Ashton 16h
I never thought
this would be it
but I guess this is how you go
this is the end
this is the denouement
except this tory doesn't fit together
g o n e
how is he gone?
he wasn't supposed to be gone
Ashton 3d
we used to be close
we used to be great friends
we used to be what we used to be
but that's not how it is anymore

You threw lies and words and arguments at me
took sides against me
showed who you loved
I get it
I have to respect how you feel
but do you miss what we used to be?

I wonder every time I see your face if you do
I wonder if you do still love me
but just don't want to say it
I wonder how something that didn't have to do with you
broke us apart

I don't think you know how much you mean to me
a birthday card
a doodle
a painting
even just a conversation
it all adds up
it makes my day

What we used to be
is what I miss
I miss what we used to be
I just really miss someone. It's weird and I just love them so much and they're wonderful. Bleh. Gotta love fucking everything up
  5d Ashton
mysa
you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved

please don't forget it
Ashton May 14
I didn't choose it
I didn't wake up one day and tell myself
let's be anxious
let's be depressed
let's want to die
let's become an alcoholic

I didn't choose to be like this
slowly my problems
my monsters
became visible
they started small
skipping lunch
having a shot or two
shaking for a while in school
but I fell

I didn't choose to be this person.
We just get handed who we are.
I didn't choose this.
I never wanted to be that

I didn't want to be riddled with anxiety and insecurities,
to wallow in self-pity and sleep for hours everyday
to sneak vodka in water bottles
to take shots in the middle of the night
to steal razors
to eat one-hundred calories and then barf it back up
but that's what happened.

I didn't choose this
I didn't choose
I didn't choose to tear apart my life.
it just
happened
I'm really good right now but in a reflective state currently oof
Ashton Apr 30
miss
/mis/
verb
notice the loss or absence of

I miss you.
I miss you voice and your laugh.
I miss you smile.
I miss your eyes,
the way they sparkle when you look at me,
their brown color that I could gaze into for hours.
I miss your hugs and their warmth.
I miss the way you say my name.
I miss you.

It feels lonely without you;
it feels incomplete.
I miss you.
miss you.
you.
Ashton Apr 28
what's a soulmate?

you
I miss them. I just want to cuddle with them right now
all I need
is your big brown eyes
looking into mine
all I need
is your embrace
when I'm happy or when I'm sad
all I need
is you to shower me with kisses
all I need
is you right next to me
when I need you the most
all I need
is a lazy day watching shows
with you
all I need
is a night that I won't remember
with you
all I need
is to look to my bedside
and to see flowers that were a gift from you
all I need
is memories I'll never forget
memories that will always comfort me
all I need
is your laugh to be the sound that I hear
all I need
is to see your smile in my sight
all I need
is to hear "I love you"
only from you
all I need
is for you to trust me
for I will never hurt you
all I need
is to experience my teenage years with you
all I need
is to grow old with you
all I need
is to be able to make you happy
to be that person you can always go to
all I need
is for you to be mine faithfully
forever and ever
all I need
is for it to hit me
that everything is okay
that you came into my life
and saved me
all I need
is for you not to hurt me
because if you do
I don't know what I'll need anymore
-you make me happy
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