Ash Nov 2018
It was one of those days, when you just sit there staring at the object in front of you.
While your mind is wandering: “What did I do to deserve to feel this way” you say to yourself.
How can everything go great and in one second it all falls apart.
Life has taught me so many things, life has taught me to never raise my hope, it was the only way to avoid getting hurt.
I was so good on my own I had everything figured out, thats what I at least thought.
Then you appeared out of the blue.
An angelic face is what I saw.
I worked so hard to build that wall, I had my self shut away.
Then you came with your sledgehammer and demolished my wall.
I desired you like you were the last man on earth.
I wanted you so bad that walking over sharp bricks didn’t bother a bit.
I was there facing you, holding your hand at last ... I never felt so alive.
Only then I did the biggest mistake of my life “I raised my hope again” cause with you I felt like I wanna face my fears.
“All good at last” is what I said while I was drowning in your features and having glimpses of our future.
I thought all is well, till you pushed me and started building your own wall.
I wrecked that wall, I walked over the sharp bricks again my legs started bleeding but I didn’t care, but you built it again and I wrecked it over & over again until my legs couldn’t function anymore.
I fell on my knees begged you to take those steps for me.
But the last image I have of you is your back getting further and further away.

“I took million of steps for you but you couldn’t take one step for me”

Now am here staring at this object and getting ready to build that wall again
I wish I didn’t have to.
Ash Nov 2017
I cant keep doing this
Whats the point of owning your heart when everything is a mess.
You say you love me but you make me feel like ****
Every time we have a talk you just ******* lose it
They say you cant harm a heart you love
Does that make you a liar?
Or you do what you want cause you know I wont lose my desire
You got used to me always coming back
cause the idea of losing you gave me a heart attack
But I promise you I wont always be around
My absence will fill your lungs till the day you drown
Ash Aug 2017
You need to grab my hand and tell me its okay
This place is so cruel And we don't have to stay
Take my worries away and make me believe
That there is beauty left in all the things That I don't see
Am trapped in a cage and you are my key
Come closer hunny, and please set me free
Stand by my side and never let me go
Teach me again how to pass every flow
I wanna feel with you the things I couldn't feel
Cause you are my savior, with you am a human being.
I want so badly to meet the guy that will rock my world upside down, that will make me feel a human again.
Ash Aug 2017
You never knew how much it hurts
You never knew how bad I felt
I told you i'll prove it
I'll smoke a cig everytime I feel depressed
Its been 3 weeks babe
I finished 5 packs on my own
100 deadly cigarettes
I hope I made my point
Ash Aug 2017
My days seem to be longer
The 24 hours turned into forever
This feeling doesn't wanna leave me
Making sure I feel it every second
Trying to distract my self so badly
From all the soreness that's inside me
But you'll never see it or feel it exactly
I buried it perfectly in that dark valley
The valley that holds all my washouts
My failures my mistakes, my never ending setbacks
This valley is where I am, where I go, and where I end.
Ash Aug 2017
Is being lonely action or a state of mind
All these people around me and clearly am blind
For I cant feel their love or their affection
Wasting my time looking at my dark reflection
Have I become a cold hearted *****?
Or am I too busy covering my wounds with stitches?
I guess i'll never know
  Aug 2017 Ash
ester
In this crowded city
Whilst swimming through the ocean of strangers
My shoulder unwarily bumped into yours
And it felt like sparks were flying
For the moment our eyes met
It was like I could see right through your soul
Incidents like this don’t happen as much as I want them to
Because my heart has been broken and wounded for so long
And I felt as if there was no way I could find myself falling again
But you
        You were different
From when our hands first interlocked
Till the night I heard the sound of your laugh
To the way you said my name
Every bit of you felt intensely fitting with the broken pieces of my soul
        And I fell in love with you
#125
i'm so deeply in love with you even when i haven't met you yet
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