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Antionicia Sep 2018
A Guide: Falling in love with me

My first thought was, “don’t this to yourself.” 

But I take it back.

Please

Fall in love with me 

σνєr

And σνєr 

And σνєr again

I’d be honored to have your love.

I’d be honored to have the chance to see a glimpse of your soul.

That’s the greatest honor anyone could give me and I hope that you don’t regret it when you do.

I say this to myself often and at this point, I’m not even sure if it’s true, but I know I must believe it...

I’m a mess.

When I say “I’m a mess” what I really mean is my emotions control me WAY more than I control them.

Give me some credit... I’m working on that. 

But I will promise you something... Just like I wear my emotions like clothing for everyone to see, I also don’t shy away from showing my heart. My heart is yours to see. My heart is everyone’s to see. I wear THAT with dignity.

My body... not so much, but that’s another thing I’m working on. 

So here’s the nitty gritty stuff!

My fears often get in the way. What are these fears that I speak of? Why, let me explain:
-Loneliness 
-Loneliness 
And more
-Loneliness 

I get insecure. That’s the fact of the matter. 

It’s not that I’ve been in a lot of relationships, nothing official, but I have felt my fair share of heartbreak- And I say that’s something I’m not afraid of but come on, everyone can see through my sloppy lies. 

It’s a valid fear. 

People don’t realize just how fragile a heart can be.

It’s not their faults. They haven’t witnessed real love before. It’s a foreign concept. 

In conclusion- I am a mess, but I am a mess that will show you what the word ραѕѕισn truly means. I will show you what it means to give yourself to someone and not expect anything in return.
Antionicia Apr 2019
one day 
it will be 
me
the love of my life
and the sun
rising above the trees
to capture
the scarlet night

we will rock 
back and forth 
                and forth and back 
and back and forth 
again 
and catch 
butterflies on our 
tongues 
as we bathe 
in the warmth 
of each other’s arms

my home
will forever belong
in
you
Antionicia Jul 2017
There's a raging war inside my head
I want to speak, I want to speak
But no words escape my lips

Inside my head I'm screaming
"Why can't you say what it's in your mind?"
I open my lips and I try
But I never say what's right.
Antionicia Dec 2017
"You are like a galaxy, collecting stars all across your body, forming constellations across your skin."
I'm obsessed with stars. What can I say? (And I love freckles, even though I don't have any)
Antionicia Jul 2017
I am Havoc

I am Chaos

I am the bringer of Insanity
Antionicia Mar 2020
Your arms are wrapped around me tight
We hold each other
We hold each other
We hold each other
And then we let go, still all too soon
You look down upon my short frame
I shyly gaze up to meet your eyes

Your eyes are soft and warm
Like a home that I've been missing
A place I've longed to visit
In them, I see the future
I have dreamt for myself

I see you at my side
I see a smile on our faces
As we relax next to
The living room fireplace

I feel your large hand
Gently holding mine
I hear the chorus of your laughter
And I know
I know
That I would happily spend
My eternity
With you.
Ethan and your blue eyes
Antionicia Jul 2017
I have the heartbeats of a musician
My mind is flooded by eighth notes and melodies pound along my skull
Beg to be set free.
  
I don't play.
Never learned how
I long for the words that cannot be said
I yearn for the soaring birds and the lingering notes

Tears swell up
I disappear into a new dimension of my own
I feel the music tell a story
Stories of ineffable love and tragic heartbreak

The ups and downs
The all arounds
I feel it in my bones
I hear it every awakening moment

I long to be a player of music. The mistress of new tomorrow's and better yesterday's.
Antionicia Mar 2020
i am yours
and you are mine.
my soul belongs with you
until you say
you can no longer bear
my weight in your palms.
Antionicia May 2017
His touch like silk
His eyes as deep as oceans
Voice like a thousand breaths.
If Music was a man.

I would feel what he felt,
Feel it course through my bones
And rock my body with the symphonies.

He wouldn't have to speak, all he'd need to do was let out melodies
and I could tell what he felt.
What he cried about.
What he held close.

If music was man, the way we would love,
well, people would talk about it for centuries.
My body would breathe with the notes.
Soak in the sound of his rough violin chords.

If Music was a Man
Antionicia Mar 2020
every fiber of my being knows
that you will forever by my love.
i wonder if it's possible
for any one to love you
quite as i do.

our days draw closer to an end
and we've been saying that
we are just friends.
but i think deep down
we both know
that we were made to be lovers.
we were made to be a pair.

i found a home,
cozied next to your soul.
i know, in your arms,
everything will be alright.
in your arms i find
my own personal Promised Land.
Ethan, the one that I love, have loved, and will love
Antionicia Aug 2017
Don't worry,
Scars are just
Memories
I like to hold
Close.

They are my dearest friends.
They were formed by "I'm sorry's" & "I didn't see you there's".

Some are jagged,
Some are rough,
Others are hardly noticeable.

But they're there, etched into my fair skin.
Burned deep within the chasm of my mind.
Echoes of the past lives that I've lived.

Scars are not sins.
Scars are not gruesome symbols of lost hopes
They make us who we are.
They make me who I am.
And we will grow from them.
Antionicia Dec 2019
Pinky to pinky
Side to side
Eyes on screen
Why so shy

Am I too far
Too close to bluff
Can I be this close
Its more than enough

Like magnets
We're pulled
Like forces
Like fools

Too close to bluff
But
Pinky to pinky
Is more than enough
Antionicia Oct 2017
"How can you care about the world so much? After all of the things that happened to you? After all of the things you've been through?" he asked, letting his fingertips leave echoes on her skin.

