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Another Bad Poem May 2018
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this is in binary because i'm a nerd
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
also known as
11 o'clock
also known as
the time i have to go to bed
also known as
the time i have to leave my happy place
also known as
the time for me to get away from my work, but
also known as
the time for me to put away what makes me happy
also known as
the time for me to lie awake for hours
also know as
the time for me to go to war with my thoughts

never known as
anywhere near when I find sleep
3C
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
3C
Building Three
       Center stairwell
            A sanctuary of sorts
                   Allowing me to be free
                            to do as i please
                         with the one
                     whom i only
                 wish to please
             seconds drag
          into minutes
       into hours
moments in
  her arms
    feel like
       lifetimes
            stolen, forbidden
                 recklessly beautiful
                      moments in
                           Building Three
                               Center stairwell
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
when you are worth
nothing more than a grade
to those
who should love you most
then what are you, really?

are you a man?
are you a boy?
are you a good son?
a good brother?
or just a number?
what are you, really?

what's the point
of trying hard
to please them all
because when you fail,
as you undoubtedly will,
then what are you, really?

a number, some letters
and expectations that grow
faster than the mind or the body
can hope to keep up with
lead to broken dreams
and without dreams,
then what are you, really?

just a rag doll, tossed from
person to person, clinging
desperately, hoping for a glimpse
of appreciation, of wanting, of
love and affection, because without that
then what are you, really?

they say
you must love yourself
before you love others
but when it seems
like nobody else loves you
it's quite impossible
to love yourself

because if they don't love you
then who could?
high school student
age 17
unweighted gpa: 4.0
weighted gpa: 5.286
accepted to college out of state
status: dead inside
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
i look at you
and suddenly
i'm overcome with the urge
to do something
to make your smile even brighter
to make you happier
to make your heart flutter
and your cheeks warm

i look at you,
and for a moment
i'm also
overcome with the ability
to not fear
what comes after

and i lean forward,
my lips pressing against you,
our fingers intertwining,
my eyes looking into yours
and i smile
for in this moment,
to me,
you matter
and nothing else
though i wish i could've placed my lips elsewhere
i'll settle for here
i wish i could do more
but i can't
not yet
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i know what it is that i have to do
it sounds like such a simple thing
standing up against unfairness

rebelling against
those who don't  care to listen
those who don't care to understand
stand up for what you believe
stand up for what you want
fight for what you want

i'm surrounded by a climate
where it is said
staying silent means you are agreeing
you are submitting, and once you submit
you're stuck in submission

i'm surrounded by people
saying i need to fight
**** the consequences
just fight for what i want

i'm not sure if i'm just weak and afraid
or they just don't know what i'm dealing with
but how can someone tell you your voice matters
your opinions, your beliefs, are important and strong
then not listen to you and enforce their own onto you?
do they have a right, because without them, you'd be dead?

what will they do when i stand up?

it is said
man's greatest fear
is the fear of the unknown
i don't know what will happen
and i don't know if i'm brave enough
to find out
Another Bad Poem Jun 2018
i miss you, it's true
i miss you, i do
i've tried hard not to
but it's all i can do

there's a yearning in my soul
it's aching for yours
but you're so far away
and i can't reach you
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
as i've said before
i'm kind of weird
and ever since i met her
i've felt safe
to be weird around her

first i was highlighter
and she was my compass
and it went on like that
and it felt nice
being named by her

then one day
i let out a squeak
or more like the roar
of a small dinosaur
and it pleased her

it made her laugh,
it made her smile
and then came the name
i can never live down
her baby dino

i try and try
and no matter how hard
it doesn't go away
but though i pretend to hate it
it makes me smile

