His eyes reminded me of what the grand canyon might look like,
                    they whispered warmth like the sun
                    snuggling the earth.

And I still love him.
After all this time.
My heart still longs for him the way the ocean yearns for the shore.

Relentlessly, hopelessly, pitifully.

No matter how many times the ocean draws away,
it always finds itself crashing back into the arms of the cold, unstable shore.

I am in a constant cycle of make and remake.
Passion ebbs and flows from my core
Subjected to the company surrounding me.
Encircling, intertwining, tainting like a drop of black in an entire pale of white paint.

I have yet to find one person
That draws something from within my very being,
That entirely satisfies and satiates this gnawing in my stomach,
This unrelenting hunger.
What am I starving for?
What is it that I can not help but crave?

If only I knew, if only I knew.

We would’ve been so happy together,
Had we sat
And talked
And listened.
But we were both selfish
And needed the other to beg,
But we’ve never been beggars.
But now
Your heart is colder.
Were I to lift a plastic cup and beg
For your affections,
I’m sure,
You would show your empty pockets,
Shrug with forced sympathy
And continue on your way.

And I wondered for a long time
How I would ever believe again
When I was told I could be loved
Forever.
I thought about
The way the words fell off your tongue,
Into my lap,
As if they were waiting for me
To scoop them into my pockets
For safe keeping.
But then
You wanted them back.
You emptied my pockets,
And expected to find more,
But I had kept everything.
And we both knew
At that time,
At the end,
Everything
All along
Had
Never
Been
Enough.

pitter patter of my heart
rhythm stop, rhythm start.

brush my skin, hear me sigh,
dripping lust, here where we lie.

your eyes soft, but also cruel,
your hands fire, my body fuel.

night was hell bent, but also well spent,
you knew no care, so I didn't dare,

so for tonight I'll let you take me,
well aware sunrise will break me.

Sometimes,
Sometimes writing is the greatest challenge I feel i will ever face.
It's simple, no?
Pen to paper,
Ink stains in lines and dots and curves
looped and twisted,
curiously carrying subjective significance.
Though uniform,
Every letter as individual as its creator.
Different and the same all at once.
In
a
way
Humans are those letters.
Minuscule components of grander meaning,
Each possessing undeniable importance,
To system and stability
Gluing together the hasty marks of history.
"United we stand, divided we fall"
Order and structure, survival for all.

Cut the silence
Like that slice of cake
You didn't want
A bite of.
Now you're swallowing it
Like the words
You refuse to let spill
From your lips.
Now sugar coated
In icing
Never too cold,
But always frosty.

He told me
Not with his lips,
And, God, I loved to watch those lips
How they formed words with silky casualty,
Planting careful grenades
Softly ticking until his absence.
It wasn't in the way he looked at me,
But, Jesus, those eyes
Lashes stronger than hurricane winds
With strength to whip,
Not with his hands,
Even when they couldn’t stay at his sides any longer,
Passion does that to a man’s limbs
Sends them flinging and pointing and carrying more of the conversation than he ever could with words alone.
A long-limbed tree whipping in hurricane lashes.
You were so beautiful
My kind of beautiful

Anticipation is a curious concept.
You wait and wait and wait
For whatever it is that destroys your innate ability to sit still.
Preparations are made,
Plans are confirmed and then-

And then it comes.

And then it goes.

Practically in the same instant.
And I'm forced to wonder,
All that time I spent before it happened,
All those hours, minutes, seconds,
Filled with nothing but thoughts of what was to come,

Were they wasted?

Can you count on time that you haven't yet counted?

Have you ever felt

awfully overlooked

as

if

eyes see through you

as

if

never seeing you at all

Though my lips did not move,
              you heard every single word.

And as you so lightly traced my skin,
All I felt was your longing for the flame that once so relentlessly licked your fingers.
That passion that had ignited your lust,
was now smokey embers of a dying fire too damp to ever be relit.

slip your subtle simplicities into my tea
so I can sip you in all morning long

One word
One noise
One thought
One choice

It's simple-
So they say.
Don't agree
Not today

One N
One O
Should I stay
Or should I go?

Please do not stray too far

    Because my heart is leaning against your soul

Like the purest sand brushing the tips of my porcelain fingers.
White as snow,
Hot as hell.
I catch your scent in gusts of wind,
Cinnamon, like your skin.
The blue of your eyes lingers behind the clouds.
Whirling, twisting,
Lighter, darker.
You are everywhere.
The cream swirling in my coffee mug,
The whisper of the leaves as they escape the trees.
The click of keys and the punch of the spacebar
Tip, tap,
clack.
Though muddied in a puddle,
Your reflection still clearer than my own.
I search for you in seas of people
And forget to swim myself.
You suffocate me.
You resuscitate me.

Breathe you in.

Breathe you out.

Your voice,
It’s the melody that harmonizes perfectly with mine.
Your touch, the very thought of it-
It kills me.
Rips me.
Destroys me.
Come back.
Be who you used to be,
Love me.
Use me.
Rebuild me.

