t's a vibe; it's a common high. Here I go again, I see her eyes and I can tell her heart is pure and innocent. I can tell from the vibe that she's down to ride. As I lay here I realize that it's time to analyze these detailed situations I so recognized many times before. I have to slow down this time around. I can't rush this feeling based on my selfish needs. If the vibe is right, their is no need for lines of lies. With this vibe, I think I might let it be just that, a vibe.

I didn't understand how I went from one relationship to the next. I still don't know. I still don't know how I've told so many women I loved them but never really meant it though. I've got this 2 year itch I can't seem to get past it. I've gone from this to that like a **** game of chest but now I'm gasping. I would like to think that I brought some good to them but as I write this down, I know I was never for them. I'm a serial dater filled with commitment issues that I can't fix. Now I'm searching for my next fix like a drug addict looking for their next hit. I'm addicted to the thought of being in love and committed to someone who I already know doesn't deserve to find out the hurt they are about to endure. I'm a *******. Clearly I have too many issues that is hard to change or better yet, maintain.

It started with a note followed by a couple more. Next thing I knew I was wishing she would skip the 4th and come at me with some force. I was fifteen years young and feeling sprung. This feeling was new to me. She was 18 making me fall in love so quickly. I was just a kid not thinking adult things. Her and I was something so sweet and innocent. 10 months later my heart was broken for the first time ever. **** that **** was painful. She cheated and admitted that it was my teammate who She was dealing with

Que será? Me pregunto yo misma, que será de mi por la razón que no puedo para de pensar en ti. Que será la razón que no sientas lo mismo por mí. Me pongo a pensar, será mi edad? Será que simplemente no tendrás ojos para mí. Que será? Será tu sonrisa. Serán tus ojos, tu piel, tus labios. Que será. Será porque me rechazaste y no lo puedo aceptar? Que será?

B.Enigma

Enigma

Sometimes difficult to understand. Sometimes mysterious from where they stand. Puzzling at times even to myself. Don't ask me to explain who I am. Still searching for her everywhere I go. Lost and delusional, I lose my mind. Searching sometimes many nights, falling asleep with crying eyes.
Blanca the enigma, that's who I've come to know.


-B_Enigma

I looked at you, you smiled at me. Let's play. I feel the need to redeem my last critique. Let's play. I asked you once, well maybe twice but you chose to tell me no. No? What an L that felt for someone pretty as me. Yes I'm that girl with no remorse. I'm that woman who's ready to roar. You're still telling me no? That's alright baby, you're just another girl.

I'm not a poet, never claimed to be. I hold my feelings in, but that's a dangerous thing. Expressing myself through words is a healing step. Expressing myself to you is a baby step. Short and a sweet, that's how its always been.

I'm hopeless.
Not hopelessly romantic just hopelessly attracted to the smile you shine upon a room. I know I'm no good for you but I can't stop lusting over you.
This feeling I'm trying to desperately shake off won't let my mind shut you off. Tell me, what is a girl like me suppose to do to brush you off? I'm already in lust, what else can go wrong. I'm hopeless. Hopelessly believing in a fairytale for us. I write this down and I can't help but smirk. I smirk because you'll never know that it's you Im hopeless for.

She's been heart broken too many time before. I came in the picture, just another clone to her. She sees me, she sees heartbreak. I see her and I want to show her. I want to show her that I'm not like the women from her past. Yes,they were all an exquisite taste. Breathtaking but irresponsible with her heart. I can't say that I'm the right one for her. I don't know. What I am certain is the disservice she will be doing to herself if she doesn't see me standing there, in front of her, reaching out . Tick tock, clock is running out.

I caught you, you bounced so quickly I had to catch you on the rebound. There you were, coming up to me like you knew we would be. I should have stopped you at hello, I should have let the ball roll. Instead here I go again, catching you on the rebound, nothing new just someone new. You seemed cool, why wouldn't I fool with you. I was lonely and so were you. Now don't be mad, you knew where i stood and still stand.

How did I let this go for so long, you were the poison that ****** life out of me. I tried and tried some many times before to push you out the door but you kicked your way in. With every kick I felt the hits. I begged you please, just stay away. You begged me please, don't go away. You were poison. You had a problem and I couldn't fix it. I tried to save you but you wouldn't listen. 2 years later I see you still miss me, of course you do, I was always submissive.

What's wrong with me? How have I become that person I said I would never be. Shame on me for trying to be someone who's attraction towards someone else has taken over me. Baby please, tell me who and why this has to be, is it me? Is it something I did to be dismissed. Baby please what's wrong with me? Oh **** wait, let me snap out of this funky state. Let me take a few steps back and comprehend. You know, grasp and mentally understand why I'm tripping on this ******* made believe. Ha, Yea I'm tripping so now I'm sipping on this liquid and reminding myself who I am and what she's missing.

Selfish love

You said I would be the only woman for you. You called me your soulmate, the love of your life. I see you now with someone else, a woman I do not recognize. Love me, see me, hold me, words I wish to yell at you. I see you and I feel you. You love me still and I could have you. Cowardly I am for I would reject you. Selfish of me to want all of you but not just you.

-B.Enigma