In keeping my heart prisoner in a cage of ivory
I've developed Stockholm syndrome for the confined spaces of my chest cavity
Coming to love the security of being in a place too small to move
Forgetting the meaning of the word claustrophobia

A house is not a home until it becomes comfortable
A home is something you build
A home is something that when people it they breathe it in and say that is absolutely....
You,
that it's everything that encompasses you
everything that could ever mean
You
and that's what I want to be for
You
I want everyone to look at us and say wow you are perfect for each other
all the little nooks and crannies are filled with all the right things
love and dreams
any cracks in the walls accentuated perfectly
Flaws becoming perfection
everything I see in my home is perfection
because I see in you everything
I want to be comfortable with
You
I am most comfortable with
You
I want you to be my home
The home that my heart yearns to go to every night
the home that I miss every second that I am away
The home that I can always call my own and never be afraid to be true to myself and to you

I was under the impression that even with this crippling depression I could count on the thought of you to keep me from my regression into the pain that is felt when you are absent
I was wrong.

 I just wanted to hold you in my arms, I was so scared of letting go, I watched as you walk away, leaving me to my thoughts alone
Thinking I'm not good enough.

These thoughts, a Tsunami, its destruction attempting to tear apart my life, taunts and seeks control over me. But I, desperately waiting for you, resist them.

I have been searching for what I could say that would bring you to love me again. I try to call out to you begging for an answer begging for you to come back.

But I know you won't. the nature of the comfort you sought has brought you into another's heart

But I need you!
I need you to tell me!
I need to know why!
Why I wasn't enough?!?
Why did you leave!?!?
come back....
 please....

Be the one who accepts me.....
Just like you promised.....

I see the light in her eyes while she gazes into mine as we fall asleep
I feel the rise and fall of her breath on my neck as she nestles closer to me
Her heartbeat echoes with mine
Lying there losing track of time
Our fingers intertwine and I press my lips to her
With the entirety of my heart I whisper I love you 
Her lips curl to a smile, they part to speak...
Eyes open, the alarm goes off....
It's time to wake up.

I am silenced by sadness and held captive by the fear that everything will go wrong.....
I wasn't always like this but circumstances demanded I experience pain
But they gave me an overdose and now my mind is comatose
Void of all feeling I crawl through this life of mine on hands and knees
My broken skin letting the blood flow, weakening me even more
And I find I'm addicted.
Addicted to the encompassing emptiness ever present in me because of this.
If I am empty then I am nothing
If I am nothing
Then nothing can go wrong and then what will I have to fear

We take it to forget the fear
We take it to pass the sadness
We take it to quiet the mind
We take it to dull the ache
We take it to find the peace
But above all
We take it to erase the pain