I was writing all down what was written before,
Writing down prats,
Writing down ******.
When I stumbled upon an array of deceit,
It was a trap,
They took my journal from me.
I smiled.
No one will ever find their bodies.

I stopped looking for you under the sheets, I stopped looking for you in cars that passed. Eight months it took but I've finally put you to rest. Eight months of screaming and crying, banging on walls. Eight months of loneliness as I walked down the halls. Eight months of razors to skin, eight months of smelling your clothes in my bin. Eight months too long.

As a child
I put my finger in the fire  
to become
a saint.

As a teenager
every day I would knock my head against the wall.

As a young girl
I went out through a window of a garret  
to the roof
in order to jump.

As a woman
I had lice all over my body.
They cracked when I was ironing my sweater.

I waited sixty minutes  
to be executed.
I was hungry for six years.

Then I bore a child,  
they were carving me  
without putting me to sleep.

Then a thunderbolt killed me
three times and I had to rise from the dead three times  
without anyone’s help.

Now I am resting
after three resurrections.

I leave  stains on your neck
There's  whispers exchanged
"She's a ***** and a wreck "
There's no hope for change

I leave my own mark
It  claims you as mine
At first a deep red
But  it fades over time

The sign of my love
shown on your skin
Only way to your heart
In this hell that i'm in

Please understand
The disgrace that i feel
But there's nothing to do,
It's my only appeal

Did you ever hear about ******* Lil?
She lived in ******* town on ******* hill,
She had a ******* dog and a ******* cat,
They fought all night with a ******* rat.

She had ******* hair on her ******* head.
She had a ******* dress that was poppy red:
She wore a snowbird hat and sleigh-riding clothes,
On her coat she wore a crimson, ******* rose.

Big gold chariots on the Milky Way,
Snakes and elephants silver and gray.
Oh the ******* blues they make me sad,
Oh the ******* blues make me feel bad.

Lil went to a snow party one cold night,
And the way she sniffed was sure a fright.
There was Hophead Mag with ***** Slim,
Kankakee Liz and Yen Shee Jim.

There was Morphine Sue and the Poppy Face Kid,
Climbed up snow ladders and down they skid;
There was the Stepladder Kit, a good six feet,
And the Sleigh-riding Sister who were hard to beat.

Along in the morning about half past three
They were all lit up like a Christmas tree;
Lil got home and started for bed,
Took another sniff and it knocked her dead.

They laid her out in her ******* clothes:
She wore a snowbird hat with a crimson rose;
On her headstone you’ll find this refrain:
She died as she lived, sniffing *******

It hurts to not be the first.
In nothing you seen the sweetest,
it goes wrong.
My thoughts are converted.