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2.2k · Jul 2018
Human Being
John Mendoza Jul 2018
What’s happens when you forget that you’re a human being

Yet you’re not like the rest of the other guys, cause you’re far from institutionalized
Living through the day with love your eyes, but dying at night with hate in your mind

So you stay happy to keep the world from knowing, as you smile to keep your scars from showing
But deep down your soul burns with a fiery bliss from the effects of deaths seductive kiss

Yet in the end are you truly human or something else....
1.8k · Jan 27
John Mendoza Jan 27
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

There’s no love around my way cause my heart just don’t feel the same

As my eyes open wide, I see there’s no sunshine yet I still pretend like everything is alright

But ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
But ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

Can’t water the flowers of his soul if the darkness already took its toll, there’s no sunshine so all he ever feels is cold

But ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
But ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
583 · Sep 2018
John Mendoza Sep 2018
Am I truly even here or am I hollowed out, like forgetful tears, coming down from an empty silhouette, lost to the tune of life’s sweet clarinet

Like a distant memory that was forgotten, throwing no caution cause you know, that your heart is already rotten from the seeds of doubt, growing with from the lies of a false promise

Cause the life you once lived was too meek to even speak, and the life you live now, is too bleak to seek for peace

Yet I wonder if I should stay or should I go, so maybe for now, I won’t ever really know
480 · Jul 2018
Be Free
John Mendoza Jul 2018
They say a scripture a day, keeps the demons away

They say that the skeletons you keep in your closet, will make you want to grab a gun and **** it

They say you’ll never save yourself, unless you think like everyone else

They say that trust is a must, but no matter what you do, you’ll never really be a part of us

But the truth is, they’ll hate you regardless of whatever it is, you decide to do

So live the life that you bought or borrowed cause in the end, your happiness is the only thing you’ll have tomorrow
326 · Feb 12
Wacko’s Heart
John Mendoza Feb 12
Wow it’s hard to believe that you’re already 23, yet it’s no surprise that we made it through this crazy life

Still we grew up fast but you grew up strong cause no one was there to help, when I was gone, as only God knows, that times were bad and the roads got long

Yet it’s the visions of your broken smile that, hurt me the most when I left, cause we both knew it was for the best

Though with all the time that has gone by, you still held yourself together, even as the past kept clinching on, we still made it through the bad weather and you’ve honestly never looked better

I know I missed it last time but I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere, happy early birthday sis, you made this far now spread your wings so you can go even farther
Happy birthday sis
320 · Feb 12
Mountains at My Gates
John Mendoza Feb 12
You can search your whole life for something  just to see that maybe you wasted your whole life for nothing

Maybe it’s the desire in satisfaction, that leads us towards the attraction, as you get caught in the allure, that keeps you wanting more and more

So when I see the mountains at my gates, I just keep climbing so the hate, doesn’t overtake my fate
So I’ll keep climbing cause it’s never too late, to change my ways
Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that we have a lot more left in the tank then what we think we. It’s only over when you say it’s over
307 · Jan 7
John Mendoza Jan 7
If I’m being honest when I left, though it hurt, yet you still wished me the best, but deep down, you knew I wasn’t coming back, cause life was just something I couldn’t hack, yet no matter how far I ran, you kept calling me back

I figured that maybe, if I made amends to those before I left, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be content, and I could be free knowing that certain things are better left unsaid, yet somewhere down the line, the love in our hearts, and hope in our eyes were lost due to a disconnect

Cause at times we’re too blind to see what we call home, too angry to enjoy what we call our own, while hoping that maybe it’s not too late, to say goodbye, as time continues to pass us by

As deep down, I knew I couldn’t stay, cause the thoughts in my head, always left me feeling worse than dead, so my only option was to flee, like caged bird, who needed to be free

So I looked for any chance to fly away, any means to runaway, but soon I came to see that I wasn’t running from you, I was running from me, although I always told myself, that maybe if I told you farewell, then I wouldn’t have felt so overwhelmed

Cause honestly I’ve grown....
Too tired of sorrow filled eyes, blinded with spite,
Too tired of holding up a heavy heart weighed down by lies,
Too tired of a war torn soul, lost in a disguise,
Too tired of wondering if I’ll ever see the sunrise

Yet as these things haunt me, your love for me never fell through, no matter how many times I withdrew from you,
So I hope that you can forgive me, as I have the strength to see now, what I was too angry to see before
Cause I was never truly alone, as I always had you, my beautiful broken home....
234 · Jan 11
Ring Ring
John Mendoza Jan 11
Ring ring...

