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It comes in many different ways,
How will it go today?
Will I cry, Panick, or just curl up?
Anxiety what have I done?
Why do I have you?
Will you go away?
But all I ask is what will happen today?
The past it haunts me,
Its always swirling in my head,
Even when I'm in bed,
Its there when I think,
Its there every time I blink,

Can I get away,
Maybe it will be today,
Your decision scares me,
You left when I needed you most,

I cry so hard at night,
But I will continue to fight,
I mean I'll be alright,
It was just a bad dream right?
I finally see the sun,
The air smells sweet,
I look around for you,
I call your name,
Daddy,
I can't find you but I hear you,
I know your here,
I sense you,
You are near?

Your  sent is getting stronger,
You are with me,
I'm glad I'm finally free!
I just got out of a mental hospital so that is what this is about!
You call me a girl,
You call me a young woman,
You use she/her pronouns,
Hearing that, makes a little more of my soul die.

Oh you ask why?
It might because I'm a f*ing guy,
I may look like a girl but I'm not,
So quit being such a thot.

I am a male no matter what that paper says,
I came out to you and you throw me down,
You said I could trust you but you lied,
But I'm supposed to confide,

I come out as Trans and Pan,
But you refuse to call me a man,
I try to explain,
But all I can hear is you complain.

I'm getting the hair cut and the dye,
Maybe then you will see a guy,
Just in case I'm getting a binder,
Just so you can see the reminder.

I'm no longer your little girl,
Nor am I your daughter,
I am your Transgender son,
I am your little boy.
I came out as Trans to my father and it didn't go well
Depression has won,
I lost my fight,
Don't worry bout me,
I'm always alright
You don't see me,
I'm in the dark,
I'm in the darkest part of your mind,
You try to run an hide,
I'm like a blood hound,
I pray on the weak,
Help is the one thing that you seek,
I trick you into thinking your alone,
DON'T YOU DARE PICK UP YOUR PHONE,
YOU are a prisoner to my games,
I'm sooo glad you feel this way!
If depression was a person this is how I think he would be
Depression is like a parasite that comes to you in an hour of aloneness. Depression is like a demon that wants to be fed and isn't satisfied till your dead and it isn't alone. It has a friend and its name is anxiety, anxiety is a demon that is afraid of everything and feeds off your soul.  They aren't satisfied until your dead. They won't stop until they get what they want and they start out as a small maggot then they slowly but rapidly grow. They become so big that you can't hold them in on your own and you don't ask for help because they have convinced you that you are alone and all you can say is "I know". People want to help you and they try but you have pushed them away and gave into the demons that are slowly killing you. Once they have devoured every inch of you, you realized that they did care and the demons move on to their next victim and you know you can't stop it. No matter how hard you try the demon, parasite, virus, just keeps killing and devouring innocent people. They are like villains with no weakness, virus with no cure, and they feed off pain and sorrow, and they will eventually get what they want and that's a place to themselves. With NO people, then they die.
Don't shed a tear,
Didn't you hear?
I used to be like you.
But I lost my fight,
But unlike you,
I'm always alright
Flower so pretty,
Flower so bright,
Never shut out your light,
Your smile, so handsome,
Your eyes so vibrant,
Why would you ever hide it?

You act so sweet and so very kind,
May your hands rest in mine?
Our lips may never touch,
But,
I will love you just as much!!
Flowers for the broken,
Flowers from the weak,
Flowers from the love your heart seeks!