"I'm at least a big dino now"
i say with a pout
"i'm menacing and evil"
and she just shares
that wonderful laugh of hers

and despite everything
it brings back memories
of times that are past
and of her
and she always manages
to make me smile

so here's to you,
wonderful girl

RAWR

-your baby dino
Another Bad Poem May 2018
blocked by my mind,
words no longer flow
as easy as the clear tears
released from the soul
or the crimson ones
released from the pain

or at least
as easy as they used to
my feelings are somewhat dulled
tears don't come
neither do my urges

it's a strange limbo

i'm unsure what to feel, or what i am feeling
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
i will build you up
from the bottom to the top
taking my time
sculpting you from ideas,
my words and thoughts
the mortar that holds you together
and after some time
you will be standing
tall and proud
you are me
but you're also not me

it is when i finish that i realize
what i was working so hard to put together
was the semblance of a reality i wish i lived in
that close-lipped smile
those brown eyes that seem to host no care in the world
but also that shoulder, unfinished and covered
so the world cannot hope see it

there you are
or there i am
standing in plain sight,
happy and wonderful,
but underneath
that's also not me

the years have dulled the edges of that smile
eroded the brightness of those eyes
that used to have no care, that used to shine
now dark and despondent
the stones packed too tightly together to be moved
to let out what's inside
the real me

and now i realize
i wasn't building this  
this character wasn't built by me
the brick over my heart was placed by another
the glass around my mind was placed by another

the glass
which showcases my mind
yet also burns it
offers it no shade
no rest
yet the glass has grown foggy
so what lies afar is unseen
maybe unattainable

but as the years pass,
and the stone is worn away
all that is left
is a dome of glass
surrounding a mind
limiting it's possibilities
until nothing is left
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
what choices are there, really?
you have what you want to do
and what you're supposed to do

but is there really a choice?
when you're young
all you can do
is what you're
supposed to

you're told by everyone
do what you want
rebel
don't stay the same

they say
you'll change
when the fear of staying the same
is greater
than the fear of change

but if the fear of changing
is too great
does that mean
i'm stuck like this
for the rest
of my life?

can i even call this life
if i can't choose to live?
i want to do more than just survive

but it's not up to me
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
a place of learning is what it's supposed to be
you sit in a hall, with a professor giving a lecture
and then you go back to a room
where you're not supposed to be lonely.

it's supposed to be a place to be reborn,
to choose who you want to be and renew
yourself, to cut ties with who you were and
be who you want to be. not to be torn.

torn between two lives, two selves
one i want to be, one i want to forget
these selves who keep clashing within me
unable to quiet themselves.

will i learn to be the independent young man
who can be himself around others, brave
and strong, or will i be forever who i once was,
alone, following a restrictive plan?

i may not have changed, but i would like to
if only there was a course that i could take
how many credits would it be, to change me
into someone who's not constantly blue?

ironic, isn't it. the school colors are my personality
pantone 292, a shade of blue that doesn't fit
because it's not my school. pantone 2955 is more my color
dark, sad, and full of emotion, heavy with morality.

a failed assignment here, a missed lecture there
a slowly increasing workload, both real and imagined
a life of hard work and loneliness
leaving me truly unprepared

the problem with learning about people
is that it's one class you can't afford to fail.
because if you do, you fail at life itself.
Another Bad Poem May 2018
i'm going to be honest
i don't know exactly
what it is i'm feeling

is it anger?
is it guilt?
is it grief?
is it remorse?
is it acceptance?

i don't know what i should do
it's better this way, i'm sure
but i don't want things to be this way

i hoped
and now i've learned
hope is a mistake

people don't change
i won't change
i'm still going to love you

my love
is just fine
but i still hurt you

it's not my fault
but yet it is
i made you fall for me
and gave you hope
when i knew there
was nothing we could be

i'm going to miss
the way we were
the dreams of what could come
but i'm grateful for the time we had
even though it was only some

it's better this way
i think
i hope
i pray that you're okay

i'm sorry i dragged you into this
i hope you forgive me one day

but even if we're only friends
i think i'll be okay

i love you for who you are
not how you make me feel
so maybe some distance isn't bad

and like i said
people don't change
i won't change
i'm still going to love you

let's see what happens
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
it comes and goes
no clear pattern
no clear reason
it's here one moment
then gone the next

there's so much
I want to say
but i don't know
how to say it
how to get it out

it's stuck within me
trapped, yearning
for an escape, a glimpse
of what the world might be like
if i knew what to do