Ring ring... hey it’s your future calling

Yes, I know that everything ***** and it feels like your falling

But just remember that I’m kinda like a spoken freestyle, I’m not writen in pages

As the spoils always go to the victors, not to those trapped in their own cages
John Mendoza Mar 28
Eternal darkness
Flying on autopilot
Sober thoughts but internal riots
A dark mistress who’s only goal is to please me
Until the sun comes back out, then she has to leave me
Yet even in the darkest place, I still manage, to keep a smile on my face
Where do I go, where do I go, it’s probably better, if I never know
As the rabbit hole, will always be, a lonely place to go
197 · Jan 7
Night & Day
John Mendoza Jan 7
Like Mr Jekyll & Hyde, I found you when all you did was hide, and though I thought I better off, but in reality it was just a lie

Cause part me thought you died and to fill the void, I drank till I died too like a dark twisted fantasy, I drank till it wasn’t true

But I’ve come to terms that I need you as much as you need me as you and I are one in the same, cause even the darkness has the light to keep it tamed

Without you there is no hope and without me there is no life, without you there is no love and without me there is no vessel, cause in the end we are in this fight together, just like how the day can count on the night to help keep its head on right
164 · Jul 2018
Signs of the Times
John Mendoza Jul 2018
What’s trust, when you never want to feel the bottom, oh no

What’s trust when you never want to feel the bottom, oh no

As I tried my hardest to balance out the signs, while trying to draw between the lines, that were constantly changing with the times

But who knew, I could turn my pain, into something beautiful but yet

What’s trust when you never want to feel the bottom, oh no

When searching for something more, meant offering up your soul for something worth more than gold

As we all hope to escape the illusions, caused by those that hope to confuse us, and love those that wish to abuse us, while we search for the thing, that will forever eludes us

But it’s once we learn to embrace the pain and smile through the rain,
We’ll find the means to get past even the darkest of days

And though I tend to try and lift the world with all it’s weight, deep down I know I’ll always be straight cause I chose to let go of all this hate
120 · Dec 2018
We Will
John Mendoza Dec 2018
From the ashes of defeat, I will rise to my feet

With this pen that I have, I will forge my own path

With the words that I speak, I will use them to teach

With the eyes that I have, I will use them to help me see the world that I’m missing

Instead of going numb from the *** to hide from the pain, that dwells inside my brain
119 · Jul 2018
Duality - Dark Side
John Mendoza Jul 2018
Resisting life’s beautiful sonnet in favor of death’s cold embrace, as I look for you, I start to lose myself, while I search deeper, I fall further, as I continue to lose the light, in a place that there was once love, now only lives hate

Although my mind is at peace, my soul is at war, as I struggle with being caught in the middle, and halfway through the door, but I don’t leave, as my heart continues to craves more and more

Yet somehow I’m not afraid to stay, cause maybe it was the love or the drugs, that helped make me this way, as the trill is gone but still I chose to go on

Deep down I know that I’m not whole, while I watch as it takes it toll yet I can’t help but feel so alone

Though I start to ponder, if maybe it might be hopeless to wonder, that you could just be hiding, in the darkest parts of life, as I continue to embrace, the darker sides of life

While willingly knowing, that maybe things will never be the same, yet you still ask yourself, can I ever truly be whole, with a forever tortured soul
98 · Jul 2018
Yours Truly
John Mendoza Jul 2018
Cause all she knows, is how to be herself, with a style, that’s too wild, for everyone else

Yet I can’t but wonder, how she plays the game better then most guys

As she breaks hearts with no pity, while looking oh so pretty, like a girl, that belongs to no city

But there were times when she played by the rules, only for her, to come out, looking like the fool

Yet she never accepted defeat, cause she was an icon, with the heart of a lion and the world at her feet

And as I’m writing this, I couldn’t help but admire, the way she inspires

With the beauty that only attracts the mind, and though it sounds crazy, but she truly is the first of her kind

But I would never take her for myself, cause just like me, she deserves to be free
84 · Jan 11
Yours Truly part 2.
John Mendoza Jan 11
Yours Truly Part 2.