Flowers so beautiful,
Flowers so vibrant,
Flowers to show you never hide it,
Flowers are bright, but some are dull,

Flowers are very beautiful,
Just like you, never hide,
Spirit from the otherside,
Never hide, and never wilt,
Especially out of guilt.
I'm having a very rough week
Flowers from me,
Flowers to you,
It is pretty just like you,
You are sweet and very kind,
Will you be my Valentine?
I know it is no where near valentines day but there is this really cute spanish guy at my school an i like him!!
I wake up every morning with this weight on my heart,
All I can think is I was ****** from the start,
It's hard to be happy when all you want is death,
But no matter how hard you pray nothing happens,
We all die an rot just the same,
But when we do it ourselves it's called inhumane,
Bc when push comes to shove your just another toy,
And when he gets fed up " Oh Boy",
When he says to jump you have to say how high,
No matter how much you wanna ******* die,
Bc all we are is just ******* toys,
To all of these childish boys,
You think you have it ******* set?
All I have to say is I bet,
Just keep your head down and obey,
Cuz in the end we are all ****** anyway.
It doesn't matter how you feel on the inside,
You are always told that your worthless, a **** up,
You are told to give up.
No one ever wants to listen to your pain,
They always push you away,
They make you feel like you have worth, then turn around and your worthless,
Just give up....

If you just hide you will be fine,
No one will ever hear you wine,
You thought they cared,
You were wrong,
All they say is...
Just give up, your a worthless c*nt

Why does life have to be this way?
What happen to the people who swore they'd stay?
They gave up on you.....
They told you that NO one cared,
They want you to shoot up, throw up
Man just give up.

Give up on your dreams they say, give up on life
Who the hell cares that he banged your wife,
No one will love you the way she did,
But man just give up.

You think on that thought,
It flies through your mind,
But then you stand up and cry.

You say to your family that this is "Goodbye"
Then you grab that knife...

But before you end it you think again,
That thought you just had made you grin,
You think of your friends and then your family,
You cry some more then drag the blade,
But you forget that it was homemade ,
You try again and again but nothing works.

Your heart hurts an all you hear is " give up"
But you wipe your face,
Then go downstairs,
You see your family sitting their,
They look at you with bright smiles!
Hunny why won't you stay for a while?
This is a poem about how your thoughts can get the best of you. I would like you to read this and please comment your thoughts on it.
Thank you!
Rain falls in the dark night,
The person she seeks falls out of sight,
Her heart aches and moans for more,
But she hears it's not what she looks for,

She acts out but still...
Nothing,
She wonders if he will ever do...
Something,
She yells and screams while kicking a lot,
Hoping she won't get shot!
She wonders if he will ever punish her,
But it seems like he never will,
She hopes for spankies...
or just a little spat,
And yet she receives nothing,

So she hides that side of her away...
So that he'll stay!
I can't help I'm depressed,
I can't help but cry,
So why try?
But you don't see that,
Because to you I'm always alright.

Don't mind me I'm not okay,
But there is no reason to pretend I am,
I'll end up dead anyway
I wish the heart didn't feel,
I wish I could forget,
I wish the tears would stop falling,
I wish I could see your face again,
I wish I knew what to do,
I wish you were here,
I wish the blood to flood faster,
I wish my heart to stop,
I wish to be free,
I wish I would die.

I wish you could guide me again,
I wish that I could hear you again,
But just hold on because I'm on my way,
The tears are falling and the blood is now flowing faster,
just wait a moment and I will be with you, in your arms again
I'm letting my depression win an I might not be around for a while
my blood is now flowing an its getting hard to type so this will be
...........goodbye............
Lies,
That is an interesting word isn't it?
It comes in many different forms but only has one meaning,
That meaning is disloyalty,
Most people use small lies that dont hurt as much,
But a lie is a lie no matter how big or how small,

Lies hurt because you don't know what you did,
Lies make you feel bad and hurt like hell,
Just don't lie always stay honest,
Honesty is key!
My husband decided to lie to me and it hurts
I don't recognize the people I see,
Everyone looks like a stranger to me,
I can't hear what they say, I can't read their lips
What do I do?

Normally I'd hide behind a mask, but at least you saw all of my face
I want to see your smiling faces,
To see the lil dimples in your cheeks, all your crooked an jagged teeth
But all I see is a mask,
Used to a mask was invisible, but now it is made of fabric

I don't like this, I feel like I can't breathe
Masks ****, used to a mask signified sickness
It told others to stay away,
But now it says yeah come talk to me,
Why do we have to wear a mask?
What does it protect you from?

