When I walk I feel the earth quake & tremble beneath me.
Or I feel the vibrations caused by all living matter, & I'm scared knowing a single raindrop could drown me.
Or I'm so happy that I feel the rhythm of every individual molecule that makes up all that I am.

So please help me steady my heart, because I need a way out of this ride.
And I'll get it one way or another.

You taught me to branch my love out,
To expand my mind.
But my love always sourced back to you.
Until you became the reason I need ***** and Tequila
To stop my heart imploding at 12:45 AM every night.

I used to see more than the cosmos in you, your eyes held them.
Your lips a forest I could spend my whole life exploring & die still not having enough.
Your hands roots of a rose bush seeping into my chest & to my heart.
Sharing your nutrients to help me grow,
Your mind the greatest unwritten poem, the greatest work of art that'll never be exhibited in an art gallery, even if it were to be put into one your dying wish would that it be sent to a public gallery that didn't charge because you hate capitalism.

But now you are a great big ball of old flame, high and mighty in the sky.
There's a huge distance between the two of us but I can still feel your warmth radiating from you & the dark when you are away. But you are the sun, staring or thinking of you hurts my eyes & the pain shoots to my head and throughout my body.

The time I spent trying to win your heart is the equivalent of the time a pregnant person would take to give birth to a premature baby.
And the time I've had these feelings is the time it would take such baby to learn how to walk.

So I hope she loves your floral dresses & the way your poetry echoes in the fullest of rooms. But most of all I hope she loves you.

Because you acted like all those who came before you were ******* , but only knew my side of the story, and from my side of the story you hurt just as much as the black haired girl who got me into drinking after she broke my heart.

Images of black hair fills my mind as I poor a glass

You spoke in monotone as you said "sorry" as if your neck was numb.

So tonight I'm numbing the need for you with a shot

My hoddie smells of you so I'll take another

This taste like nail polish. Guess I'll take some more

Nothing is happening. Your lips are still a stain upon mine. Guess Ill take two

Remember the times I made you *** with your pants still on? I can't forget. You said you loved me afterwards

I feel alone, I thought you were here, so maybe I'll take 2 or 3

Why did you leave me? I never held back I gave you everything, every bit of me

Don't you try to take me back. As I remember you throw out broken things.

1.)
8/12/14 11:48 Pm

Breath in the smell

The smell of your smoking wrist

Burnt with the last razor not stained with blood

Smoke the demons out of the red blood cells

As if you lost the white in the sea of your own tears

2.)
8/14/14 4:59 Pm

I might as well been on the Great Wall of China 

As you pushed me away

Because I’ve never fallen so hard, so fast

And I feel dead

3.)
8/14/14 6:23 Pm

I begged, I kept begging.

For what?

I have forgotten what I wanted. 

I’m ashamed of crying.
Not for the tears

But the bruises left not by anyone
but myself.

I can point you to self afflicted scars

I can point you to the burns left inside my throat by a numbing agent Aka *****. 

I can show you the way my fist curls when I beat the pain out. 

I’ll show you how ****** I am, eventually.

4.)
8/14/14 7:15 Pm

A sharpened knife & a pitch black room

Such a lovely couple

Just light a candle & watch in the dim flickering light as they make red passionate love.

It’s hard to miss, you can taste it in the air. 

It’s almost like a bullet in the mouth ready to be unloaded.
Addendum, plot-twist; the passionate love is my blood.

You are the gravity that keeps me on earth
But yet your eyes could contain the cosmos
You gave me tapeworm by the curls in your hair
I have a ****** singing voice but we could make a pretty sweet tune.
My dreams are always black and forgotten
I now wonder if I open my eyes while at rest if I'll see your lips covered in lipstick
Your first name is short of a few syllables
You deserve to be graced with a name that requires remembrance since everything about you is unforgettable