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I sat with my grief long enough
To be at peace with her
Asked her how she came to live with me
She replies with a simple answer
I am the product of your lovely heart
The heart that allowed itself to be touched,broken and mended.
I asked if she would leave soon
She replied, so as long as love lies inside,
I will also be.

I sat with my pain , who looked wrung out and bled profusely
I offered a cloth to stop the bleeding
But she refused to take it, said she didn’t want to heal
I then proceeded to ask her why she stayed
She starts to cry aloud and shows me her wounds
When I looked carefully I saw that they were bind with heaps of memories and guilt
I slowly took a deep breath and untangled the rusted chains of guilt one by one
The beads of memories were tightly wrapped between the chains
It took me a thousand tries to untangle the mess
But when I finally did, my pain stopped bleeding . She took a breath of relief and thanked me for it
The next morning she left and replaced herself with wisdom

I also sat with my insecurities
We sipped a cup of warm chamomile
When it was all calm, I began to ask her
How and why she became a part of me
She looked afraid and shaken for a while
Then she whispered and told me
It was because the world had distorted my own perception of myself, that she was born and grew to be a part of me
I did not want to kick her out so harshly, lest she be filled with more fear
So I gave her a pat on the hand and kissed her gently
Told her she need not grow any longer
And asked her to become my best friend
I was no longer ashamed to be with her nor was she with me,
And this is how I found a home inside myself.
Love scares me
You reveal parts of me that recklessly try to hide in plain sight
But you are so soft
Pure laughter from your lips
Your eyes forgive my mistakes so easily
I don’t know how to hide

Life is sweeter with you
Like the sweetness you taste from honey
In the warmest and richest way possible
Nourishment for the soul
Unlike the sweetness from plain sugar
Forcefully sweet and cold
An antidote rather than an elixir

Your words caress me
Like the wind blowing the washed clothes dry
Sunlight dripping in every thread woven
The faint scent of detergent smiling
Unlike the loud laundry dryers
Buzzing with wrath and fury
Demanding the water to vanish at once

I like your smile that brings your whole face together
Almost like how pizza is made complete with spread and toppings
It’s beautiful but satisfying  
Cherry on top of the cake
It makes my heart flutter and melt
Like cheese dripping out from yummy corn dogs
Messy but so so lovely

I love everything about the way it is with you
Head to toe
Limbs to fingers
Lips to chin
A portrayal of being in love with a person .
It hurts

It hurts it hurts it hurts
I don’t remember anything but I know it hurts
Days spent waking up with heartbreaking dreams
Nights spent dwelling on what could have been
And thinking about you in everything I do

I cannot guarantee I will make it out of this
The only thing that drives me is my heartbeat tenaciously pumping
Nothing else matters

even if the whole world overcame global warming
Or If the pandemic came to a full stop.
I will still be in a million pieces shattered
Picking up two pieces and dropping three more

I will give it all to have one more day of sunshine with you
One more day of you calling me baby
One more day of you staring at me
One more day of having you you my side

To feel the protection, to feel the security, to feel the warmth you offered me
I don’t need the biggest compliment to make me feel better
I don’t need a million friends to give me company
I don’t need a giant pizza to fill up my broken heart.

World politics doesn’t seem so bad anymore
My bad grades don’t seem to sting so bad now
Getting my life together doesn’t look so important
And wearing cute clothes are way behind my mind

Life looks so much emptier without your silliness
The sunsets less vibrant without your presence
The streets look so clueless without you to hold my hand
The sky looks sadder to see us apart
My coffee tastes like medicine I drink to get through the day
My gallery looks like an office report with plain numb pictures hanging drearily
My bed empathises with me, knowing how I can never fully recover
It respectfully soaks in the tears and the cries
Hoping I can get some relief

The food fills my mouth in the silly belief to heal the emptiness I have inside
The antidepressants I take explode with serotonin to seal up the battered thoughts I beat myself with everyday

My mother looks at my face in confusion and worry
Says I need more fruits, more exercise , more socialising
The irony being that she lost her lover to death and she still thinks I need more love.

Dear mama how do I tell you
I had too much love on my hands
That now it’s driven me crazy without it
Love came up to my lap and placed itself happily
Not warning me
It would disappear with no explanation
And leave me in tears.
This is quite a long poem phew! Written with sad eyes.

— The End —