ashton 6d
they don't know it happened
again
I was so proud
they were all so proud
it had taken so long
I tried so hard
threw the blades away
learned new coping mechanisms
tried to stay together
but I still lost it

they didn't know it happened
only a few days after
after I had talked about it
two months and four days
the longest in
two
years

they didn't know it happened
they don't know I lost it
that I let go
I gave in
ashton Aug 3
it makes no sense
why am I calm right now while
everything
is just falling apart
maybe it's that we had one of those car rides
maybe it's that I'm so tired my mind has just given up
maybe it's that I know
it'll be okay
I'm trying
ashton Jun 26
I miss your hands
running along my body
over the scars and stretch marks
I crave your touch

I miss your lips
kissing my neck
and the butterflies that come with it
I crave your passion

I miss your voice
laughing at dumb jokes
and telling me how much I'm worth
I crave your words

I miss your eyes
staring into mine
sparkling in the sunlight
I crave your gaze

I miss your love
enveloping me in comfort and warmth
causing my heart to race
I crave your love
ashton May 23
we used to be close
we used to be great friends
we used to be what we used to be
but that's not how it is anymore

You threw lies and words and arguments at me
took sides against me
showed who you loved
I get it
I have to respect how you feel
but do you miss what we used to be?

I wonder every time I see your face if you do
I wonder if you do still love me
but just don't want to say it
I wonder how something that didn't have to do with you
broke us apart

I don't think you know how much you mean to me
a birthday card
a doodle
a painting
even just a conversation
it all adds up
it makes my day

What we used to be
is what I miss
I miss what we used to be
I just really miss someone. It's weird and I just love them so much and they're wonderful. Bleh. Gotta love fucking everything up
ashton May 14
I didn't choose it
I didn't wake up one day and tell myself
let's be anxious
let's be depressed
let's want to die
let's start self harming
I didn't choose to be like this

slowly my problems
my monsters
became visible
they started small
skipping lunch
making a cut or two on my hand
shaking for a while in school
but I fell

I didn't choose to be this person.
We just get handed who we are.
I didn't choose this.
I never wanted to be that

I didn't want to be riddled with anxiety and insecurities,
to wallow in self-pity and sleep for hours everyday
to stay up all night with anxiety
to steal razors
to eat one-hundred calories and then barf it back up
but that's what happened.

I didn't choose this
I didn't choose
I didn't choose to tear apart my life.
it just
happened
I'm really good right now but in a reflective state currently oof
ashton Feb 15
I wear it everyday
ever since you gave it to me

I got compliments
People grabbed my hand and asked
they awed at the silver finish
they gazed at the black jewels
they noticed I never took it off

I wore it everywhere
to bed
to school
on the bus
in the shower
on the train
in the rain.
everywhere

One day it slipped off,
as the nights got colder my fingers became long and thin
the once perfect fitting ring fell off
but I still wore it everyday.
except for when I slept
I couldn't lose it in my bed
I needed to wear it everyday

One day it turned my finger green,
it always did.
I still wore it in the shower
I still exposed it to the rain

One day they told me I shouldn't wear such a cheap ring
they said it was old
it was fake
it was artificial
But I didn't care what they said

It was from you.
It held through.

I wear it everyday,
this circle of copper dressed as metal,
ever since you gave it to me.
this is just a little thing I threw together

— The End —