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28.5k · Mar 2018
hello, poetry?
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
it's official
it has been
a month

a whole,
wild month
but still a month

a month of
countless words
and
hundreds of views

though the question is
what is the point of this?
i've been here a month
and i'm still not sure

do i write here
just so
i have an outlet?
to get these feelings out?

am i here
to seek acceptance
to find people who feel like me
or who appreciate my thoughts?

am i just here
to feel wanted and understood
to hear praise and
watch my views climb?

is this a way for me
to say things to people
that i don't have the courage to say
in real life?

or am i here to help
diffuse my anger
and dull the pointed edges
of my soul
and try to put together
the shattered parts of me
by accepting them myself?
6.1k · Mar 2018
The Non-Poem
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
she says
she's not a poet
but i find her poems
to have more meaning
more beauty, more heart
to them than mine
and the way
she uses her words
can change how a person is feeling
from sad to happy
just with a couple of phrases
knitted together

she says
she's not a good writer
but those early morning
last minute essays
of pure adrenaline and
half-awake thoughts
present ideas
in such a way
that it's impossible
to find them anything
but perfect

she says
she's not sure
what her future will bring
but i know her
she's smart
and she's
so wonderfully stubborn
that wherever she may end up
she will go farther
than anyone could have ever imagined
including me
i can't predict exactly where she'll be
in 4 months
or 4 years
but i know her path will go
down the most bountiful roads
and in the end
she'll be happy
and all will be worth it

she says
she's not grateful
but almost everything she does
she does for others
she loves her parents
and hurts when they hurt
she realizes what they do
for her, and wants to make them
the proudest parents on earth
she loves her friends
and tries to make them better

she says
she's a relationship whisperer
and i guess she's right
because with a few choice words
gentle nudges and an onslaught
of appreciated suggestions
she whispered us together

she says
that the dark spots on the sun
can bring shadow
to the most brilliant light
but not even
the dark of endless night
can dim her brightness
or hide her from those
who see her for who she is
who see her potential

she doubts herself
sometimes she thinks
she won't succeed,
always worried
that what she's done
isn't enough
or that there's too little time
to get everything done
but no matter the odds
no matter what she's up against
she pushes through
she persists, she fights
and she gets what she wants
or as close to what she wants
as is actually possible
sometimes she even achieves the impossible
and it's nothing if not admirable
showing me that anything is possible
proving to me that
"You could rattle the stars
You could do anything
If only you dared"
not by anything i've done
but by everything she's accomplished

she says
she's not beautiful
true, she's not a model
but that doesn't mean she's not perfect
but the way those eyes shine
like earth kissed by spring rain
promising life and happiness,
mirrored by her wide smile
though not often seen,
just one smile from her
is like a ray of sunshine
through grimy windows
bringing light into a place
that knew nothing but darkness,
warm enough to melt the walls
surrounding the coldest of hearts

somehow,
sometimes
she says she's ****
possibly due to the scars
dotting her arms and her back
scars which started years ago
but on the contrary
i think they just enhance her
they make her more human
each one a reminder
that she's been through
countless things in her life
but instead of giving up
instead of giving in
she's come through,
a lump of carbon
forged by the fires
of her world
and the pressure of
her surroundings
the pressure of life
and came out
the most precious of diamonds
not the biggest
but the most wonderful of all
with small flecks of imperfections
that make it shine all the brighter

i say
she's often right,
but the subject
becomes herself
and she's far from the truth
she's absolutely wonderful
and in my eyes
perfect
a perfect person
and a perfect friend
the most beautiful woman on earth
mentally and physically
and there's nobody else
i'd rather love
quote from Sarah J. Maas
though the loving isn't easy, i still love
with all my heart
i hope this makes you smile when you're down
or helps you see yourself the way i see you
775 · Jul 2018
google
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
all the power
of the greatest search engine
in the world
and i still can't find what i'm looking for

Showing results for the search will never end?