but the thing is
i don't know what to do
nobody really knows
what they're supposed to do
what i'm supposed to do

here i sit
tapping out words
trying to focus my feelings
into something that
can be understood

understood
not just by
the people who
happen to see it
and make my numbers rise

but no
understood
by me
because i don't understand
myself

in my life
i've been creative
and changed who i am
to fit who i was
"supposed to be"

acted happy because
i was too young to be sad
acted amused when
it was the wrong time
to be depressed

acted strong
when it was ******
to be weak
acted mature
when i was still just a kid

but now
i'm not creative enough
to write
or to act
and i don't know who to be

i know what i want
but is it what i want,
or is it only  
what i'm supposed to want?

how come
when it came to
pretending to be
someone else
it was so easy

but now
that i'm trying to discover
who i am
i cannot?
who am i?
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
how could you
stand there and say
"i love you"
when you don't
have the decency
to say goodbye?
Another Bad Poem May 2018
i was asked
if i am stuck on a desert island
would i try to escape?

i sat there, staring, unsure how to respond
would i want to escape?
on a desert island,
i could do what i want
i could be free of judgement
free of competition
free of constraints
free
but also alone

i stared for a few moments, musing quietly
unsure whether i should take this time
to open up, or to retreat further back into my shell
should i tell them that sometimes i feel better alone?

somehow i manage to drag the corners of my lip up,
giving them a smile and telling them
of course i'll find my way off

because that's what i'm supposed to say
because loneliness is not okay
but what if i still feel alone?
Another Bad Poem May 2018
a catastrophe was
somehow transformed
into a few
short moments
of bliss

a tower, fallen,
it's contents strewn
across the concrete

yet we came
and built it back up
and we stole a few
moments of solitude

our hands soiled
our minds tired
but our hearts
rejuvenated
not through flirts
or contact
or anything more than
the joy of each other's company
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
she's so far away
yet today
she feels so close
like i can reach out
and feel her

but i don't need to reach
i do feel her

in my heart
in my mind
in my soul

she's so far away
yet today
she feels so close

i want to keep this feeling
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018

what is a draft
other than a rare view
into the mind of a poet

all the emotion and rage
sadness and pain
is all laid bare
all on that page

but sometimes
you try to write
and there's nothing at all

so you try
and you think
but your spirits do fall

with so much to say
yet so much to do
i find i'd much rather
be somewhere with you

i'm thinking of words
to say what i wish
but they fly away
like birds

it's hard to think
and even harder
to turn my words
into ink
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
dreams are sometimes very strange
and they're **** to interpret
few make any sense at all
and some are just not clear yet

some show you your deepest desires
while others reveal your deepest fear
some show the future
while others show what's dear

the thing about dreams
is you cannot chose
which ones you can remember
or if they took place
in february
or even late december

but some stay longer
than i ever wish
and plage me day and night
for some of them
reveal to me
the verity of my plight

they show my hopes
and what i want
then take it all away
for when i open up my eyes
i must begin my day

as the sun flies high
and the day goes on
i begin to realize
that my happiness lies
in hopes and dreams
that have still not become true
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
a vaccine
to protect you from something
so insignificant
so troublesome
so deadly
as the flu

something people don't think about
don't think to avoid or get away from
can come back to knock you out
for days and weeks

a tiny virus

small things can hurt
small things can be devastating
they come inside and they never leave
expanding, growing
until they take over

small, insignificant things
a virus
an insult
a name
a rule
a message

things people don't think about
could have devastating effects
if only there was a shot
that could protect against them all
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
that's what i am, really
just ******* ******
****** to hope
****** to dream
****** to think that
if i fought, things would change
but no
things are not going to change
things won't change
no matter how hard i fight
it is no
always no
                  no no    
            no no no no no no
     no no no no no no no no no no no
                  no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
                                                no no no no no no no no no no no
         no no no no no no no no no no no
                  no no no
    no no no no no no no  
no no no no no no no no no no no no  
                   no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
             no no no no no no no no no no
                         no no no no no no no
          no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
  no no no no no no

