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Avestani Sep 9
I've opened one too many doors inside this labyrinth of my mind
I've seen the birth and death of light in endless dark I will reside
I see the truth as sharpened knives to bleed the eyes from shameless pigs
I see the coffins filled to brims and all the graves we have to dig

I watched the heavens turn to ash and gazed upon the empty throne and as the burning angels fell I realized I felt at home a fitting end to holy tomes a burning city kin to Rome and as through concrete flowers grow the seeds of chaos will be sown

The sea it turns from red to black the sky applauds its thunders clap from whence we came we shall go back into our saviors endless trap

Pursuit of peace no shame be known as wisely told by three blind crones and all the secrets we'd be shown to break the cage we've much outgrown

And now upon the lofty sands we stand together hand in hand and to sing of battles long and gory remembering  our hard fought glory

The venom seeps, the fangs that shred, the warm embrace of those thought dead, the sons of evil took their toll, the sun is dark, the jester folds

And when the end has had its run we flee to halls and fill with *** and give the praise to those we've lost to see this day but at what cost
For now they leave but never gone the tale of Gods will still live on they said our God's have met their end but see they lied they rise again
Avestani Sep 9
Tell me who you wish for me to be
Ill be silent, waiting patiently
Gave up on my perfect memories
Haunted by the things you did to me
All of these faces they seem just the same
And all of these places I've watched go up in flames
Telling renditions of tragedy and shame
I'm on a mission to make it one more day

All these things
They build up in me
All these sins
They've corrupted me
Trust myself
To never trust again
Call for help
I wish I had a friend.

All of these things, they build up in me
All of these sins, they've corrupt me
Can you see, can you tell,
I am a broken soul destined for hell

Ohhh
Sunbathed, in the mornings light
When the night is gone
And the feeling that I can't contain comes around
The sheets, of my bed
seem to be, where I'll drownnnnnn

Locked inside, the tiny chamber, of my mind, I try to find, a reason to, convince myself,
I will be fine, just in due time,
Torn frommmmm, this reality
I'm still hereee, but it's not where I'm meant to beeee
Press rewind, and take a trip, though empty halls in a fractured glimpse, of passageways to yesterday's, that shaped me to who I am today, and question why, just one more time, you think that this would turn out fine

Conscious but not
Speaking but not heard
I used to flock, a sheep within the herd
Seen what it was,
The Shepard never learns
Stirring the ***
But don't expect the burn
Tearing off all of this  pretense my heart, is shackled and bound in a fence where I keep it I've seen all your crimes and misdeeds turn to secrets so trust me when I say if I loved you, just delete it.
*******.
Each and every scar on my heart seems to lead to a time and place where my trust and my faith was just wrongfully placed and at no ones fault, just seemingly t my own, Id give it all back  to never remember that home.
That home.
That face.
And those lies that we told, that once we're all true, I don't think you know, but that makes it hurt all the more.
Avestani Jan 1
Test director
Follow the vector
My mind is a spectre
It flys through the walls
Here it coming
The sound of it crawling
I juggle addictions
And don't drop the ball
Im misguided
Listened to wisdom
I swear I've been taught this
Then forgot it all
I've decided
To be undecided
Red or the blue pill
I wont make the call


Slowly down this precipice I pray I never fall
Only when there's none to give does heaven start to call
Forced into indifference like I forgot it all


Words strung together like the blessing of the ancient ones who's will was turned to stone and drafted on the cosmic slate of demon bones


Lofty shroud of ignorance that graces round the throne, screaming  that I'm lonely y now when I possess a phone


Exiled from my own mistakes, my past once felt like home, but now feels foreign to the touch as memories dance across my brain I crave the numbness in my veins


I've grown so much but still fear pain, I know there's cost, yet seldom pay, I yearn for freedom as a slave, I feel so lost but know the way


I seek the steps that I should take
But all my worry seems so fake
I beg, I ask for help to plan
But hold the power in my hands
I seldom lack to save my friends
But always lag to save myself
I let my demons win today
But yet I stand here set to slay