Oh thats right it's suppose to protect you from this virus,
But what if you have asthma? What are we to do?
We can't stay home all day, everyday
But we also can't breathe with the masks on,
Wearing with the masks don't do good, they mainly do bad

I used to know the people I saw in the halls, on the street
But now everyone looks like a stranger to me.
The virus has restricted all of us from a normal an healthy life, it completely *****.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You love me,
And I love you,
You are sweet and very kind,
That's why your my Valentine!
Who is this person I see in the mirror?
I can't identify their familiar face,
But I don't have her name,
She seems to stare into my soul.
She won't see much, it's really dark
I wish I could find out who she was,
But she is behind the mask.

Everyone seems to like her,
She is the loved one, the one everyone wants to be
Unlike me,
Who is this girl behind the mask?
I don't recognize her,
But yet she stares back to see my soul.

My dad seems to like her,
My boyfriend madly in love, head over heals
My family loves how she is,
But yet the don't see me.

She doesn't have scars, the big tummy
She is taller and so very cute,
Her smile is like the break of dawn in early spring,
But I no longer exist.

What do they like about her so much?
Oh yeah..
She is pretty, like a freshly bloomed water lily
She is cute an rather silly,
She is thin,
That makes all the boys grin!!

I don't exist,
Why does she stare back at me?
Why does she seem to mock me so?
Does anyone seem to know??

I guess not....
The girl in the mirror seems to have my face,
No wonder I'm a disgrace.....
They like her, not me
Austin wants to marry her!!
But bury me.

She is the girl everyone wants to see,
But all they get is me......
I feel like I don't know my own reflection anymore. When I look all I see is a stranger
Everything seemed like a dream,
Until you went away,
I always think of you,
Im just missing you,
Was it only a dream? A fantasy?


No way,
The feelings I have for you,
Grows stronger everyday,
No matter how hopeless I feel,
I know you LOVE me,
Those words seem empty, an just words,
But trust me its not, its so much more,
That we adore,

You make me crazy, sane,
Scatter brain,
But ******, you make me whole.

It always seems like a dream, fantasy,
Nothing real, always dark an empty,
But I'm just missing you,
Your love, touch, sent an voice,

I love you more than words can say,
Then actions can show,
You were made for me,
Thats all I know!
My heart breaks more an more each an everyday,
I always have you on my mind,
I try to keep my head held high,
But all I can say is goodbye....

My heart aches when I hear your name,
When someone mentions you all I can do is cry,
I need you more an more as the weeks pass,
I miss you more than words can say,

You were my best friend an now your gone,
I know i have to be strong,
I'm not the strong one anymore,
I have broken, shattered

I know you want my head held high but I just can't move,
My heart has broken into a million pieces,
I don't know what to do,
I try to stay strong but I'm weak,

You would tell me to stay strong,
You would tell me I could do it,
But I can't I'm done trying,
I'm done with all this pain,
I'm done with not being heard,

My pain cries out every night,
My pain grows stronger with each sunrise and sunset,
My pain hurts everyone around me,
I'm sorry I'm no longer strong, I'm sorry I can't be your hero
I'm just a no good zero,

I have hoped for the pain to go away,
I have prayed for this to disappear,
But that isn't what you hear,
I'm sorry that this is goodbye,
I just can't deal with everyone else's pain
I wanna disappear,
I fear I'm not wanted here,
I feel the need to run and hide,
Those are the rules I abide,

My fears now set in stone,
I ended up alone,
I should have stayed hidden,
But I just had to play in the rain.