i read books
about youth
who go against everything
and find love
and ask if i can have
what they have
the answer is:
no

i see movies
about kids
kids my age!
and ask
can i feel
what he's feeling?
the answer is:
no

i look around me
in school
see people who do
half the **** that i do
people who don't
have plans, hopes, dreams
who haven't worked hard
who don't deserve it
and i ask
can i have that?
the answer is:
no

with them
it's always
no

can i please be happy?
no

can you help me not hate myself?
no

can you try to understand where i'm coming from?
no

can you let me enjoy my last moments here?
no

well
remember those no's
because that's all you're going to have to hold on to
that
and the memories of you making me feel ******* ****** for hoping that you cared
hoping that you want to change things
that you want to help me be better
no
no you ******* don't
Another Bad Poem May 2018
they aren't easy
and sometimes don't mean that
something is going away

sometimes it just means
something is just slightly
out of your reach

and it really *****
to see it there
just a hair's breadth away
and find yourself unable
to reach out and grab it

to reach out and grab her
to pull her into my arms
and tell her what i feel

no

i can no longer do that
i can no longer open your heart
i can no longer lay your soul bare

it hurts her too much
when my own blood won't accept her
no matter what i do

and it hurts
so much
to see her in pain
it hurts more than anything else
so maybe things are better?

maybe things are better for her?
i can't tell what's better for me
whatever i think is best seems to turn out wrong

so whatever happens
if she's okay
i'll be okay with it
and i'll always be here
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
all the power
of the greatest search engine
in the world
and i still can't find what i'm looking for

Showing results for the search will never end?

i'm searching for friends
but i can't seem to figure out what type to keep
i'm searching for confidence
it's not supported on my browser
i'm searching for happiness
but i just lost my connection

the search is useless if always fruitless
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
a headache
a pain that cleaves your skull in two
yet gives me an excuse
to demand endless kisses
from my love
to help me heal
the rift in my brain
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
now that she's no longer here
to kiss them away
or at least offer to,
rather than happening less often
it seems they happen much more

it seems
the rift
will never be healed
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i came here
to share my thoughts
with the world
without judgement
now i constantly crave
people's acceptance
and understanding
watching the number
of times
something has been viewed
and adding
more unnecessary
spaces between lines
to look more poetic
and be more popular
instead of actually
writing something good
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
it's official
it has been
a month

a whole,
wild month
but still a month

a month of
countless words
and
hundreds of views

though the question is
what is the point of this?
i've been here a month
and i'm still not sure

do i write here
just so
i have an outlet?
to get these feelings out?

am i here
to seek acceptance
to find people who feel like me
or who appreciate my thoughts?

am i just here
to feel wanted and understood
to hear praise and
watch my views climb?

is this a way for me
to say things to people
that i don't have the courage to say
in real life?

or am i here to help
diffuse my anger
and dull the pointed edges
of my soul
and try to put together
the shattered parts of me
by accepting them myself?
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
why is it
to feel at home
to feel like peace
i feel like
i have to run
far, far away?
Another Bad Poem Aug 2018
oh hope, how you twist the minds
of people, hiding reality through
a window with hastily shut blinds
ending with nothing but anger
nothing but pain coming from you,
nothing audible over this dismal clangor

where we try to succeed and yet
i know we will fail
everything causing me to fret,
pursuing her to no avail

love and loneliness have made you
stronger than you really should be
for even in the beginning i always knew
that this would never work for me

you helped me find love, to hold
onto something real, someone special
but right now i feel numb and cold

nothing can fill the place in my heart
where she fills me right now,
so why did you even find her a part
in my life, why is this a thing you'd allow
if you knew that each moment would be torture,
making me feel like i'm not enough to make
her feel like she's perfect, becoming the author
of my own suffering, my insecurity destined
to push her away, my attitude too dismal
and my mind too desolate, bested by
these circumstances that seem so abysmal.