You've been directed by the best
And every helping hand you've turned
To live in your own perfect world
You know your sin
You know your tests
You know yourself the very best
You know the secrets that you keep
You know the pain you've buried deep
You know the way to heal yourself
You know the way you fail each test
And choose a path to what you want
Instead of taking what you need
A slave to your heart filled with greed
An eager jump for fantasy
But life's not fair
You've lived so wrong
You trapped yourself and sing your song
You know deep down your will is wrong
But still you walk in circles drawn
When you were on your darkest days
You still fall prey to your old ways
So much given, so much signs
But all you want is to feel fine
The human ways, they never change
You know for fact it cant be the same
But words like these go in and out
You couldn't care to follow suit
You're gifted teachers play with fools
You let yourself be used like tools
You crave a change yet still you use
You think you're e smart, you know the words
But seldom can you make them verbs
Your actions show you wont progress
Follow the spirits, take their tests.

You only know what you know.
You can only change if you hope to grow.
You believe in God.
You know the spirits brutal hand
Live by it. Or die by it.

Stop accepting humanity
Become the forest
Avestani Sep 2020
You've tasted the blood on the lips of the ******
You've stabbed every back till you've settled your score
Of Serpents and devils you lay in the shallows
Twisting and squirming corrupt all that's hallowed
Strangle the breath from their lungs evermore
You are the scourge that was banished at sea
You are the demon that's hiding in me
Devil I am in the shell of a man
Seeking this vengeance for those who've been ******
Finding no peace in the blood and gore
Mindless this violence I crave something more
Venom it flows from my every word
Poisoning you till you lag from the herd
Your moment of weakness is all you have left
Watching you falter and take your last breath
Beg to the God's that you've weathered your fate
Hungry for freedom but can't get a plate
Selfish you are when you give what you owe
Thinking that kindness is what you bestow
Greedy for pleasure you **** in the filth
Drowning in drink just to numb out the guilt
Bury yourself by the weight of your sins
So lost in the rage you'd turn blade to your kin
Captive you are to the way of the Gods
Chosen your service but yet still do wrong
The heart of a man is too quickly to break
Under the pressure your smile will turn fake


Of Serpents and devils you live in a land drowned in dark and your future is woven by threads torn apart as the Norns seek to guide but you live by your heart not your mind as the wisdom you seek is the wisdom you find but not what you keep as you're searching the deep and the sky comes alive with the lighting and thunder you reach for a knife to sever the life, to sever the line, you think with this freedom your future is fine.


Suffocating the liars with the tongue that's dipped in gold, speaking gentle whispered whimsy from a heart of broken stone,
Tragic fractures
Pain of past
Do you think this love will last?
Cursed for sins by karmas hold, you play games but quickly fold, the hand you're dealt, the hand you stole, does seeking wealth make your soul whole


Driven by profit to substitute power that comes from the knowledge you lack
Seeking the warmth of another like stars in the sky to ignore the endless black
Holding to these words turned violent questions hit like loaded guns
Fail to embrace the spirit resilient God will surely come
And when his words descend upon you life has just begun


Of Serpents and devils you live in a land drowned in dark and your future is woven by threads torn apart as the Norns seek to guide but you live by your heart not your mind as the wisdom you seek is the wisdom you find but not what you keep as you're searching the deep and the sky comes alive with the lighting and thunder you reach for a knife to sever the life, to sever the line, you think with this freedom your future is fine.


