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Dear A. R.

The conversation we were having the other day was undoubtedly exhausting. It’s unfortunate that it has even gotten to the point where we don’t know if we want to say anything at all to each other. There was a period where there was so much energy in our conversations that we could feel it in our bones.

Although our association was for a short time, having the opportunity to connect with you was meaningful, thought-provoking, and enlivening.

I really considered you a friend, hence the yellow themes. But at times, of course, more than a friend, especially when we discussed the deeper parts of ourselves or exchanged images or stories that translated to ‘personalized’ gifts. Those were vulnerabilities and hidden parts of us that not everyone gets to see or know.  Thank you for sharing those with me and for allowing me to gift those to you as well.

Keeping those nice times in mind, it’s no secret that there were also times we disagreed. This was due to not respecting one another’s boundaries. I don’t think there would have been any combination of words that could have solved that- it was much too contradictory to solve without having backfire of some kind.

Boundaries, sometimes but not always, translate into contingencies. By nature, my own boundary involved you responding in a certain way.

We could not continue with the status quo.

I want you to know there was a reason I sent you an art piece with the formula  PR = 120/ Do (Dawes’ Limit) displayed a few weeks prior. I found it pleasing and playful that the formula expresses the closest that two stars can appear together in the sky and still be seen as two distinct strs with an optical device; Two different people, two different lives, far away yet very close.


The purpose of choosing that particular marking or reasoning applies even more so now, because things have been, unfortunately,

fuzzy and incoherent.

I want you to know that I took the time to think about the finer and originally unseen details from your point of view.

When all is said and done, our dynamic consisted of euphoric fantasies, hopes, and positive dialogue. It's my fondest wish that our connection didn’t lead to just becoming a fuzzy and incoherent star.


Ultimately, this letter can serve as a proxy for both of us.

Not having to restart or stop out loud.
We deserve a resolution. An end.

I want you to know that if I could give you anything else:
Another gift.

It would be to give you the maximum amount of resolving power possible under ideal conditions.

Sincerely

A.K
Dawes' limit is a formula to express the maximum resolving power of a microscope or telescope.
AylahHearts Nov 8
Your thumbtack
This concept
This artwork
shakes paper
It’s absolutely beautiful
It’s sensational
It made me feel things I cannot describe
Can I keep it?
I’d like to hold onto it for a very long time

As I daydream about getting down to brass
My eyes gaze at the bare wall
I begin imagining that I am a thumbtack
Your thumbtack
Yes, I did just objectify myself, didn’t I?
But I have these feelings now
Whereas I didn’t before
Because you did not resist the other purposes I felt I had at the time
Leading up to this moment
You never tried to make me dull
And even now, I do not feel feeble
I feel sharper than ever
Sharp enough to be pushed into a wall
Pushed as hard as you’d like
Just to hold this concept tightly
In the same fashion that your arm is placed around my back
And in the way my ******* feel beneath your chest
AylahHearts Nov 8
Like water and oil do we swirl
As my eyes close
Your eyes open
And again we dance fluidly
Nearing
And changing course
The sun sets and you think of me
The sun rises and I think of you
But neither dare to shake the bottle once more

A counterpoint duet
Looping and dipping
Dripping and flipping
Tossing and turning

Finally
An emulsifier

I’ll never forget the time we stirred
It was the moment we both said
“Stop”
At the very same time

But in the end it was all just an intellectual exercise
We could never truly bond.
AylahHearts Aug 2016
My chest spasms...
Tightening vessels resemble bricks
Who knew that memories could feel so heavy
My eyes close for a moment
Flashes of your faces yank violently onto my optic nerves
While my brain attempts to circumnavigate
Turn regret into something easier said than done
My fists clench feeling hot and cold simultaneously
Air rushes into my wrinkled lips
While I breathe NEARLY all of this lingering essence out
Out of my lungs
And I try yet again to return to earth
Hearing an emphatic rhythmic pump
and your well–intentioned attempt to turn words into quietude
AylahHearts Mar 2016
She's on life support, what does that mean?
Does she still have a chance?
How much of a chance?
Was it an overdose?
Is she still alive?
No brain activity?
She died?

I didn't even say goodbye.
I didn't even say hello.
I didn't say anything to her for years.
I couldn't...

Should I've?
Should I go her funeral?
Would it be right?
This was the note from her father: "To all of  her friends,
This is her father. I'm so sorry to have to tell you all that she has died of an ****** overdose. This is the worst news a parent could possible have to deliver. Her mother and I are completely shattered. Please pray for her soul. My beautiful, clever, sweet, and creative daughter is gone. She can only live on in our hearts."
AylahHearts Dec 2015
I was lonely so I thought of spending time with you
I was sad so I thought I should go hug you
I was grieving so my thoughts thought of you
But all those led to you
and I can't kiss or pet this candle.
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