i am not
or english.
of medicine
or engineering
or managenent

neither academic
nor vocational

i do not
to white
or blue
or yellow


i do not speak
of any jargon

my place
is placeless.
my trace
is traceless.


breath breathing
human being

the same air
of socrates
or lao tzu
or alcibiades

the air
for more

i am my past
and my future is i
no matter
who i was
or who i choose to be.

i will be
because career guidance week at school atm
btw based on one of my favorite works
I know you’re proud of yourself
  When you think you’ve fooled me
Calling yourself shitty yet doing all of the accusing
  Your behavior is all too telling
Does is hurt your pride that I can see           
  Through all of your lies
I’d rather flow through water than in blood
Experience shows thicker was never better
You think I’m a step behind
When in reality I’ve already passed you for
the second time
Blood loss is forever
Please stop
Go away
I can’t take it anymore
My heart is racing
My sanity is fading
I don’t know what to do
My mind is split
Screaming that I’m worthless
Whispering it’s okay
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
Even for myself
I’m tired of losing people
I’m done with being alone
“If your happy and you know it
And you really wanna show it
Clap your hands”
Well I’m depressed and no one knows it
I wear long sleeves so I don’t show it
Cut my wrist
If you're a lover, then where is your passion?
Where is your interest in me, your
curiosity of my affairs?
If you're a lover, then where is your attention?
Any given day, you ignore me for the TV.
You turn and say, though, you burn for me.
Given how you wait to be prompted,
is it hard to imagine I don't feel interesting?

If you're a lover, when's the last time you expressed
at least some minor urge to fuck me?
How am I supposed to buy a charade
when I'm the one who must wind the key?
If you're a lover, why do you never write
about me, but when you're sad?
Where is your urge to hold me, as I've held
you cradled for all these years?
Don't you think I ever need protection or intention
without a beggar's plea?

If you're a lover, then why do you forget my presence
until I remind you that I'm alive?
You make all my fears go away
It’s no longer a rainy day
A weight is lifted from my shoulders
I feel lighter
I feel brighter
I don’t think there is anything I can’t do right now
Food sounds really good too
Maybe a cheeseburger
Or some chips
Or pizza
Or maybe all three
You make me want to climb a tree

I love you weed
You make my day bright
In the coldness of depression
You always win the fight
I wish you wouldn’t go away
I wish you were here to stay
Especially when I’m feeling gray
You take all my money
You’re so funny

I love you weed
When I’m feeling blue
I just look at you
I roll you
I smoke you

I love you weed
You help me with all my needs
When no one understands me
You make me so carefree
I love when other people smoke weed
It’s a quality you can’t exceed

I love you weed
Thanks for understanding me
And for helping me climb that tree
It won’t be long now
Until I have to go
And smoke another bowl
Of course I was high when I wrote this.
Days and months passes by
And before I knew, our souls is in different continents
Just like balloons in various colors went up high
You left my heart restless but full of predecaments

Now I’m asking you, can you hear my heartbeats echoing your name?

I honestly don’t know how to solve this jigsaw
First block says “I am yours, you are mine”
Suddenly finding my composure seems so slow
Remembering December 17th, our hearts and soul intertwined

Now I’m asking you, can you hear my heartbeats echoing your name?

Our misunderstandings and resentments taste like a bitter lager
And so we poured the cup beyond its rim
But I was the only one who got hangover
Oh I wish being away from you is all a bad dream

Now I’m asking you, can you hear my heartbeats echoing your name?
I am not your fuck toy
Not a plastic doll
Your fantasies
Don't get to come
True on my account
These aren't your fun bags
My ass is not to smack

My skin longs
For the touch of fingertips
But crawls at the thought
Bristle before, relax
Never knowing
What unwanted touch
Is coming next

Never knew to say no
Never knew wrong was wrong
Until it was all too late

Doctor in the barn
Damaged on the trail
Grabbed my wrist -- was I wrong?
Drank it all away
Faded into blackness
Forcing through the door

Older now
Learning once again
They only want one thing from you;
You're just a last resort
So feign for their attention
Gave as good as got
Dove right down that rabbit hole
Trying to drown it out

And still -- trapped, touched
But then again, and "No"
That famous word
So infamously hard to hear

Too ashamed to fight back
Give in
Live in

Let me say again
Because it bears repeating:
Give in, then
Live in fear
Bare --

Say it with me now
Such an ugly word
How does it make you feel

Do you feel ashamed
Are you feeling scarred
Do you feel her fear
Or is it not so clear?
Do you feel
Powerful now
Or is it
All her fault

Such an ugly word
So,  say it with me now
Found out what it means to me.
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