i'm searching for friends
but i can't seem to figure out what type to keep
i'm searching for confidence
it's not supported on my browser
i'm searching for happiness
but i just lost my connection

the search is useless if always fruitless
769 · Mar 2018
six degrees of separation
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
they say
that each person you know
knows a person
and if you travel those links
you have connections
to everyone
it takes
a maximum of six steps
six "friends of a friend"
to know anyone in the world
but that's not how
i want to know you
i don't want to be separated
i want to be by your side
but that's not how
things seem to be working out
you're so close
but so far away
and for that
i'm sorry
603 · Jul 2018
pillow thoughts
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
i lay here, in the darkness
my room lit by a screen
wallowing in restlessness
with a mind that i can't deem
good enough to do anything,
a soul that seems too broken
to be grand, to become something
to make a change, to make something happen

but then you come along
in the mornings, when i wake
you're here, but far away, and
you turn my days into the lyrics of a song
you make a ***** pond seem a picturesque lake
and you make this soul seem wonderful and grand

the truth is, all the good you see
would be nothing without you
what i see, the real me
is terrible, and i find that true

i lay here on my pillow
wishing you could be here
i just want you to know
you're all i hold dear

i'll try to be better for you
there's nobody else in this world who
understands me like you do

i don't want to let you down
i want to be all that you see
even when i feel like i'm about to drown
i want what you see to be the real me
571 · Apr 2018
weekend wonderings
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
i woke up this morning
on the wrong side
of the bed
which is my fault
it's my fault i'm overworked
it's my fault i'm stressed
it's my fault i can't sleep
it's my fault it takes time
      to finish everything i have
it's my fault for everything
i can't stop
i can't slow down
i can't get upset
  when things are unfair
i can't  b  r  e  a  t  h  e
but worst of all
i'm seventeen
and i can't act my age
i'm told i am young
yet i cannot be young
so go ahead
keep saying you told me so
when you never did
keep blaming me for
all my faults
i won't be here much longer
to hear it
498 · Jun 2018
apart
Another Bad Poem Jun 2018
i miss you, it's true
i miss you, i do
i've tried hard not to
but it's all i can do

there's a yearning in my soul
it's aching for yours
but you're so far away
and i can't reach you
487 · May 2018
confusion
Another Bad Poem May 2018
i'm going to be honest
i don't know exactly
what it is i'm feeling

is it anger?
is it guilt?
is it grief?
is it remorse?
is it acceptance?

i don't know what i should do
it's better this way, i'm sure
but i don't want things to be this way

i hoped
and now i've learned
hope is a mistake

people don't change
i won't change
i'm still going to love you

my love
is just fine
but i still hurt you

it's not my fault
but yet it is
i made you fall for me
and gave you hope
when i knew there
was nothing we could be

i'm going to miss
the way we were
the dreams of what could come
but i'm grateful for the time we had
even though it was only some

it's better this way
i think
i hope
i pray that you're okay

i'm sorry i dragged you into this
i hope you forgive me one day

but even if we're only friends
i think i'll be okay

i love you for who you are
not how you make me feel
so maybe some distance isn't bad

and like i said
people don't change
i won't change
i'm still going to love you

let's see what happens
463 · Mar 2018
midnight thoughts
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
it's dark outside
kind of like
how i am
but inside

it's quiet outside
completely different
from how i am
but inside

you can't see it
but i'm crying out
for help

or maybe you do see it
but you don't care
enough to help

yes, there are
a few who do
try to help
but a small number
in the single digits
well, really
only one

but there are
a ton more
who think they
know what's best
making me do
what they want
and i'm done

i can't stop them
from making me
feel like ****,
no more than i
can get them
to listen

but i can stop them
from seeing they hurt me
and going on
with this life
until there's no one who
can listen

after too long
it becomes too easy
to put on this mask
like everything's okay

and it's been too long
that even those who
know you the best
think things are okay

i've been pushed too far
and i'm not sure
i can find my way back

not yet
not alone

yet that seems to be
what i have to be



alone
447 · May 2018
roommates
Another Bad Poem May 2018
i have a family
and i'm told
i should count myself lucky
that i have a mother and father
and that both of them love me

i have a family
and i'm told
by them that i should try harder
that i'm not doing well enough
that i'm not mature

i have a family
and they say
that i'm too young to find love
too young to disobey them
and too innocent to see the truth

but this is no family
thats what i say
i sit here at my table, covering
my ears to dodge the bullets
escaping their lips
aimed at my brother

tonight, i'm safe, hidden before this screen
narrowly escaping the lash of their tongues

i have a family
and i'm told
i should be grateful
that there are worse families out there
who beat their children