But hey who says thats a bad thing,
I'm now part of the single club!
Look at me now bub
You were right.
You are the very air I breathe,
You are my other half,
You are the one I think about,
Day and night,
We may fight but you are still mine,
I couldn't go by without your shine!
You are my sunshine
The pain I feel I don't know how to explain
I'm always sad, or wanting to die
I'm tired of trying bc inside I'm dying
I wish I could tell you but I don't want you to hurt
I know you need me that is why I stay
But hey that is what I'm for

Everyone calls me a *****
A ****, a mistake and many other things
But yet all this pain I feel I don't know how to explain
I wish you could help me I know you try
This pain is overbearing so why not just give in
Everyone wants it even you but you just hide it
Maybe this is goodbye instead of see you soon
Maybe you could visit me
You have waited for me for 2 years
Now it is my turn to wait for you but......
On the other side
My depression is winning and sadly enough to say it I don't think I'm strong enough to fight it anymore..... Sorry if you guys got attached or somewhat cared about me but I was to far gone anyway :,(
The space within seems endless,
You just seem to be drifting, gliding, floating
Hell one might say your flying, sliding, riding your eternal waves,
The space within feels like an empty gorge,
Like the grand canyon can't be filled,
The space within can be dark but most are bright,

Those people shut out their light,
Our rainbows are hidden by the rain,
But no one says that's humane,
The space within is like a galaxy,
Endless and beautiful,

The dark empty chasm in your heart,
Will be filled with sunshine, even in your darkest hour
Because even the space within becomes lonely, secretly wanting a friend
You hear your heart beat, Thump, Thump, Thump
The space within grows forever darker, your light fading out
The thumping of your heart grows forever louder,

The space within now seems to be filled now,
Is that a light shining?
The space within seems to be brighter now...
Look at that, your glowing bright
I'm glad you could embrace your light,
The space within is brighter now!
I tired of many things
One of those things is bullying
I'm tired of the pain
I'm tired of everything
I don't know how to live on this earth anymore
Used to it was so much simpler
Nothing went wrong but now it is like a bomb in the face
It blows up and you don't know what to do
All of a sudden its like BAM your a **** up
Or BAM you need to die and many other things
I don't know how life is still going on at all
Nothing is going right there is so many things that are wrong but not enough things that are right
I'm tired of the fact that nothing gets done about the bad things that go on
This world will destroy itself and we will watch it burn down to the non existence ground beneath it
All we will have to say is I'm tired bc deep inside we know all we are is murders or the **** that people say we always were
I'm just so tired of everything right now I'm numb
But no one cares  do they NO they don't they are to busy destroying the very thing that cares about them and the very thing that feeds them waters them and provides them air but nope they don't care who else they destroy do they?
Not even themselves or the friends that thought they cared
But I'm so tired
I'm just so tired and numb right now its not funny
To you I'm fine,
But inside I'm dying,
I cry and I can't breath,
You say you can feel me,
You lied.
Who would care if I died?

No one would,
This will be suicide,
The pain grows,
But I'm fine,
I'll be okay,
You will smile,
As I fade,
You will shine,
I will bleed,

You will laugh,
I will breath last,
But to you I'm okay
I know I've made you angry,
I can hear it in your tone,
I went to talk to you,
But you left me all alone,
I know I did bad, but trust me I'm trying
I don't like it when your mad,
Because it makes me sad,

I know hurting myself doesn't help,
But it's a way I cope,
I went to call you, but you called me a dope
I´m sorry it hurts you,
I´m sorry I messed up

I know you called me a f*ck up,
When you use those words it hurts,
Makes me wanna do it more,
Yes I´m behind the door,
I understand you hate me,
That is why I´m bleeding,

I know I will never be able to make you proud,
But that's no longer a worry,
No longer a problem,
Because its all over now......
I relapsed again an not in a very good place atm
You use me,
Then abuse me,
I loved you,
But now i wanna leave,
You know it is a pet peeve,

Why use me?
What have I done to you?
None of that matters now,
You wanna know how?

I'm re-broken,
You shatterd who I am,
But all you care about is yourself,

Don't mind me I don't need your charity,
You will just use an abuse me

— The End —