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Avestani Jul 2020
Oblivious to the yearning, you're frozen in time
Stagnant emotions, settling in your mind
Holding the burden, you're testing your strength
I know you're hurting and holding your breath

I, believe
You're worthy of catharsis
Your destiny is bliss
All the things you've suffered have made you into this
Pain was the water, you've drowned in the rain
Loss was the sunlight, that burnt your smile away

From all the ashes you will rise again
A flower is blooming from seeds in your head
I know that you're shaken, I know that you're scared
Change is always coming. I know that you're prepared

I've watched as you've been growing,
And I've watched you conquer fear,
As you turn all your shame into passionate flames
As you let go of blame, and moved on from the pain, If you saw yourself through the mirrors of my eyes
The beauty, the glory, of your strength, would make you cry

I see potential between all the lies
I see the angels in devils disguise
Don't know the past, I don't know where you're from
Can't promise you a paradise, a garden of eden

I'm not a savior and you're not a nun
You're growth will be painful
If you need I'll come.
Avestani Jul 2020
The potential of disaster or perfect collision
Did we lose sight of the original mission
Are distance and status creating division?
Confidence wavers at the moment of decision
Hesitant to feel, give into the flow of unspoken words that seldom hold the feeling behind verbal contact, lost passion on the wind drifting off from our tongues and our eyes, watch the hands, does the longing drive you mad, sure of the reception knowing you'll be accepted, but both cowards at the apex not willing to indulge ourselves in the most harmless of risks, a moment, a loss, a potential bliss, knowing our worth, knowing each other, exchanging emotions as we find ourselves within each other's range but like magnets the attraction leads to repulsion, fueled by conceptual barriers constructed by the filth of the physical, calamity of humanity a fickle mind and frozen heart so much so that eagerness for light and love is masked by fear of pain and past, like walls that form between our dreams that petrify reality, the game is played until its done, until time has won, and we've never begun, but oh we dreamed of it with clarity, the love we'd have, if we were free, like the animals we are, induldging in carnality and hedonism, reject the will of civilization, concepts formed to dominate, put man above man, we could see the boundaries between us rent apart nothing more than empty words hinging on empty thoughts that mean nothing to the energy between us, a million reasons, a thousand rejections, thought if cards played right could be perfection, to bet some time, a move of faith, we could separate from the conscious of man, the weakness and lies it brings, accept the will of the spirits, immersed in the universe, heeding the call of nature we locked away in our own man made order, heeding spirits with wisdom beyond any man, creature, or beast, and see if our love was something God planned.
Avestani Feb 2020
Calling out, I hear her name now
Falling now, I've never even seen the ground
Trust in sound, the truth could never persuade
Hear me now, I'll never seek to replace you

I can see her messy hair in my nightmare
An angels smile and piercing eyes, this fear is not fair
I've given love, I've given lies, I've given blank stares
I've broke inside, and cannot hide, that I don't care
I've been living, breathing constant calamities
Existant on the false notion that we are born free
The leaky faucet always seems to undermine my speech
I'm sideways drifting in a system come and follow me

It's in my mind playing over and over
She's my best card and so I know I gotta hold her
The perfect moment always seems like a fantasy
A slave to my own misconceptions guess I can't be free
Slowly the moon comes in and chokes out the sun
I'm so out of touch with reason that I've lost my love
Making memories of self inflicted verbal warfare
I'm addicted to this substance and I can't care
Empty hallways make me revisit my childhood
And empty feelings all I find when I should feel good
I'm slowly making my way into a revival
I guess I knew that all along
I'd have to die first

I can see her messy hair in my nightmares,
Blackest eyes like soulless voids give me a scalding glare,
Torn asunder is the room that she would meet me
Her every word a hate fueled curse made to defeat me
I'm a lion in the pit of her anotomy
She got this rope around my neck and swears to God I'm free
It's copacetic all the torture that we give ourselves
Recite the mantras, karma sutra, what's your mental health?