though i am free from fists
or the sting of a belt
i am not free from words

i have a family
and i'm told
i should be grateful
that i have food to eat, a bed to sleep on
parents who drive me around and pay for my things

this is not a family
this is a house full of angry roommates
two of whom have power
two of whom are oppressed

i am trapped here
far from solace or rest
unable to survive much longer
beaten down ceaselessly by those
who claim to love me

if this goes on much longer
there will be nothing left
423 · Aug 2018
hope
Another Bad Poem Aug 2018
oh hope, how you twist the minds
of people, hiding reality through
a window with hastily shut blinds
ending with nothing but anger
nothing but pain coming from you,
nothing audible over this dismal clangor

where we try to succeed and yet
i know we will fail
everything causing me to fret,
pursuing her to no avail

love and loneliness have made you
stronger than you really should be
for even in the beginning i always knew
that this would never work for me

you helped me find love, to hold
onto something real, someone special
but right now i feel numb and cold

nothing can fill the place in my heart
where she fills me right now,
so why did you even find her a part
in my life, why is this a thing you'd allow
if you knew that each moment would be torture,
making me feel like i'm not enough to make
her feel like she's perfect, becoming the author
of my own suffering, my insecurity destined
to push her away, my attitude too dismal
and my mind too desolate, bested by
these circumstances that seem so abysmal.

i hate you, hope
because i'm afraid

because i fear you've given me the taste
of what i've longed for my entire life

and now you seem poised to take it away
to take her from my life because i'm not enough
and i'll never be able to see anyone but her,
as alone and solitary as before, if not more.
418 · Jul 2018
text
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
what is text
but simply
words on a screen
a combination of
lines and curves
to form words

making meaning out of nothing
that is what we do
we make language
out of these arcane symbols
and attach meanings to them
that aren't there

two people can read something
and interpret completely different things

you always say hello
and you say we're soulmates
but why does it feel like we've already said goodbye?
Late post
327 · Mar 2018
afraid
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i know what it is that i have to do
it sounds like such a simple thing
standing up against unfairness

rebelling against
those who don't  care to listen
those who don't care to understand
stand up for what you believe
stand up for what you want
fight for what you want

i'm surrounded by a climate
where it is said
staying silent means you are agreeing
you are submitting, and once you submit
you're stuck in submission

i'm surrounded by people
saying i need to fight
**** the consequences
just fight for what i want

i'm not sure if i'm just weak and afraid
or they just don't know what i'm dealing with
but how can someone tell you your voice matters
your opinions, your beliefs, are important and strong
then not listen to you and enforce their own onto you?
do they have a right, because without them, you'd be dead?

what will they do when i stand up?

it is said
man's greatest fear
is the fear of the unknown
i don't know what will happen
and i don't know if i'm brave enough
to find out
321 · May 2018
perception
Another Bad Poem May 2018
anything can be helpful
from a poem to a pencil,
the light of a star
to what caused a scar
you just have to look
to be creative
find a new outlook
be positive

it's not easy
i never said it was
but you have to try
287 · May 2018
goodbyes
Another Bad Poem May 2018
they aren't easy
and sometimes don't mean that
something is going away

sometimes it just means
something is just slightly
out of your reach

and it really *****
to see it there
just a hair's breadth away
and find yourself unable
to reach out and grab it

to reach out and grab her
to pull her into my arms
and tell her what i feel

no

i can no longer do that
i can no longer open your heart
i can no longer lay your soul bare

it hurts her too much
when my own blood won't accept her
no matter what i do

and it hurts
so much
to see her in pain
it hurts more than anything else
so maybe things are better?

maybe things are better for her?
i can't tell what's better for me
whatever i think is best seems to turn out wrong

so whatever happens
if she's okay
i'll be okay with it
and i'll always be here
263 · Mar 2018
to those happy people
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
time flows quickly
it's been over a month since
we told each other "I love you"
something we both knew probably
should not have even happened
since this love we share is strictly not allowed
nothing is really allowed
not joy, not kindness nor compassion
or rest, or relaxation
not happiness

but ****, she knew it was
not okay with them
"**** it", she said
before she leaned in
and kissed me
and after that
it was a boulder
rolling down a hill
too fast and too hard to stop

