I sit in all my classes
Waiting for the ringing
Bell to let me out.
I have three Bs and I’m
Stupid. I’m smarter than
Every teacher here. I am a
Teenager. I wonder what is
For lunch.

The world will keep spinning
Even though I hate Spanish class.
My shoes are ***** and the
Boy in front of me is really cute.
I wonder how my crush is doing
In the classroom next to mine
I miss him. How does my
Side profile look right now?

I really dont want to go to algebra 2.

To the great poem I may one day compose  
I know you’re lingering around somewhere close  
You won’t reveal yourself until the time is right  
So I keep you in mind expecting your light  
  
And once your inspiration comes to my heart  
I will craft you like the most reverent piece of art  
Weaving words and expressions that say it all  
When a lifetime of memories begs the call  
  
But if the words don’t come to me just like I said…  
I will recite them in free verse from my deathbed instead

Only when you are no longer preoccupied with living
can you begin to comprehend life

Nightly whiskey flow
stains a white-walled childhood home
Parents seem blurry
Love and danger co-occur
Paroxysms of anger

In childhood there’s no room for shades of grey
It’s black or white, confusion sits unused
A place for everything and each in place
And I am in control and thus to blame
Come adulthood to show me I’m confused

So, consequences passed down like a gift
In genes and in behaviours left unchecked
To witness fights, hard falls, deep burns, and pain
The trauma transfer, second-hand ingrained
With love and anger, care and dark neglect

Then later roughly realise there was wrong
The blend of wrong and love is hard to hold
Most often see the child who fails at school
With low self-concept, guilt, hot shame, and fear
But all built strength and power left untold

Compensatory
change for homeostasis
Strong roles adopted
Scars deftly hidden
Chaos-order alchemy

I must be The Responsible One
Parentification at maximum pitch
A list-making, chore-running, stable-housemaster
A self-worth creator from jobs neatly done
All leisure-time wary and leadership-rich

I must be The Adjuster as well
Will follow directions and bounce from extremes
A dime-spinning, change-juggling, fresh puddle-jumper
Surprise and emergency make me excel
More calm at the edges than flat in-betweens

I must be The Calming Placater
Maintaining still waters whatever my price
A vigilant, change sensing, smoothing class helper
To people-please acts as a guilt-shame assuager
All pliable, social, and overly nice

Imperfect but strong
coping mechanisms forged
Power in order
Capable, dependable
Psyche shaped by survival

my sweet girl, you have broken me
in two, in three,
in a thousand shattered pieces
blowing in the wild winds.
i would like to love the impossibility of you
shamelessly diving into the body of water
that is you.

my sweet girl,
there will be no one left out there to
doubt you.
you'll be understood by those you
respect the most,
loved completely by the world that tossed
and turned you
like a bobbing ship on the open seas.

my sweet girl,
you'll be singing up tempo songs,
dreaming broadway dreams.
you'll be happy and without liver disease.
the panic will fall off your bones,
leaking into the clear shallow streams.

why, sweet girl, must you waste such a
beautiful existence hating yourself?
why must you deny yourself the love
you truly deserve?
why worry your mother to death?
oh, sweet girl,
why must you contain yourself for those
you have never met?
oh, sweet girl, when i saw you crawl out
of your cocoon, i wept,
for the change that would only make a greater world,
was finally appearing.

Thanks for reading
Thanks for comments
Taking a short break
Need to reevaluate where my writing is going
When a bookstore puts your books on their websites but not in their brick and mortar stores
Am I not good enough?
Maybe I really can’t write?
Not looking to lick my wounds or for you to cheer me on
Your comments are appreciated more than I can say
I may very well be back but for now you all write on
Write on?