i hate you, hope
because i'm afraid

because i fear you've given me the taste
of what i've longed for my entire life

and now you seem poised to take it away
to take her from my life because i'm not enough
and i'll never be able to see anyone but her,
as alone and solitary as before, if not more.
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i tried
and tried
and tried again
but each time came back defeated

all we did
was scream
and scream
in a cycle that never ended

it's still not over
though all is silent
and we are rooms apart

but the relationship
we used to have
is one that did not start

i fought for you
my love, i did
but still have not succeeded

i stood my ground
did not back down
but still come back defeated

the unstoppable force
meets the immovable object
one of them has to fail

the one who's small
and somewhat weak
yet definitely not frail

they say they know
what's best for me
and i really don't agree

but it's my life
how can i know
the thing that's best for me


the more i try
the harder it gets
to gain a little ground

the more i fight
more words come out,
against my soul they pound

it seems there's nothing
i can do
to try and live my life

must i shut up
and be resigned
to live one full of strife?

some people
have it worse, i know
but i cannot go on

to go on following
orders which
from a hat are drawn

there is no sense
or logic found
behind their painful words

the only thing
i've got so far
is home amongst the nerds

what is the point
of fighting now
when so much i can lose

and how can i
decide that now
when i've never had to choose?

i tried
and tried
and tried again
but each time came back defeated

and now i've failed
and can't go on
i'm sorry, i am beaten
i'm sorry
i tried
and trying hasn't gotten me anywhere
i don't know what to do anymore
i'm sorry
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
when you trade
one version of harm
for another
does that mean
you're getting better

or just getting better
at hiding it?
you're welcome to answer
because i truly don't know
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
you know that feeling
you get when
you don't belong?

you know that feeling
when you work hard
but it feels fake?

you know that feeling
when you look around
and think you're insignificant?

you know that feeling
when you feel like you
don't deserve any of it?

well
this feeling has a name

i thought a name would make it feel better
but
it just lets me add to the list
of problems i can't solve
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
home is supposed to be
the place
where you can be
yourself
not judged
not harassed
where you feel safe
where you feel happy
a place to share
thoughts and feelings
with those who
you care
and who care
for you

i think it's time i found one
and i think i know where it is
but i can't tell for sure
i hope i've learned
to enjoy it while i can
instead of doing
what i'm seem good at
******* up
the best moments
in my life
mistakenly waiting
for something better
something later

i've spent too long
waiting
and longing
i want my future
one i didn't think i had
until rather recently
thanks to the one
who has shown me
kindness and love
after all these years

a future
that now seems
palpable
possible.
i want to build it
create it
forge it
but i don't want to do it
alone

and now i don't have to

four years
basking in the light
of others just like me
if not better
so maybe someday
i might realize
i can shine
just as bright
as them
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
they're happening again
the thoughts i know i shouldn't have
i can't seem to fight them off anymore
i'm tired of being me
i'm to weak to change
yet too frustrated to stay the same

i don't know what to do from here
i already have 29
i wish i could add some more
in places where
they might actually matter
but again
i'm too scared
i'm too weak

why can't i change
why can't i do
they one thing i want to do
why won't i let myself be happy?
why can't i love myself?
why won't i risk making the **** i live in
just a little bit worse?
if i did, i could get a spark
of something that makes me better

but i could also
lose everything

i've never been lucky
i don't know if it's worth it
i don't know
i don't know
what to do
who i am
what i stand for

it seems
this is where
my thoughts love to reside
the thoughts
they're happening
and i don't know how to stop them
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
yet again, it happened
a cry of frustration, a scream
then a somewhat satisfying smack
of skin on concrete
not enough to bleed
not enough to leave a bruise
but enough to hurt for days

not every mark is visible
not everyone can see
what is happening to me
what's going on in my mind

a place held under lock and key
easily hidden away
so i can make people stay
by making them blind.