i tried
i really did
i tried to get them to see
to make them okay with it
to let me live for once
but as always
nonononononononono
    nonononononononono
nonononononononono
            nonononononononono
               nonononononononono
                   nonononononononono
no
just endlessly saying no
to anything they didn't like
didn't agree with
it was hard
hiding everything
i understand it's not easy
to pretend the love you feel
doesn't exist
to resist every temptation
to pull them to the side
and return to the peace
you feel in their presence

but it's hard
sometimes it's too hard
it's too hard for her
and it's becoming too hard for me
if i win her, i lose my family
if i keep my family, i lose her

if i fight
i will lose

if i stay silent
i lose

it seems
by trying to be happy for once
i lost

it's not over yet
but there's no happy ending
no
i don't get a happy ending
it's probably not allowed
if it were even possible

to all you people
who walk around
with a genuine smile
you have no idea how lucky you are
to be allowed to have joy in your life
to not have it denied to you
by the people
who claim that they love you
and who expect nothing
but your best

stay happy
why can't i be like you
233 · Feb 2018
lost
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
a sea of opinions
an ocean of expectations
implied and clear
yet convoluted and hypocritical
pushing this way and that way
with no room for me

how do you know what they want?
how do you do what's expected
if you don't know what that is?

what happens when all they see
when they look upon you
is a disappointment?

how do you make them happy?

where do you go from here?
221 · Mar 2018
4.0, 5.268
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
when you are worth
nothing more than a grade
to those
who should love you most
then what are you, really?

are you a man?
are you a boy?
are you a good son?
a good brother?
or just a number?
what are you, really?

what's the point
of trying hard
to please them all
because when you fail,
as you undoubtedly will,
then what are you, really?

a number, some letters
and expectations that grow
faster than the mind or the body
can hope to keep up with
lead to broken dreams
and without dreams,
then what are you, really?

just a rag doll, tossed from
person to person, clinging
desperately, hoping for a glimpse
of appreciation, of wanting, of
love and affection, because without that
then what are you, really?

they say
you must love yourself
before you love others
but when it seems
like nobody else loves you
it's quite impossible
to love yourself

because if they don't love you
then who could?
high school student
age 17
unweighted gpa: 4.0
weighted gpa: 5.286
accepted to college out of state
status: dead inside
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
home is supposed to be
the place
where you can be
yourself
not judged
not harassed
where you feel safe
where you feel happy
a place to share
thoughts and feelings
with those who
you care
and who care
for you

i think it's time i found one
and i think i know where it is
but i can't tell for sure
i hope i've learned
to enjoy it while i can
instead of doing
what i'm seem good at
******* up
the best moments
in my life
mistakenly waiting
for something better
something later

i've spent too long
waiting
and longing
i want my future
one i didn't think i had
until rather recently
thanks to the one
who has shown me
kindness and love
after all these years

a future
that now seems
palpable
possible.
i want to build it
create it
forge it
but i don't want to do it
alone

and now i don't have to

four years
basking in the light
of others just like me
if not better
so maybe someday
i might realize
i can shine
just as bright
as them
220 · Sep 2018
flu shot
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
a vaccine
to protect you from something
so insignificant
so troublesome
so deadly
as the flu

something people don't think about
don't think to avoid or get away from
can come back to knock you out
for days and weeks

a tiny virus

small things can hurt
small things can be devastating
they come inside and they never leave
expanding, growing
until they take over

small, insignificant things
a virus
an insult
a name
a rule
a message

things people don't think about
could have devastating effects
if only there was a shot
that could protect against them all
219 · Mar 2018
the human radiator
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i have always
been naturally warm
and i used to
think it's something strange,
unnatural or weird,
just another way
i was different
from everyone else
an outcast

then i met her
and she happened
to be strangely cold
and she seemed to
need something warm
and i discovered
that our souls
were just two halves
of one whole

my warmth   easing her cold
her kindness easing my thoughts
my words widening her smile
her mind awakening my heart
my arms holding her close
her heart giving me love
for the first time
in 17 years
.
thank you
215 · Mar 2018
msd
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
msd
they say
what doesn't **** you
makes you
stronger
but how true is that?
changed, yes
but stronger?
not alone
but if we put aside our differences
and come together
we can make a change

