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Cibin Panicker Aug 2020
Collapsed and wrapped between the sheets,
I am complete, awake and adventurous;
"Where does the dice roll today?" I ask myself;
And after eons of evading, the void acknowledges me.

The machine of emotions breathes again,
Relentless and unforgiving, it spews everything I ignored;
All I could do was observe at the massacre of my chrysalis,
I knew I had to participate too otherwise the penance would be unpaid.

I graze the dagger across the 10 ounces of flesh that was abandoned, I understood the path to salvation is through the divine comedy, not away from it and I make it rain cinnabar.

Miles to go before I rest and the design is complete,
Tapestry of scars engorged in red and black,
Here's to the tomorrow where we build from the ashes,
Here's to you who feels my ache.
Cibin Panicker May 2020
Come hold me only because you're lonely,
Let me go when the clock hits the light,
Use me, crumble and throw me away,
This isn't good but you feel better right?;


You leave the door unclosed and leave,
Most of me ****** all over the room,
Regret seeps in, makes me a *****,
I still remember you on top last night;


You smiled for a bit, that's all I wanted,
Incarnations complete, two hearts slightly fixed,
The people we used to be for a few seconds,
Come on, haunt me when you disappear to memory;


Make my skin sweat like last night again,
Make my breath stop for 19 minutes,
Ignore the scars on my thighs again,
All in the Chelsea hotel.
Cibin Panicker May 2020
There was a place beneath the stars where we used to sleep, the thunders and lightning roared, the rain splattered and we still  remained unscathed;
The moon used to bless us with her light when we made love, she kept us warm too even though we flew too high up;


Icarus fell because of the sun, I woke up just about the same way, I tried to make sense of the vision to our memories colored into my nerves, it didn't make sense just as how fate had cast it's die on our story's end;


I sit upright, warm from the dream, stared into the ground where you once stood wearing my shirt and smiling at me, it's been a few months since you passed and I'm forgetting the way you smelt;


Your clothes that you left arranged in our dresser remain untouched because I'm still afraid you'll prance out of nowhere and yell at me because I tend to mess it up, now it's a shrine saturated by you;


I look at it and grieve because your favourite shirt is it's last row and on it a photo of us where I smiled looking at you and I didn't appreciate it enough because I always thought I was ugly in it, now I can't;


I lay down again, hoping to renter again where we left us each other and I somehow did but you weren't here anymore, just a shape of you amid the clouds, I look around searching for you and freeze finally;


I find you holding Icarus's wings frozen by the moonlight, "Meet me at the moon but not yet" you shout and rage on to heights I'll conquer one day and I decide to live until then knowing you're waiting for me.
Cibin Panicker Apr 2020
It's half past two, I turn on the lights,
Drag myself to another room to wail my sorrows,
I let myself fall on the ground, I see my reflection, it's happy how I couldn't recognise it a few hours ago,


Now he is there again, everything I have been before, the images stuck in my head haunting me again and I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul and each time the oceans drive
me to the shores, I row back and drown again.


So I wear this self imposed crown of thorns,
Waiting to be crucified but here you are again
Your cold grip slips between my skin again,
We've known each other for so long now yet every time you touch me, it feels fresh and relentless;
Now I die again between the lost voids that await to consume my soul, please eat until your gluttony fufills;


Time passes like haze in an unrecognisable morning,
I know I've lost but I can't quite to seem grasp what it was that died, happiness feels like a myth again, like a stranger in a flea market you'd swear you know;


A part of me wishes again to leave to where no wanderer returns, among the stars, forever forgetten;
These scars and this broken travesty of meat and bones will wither and I hope to never yield life again.


But I will wait for your touch, an awakening, a redemption non transient and established.
Maybe it shall come and most likely it won't,
We shall see, we shall see then we won't no more.
Cibin Panicker Mar 2020
Everyone's so focused on life and they miss out on the giant illusion right in their faces, they spent time investing in relationships that eventually turn bitter over the years just to reproduce, they color up their lives with things they don't really need, they socialize with people they don't want to, they're occupied around the clock with jobs and colleges they don't want to be at.


You might die now, right now; what's your mark on this world? Because this is it, this is how big you're  going to get and then you're forgotten when someone utters your name for the last time. You can rage all you want against the dying of the light but it still must die. Is this how people want to live? Really?


Pawns in a system, churning and violently demanding everything you have to offer then you die. I guess this rant proves I'm scared shitless of oblivion and how frail we are beneath the sun.
Cibin Panicker Jan 2020
Are you and I destined to do this for a infinity?
Do you love what's left beneath my bones?
Does it taste good when my heart bleeds?
Do the scars seem like trophies to you?

We go around in circles, reaching nowhere new,
I start to think you're leaving but here you are,
How much more will you salvage of me?
Is this normal or the new normal?

Do you not bore with my progress?
Will the noose set me free?
Will you let me cry a little please?
Just let me feel anything again please.
Now I've become a monster and you still eat.
Cibin Panicker Jan 2020
When oblivion calls out your name,
Do you revel in your deeds beneath our dying sun?
Do you walk in with a heart fufilled?
Will you crumble and shiver at it's gates?


The simplest most potent thought I've had recently is 'Your words and works forked lightening and thunder in your mind, will you let them erupt or dissolve?'
I ache for time, time aches to claim me;


Have I lived a life fufilled to my extremity?
No, I've succumbed to the chaos of the universe,
Have you done the same, stranger?
If you have, it's a tragedy sung across the stars;


I've yielded nothing still feel I've done something,
I have thrown in blood and tears in the fray but never enough; Time is making her final move, so I embrace the light of the truth of what I've become,
Don't let it be yours too.
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