Thank you my beautiful friend for the undying love you always tend to lend, cause it’s your words that helped me rediscover who I am

The angry boy is no longer looking for another way out as he put his past in his pocket and made a promise to tame the demons in his closet

Thank you my beautiful friend for the ear you always tend to lend as you heard my silent cries at night, howling at moon, wishing for his life to end

Cause I’m finally able to see that it’s about the journey not the destination, it’s about discovering who I am and applying the lessons I learned in the past, to build the house for the future of my aspirations

Thank you my beautiful friend for offering me your soft loving hand, even if I never took it before, I learned as a man it’s okay to accept a helping hand

I’m glad I’m the end, you’re the one that always saves me, cause after all, you are my wonder wall

- Yours truly
   Part 3 coming soon.....
60 · Dec 2018
Love Will Kill Us All
John Mendoza Dec 2018
Love will **** us all

What’s a bright sky when you’re dead inside?

How do you enjoy mom’s apple pie when you know you lost your appetite?

When you have no choice but to smile cause deep down, you know you died, yet  you still believe the lie that somehow you’re still alive...
56 · Feb 21
Winter Sky
John Mendoza Feb 21
On a somber winter night, I just like close my eyes and let my fingers write

While watching the snowflakes dance through the night sky, yet it makes you wonder how something so peaceful could either excite or make you want to cry

Maybe it’s how they cover the ground with a beautiful bliss, kinda like our smiles are when think of our first kiss

Or maybe it’s the memories attached to them, while not knowing much as a child except to just be free and act wild
54 · Jun 28
I just imagined you
John Mendoza Jun 28
I once met a girl, named fire & desire, though far from ordinary, I couldn't help, but admire the way she inspires,

But it’s more than just, giving to the lust, it’s about building the trust, cause something like this, can never be rushed.
Yet we’re both eager to win, even if one of us has to lose, cause no one ever knows, how love really goes

But something tends holds them back, whether it's their past, or it's their last,

Yet they say, you can't truly love someone, if you don't hate em, but what if you don't hate em, you hate who they become,

Or can it be that, they were really something else, even if you know couldn’t help, but not see, cause your eyes were  blind, until you took back the key, and set yourself free
John Mendoza Jun 28
Searching for forgiveness, or unfinished business, seeking for answers to an uncure-able illness

Of trying to fix the whole in my heart, as I try to fix the world , while I tear myself fall apart

But as time continues to flow, the more I get a chance to grow, cause there's still time till the end of the show  .....

So before I get a chance to go ..... I just want you to know that I'm sorry

Afraid of staying awake, staying awake, cause it's only a matter of time, that I see that I’m already insane
41 · Jan 4
Last Night
John Mendoza Jan 4
Somehow I’m still playing by the rules in a world where the only rules left, are the ones that people make up that are constantly changing with the times

Still I continue to fill up, my red solo cup with courage, although I already know that it only makes me sicker, yet I can’t help but feel great as I drown my liver with ******* liquor, just to be part of a world that will forever be bitter
39 · Dec 2018
Welcome Home
John Mendoza Dec 2018
Ease up soldier, welcome home son, so pour yourself a glass of *** cause your battle is finally over and done

Ease up soldier, welcome home son, enjoy the fruits of your labor and put down your saber, cause every sacrifice has secret price, and willingly or not, you paid yours, with your life

Ease up soldier, welcome home son, it’s finally over, it’s finally done, so let go the hate and the pain that you chase, cause just like this beautiful little rhyme, it’s finally time for you to enjoy your life
24 · Sep 11
Live Your Truth
John Mendoza Sep 11
Declaration of Intent: Live Your Truth

1. Most things in life are just momentary, you take them as just that. Nothing more, nothing less

2. You will always be, what you try to forget. If you never truly accept this, then you always be running from something

3. I think therefore I am and my darkness thinks therefore it is. Neglecting one side doesn’t mean it’s not there

4. Pick your battles wisely, not every situation needs a “show of force”. Sometimes it’s okay to give and other times is okay to take. Learn to compromise

5. The will to keep going never truly leaves us. Against every odd, every obstacle, the mind body and spirit will always find a way adapt. You just have to be willing to seek the means

6. “Escape” is fine every once and awhile but truly know, what it is that you’re escaping from. If not, you’ll just trap yourself in a never ending cycle of chasing “illusions”

7. Closure is a myth unless it comes from within. Accept that sometimes things happen, just to happen. No reason at all, they just are what they are. Keep in mind that no matter what, you’ll never ever truly be “whole”

8. The only validation you will ever need in your entire life, is from you. Sure it’s nice to hear praise from others but don’t make it your only source of happiness

9. Everything and I mean everything in life, has a price attached to it. Be sure to know what the cost is and be sure to know deeply, if you’re willing to pay that price

— The End —