together

we can show them
what needs to happen

together

we can support each other
learn to laugh again
smile again

together

what doesn't **** us
makes us stronger


together
this was written as a request
i'm not really sure i did well but here
the anniversary of the parkland shooting is on Wednesday, and the only way the world can make a change is together
212 · Feb 2018
3C
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
3C
Building Three
       Center stairwell
            A sanctuary of sorts
                   Allowing me to be free
                            to do as i please
                         with the one
                     whom i only
                 wish to please
             seconds drag
          into minutes
       into hours
moments in
  her arms
    feel like
       lifetimes
            stolen, forbidden
                 recklessly beautiful
                      moments in
                           Building Three
                               Center stairwell
Another Bad Poem May 2018
01101001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 01111001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110011 01101111 01101110 01110011 00001010 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 00001010 01110011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110
this is in binary because i'm a nerd
205 · Apr 2018
creativity
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
it comes and goes
no clear pattern
no clear reason
it's here one moment
then gone the next

there's so much
I want to say
but i don't know
how to say it
how to get it out

it's stuck within me
trapped, yearning
for an escape, a glimpse
of what the world might be like
if i knew what to do

but the thing is
i don't know what to do
nobody really knows
what they're supposed to do
what i'm supposed to do

here i sit
tapping out words
trying to focus my feelings
into something that
can be understood

understood
not just by
the people who
happen to see it
and make my numbers rise

but no
understood
by me
because i don't understand
myself

in my life
i've been creative
and changed who i am
to fit who i was
"supposed to be"

acted happy because
i was too young to be sad
acted amused when
it was the wrong time
to be depressed

acted strong
when it was ******
to be weak
acted mature
when i was still just a kid

but now
i'm not creative enough
to write
or to act
and i don't know who to be

i know what i want
but is it what i want,
or is it only  
what i'm supposed to want?

how come
when it came to
pretending to be
someone else
it was so easy

but now
that i'm trying to discover
who i am
i cannot?
who am i?
204 · Mar 2018
dreams
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
dreams are sometimes very strange
and they're **** to interpret
few make any sense at all
and some are just not clear yet

some show you your deepest desires
while others reveal your deepest fear
some show the future
while others show what's dear

the thing about dreams
is you cannot chose
which ones you can remember
or if they took place
in february
or even late december

but some stay longer
than i ever wish
and plage me day and night
for some of them
reveal to me
the verity of my plight

they show my hopes
and what i want
then take it all away
for when i open up my eyes
i must begin my day

as the sun flies high
and the day goes on
i begin to realize
that my happiness lies
in hopes and dreams
that have still not become true
202 · Feb 2018
ramble
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
life was a wasteland
a warzone, unconquerable
indomitable and cataclysmic
unyielding
it seemed like i was
d
   r
     o
       w
           n
              i
                n
                   g
i was trapped
and endless, fruitless cycle
borne back ceaselessly
to where i started
never able to reach the end
either too weak or too cowardly
to break out of the loop
fighting
yelling
screaming
trust shattered
deceit, betrayal

suddenly

she came in the most unlikely places
a soft, unrelenting light in the darkest of times
a smile in a crowd of ******* faces
a face, wiping away the lines
of worry. of fear.
of sadness. of pain.

she came unannounced, unexpected
slipping past my defenses, a thief.
made me feel accepted,
calmed my grief.
my fears.
my pain.

i'm not perfect, I never will be
but now there's a better part
of me that I'm starting to see
ever since we traded hearts
moving past the fears
moving past the pain
198 · Apr 2018
please
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
someone
i need help
i cannot live this life anymore
but i don't want to die
this life of mine
it's not going to change
my life is a bad song on repeat
and i don't know what to do
188 · Mar 2018
baby dino
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
as i've said before
i'm kind of weird
and ever since i met her
i've felt safe
to be weird around her

first i was highlighter
and she was my compass
and it went on like that
and it felt nice
being named by her

then one day
i let out a squeak
or more like the roar
of a small dinosaur
and it pleased her

it made her laugh,
it made her smile
and then came the name
i can never live down
her baby dino

i try and try
and no matter how hard
it doesn't go away
but though i pretend to hate it
it makes me smile

