Your “about me” says: ask”, but I don’t know where to start.
Your intent wants to “date but nothing serious” at heart.
But I wanna know more,
my ambition is to learn how very ambitious you are.
The 3 photos attached to your profile inspired me to write this scribe.
Hoping I don’t come off as corny cuz if I do I’ll be dying inside.
But I’ll shoot my shot, slide in ya DM and hope the best of luck.
And I ain’t goin lie, I’m digging ya style, you look **** as hell without your pictures showing too much.
Eloquent features, soft lips, but are your eyez filled with pain?
Cuz the pics don’t depict a smile, please don’t take that the wrong way.
I wanna get high with you spiritually and **** the **** out of your thoughts.
Make your spirit bust as ya soul gets wetter from every idea that was sought.
I wanna kick it, share uncontrollable laughter, go on adventures and get lost.
What’s the cost?
Free thinker, free thinker, are you thinking I’m too soft?
Nah never that, I’m just not afraid to show emotion in which this generation is currently at fault. Their lost.
Doesn’t mean I’m in love with you, doesn’t mean I’m not guarded and ****
Doesn’t mean I’m tryna lock you down like Wayne and mya and have you fallen and ****
But I am interested like whoa, who knows it could be destiny
Even though I wanna see how you put that thing on me, I can’t let you get the best of me
I wanna know everything
from your first love to your last
All just because I’m captivated and your “about me” says “ask”

So I ask.... are you intrigued as well?
Or am I looking  for love in a wrong venue?

We went from “who loves orange soda?” to take a shot for me.
To waiting in lines at the DMV, from waiting in lines at the school dance like “bruh hold my spot for me”
From N64 controllers to leasing a Toyota Corolla
Dealing with these adult life problems we don’t have no control of

From pillow forts to the rents due
From action figures to hopes of six figures
From razor scooters to shaving with razors
From love letters to car notes
crazy right?

The only losses we worried about were argued through Rock Paper Scissors.
Now we worry about losing jobs, material things and on the news daily we lose our brothers and sisters.

The only pain we felt was scraping our knees on the concrete.
Now we scrape change tryna pay the bills hoping that our ends meet.
I wish I could go back, I close my eyez with my memories and feel gratification.
And the thing I miss most of all at that tender age is my imagination

I can’t believe I couldn’t wait to get big

I smiled today....
I smiled today because I remembered your smile. How infectious it was like a plague but was able to cure a sickness, a smile that came with a glow in your eyez.
A smile that was contagious and was guaranteed to make me or others smile. A smile that was a sight for sore eyez.

I laughed today....
I laughed today because I remembered how your laugh sounded, how it was music to my ears in a uncontrollable hysterical sense.
To the point where our faces turned red while holding our sides so our ribs don't split.
How your laughter echoed in a room as the sound was intertwined with mine.
And how such laughter was filled with happiness and joy for that timeless moment in time.

I frowned today....
I frowned today because now all I have is the memory of your smile.
I time travel in my thoughts searching for that sight and realize how life is so fragile.
I don't see it physically, I can only see it with my eyez closed.
Hoping that I never forget how it looks as my memory fades when I grow old.

I cried today....
I cried today because your laughter can no longer beat my ear drum.
I can no longer hear the vibrations of your voice, I now have to imagine the sound of your laughter because you’re gone and no longer to hear from.
I cried today and those tears were lead from a frown.
Remembering how your laughter was hysterical made me cry hysterically cuz I can no longer hear that sound.

But..... Today, I smiled.
I smiled today because of you and it's been a while....

My friends adore this fearlessness that I’ve acquired
Or is this a facade that I’ve mastered?
I may not have any phobias of flight or height nor am I afraid of monsters and demons in the closet or under the bed.

I fear that I may disappoint or fear that I cannot protect my loved ones.

I fear what I’m capable of and or doing.

But I’m afraid to love; whole heartedly.
I’m afraid to share my deepest darkest secrets then have them used against me.

But my biggest fear of all....
I’m afraid of someone loving me and finding me beautiful.....
I’m afraid that one day the inevitability will come thanks to time and that, that “someone” will hate me and see what they once thought was beautiful is now hideous in their eyez.

The beauty that they once gazed upon in my soul has now become ugly and that frightens me the most.

Fearless? Nah, I’m only human, wishing I had less fear or the ability to fear less....

I have dreams of chaotic things, visions of blood and gore
Can’t seem to get this madness outside of my mind, afraid to close my eyes anymore.
The carnage that is produced from my imagination is somewhat related to my reality; because I’m living in hell.
The evils that men do motivates me to alwayz do the right thing well.
I’m supposed to be a protector, I run towards the chaos while others are fleein’
But who is supposed to help me with my demons?
I see ghost when I’m awake and monsters in this caged cell called my thoughts.
Even my day dreams aren’t safe to endure.
Paranoia has left me sick without a cough.
Insomnia seems to be the cure.
I have nightmares......
I wake up,
I’m shook up,
I look up,
I say “****!”
Drenched in cold sweat as I reach for my loaded arm for safety, my point forty five
The death I’ve seen comes back in my dreams at night........
It’s morning, time to shake it off because I have a duty to uphold to others....
Protect them from their nightmares