I'm down with the dirt but youre trying to bury me
Can't stop this sin-seeking self fullfilled prophecy
Dabbling mystic
I'm channeling spirits
Fueled by the desperate, I give up my last breath, please read all my subtext, forshadowing what's next, we lean on the substance to balance our morals and rewrite our systems to claim holy laurels
I'm testing it,
Invest in it,
I can't wait, to lay to rest in it
Testing it
Invest in it
Testing it
Make it flip Make it flip OUT!
Avestani Jun 2019
Like a festering burrowing worm I took root
Deep in your mind where you reject the truth
Bending and breaking your soul evermore
Demonizing all the saints you adore
Riveting cracks that I lay down your spine
Tingling wisdom you think so divine
Murderous words that you think cannot guide
Youre in your own way and still you are mine
I was the plauge that had ravaged the lands of your mind
This ****** is mine
I'm swallowing time
Consuming what's mine

Holy demonic the darkest of light
Angels of mercy that free you from life
You cannot **** till your demon is known
Facing yourself and now where do you go
The sun and the moon and the planets that move
Puppets on strings as you dance to their tune
Always neglecting the infinite soul
Wishing to listen and do as your told

Tell me to help and I offer my hand
Only grip tight till the moment you stand
Now you are moving your feet on the ground
Follow your path and the truth will be found
Whispering sins that you've long left untold
Now your emerging a sight to behold
Beauty and blessing but you've just begun
The faceless are laughing when you hold your tongue
Who are the voices that refuel your doubt
Where is the evil that brought forth your drought
Carrying on you may search the abyss
There's nothing to find you think somethings amiss

Nothing to gain and nothing to lose
To only one person your faith you must prove
I've given a gift that I've given myself
And tell unto you I did not need this help
Begging and crying you seek me for more
Lessons on trying can be such a bore
Tell me what's wrong
Why don't you tell me?
I already know
Then that sets you free

You wish to become, a much better you
So who do you lean on when you cannot move
I am just not a main part of your strength
Will nor the hammer will leave me unbent
I burdened my sin and I tortured my soul
All in the end just to see I am whole
All of my secrets you think I have told
All of my secrets to me are unknown
Where is the wisdom I've gifted myself
Where is the God you think spared me the belt
Where is the power you seek here on Earth
When you're alone and buried in dirt

I say that you have it
You ask me then where
I say that you have it
You freeze and you stare
I say you beg God's and spirits divine
To come down to earth and give you their time
They gave us all gifts we seal in our minds
I'm certain of yours but you're longing for mine
I say you are broken
I say you are fine
I say you are lonely
Now make up your mind
I say you're not perfect
But surely you've grown
Now prove to yourself that you sit on the throne
Avestani Mar 2019
Gratitude to the ones who taught me
Many thanks to the powers above
So long I've dabbled with the ones below
So long I've searched for the one who knows me

Physical inventions cause me to not mention the motive the reason the world I believe in
The here and the now
The land left unseen
Bridging the gap to say what I mean
To say what I've seen
To tell you a story that sounds like a dream
Knowing the voices in my head are fiends
Saving myself by silencing screams
Saving myself by killing what's me

Tell no one the things you know
Speak violence and mayhem and slaughter, despair
Burning your heart out and living in fear
Drowning that fear in the anger and lust
You cannot help but search blindly for trust.
Guidance is light but you were born blind
Searching for secrets and seeking divines
Hang from your noose that you've woven from vines
I cannot save you, your life is not mine

Lost in the chaos, I've guided myself
Only when my tongue is bleeding do these words my soul reflect, **** this life give me what's next, **** this life give me what's next
Lost in the chaos I've guided myself
Only when my tongue is bleeding do these words my soul reflect, **** this life give me what's next, **** this life give me what's next

Fill my tender heart with sin and bring my ego swift to death cut me down, relentless beating, strangle me then break my neck, **** my soul raw, fracture my jaw, tell me what I should expect, crack the system, mysticism, fortune favors those who bet

Suffocate my demons, clarify my reasons, say what you belive in, say you love the feeling, These words are revealing, no more double dealing, breaking through my ceiling, lacking human reason, never cared for kneeling, cycles are repeating, suffucate my demons, prove that I don't need em, prove that I don't need em, prove that I don't need em