"I'd want someone to love me the same way." Was all she said, as she looked up at the twinkling stars and thought about how vast the universe must be.
Not a poem but...
Antionicia May 2017
And so, the darkness came
Scraping over each grain of sand
Chopping down each blade of grass.
And made you his own.

Once the shadows  embraced you, mind, body, and soul
You sunk into a chilly enclosure of sadness and anger
You lose hope of ever seeing the sun again

The black had a way
Of suffocating its victims
Cutting out their voice
So they couldn't cry
So they couldn't plead.

But every once in awhile
There will be fractures of light
Puncturing tiny holes within the thick veil
Small, but radiant

When you're touched by even a small ray
You are lifted higher
It may be just a little bit
But soon you'll crack your  way through the broken sky

And you'll be home
Antionicia May 2017
Just like your handwriting
You’re a mess
You hide yourself
By cunning words
Trying to disguise how you really feel
But that’s okay
I see right through the facade
You are the type of guy
Who sometimes cries alone
In his room
The type of guy
Who teases and messes with girls
Making them feel awful
Because it’s hard to express how you really feel
You are the type of guy
Who never shows his inner thoughts
You don’t believe anyone will understand
The chaos in your mind
But that’s okay
I see right through it
I am the type of girl
Who’s willing to put
My heart out there
However
You are the type of guy
Who never sees
A girl like me.
Antionicia Aug 2017
We have created an Ineffable,
Glorious language
Between the beats
Of our Hearts
Antionicia Mar 2020
i hold the poetry within me i feel it within my bones and it burrows within my soul but i can't write and my fingers won't work. i need to speak and i need to let someone in. this is not something i can just tell with my pen.
Antionicia May 2017
Two bodies pressed together
Two bodies intertwined
Two hearts racing together
Two hearts beating as one
Two lips searching one another
Two lips tasting, feeling.

This is a sonnet of all that they were. Their passion was a beating drum crumbling down stone walls. Their love was a thunderstorm flooding the earth with its rage. Their bodies breathed for one another. Before they had never lived. Their bodies reached for another, bracing, igniting. Fire oh the fire.

Fire of two bodies.
I just wrote this last night, so it's kind of a mess. But maybe some of you will like it (:
Antionicia Aug 2017
Unearthly bliss
Was the sound
Of tidal waves
Crashing against her bare hips.

The curve of her lips
As she sang
With eyes closed.
Eighth notes ignited
Like a crisp fire
During the stinging cold

My love-
She is a hurricane
Of violent passion and
extraordinary strength

My Beloved,
Embrace me with
Golden arms
And tell me
All of the different ways
That you fell in love.
Antionicia Sep 2018
They fall in love with me the moment we meet
It’s not because I am particularly beautiful
And it’s not because I have an electrifying personality
It’s because, the first time we meet, the only thing I let them see is my soul.
Antionicia Apr 2019
my home is forever
        amongst the stars
lightyears ago I was born
        constellations breathed life into my lungs
and the cosmos taught me
how to truly be free
Antionicia Sep 2018
I am old and wrinkled
But you love me still

looking back on my years
I have come to recognize
That you are my promise Land
Antionicia Sep 2018
I crave a love so passionate
so whole
I crave it like I crave the stars.
Antionicia Sep 2018
There's a raging war inside my head
I want to speak, I want to speak 
But no words escape my lips

Inside my head I'm screaming 
"Why can't you say what it's in your mind?"
I open my lips and I try
But I never say what is right.
Antionicia Sep 2018
“I’m not a good person, you know.” She began with a distant voice. Her lips rolled into a thin line and she shrugged her shoulders. 

“I trade people my soul for their time. The only thing that I’m after is someone to fill this e͟m͟p͟t͟i͟n͟e͟s͟s͟, and once they dare to dive even further within me, I know that it’s time to cut them loose 

and I fall in love 

all over again

with someone else."
Antionicia Sep 2018
I often hear the soft echo
Of earth's cries
She just wants someone to listen to her
She is aching for the brush of fingertips against her waist
For heartbeats to pound in unison
As a symphony takes place
Antionicia Sep 2018
I'm beginning to feel like my life isn’t my own.
I’ve become a slave to my body
my body controls me
my body has taken away my identity.

I am a lost cause.
I am a creature of buried hopes
and am filled to the brim with sour anxiety
I am a collection of bones that follow the master inside of
my body.
Antionicia Sep 2018
I am a hollowed out chasm
Filled with dreams and hopes and fantasies
I cry when I see pretty things
I can look at the stars for hours
And I can feel the weight of galaxies
Embracing my body with the gentleness of feathers
Antionicia Sep 2018
we all have Darkness within us
we try to suppress it
as best as we can
but sometimes it just

slips
out
Antionicia Mar 2020
words drip from my lips like honey,
thick and sweet
they make my paper their own. I hold no claim
i have learned to be obedient to my words
what Word says goes, I obey.
Antionicia May 2017
To be honest...
I've always wanted to fly, not like a bee...
Or even a bird!
But like a Butterfly...
I long to beat my wings, long to take flight.
I dream of touching the clouds…
Being one with the sky.
Some days... I wish I could escape. Some days... I wish I could leave...
But I'm not a butterfly…
I'm not some magical creature who can't even see her beautiful wings... No.
I'm a pitiful human living in this world with other pitiful beings...
Oh how I wish I could fly...

— The End —