Meeting you is always make me sad. There is something about you that makes me sad and i am really unlucky to not knowing what it is. Maybe its about how you perceive me, or about how you look at me.
I thought relationship is about trust, respect, and love. I know you love me, but i also need your trust and respect.
It is my fault to make you think about me that way. I thought if make you see me the way i wanted you to see me, it'll protect me. But i was wrong. It slowly distroy me through you.
I know i wasn't supposed to love anybody. And be loved by anybody. I thought i deserve that. But once again, i was wrong. I should've let myself dissolve into the air that everyone sip.

I realize
Those smoke and ash doesn't make feel any better
It's just the fact
That i hurt myself
Without stracthing my knife into my skin
That made me love it

The need for certainty
Is the only thing that i seek

Am i in love with you?
Or just the idea of you?

Do I really need someone to be by my side
Or just someone to reminds me that i'm worth something?

But then I realized that it’s not tears of regret or loss
It’s the tears because (s)he didn’t love me enough to just stay
And didn’t even feel the way I do
It’s just unrequited love

Setahun yang lalu kupikir kita akan bersama
Menjadi satu persahabatan yang tak terkalahkan
Walaupun jalanmu berbeda
Aku tetap mengikuti dengan senyuman
Berharap kita memang untuk selamanya

Dua tahun yang lalu aku masih rabun
Berjalan tanpa suara
Berhenti hanya untuk menangis
Tanpa istirahat, terus saja
Menyalahi diri sendiri

Tiga tahun yang lalu aku sendiri
Meluapkan amarah
Dan mau menangnya sendiri
Masih buta akan siapa yang salah
Masih berdarah luka di hati ini

Dari semua jalan yang kutempuh
Kehilangan seperti mati
Tanpa rasa tanpa cahaya
Kemarin tersenyum sekarang bisu
Kemarin bersama sekarang sendiri

Apakah adakah
sedikit saja di pikiranmu
keinginan untuk memelukku,
sebelum kau pergi?

This is what happens
In nothing hill
Where you're ******* with burning chains
And let the fear tear up your bravery

Lonely
Will only be your lover
It holds you and hurts your soul

And while you get locked up
By the pressure up on your chest
The only sword that you had
Begins to chase you
        
And that's what happens
With the people in nothing hill
So don't believe them when they smile
They're just killing themselves

It's not the death that i'm scared of
It's the feeling of nothing
where i can't find my words
To tell people, nor myself
About who i am
Or what I want
And i'm stuck in the life of choosing
Whether I should be my own pride
Or someone else expectation