Do not seek to beg and pray
The wisdom comes on darkest days
And when you think you've had enough, the Gods will come and call your bluff, then feed you misery 'till you' re stuffed


Karmas hold worth more than gold, can lie to man, can wear a mask, can preach a truth you seldom walk, but God knows all, the night and dawn, he does attack
In little ways
The smallest things
The tiniest cuts are the most painful sting
Avestani Aug 2020
Constrained to vices that bind us to time
We learn to let go and unwind
Detachment from filth
Freedom of mind
Exposing our souls as we go towards the divine
Calmly we seek
I Steadily we rise
All for the moment of truth in our lives


Burning star in the midnight sky, do you see the way that angels cry, as the light you shine illuminates my eyes
It's burns away the lies
I realize I'm fine
Angel nor demon I'm only man, cursed with free will and a slave to God's plan, buried my sins in the past so they rust, carving my future of glory from dust, tearing away all that I've ever been, watching self hate blow away on the wind,
Seeing that endings are where we begin
Knowing the peace I seeks buried within


Constrained to devices that corrupt our minds
We live to control
Pretend we're divine
Attached to the filth
The mask says we're kind
Pity the blind as they walk towards demise
Calmly they speak
Believe their own lies
All till the moment that Karma arrives


Fall from grace how the angels died, as they realize how the good men lie, as I cross the t's and dot my i's on the contract for my eternal life, and the price was paid on the darkest night, where the demons won and tore away my light,
Will I just be fine
Will I just be fine
Will I just be fine
Over and over I drag myself to the valley where I once met death, with a new respect, on what balance meant.
Avestani Jul 2020
Trying to overcome the feeling of being numb
Defaulting to indifference has left me acting in defense
Protecting myself from the pain with deflection and novacane min
Has left me with an unbalanced brain, will I ever know love again


I wonder why I seldom cry
Why roses for
Is God alive


Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets


My heart is beating like a drum
To feel alive I try to die
This venom enters numbs my tongue
I crave to see through open eyes
To find the truth in ignorance
They blind the youth with negligence
The ancients come and steal my breath
And turn it into excellence
The Golden Light out shines the sun
Catharsis of unspoken words
I feel myself go back in time
And wonder why we have to die
I wonder why the God's are still
As man kills Earth and drinks his fill
Why good men lie why bad men cry
Would all th we answers save my life


I wonder why I seldom cry
Why roses die
Is God alive


Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets


Cyclical thinking
Biblical drinking
If I pray to God will I one day feel fine
Or would he neglect a desperation of this kind
As I sink in the waters of my own device
Baptism of the most unfortunate kind
Relentlessly driven to seek the unknown
The words of the truth get stuck in my throat
The world turns to black
Then swiftly to grey
Darkness and light I guess balance is ok
If I had it my way
These lessons would change
I'd hide from the pain
But then in the end there would be nothing to gain


I am a pillar
Ancient and crumbling
Need restoration
Standing for something
Rooted in place
I'm defined by circumference
I am a pillar
I'm standing for something
Falling to nothing
Been bested by time
Clinging to concepts
It's all in my mind

Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets, but growth is painful, I accept, and let it go, for peace to set
Avestani Jul 2020
Torturing myself with memories of the past
I seek to understand what I hid behind my mask
And all my good intentions bore no fruit, they didn't last
I'm hear to learn my lessons from a class I didn't pass


Over and over I'm playing the tape through
To learn all my patterns and see why I hate you,
I hate me
Projecting my failure, my anger, mistrust
Watching my lies turn my future to dust
Pushing myself till I'm over the edge, but I don't touch the ground
I'm falling and screaming but don't make a sound
The depths of my madness is where I will drown
Only in chaos will answers be found
Only through breaking will I be unbound
Only in silence will I hear the sound


I see myself, a product of wasted potential, an addict to the tragic, a pinnacle of pain
These moments I've been through have rewired my brain.
Im happy then sad, forget what feels normal and fearful of knowing true peace with myself
Expecting the worst
Seeking acceptance from others in place of my own
If they knew what I knew, then they'd hate me too.
I'm awesome but ****, worth loving but easy to hate
I'm honest and peaceful but just for today,
I bounce off the walls, can't get out if bed
I'm praying for answers to take me right out of my head


They speak to me.


All the distractions will take you from soul
All of the money will not make you whole
The gifts of the past pave a way for the future and all of the demons we fear live on earth
Poisoning children addicted from birth
Models and beauty corrupt their self worth
Men on a mission to strip all the Earth of her essence
We struggle to live and then burn out like stars on the weekend
Do you love what you do?
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