"I'm at least a big dino now"
i say with a pout
"i'm menacing and evil"
and she just shares
that wonderful laugh of hers

and despite everything
it brings back memories
of times that are past
and of her
and she always manages
to make me smile

so here's to you,
wonderful girl

RAWR

-your baby dino
183 · May 2018
love
Another Bad Poem May 2018
love is
a strange thing
you can love someone one way
and love someone else
a completely different one
yet it's still love

love is
a resilient thing
you can be hurt by someone
and be turned away
time after time
but still it's love

love is
a powerful thing
you can be helped by someone
without realizing they're helping you
and despite everything you've been through
they still love

love is love
it's not always obvious
but it's there, somewhere
Happy mother's day everyone
182 · Mar 2018
i failed
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
i tried
and tried
and tried again
but each time came back defeated

all we did
was scream
and scream
in a cycle that never ended

it's still not over
though all is silent
and we are rooms apart

but the relationship
we used to have
is one that did not start

i fought for you
my love, i did
but still have not succeeded

i stood my ground
did not back down
but still come back defeated

the unstoppable force
meets the immovable object
one of them has to fail

the one who's small
and somewhat weak
yet definitely not frail

they say they know
what's best for me
and i really don't agree

but it's my life
how can i know
the thing that's best for me


the more i try
the harder it gets
to gain a little ground

the more i fight
more words come out,
against my soul they pound

it seems there's nothing
i can do
to try and live my life

must i shut up
and be resigned
to live one full of strife?

some people
have it worse, i know
but i cannot go on

to go on following
orders which
from a hat are drawn

there is no sense
or logic found
behind their painful words

the only thing
i've got so far
is home amongst the nerds

what is the point
of fighting now
when so much i can lose

and how can i
decide that now
when i've never had to choose?

i tried
and tried
and tried again
but each time came back defeated

and now i've failed
and can't go on
i'm sorry, i am beaten
i'm sorry
i tried
and trying hasn't gotten me anywhere
i don't know what to do anymore
i'm sorry
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
yet again, it happened
a cry of frustration, a scream
then a somewhat satisfying smack
of skin on concrete
not enough to bleed
not enough to leave a bruise
but enough to hurt for days

not every mark is visible
not everyone can see
what is happening to me
what's going on in my mind

a place held under lock and key
easily hidden away
so i can make people stay
by making them blind.

but sometimes there comes a day
where i can't hold it inside,
for fear that something within me has died
and maybe it has
170 · Sep 2018
college
Another Bad Poem Sep 2018
a place of learning is what it's supposed to be
you sit in a hall, with a professor giving a lecture
and then you go back to a room
where you're not supposed to be lonely.

it's supposed to be a place to be reborn,
to choose who you want to be and renew
yourself, to cut ties with who you were and
be who you want to be. not to be torn.

torn between two lives, two selves
one i want to be, one i want to forget
these selves who keep clashing within me
unable to quiet themselves.

will i learn to be the independent young man
who can be himself around others, brave
and strong, or will i be forever who i once was,
alone, following a restrictive plan?

i may not have changed, but i would like to
if only there was a course that i could take
how many credits would it be, to change me
into someone who's not constantly blue?

ironic, isn't it. the school colors are my personality
pantone 292, a shade of blue that doesn't fit
because it's not my school. pantone 2955 is more my color
dark, sad, and full of emotion, heavy with morality.

a failed assignment here, a missed lecture there
a slowly increasing workload, both real and imagined
a life of hard work and loneliness
leaving me truly unprepared

the problem with learning about people
is that it's one class you can't afford to fail.
because if you do, you fail at life itself.
170 · May 2018
je ne sais pas
Another Bad Poem May 2018
je ne sais pas
ça que je dois faire
j'aime une fille
mais mes parents m'a dit
que je ne peut pas
et ça me fait mal

je la vois tous les jours,
et mon coeur
ne bat que pour elle

mais il y a des moments
quand je souhaite
que mon coeur arrête de battre

je t'aime
j'ai essayé de ne pas t'aimer
mais je ne peut pas m'arrêter
je t'aime
avec tout mon coeur
avec mon âme
avec tout ce que je suis

et peu importe
qui me dit que je ne peux pas
je t'aimerai toujours

je t'aime
169 · Mar 2018
morning musings
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
a while ago, i read a quote
it says:
"The child who is not embraced by the village
will burn it down to feel it's warmth"
it made me think
whether or not that child
is me
am i being unreasonable
am i making trouble
just because
i haven't felt the warmth
i've always craved?
am I really being good
or just seeking attention?
is that all my deeds are
when looked at
with an ice cold eye?
am i just being troublesome
to try to gain
some semblance of acceptance
from my own family?
are the things i do
things i want to do
or a way for me to just lash out
to be noticed or praised
for something?
am i trying to burn down
my relationship with my family
to feel the warmth
that was never there?
161 · Jul 2018
imposter syndrome
Another Bad Poem Jul 2018
you know that feeling
you get when
you don't belong?

