i remember
when my father would hold me
he told me to never feel lonely
for he would always be there
i used to always care
now i don't give a ****
i don't believe in bad luck
only in karma and God's path
don't push me to release this wrath
of anger kept in for years
reminiscent of all the wasted tears
wasted time i spent praying for
someone to be by my side
instead of being grateful
for my life
i wanted it to end
was always waiting for someone to lend
a hand
but in this land
people are too selfish
i remember, never miss
choosing growth over comfort
establishing my worth
prideful, truthful, hurtful
i'll never again feel like a fool
i remember
i used to be afraid
of all the things i now crave
loss, temptation, change
even though i act older
than my age
my heart is young
lighter than any tune ever sung
knowing where i stand
comfortable with who i am
i remember
this is what i have been
waiting for
this life, i wouldn't want
anything more.

Your memories had an aftertaste of codeine and old books.
They were cleverly masking the splinters festering beneath my fingernails.
Filling themselves out with false food, bloating my dreams.

The story never delicately unfolded. Rather, it was launched at my face, unexpectedly one night, by a fat angel.
I felt the shovel hit before I saw it coming. It was cloaked in golden hair and white teeth.

As the images shattered and slivers of cotton and green glass sliced my emotions, I was left with the type of clarity only a two day hangover can offer.
Not all birds can fly.
Not all doves are white.

And of all the monsters I've known,
Love is the most beautiful.