one to be trained like a dog?
I begin to think
What have I done?
No answer comes to mind
But maybe what I do right is wrong?
Maybe that's what it is
It must be
No other reason explains it

What have I done right?
I can't tell
Not anymore
The lines between right and wrong start fading
It was right, right?
Or definitely wrong.
Or is that wrong?
I don't know

Now years later
I still don't tell
I can't
Not because I lack the effort to try
Just the motivation
I tried again
And my efforts are failing me
So why try now?

It all makes sense to me
Good and bad
I can't understand your reasoning
That's my downfall
Empathy is not something I am not capable of
But I don't think you are

I think I might of been able to tell
Long ago
But you beat that out of me

The perfect vision to see
I see no lines anymore
Colourblind to green and red

Fades out to gray

And soon

It'll fade out to white

And I won't know

If that's right
Another old-ish poem.
poesuer Jan 2016
"IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME"
he screams from the rooftops

His back is turned

He hears shuffles behind him

"it is only a matter of time"
He quietly speaks to the world

He feels something creep up behind him

He sighs, for he knows what is coming

"it is only a matter of time"* his last words

Before he is pushed my familiar hands into the busy street below
Metaphors are hard
poesuer Jan 2018
you can't forgive me for things
I don't even know I did-
the blame is all mine

people have died because
of the vile things
I become when I'm sad

I, too, will to die that way
cut with things I don't remember doing
(my head aches so I know it happened)

I will collapse
under the weight
of multiplicity
I will bury myself
beneath mud and stones
no more "I", no more "us"

just myself,

the only self there should be
poesuer Dec 2017
I grew up
wanting to be you
because you were
cool and mature

the cigarettes,
the alcohol,
the ***

the peak teenage life
that this little boy
idolized

and in the end
I did end up like you

but I realized you've always been
a scared, scarred child
like me

and the life that we chose
isn't really a choice

it's the curse that came
from an old man's ***** hands

and while you tried to wash it off
you dragged me into the bathtub

and your
beautifully manicured hands
were filthy

you grabbed my wrist so hard
you might have broke it if I tried to resist

I wish I had snapped my arm out from your grip
and shouted for my brother

but I didn't do that
I kept quiet

because I wanted to be cool like you
poesuer Feb 2016
It's not that big a deal
I stare at the food dropped carelessly into the sink
It's only spilled
I can make some more
I look at the empty bowl beside me
It's not that big a deal
I mean I'm hungry and I haven't eaten all day
But I guess it's fine
And I guess I was really trying to be healthy again
But that's okay
mistakes happen
And I guess that things haven't been going too well
And the only solace I can find lately is little things that show I'm still capable
Simple things like having a meal
And now it's all in the sink
And that's fine
that's fine
I'm so hungry and tired and I don't have any energy left
It's alright I guess
It's fine
I'll just wash away the mess
And go without food today
I'm so clumsy sometimes
poesuer Mar 2015
You are not a part of something greater than yourself

You are in its way

You are not part of the stars and the moon and the planets,

You are not the grassy green fields of July,

You are not the infinite sea,

You are not the finite deserts

You are all you will ever be

And that is small-

Smaller than we can even conceive

You are a ghost

You are a squeak

You are a shadow

You are limited.

Something we will never be
poesuer Jan 2016
"What happened to you?"
She beckons from the mirror

Her laugh is sorrowful

Her eyes are dead

"What happened to you?"
She asks
giggling like a child

I look down and sigh

"I grew up."

Her smile turns freakishly gleeful

"You did what?"
She asks again

I take a deep breath
*"I grew up"
poesuer Dec 2015
I don’t believe anything to be true-
That’s just a fault of mine
So naturally, I would question this
Of course I would,
I can’t take anything for face value

That being said..
Do you really?

Is this real or just superficial?

Is this because you want me
Or because you simply want?

I don’t mean offence

I honestly don’t

This is not a critique on your character,
It isn’t
This isn’t about you and it’s not about us
It’s just me
It’s just

Good things don’t happen

Good things don’t happen

Good things don’t happen

So forgive me when I ask..


*Do you really?
poesuer Feb 2018
I fought against this life as hard as a scared child could and it still didn't work
I tried my hardest to be truly alive but I was too weak
I have no choice in being this way

you threw your life away because you couldn't be bothered to live it
poesuer Jun 2014
My clothes are stained

My mind is a mess

I'm not good at breathing

My head hurts

And so does my chest

I can't do this anymore

I don't know what I'll do now

But it'll happen

Soon
poesuer Sep 2014
I don't have a reason to be here
It's not like I'm important
I'm just an extra
A background character
With a story you probably won't ever know
Or maybe just don't care to ask about

And I guess it would be easy to leave
Because it would make an earthquake
And I would really love to go
Maybe the only way to stop feeling like nothing is to become nothing

But at the same time
I don't have a reason to want to leave
And I guess either way would be fine
I wouldn't seek out some grand exist

But if I came across a door somewhere..
I wonder if I'd go through it

And see the world

But it's a one-way door, you see

No going back

And if it's cold outside

I might not have a coat

And if it's raining

Where would my umbrella be?

And if it's sunny?

Well..

I never really liked the sun,

honestly..
poesuer Oct 2016
I see a little bit of myself in everyone I know

x

But I see so much of me in you

x

I wonder if you see it, too
poesuer Jan 2018
the thing that holds me back
is
sensitivity

I'm too sensitive to light,
I can't stand outside in the sun
not for too long

like bright white hospital halls,
sickly, sterile ***** lights

it's being hooked up
to the machine
that scans my brain
while a strobe light flares up
my epileptic heart

its car headlights
with their beams set to high
on tired pedestrian eyes

I keep my eyes shut tight
if I need to face the sun

the beams raining down on my
pale winter boy skin

it hurts to be out there
it hurts to look
poesuer Feb 2016
I CAN LOOK A KILLER IN THE EYES AND TELL YOU THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN EVIL BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I LOOK INTO THE REDDISH BATHWATER AND SEE YOUR REFLECTION STARING BACK AT ME I SERIOUSLY QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT
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