you know that feeling
when you work hard
but it feels fake?

you know that feeling
when you look around
and think you're insignificant?

you know that feeling
when you feel like you
don't deserve any of it?

well
this feeling has a name

i thought a name would make it feel better
but
it just lets me add to the list
of problems i can't solve
159 · May 2018
blocked
Another Bad Poem May 2018
blocked by my mind,
words no longer flow
as easy as the clear tears
released from the soul
or the crimson ones
released from the pain

or at least
as easy as they used to
my feelings are somewhat dulled
tears don't come
neither do my urges

it's a strange limbo

i'm unsure what to feel, or what i am feeling
157 · Feb 2018
rage
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
it starts small
small enough to be kept hidden
locked away

then it grows
a n d   g r o w s
a  n  d    g  r  o  w  s

until it can no longer be hidden

that ceaseless presence
soft, simmering
then exploding
effortlessly pushing away everything

everyone
those who get pushed away seldom return
153 · Feb 2018
phoenix
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
life isn't easy
but i've learned
not to show i care
just to hold it all in
to build it up, a mountain
keeping all my feelings at bay
to ignore what's in front of
my very own eyes
in plain sight
the boundaries
the utter lack
of normality
or of hope
the absence
of dreams


she lit the pyres for that self
those thoughts drifting away as smoke into the night sky
as the flames burnt brighter than the moonlight
consuming the pity and self-loathing
replacing it with
love and promise
and a future
i rose from the ashes of the dungeon of my mind
like a phoenix
and with her, i took flight
never to return
~thank you to her
150 · Feb 2018
my prison
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
13 years
different walls
different doors
still the same
my one job in life
do good in school
be a student

my one punishment
my only option
be a student
no more
no less
be the best student
live up to the shadows of those around you, before or after
don't fall behind
don't enjoy
just educate


well i'm sorry
i've learnt all the wrong things
thank you so much
for making me nothing more
than a grade on a paper
149 · Apr 2018
draft
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018

what is a draft
other than a rare view
into the mind of a poet

all the emotion and rage
sadness and pain
is all laid bare
all on that page

but sometimes
you try to write
and there's nothing at all

so you try
and you think
but your spirits do fall

with so much to say
yet so much to do
i find i'd much rather
be somewhere with you

i'm thinking of words
to say what i wish
but they fly away
like birds

it's hard to think
and even harder
to turn my words
into ink
134 · May 2018
dirt
Another Bad Poem May 2018
a catastrophe was
somehow transformed
into a few
short moments
of bliss

a tower, fallen,
it's contents strewn
across the concrete

yet we came
and built it back up
and we stole a few
moments of solitude

our hands soiled
our minds tired
but our hearts
rejuvenated
not through flirts
or contact
or anything more than
the joy of each other's company
127 · Apr 2018
a short ride
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
i look at you
and suddenly
i'm overcome with the urge
to do something
to make your smile even brighter
to make you happier
to make your heart flutter
and your cheeks warm

i look at you,
and for a moment
i'm also
overcome with the ability
to not fear
what comes after

and i lean forward,
my lips pressing against you,
our fingers intertwining,
my eyes looking into yours
and i smile
for in this moment,
to me,
you matter
and nothing else
though i wish i could've placed my lips elsewhere
i'll settle for here
i wish i could do more
but i can't
not yet
124 · May 2018
the ratchet effect
Another Bad Poem May 2018
in economics
prices go up
easier than they go down

but i find
with emotions
it's quite the opposite

it's much easier
for everything to fall
to crash down into disrepair
and never be the same
120 · Mar 2018
the wall
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
you walk in
expecting a warm welcome
or something
moderately normal
but there it is
the wall
it can easily be removed
if they tried
but no
they ignore it
and expect you to climb over it
or they just
they throw you against it
over
and over
and then when you put one up
just once, when you really
had no choice
or just wanted to feel special
they try to tear it down
and shame you for it
they're always putting up walls
i can't tell what's worse
when they can easily remove it
but won't
or when they can't
language can be as much of a barrier as a physical wall
it's not my fault i can't speak it
that i understand but can't hold a conversation
don't shame me for it
maybe you should learn mine
113 · May 2018
desert island
Another Bad Poem May 2018
i was asked
if i am stuck on a desert island
would i try to escape?