but sometimes there comes a day
where i can't hold it inside,
for fear that something within me has died
and maybe it has
Another Bad Poem May 2018
je ne sais pas
ça que je dois faire
j'aime une fille
mais mes parents m'a dit
que je ne peut pas
et ça me fait mal

je la vois tous les jours,
et mon coeur
ne bat que pour elle

mais il y a des moments
quand je souhaite
que mon coeur arrête de battre

je t'aime
j'ai essayé de ne pas t'aimer
mais je ne peut pas m'arrêter
je t'aime
avec tout mon coeur
avec mon âme
avec tout ce que je suis

et peu importe
qui me dit que je ne peux pas
je t'aimerai toujours

je t'aime
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
a sea of opinions
an ocean of expectations
implied and clear
yet convoluted and hypocritical
pushing this way and that way
with no room for me

how do you know what they want?
how do you do what's expected
if you don't know what that is?

what happens when all they see
when they look upon you
is a disappointment?

how do you make them happy?

where do you go from here?
Another Bad Poem May 2018
love is
a strange thing
you can love someone one way
and love someone else
a completely different one
yet it's still love

love is
a resilient thing
you can be hurt by someone
and be turned away
time after time
but still it's love

love is
a powerful thing
you can be helped by someone
without realizing they're helping you
and despite everything you've been through
they still love

love is love
it's not always obvious
but it's there, somewhere
Happy mother's day everyone
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
it's dark outside
kind of like
how i am
but inside

it's quiet outside
completely different
from how i am
but inside

you can't see it
but i'm crying out
for help

or maybe you do see it
but you don't care
enough to help

yes, there are
a few who do
try to help
but a small number
in the single digits
well, really
only one

but there are
a ton more
who think they
know what's best
making me do
what they want
and i'm done

i can't stop them
from making me
feel like ****,
no more than i
can get them
to listen

but i can stop them
from seeing they hurt me
and going on
with this life
until there's no one who
can listen

after too long
it becomes too easy
to put on this mask
like everything's okay

and it's been too long
that even those who
know you the best
think things are okay

i've been pushed too far
and i'm not sure
i can find my way back

not yet
not alone

yet that seems to be
what i have to be



alone
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
mistake number one:
they say it's
better to
beg forgiveness
than to ask permission
i didn't listen

mistake number two:
i asked them if it
would be okay
to fall in love
they said
not now
i listened

mistake number three:
two years later
I tried again
foolishly thinking
my time had come
but yet again
they said no
i listened

mistake number four:
i wanted it
too much
and i saw
what wasn't there
too desperate to
think if it
was real. she said
it was
i listened

mistake number five:
i spoke my mind
told her what
i thought i felt
and she told
everyone else
but i was blamed
and told to
push her away
i listened

mistake number six:
i realized
what i wanted
who i wanted
i fell for her
harder than anyone
had ever fallen before
and i knew she was the one
i asked again
they said not now
i listened

i am sick
and tired
of listening
of doing
what is expected
what they want
what they ask

but i
am too weak
or too afraid
to change
maybe both

maybe that is
my biggest mistake



or maybe
my biggest mistake
is simply

existing
that can be easily corrected
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
a while ago, i read a quote
it says:
"The child who is not embraced by the village
will burn it down to feel it's warmth"
it made me think
whether or not that child
is me
am i being unreasonable
am i making trouble
just because
i haven't felt the warmth
i've always craved?
am I really being good
or just seeking attention?
is that all my deeds are
when looked at
with an ice cold eye?
am i just being troublesome
to try to gain
some semblance of acceptance
from my own family?
are the things i do
things i want to do
or a way for me to just lash out
to be noticed or praised
for something?
am i trying to burn down
my relationship with my family
to feel the warmth
that was never there?
msd
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
msd
they say
what doesn't **** you
makes you
stronger
but how true is that?
changed, yes
but stronger?
not alone
but if we put aside our differences
and come together
we can make a change

together

we can show them
what needs to happen

together

we can support each other
learn to laugh again
smile again

together

what doesn't **** us
makes us stronger


together
this was written as a request
i'm not really sure i did well but here
the anniversary of the parkland shooting is on Wednesday, and the only way the world can make a change is together
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
13 years
different walls
different doors
still the same
my one job in life
do good in school
be a student

my one punishment
my only option
be a student
no more
no less
be the best student
live up to the shadows of those around you, before or after
don't fall behind
don't enjoy
just educate