Criss crossing the fabric
Stiching my woes
Grabbing at pieces
Now where do I go
You say there's a thesis
A method to insane
I say that I need it
You say I'll explain
Avestani Mar 2019
To be devoured is to enter the unknown, submerged in pleasure foretold in the stones,
Submission to malice that blots out the truth, when souls both collide and the demon takes root.
Lust is the name and its lost in the ledger, for every soul taken misguided by pleasure, your feathers get plucked by each steady measure, you lie to yourself when you think you know better,
It's easy to hate and its harder to feel, that all of your wants lead to Elysian Fields,
Sure of the path but not sure of the cost, the lesson of life is that pain is the boss, Give and they take no one cares if your cry, burning in hell your cheeks always stay dry,
The moment of truth always comes far too late, you've cooked in your madness and dine from the plate,
Fools who know nothing have faith in their letters, faith in their strength to handle stormy weather but crack from the root when you tug on the vine, they act like their God's but can't hear the divine, Stumbling mind lost in passion and pain, medicate yourself and poison your veins, Pump in the truth that you want to belive, praying to God that he'll save you like Eve, Every, lost, chance, to, forgo the past makes you stricken and blind,
The only, tune, you dance, to, is all of the facts that you force in your mind.
It's never, that, easy, to give up delusion and fall into line,
Hiding, from, the, truth, you'll only see when you open your mind
You look with your eyes to follow your faith, never accepting what may be your fate
You do not, seek to believe, you just seek, to receive
Your greatest sin, is knowing greed, you only want but don't know what you need
Hating the truth when it doesn't agree, "But how do you know?"
Cause You Live In Misery  
Mental athletics your jumping through hoops made of fire and brimstone when fighting the truth and you try to defy all the signs and the proof by saying your feelings have something to prove.
You're lost in your mind and you must hate it there, know that your broken and cling to your fear, believe what you feel cause that's all that you know, thinking you're right tell me how does that go? How much success have you gotten to show, How much regrets have you buried in snow, blossoming doubts in the warming of weather, refusing to listen and think it gets better,
How much more pain till you've added it up, intentions so pure but your soul is corrupt
You know your sin and you wear it with pride, expecting a chance when you fail- not this time.
Avestani Mar 2019
Interlocking masterpiece of retrospective wonders
I feel the tempo of the past, the music pulls me under
I contemplate the small mistakes, the white lies,and the blunders
I hesitate to change my fate if only to disassociate myself if I choose wrong.
I take a chance at inaction and let you set the pace because I realize when dancing with the devil I cannot lead.
I don't think much anymore about anything or anyone but myself.
Selfish yet necessary to avoid the burden of caring about others.
The weight of the feelings and emotions implicating me in their state of being as my words bring their destruction or mirth.
I dislike the human trait of giving credence to logic but falling prey to feelings that only result in illogical behavior
It is the epitome of a creature that allows its own destruction in the pursuit of happiness.
To let no one control your emotions is as easy as keeping them at a distance.
Calculated and premeditated reactions and responses to put them at ease.
To control no one's emotions is a feat much harder than simply not speaking.
Inaction, action, repetition, ever changing patterns.
All that you do and do not will cause a shift in their balance.
Your every move, dancing along the outer edges of their consciousness leading to questions, answers, and emotions that send them off in a plethora of vectors.
They blindly move forward with trust in their reality, one rooted in your kind deception, of acceptance and friendship.
In the attempt to distance and save yourself from the pain, you in turn make yourself a focal point.
Whether infamy or glory, the ones in your orbit will bend and break at your word whether you want them to or not.
Suddenly every decision to please them adds on more and more to a connection that you are not truly committed to.
Every time you scorn them you burn a bridge that in their eyes means much more to them  than it does to you.
There is no balance, just a force forever moving between extremes like a pendulum.
From one extreme to another you dance your way through pleasure and pain  only enjoying a brief moment of equilibrium where you can truly be at peace.
Only when you're alone.
To care is the biggest sin because all the actions and results that follow, good or bad in the guise of caring, are judged by others and yourself.
To pretend to care is the greatest freedom given because the actions will be judged by others but you will always find solace in never judging yourself for the things that you do for others, because it was never for your own gain in anyway.
Peace of mind.
A state of being.
It doesn't truly exist but the closest taste a human could receive is to fake the day to day emotions and proceed to sashay around the people that try to bond with them.
Shaking hands but never removing your gloves.
Always there but only because it is wanted or expected.
Never truly learning what it means to be swept away in a sea of irrational behaviors
Never truly learning that the greatest joy of being human is giving in to those emotions and finding joy.
Always secure.
Always strong.
Always empty.
Always content.
Always supporting.
Always alone.
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