****** my mind
And undress me with your voice,
Lips so close
I taste your words,
Salty mutterings of a former sailor
***** words I drink with hasty thirst,
The bitter sweet sting of brackish waters,
Kiss me gentle,
But always with promise
That your soft ripples can not last

It occurred to her that

Despite empirical reason,

Factual evidence,

Unbreakable hypotheses;

She could never rid herself

Of the shameful ache of her limbs

That longed for the tender touch

Of that wicked hand.

And in the midst of my impenetrable winter,
I found within you my eternal spring.

The light reflecting off our faces
As intense and bright as the moon.
As if it were pulling the tide of your hips
Onto the freckled shore of my torso.
Slip into me in the same seamless way
You dive into the ocean's salty swells.
Grip my hands like seaside cliffs
Clench tighter with every crash of every wave
Cling to every inch of me
Bite my neck.
Tug my hair.
The sheets tangle us in
The most exquisite exploration of intimacy,
As breathtaking as the sea

the way your words caress my body
will forever be more sensual than what your hands could ever be capable

My throat is a desert,
Scratched sore with sand.
My cheeks soaked and stained,
With tears that will not end.

My heart faintly beating,
Each pump proves a test.
It hurts to go on living,
Yet life continues in my chest.

My nights are sleepless,
My days a misty haze.
I feel so lost without you,
Each day an endless maze.

I search for all the words,
Though never even said.
They are mixed and jumbled,
All around inside my head.

Each day I face this war,
Between remember and forget.
It weighs me down, this endless chore,
I wake each morning with regret.

They say time is the only way to heal,
Fresh cuts soon fade to scars.
So why does this pain I feel,
Still leave me dizzy, seeing stars.

I'm trying to run away from my reflection,
So you pick up another mirror,
Point at the wickedly smooth surface
And beg me to find who you see waiting there
But her eyes won't lift to meet mine.
Her hands won't untwist
From the anxious knot of tangled fingers.
Her shoulders are heavily draped with
Burdens disguised as standards
And the way they sag matches
The circles under her eyes.
Soon you're screaming
You cannot understand
That when I think of who waits for me in every specular surface
I simply cannot
bare
to
stare.

And there we were,
Lying in your bed,
Getting drunk off the morning sun pouring through the cracks of your cheap blinds,
Drinking in each other and the moment,
Intoxicated off ideas and laughter,
Dizzy with the idea that a moment like this could last forever-
But suns must always set again,
driven by the magnetic pull of the night,
seductive with her shadowed curves
and without the truthful sun,
we began to sink
Waiting for the earth to turn again
Just as it had for all of time.
And in the moment just before
The sun could creep over the edge of where the sky meets soil,
You turned to me,
with lips barely parted,
And whispered words I’ll never remember
To forget.
You told me,
"The earth changes the day to night,
But it could never make me love you right

And sometimes, sometimes the lack of tears is what's most frightening.

An impenetrable numbness that surrounds me.
Has molded around my being.
A hard shell that even a chisel cannot chip.

I am a stone. Cold, so cold.

When did I lose my heart?
When did I lose the ability to care and trust and feel?

Oh, to feel again.
The salty wet tears on hot rosy cheeks.
The rush of crisp fresh air filling my lungs, lifting me, enticing my smooth bare feet to take courageous steps on soft beds of grassy fields.

Where did that girl go? Carefree and whimsical. The girl who welcomed emotional instability. The ups and downs and all arounds are gone.

She has gone and I am here.
I am what's left.
I am the surviving soul.

My black, wretched soul.

And I grew up watching the moon fight the morning sun
Begging for the night to return to him
Knowing she'd be back
After hours of neglect
The lunar agreement to simply
Reflect
Her
Shine

Freckled skin
A universe
Baby
You're a galaxy
With arms
You're a star
Whose falling
into me
Simmer on low
Just a moment
Let me stare
Star struck

One step,
Bare feet.
Glance up,
Eyes meet.

Breath caught,
Dry lips.
Cheeks hot,
Stomach flips.

Throat clears,
Mouth parts.
Words catch,
Shiver starts.

Bright sun,
Sandy toes.
The ocean's words,
No one knows.

But you could hear,
Just like me,
Those salty waves,
That set us free.

We didn't speak,
Or make a sound.
You just took my hand,
Water bound.

There we stood,
Wet to our knees.
Closed our eyes,
And could finally breathe.

I think that
Some people spend their lives
Settling
Settling here
Settling there
Thinking, there's always next time,
But what happens
When there isn't a "next time"
When you've spent your last penny
On something you didn't even want.
You learn that
You can't cuff the arms of the clock
And call it yesterday

But I've never been one to sit still…

How violently beautiful it would be
to unzip the skin
that encases my soul.
To step out
of this unsolicited confinement
if only for,
a moment.
How delicately complicated it might be
To step into another’s casing,
To feel what it must be like.
A perpetuum of wonder,
Tell me,
Does it itch
under your skin too?