When I smile,
When I laugh,
When I tell you I'm fine,
Can't you see that it's all just an act?
Look into my eyes,
And tell me you can't see.
That I'm broken,
It's been like that for awhile now.

I stand alone
Existing as if I had purpose
Thinking
Unneeded, unwanted, used
But who am I to say I have it rough
I simply am too greedy to long for happiness

So here I am,
Sitting on the bathroom floor,
Wondering if I’m even worth more,
Feeling trapped inside my mind,
I’ve become a slave to what I feel inside,
Everything is spinning,
Out of control,
I’ve given up the fight,
I’ve allowed my blood to spill.

Don’t call me or text me,
Don’t pretend that you care,
I wasn’t worth your time before,
What reason is there to care now?
Let me dissapear,
There’s no reason for me to be here anymore.

Goodbye,
Farewell,
May I wish you the best.
My curtain call has come,
And this is the final set.

Caught between two worlds,
You know which the right choice is
But you're held back
Confused, refusing to except the truth.
You choose the right way,
Saying it's just a test drive,
Immediately you feel relieved.
The negativity,
It's all but almost gone
Feelings rush back
Attacking at once,
You cry,
But not out of sadness.
You're overjoyed at this foreign feeling,
Saying its been awhile,
You accept it with open arms
Releasing the what you've held in,
For years.

Unspoken words,
Unwritten letters.
Pens and paper waisted,
Sitting just sitting.
What are you waiting for?
Love if forever, You say.
So why not wait?
Well love maybe forever,
But if you don't know it exists,
Then you can't hold on to it,
Forever

Take it away
don't let it stay
for it only corrupts the mind
coping is hard when your all alone
and sitting in the dark.
Voices surround
and lieing is simple
but everything is just a blur
your too far gone now
and noises vanish
you've come to the dark side
your vision abandon
and they rush to your side
wanting to save you
but it's too late to care about the daughter they never expected.

I'm falling fast,
Losing grip,
My judgement is clouded,
I can't think.

I know this place,
I've been before,
It seems like home,
But so much more.

I'm addicted,
To the pain it gives,
As I try to breath,
I sink back in.

In the dark,
Im all alone,
I gave up fighting,
I've let them win.

I've lost control,
I've never had,
And I've slipped back into old habits,
I won't be able to control.

Sand brushing my toes,
Love standing in the way.
Happiness lost in the ocean,
Head in the clouds.
Trying to forget,
Was is it? Or Was it not?

Forced smiles and introductions,
Simple hi's and how are you's
The biggest show you have to display
Time against you,
How long can you keep up the act?
It gets harder,
as the pain becomes clearer.
The world spins faster,
Lost for thoughts.
You choose not to think,
To feel,
To be.
Giving up wasn't the hard choice,
As you see it,
It was the only choice.

Smal at first,
Distracting even.
Annoying perhaps?
Grow bigger and bigger,
Still you push them aside.
Nobody notices, nobody cares
Take it out on yourself
Don't let them know
Your better off without them
Suddenly there bigger then you
You no longer can control them
And suddenly your gone there gone
But you've somehow created more.

The sky starts to cry
i feel it's wet salty tears
they sprinkle on me
i now cry along with it
and our tears create a sea
coming together remembering the days we long to forget

It's simplicity was complex
the world you lived in ceased
the tide halted and the sun dulled
cars abandoned and homes barren
the complexity suddenly became simple

Darkness holds me back as I creep through the day,
I've lost sight of not only the path in front of me,
but me as well,
living as if I was a ghost,
that no one cares to bother with,
but its in these times that I know better,
I know I have you, you make me strong,
and you make me carry on even when the days are long.

Breathe.
Don't mess up.
Don't show them you're broken.
Breathe again.
You're fine.

Shut up.
I cant breathe with you talking.
Why are you always so loud.
Why cant I think for myself.
I wish I could breathe.

You're so stupid.
You aren't supposed to breathe anymore.
You aren't good enough for that remember.
You are losing to me.
I knew you could never win.

I don't need you.
Go away.
I want you to go away.
Please.

Please?
That's funny.
I will never go away.
I am a part of you.
Forever.

She didn't want this she writes
but it had to end
she had to go
nothing made sense for her anymore.
She felt she didn't belong.
You made her feel that way.
But you act like nothing happened.

A girl is gone
taken from her family
her friends
and you the cause of all this
have the nerve to continue to torment others.

It's sickening;
then I know why
the last friend you text bye to that night.
Then all at once your gone as well.
Feeling an enteral pain and guilt from the tragedy you caused.

Have you ever felt like you don’t matter,
Everything you do amounts to nothing.
You just get ignored and don’t know why,
Constantly wondering what your doing wrong,
What you could have done better.

Silence
Silence was key,
That's the only way she could be,
That's what they taught her to be,
That's what she needed to be,
She needed the survival,
She needed the head space,
She needed the long lonely nights trapped in her head,
She needed it for her sanity,
Her silence was to be the death of her,
Her silence caused her ending,
She never allowed words to leave her mind,
So she drowned in the feelings she hid.

I feel like I'm breaking,
No,
I've been broken,
I feel like I'm slipping,
No,
I've already fallen,
I feel like I'm dying,
No,
I'm already dead inside,
I feel like crying,
No,
These tears are already dry.

I'm Hurt,
I'm Scared,
I'm Sad,
But most of all,
I'm Tired.

I'm Tired of not being good enough,
tired of doing everything wrong,
tired of listening to everyone fighting,
tired of being your puppet,
just tired.

And the funny thing is,
you don't even see it,
and you excuse?
your tired too.

But the meaning is very different,
while you catch up on hours of sleep,
I sink deeper into my own thoughts,
my own misery.

But if you knew,
what I was truly tired of,
you'd say its my own fault,
and tell me I'm fine.

She sat staring at the clock
thinking hoping
that there was some other way
not realizing the effect of her decision

but as the minutes ticked by
and the time she had
to talk herself out of it was over
and she began the task;
her last task

and as she completed it she wrote don't miss me,
I was never good enough
for you anyway
and with that she took her last breath
on the earth she lived on
for 16 short years.