well i'm sorry
i've learnt all the wrong things
thank you so much
for making me nothing more
than a grade on a paper
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
funny things, names are
evidently not something
destined to be removed
even with a true sense of
real dislike or disgust
including those moments when you are
called your name, and it feels like a
knock to the head

all the time, i want to
leave my own name behind me,
escape it, even if there are no copies, like my
xerox machine has been broken
and i am the only one with my title
no other person is stuck with this
devastating name, yet nobody
else can feel the warmth when
right out of nowhere, someone warms your heart with a new one

gone are the days when i
openly regret my name,
not because i am now a
zealous fan of my title, but because i
am a new me, or trying to be a
little more sure of myself, comfortable with me
even though I still feel like it makes people
zoom their attention in on me

it is hard to put up with my name
mainly because I don't like it
i never had
especially not the initials
but i've survived a few years with it
and gained a few more along the way
and in retrospect
to all of you who don't like your names
***** everyone who doesn't appreciate it
as long as you like it yourself
it's good enough
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
what spews
from people's lips
is seldom supposed to matter
solely idle chatter
harmless little nips
that become news

they spread their words
not really caring
who they hurt
with everything they spurt
and not even daring
to question the mindless herds

it might start as a joke
when they spread their lies
about what they perceive as romance
never giving a real chance
acting like merciless spies
minus the dagger and cloak

words can result in
unintended consequences
and even without hate
they can devastate
lead to doled out sentences
or much chagrin

they don't seem to care
who they talk about
each week
whether strong or weak
through a whisper or shout
or words spoken on a dare

they just talk
perceiving themselves blameless
spreading word of frogs or red hair
with a lighthearted air
without thought to us who are voiceless
who can do naught but gawk

it is hard to fight
something that nobody
believes is a threat
because to them,
it is practically harmless
but they would not like
to be in the places
they put us in
so i say
please
stop talking
about what you
know not of
i swear
the redhead and the frog
might ruin my year
the first was a mistake
the second one forbidden
though who doesn't want the forbidden fruit, if it's forbidden without reason?
one
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
one
i did not know how she would make me feel,
the way she would intrude upon my heart.
i wish that i could make a simple deal
and make sure we are never torn apart.
i could not really figure out what part
this woman would be playing in my world,
the basic machinations of her art
making me fall before my plan unfurled.
i could not guess how i would want her curled
against me, falling into peaceful sleep,
thoughts drifting far as quickly as she hurled
herself into my dreams, so far, so deep.
she helps me deal with what has come before
and i will stay with her forevermore
here's some sonnet practice
i hope you enjoy
especially you, you know who you are
Another Bad Poem May 2018
anything can be helpful
from a poem to a pencil,
the light of a star
to what caused a scar
you just have to look
to be creative
find a new outlook
be positive

it's not easy
i never said it was
but you have to try
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
life isn't easy
but i've learned
not to show i care
just to hold it all in
to build it up, a mountain
keeping all my feelings at bay
to ignore what's in front of
my very own eyes
in plain sight
the boundaries
the utter lack
of normality
or of hope
the absence
of dreams


she lit the pyres for that self
those thoughts drifting away as smoke into the night sky
as the flames burnt brighter than the moonlight
consuming the pity and self-loathing
replacing it with
love and promise
and a future
i rose from the ashes of the dungeon of my mind
like a phoenix
and with her, i took flight
never to return
~thank you to her
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
i lay here, in the darkness
my room lit by a screen
wallowing in restlessness
with a mind that i can't deem
good enough to do anything,
a soul that seems too broken
to be grand, to become something
to make a change, to make something happen

but then you come along
in the mornings, when i wake
you're here, but far away, and
you turn my days into the lyrics of a song
you make a ***** pond seem a picturesque lake
and you make this soul seem wonderful and grand

the truth is, all the good you see
would be nothing without you
what i see, the real me
is terrible, and i find that true

i lay here on my pillow
wishing you could be here
i just want you to know
you're all i hold dear

i'll try to be better for you
there's nobody else in this world who
understands me like you do

i don't want to let you down
i want to be all that you see
even when i feel like i'm about to drown
i want what you see to be the real me
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