i sat there, staring, unsure how to respond
would i want to escape?
on a desert island,
i could do what i want
i could be free of judgement
free of competition
free of constraints
free
but also alone

i stared for a few moments, musing quietly
unsure whether i should take this time
to open up, or to retreat further back into my shell
should i tell them that sometimes i feel better alone?

somehow i manage to drag the corners of my lip up,
giving them a smile and telling them
of course i'll find my way off

because that's what i'm supposed to say
because loneliness is not okay
but what if i still feel alone?
109 · Feb 2018
one
Another Bad Poem Feb 2018
one
i did not know how she would make me feel,
the way she would intrude upon my heart.
i wish that i could make a simple deal
and make sure we are never torn apart.
i could not really figure out what part
this woman would be playing in my world,
the basic machinations of her art
making me fall before my plan unfurled.
i could not guess how i would want her curled
against me, falling into peaceful sleep,
thoughts drifting far as quickly as she hurled
herself into my dreams, so far, so deep.
she helps me deal with what has come before
and i will stay with her forevermore
here's some sonnet practice
i hope you enjoy
especially you, you know who you are
107 · Mar 2018
why
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
why
why is it
that you complain
that i'm working
all the time
and I do nothing but work
yet when i get home
the first words you tell me
rather than hello
is a list of things that need doing?

how come
you complain
that i'm not a happy person
that i don't smile enough
that i feel pain
both emotional and physical
yet when you find out
you are the cause
of many of my problems
you turn away?

how is it
that you command me
to do my work
quickly and efficiently
yet when I ask
for something so simple
that will let me work harder
in a shorter time
with better results
you deny me?

why is it
that you always talk
about a future of mine
of romance and
of love and
of happy days
and opportunity
yet when i ask
for those things you say I deserve
you shake your head sternly
and say no?

how come
each day
you tell me
school is the priority
and that nothing else matters
yet when i say myself
that i am nothing more
than the value of my gpa
you say that
it simply isn't true

why is it
when i ask how it isn't true
when i ask whet else is there to me
than my grades
and the hours i have
from community service
you have nothing to say?

why is it
you're always complaining
but you never listen
to the solutions
to your own problems?

i don't want to be your problem
but you're making me into one
103 · Apr 2018
fucking stupid
Another Bad Poem Apr 2018
that's what i am, really
just ******* ******
****** to hope
****** to dream
****** to think that
if i fought, things would change
but no
things are not going to change
things won't change
no matter how hard i fight
it is no
always no
                  no no    
            no no no no no no
     no no no no no no no no no no no
                  no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
                                                no no no no no no no no no no no
         no no no no no no no no no no no
                  no no no
    no no no no no no no  
no no no no no no no no no no no no  
                   no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
             no no no no no no no no no no
                         no no no no no no no
          no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
  no no no no no no

i read books
about youth
who go against everything
and find love
and ask if i can have
what they have
the answer is:
no

i see movies
about kids
kids my age!
and ask
can i feel
what he's feeling?
the answer is:
no

i look around me
in school
see people who do
half the **** that i do
people who don't
have plans, hopes, dreams
who haven't worked hard
who don't deserve it
and i ask
can i have that?
the answer is:
no

with them
it's always
no

can i please be happy?
no

can you help me not hate myself?
no

can you try to understand where i'm coming from?
no

can you let me enjoy my last moments here?
no

well
remember those no's
because that's all you're going to have to hold on to
that
and the memories of you making me feel ******* ****** for hoping that you cared
hoping that you want to change things
that you want to help me be better
no
no you ******* don't
99 · Mar 2018
the valley
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
there are hills
and there are valleys
you can always tell
when you're down,
down in the valley
overshadowed by the
high walls
dotted with uncertainty
like weathered footholds
until finally you walk out
for each ballet has
an ending
but you're not truly free
when all you can think of
are the walls that stand
no longer
so without meaning to
you end up
right where you started
back in the valley
a vicious cycle
that never seems to end
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