i sleep with a bomb under my bed

cut the blue wire
cut the red

(tick tock)

i can't live with this bomb anymore

i'm so hurt
i'm so sore


i cut my red veins
i cut the blue


it was going to end like this

i always knew

I know,
I'm not all that great,
I'm not that good looking,
not that open,
not that fun,
not that special,
but I'm still all yours to take.

But you're irresistible,
make no mistake,
I'd do anything to be close,
but I can't help but remember,
your hugs are posed for display at the moment,
and your frowns at me with rare eye contact,
turn into a smile that seams forced and fake.

I can't promise you I'm not ill,
I'm not extreme,
but some pain still kills,
all I wanted was to keep you safe,
I haven't got an issue with you going away to places,
but I'd love to be close to you,
when you're back just the same.

If you can't be close physically,
how emotionally can you see,
well just seeing you happy is a pleasure to me,
I suppose I'll have to disappear,
so you can feel again,
I'll be a ghost,
just a glimpse you'll see.

I'll be back if and when you want me close,
I still have my one wish,
I won't give up on you,
I won't forget like you said,
I won't make you regret,
but you have to remember,
that I love you the most.

you always
remind me of
a puzzle piece
i can never quite
figure you out

I’m cancer, can’t you realize this?
        Toxic and out of control.
You don’t need me, you’ll need chemotherapy.
        Why don’t you run?
                You need to run.

Those innocent glassy eyes
Staring in my direction with anticipation.
        Why me?
I’m ugly on the inside.
        Black with decay, and broken dishes.
I’m despicable and disastrous.

You have nothing to gain from me
        But everything to lose.
I will sink my teeth into your heart
        only to heal my own
                leaving you brittle and broken.

Why won’t you head my warning?
I’m a giant caution sign, but here you sit.
        You must want to be abused and dismantled.
                Do you think you will enjoy this brand of torture?

Do you think there is something deeper?
                                                        T­heres not.
I’m cancer.
        I’m hate.
                I’m full of black decay.
                        I’m ugly when you crack me open.
That’s all I’ll ever be.

Sweetheart, calm down.
You're not in love
nor do you love me.
you don't want to,
I won't let you.

I'm complicated.
I'm a mess.
After being too in love
with someone else.
I fell in love with my own company.
a little too much,
you could say.

So even your sweet talk
and candy.
Your long walks
and perfect goodbyes
aren't enough for me to
leave the comfort of knowing
that if i don't try
my heart won't break.

If a rose doesn't bloom
then the petals can't be
ripped off. The rose will
just be protected
by thorns and dirt.

Calm down, sweetheart
Please, calm down.
I don't love you.

Disoriented:
not knowing where I am
Who I am
What I am
Doing.

I die momentarily
When the monster grip
my soul
Out of this hollow frame;
The body.

They say: "time will tell"
I know not
of the time
now.

Inability to differentiate
Dreams
And reality,
I lie between
The blurred line.