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Charlotte Sep 2020

I wrote about you once upon a time, when I didn’t have the greatest ability to rhyme.

With you or even with my words but you didn’t care, but frankly you never knew.

When I was writing poems about you and everything new, I didn’t tell for you probably would have told me it was silly.

Just like I was when I let you break my heart for the first time, and I welcomed you back without a second thought.

But who am I kidding, I thought about it everyday, the way you had told me you thought she was the most attractive girl, your “ideal” type.

Next thing I know you fell into your self-made hype, and put your lips and hands on her skin the way you did mine.

The love for you would still shine.

It would shine in my eyes until I saw her, I would bury the knowledge down and swallow my frown. And then I’d see her.

Eventually all was forgiven but not really

You went to college, deep down I knew it was going to happen, but I really held on to the hope that you wouldn’t do that to me again cause you saw how bad it hurt me to begin with.
But you did it once and you did it twice.

for months I was downing shot after shot, I get drunk and have a hangover that hurt almost as bad as the heartbreak that continued to shake.

It continued to shake my armor, the one I worked so hard to make and just like that it was gone.

Three months, I don’t remember any of it, but I know during those three months, I remembered all of it. All of us.


We were bestfriends once upon a time when I couldn’t rhyme, not with you, not with me

But now I’m free
  Feb 2019 Charlotte
Mar Orellana
They told me
rain would rinse off my worries
but I drowned in them instead.
I wrote this for one of my best friends. We were really close but had a stupid  argument and spent about 3 months ignoring each other. One night we had to walk home on our own while it was pouring raining and we laughed and it felt like everything was good again. The morning, however, revealed a whole different truth. I felt like we would never be the same again.
Charlotte Feb 2019
My parents think I just have a mental illness

they know nothing of what is wrong with me

if they knew they'd feel like they failed,

Failed at being parents.

In therapy, I tell about how I love my parents and that they love me

but they cause my heart to hurt.

They are the most talked about people in my therapy sessions.

But they'll never know about the whirlwind of seasons my brain goes through.

These seasons are controlled by mother nature

mother nature being them.

But they just think I'm naturally mentally ill.
not really even a poem more of a journal entry really...
Charlotte Feb 2019
I want to love myself

I want to love myself the way I love how you smile at me.

I want to be able to allow my eyes to touch my skin and to believe I am truly amazing

as amazing as you say I am,
as you believe I am.

I wish I could look at myself and not want to be put back on a shelf.

That is the way you look at me, you pick me up off the shelf, you take in my bruises and scars and you think I am totally and utterly


I want to be able to look at myself and say
I love you

The way you can

I can only hope to love myself the way you love me
I love you E
  Feb 2019 Charlotte
Caitlyn Fletcher
I only wish my first love would have been myself
Charlotte Feb 2019
Today I told my therapist.

I told my therapist about what you did to me.

I told my therapist about my hardships,
about how these hardships are sinking me like an anchor.

I told her how tired I am,
from the nightmares of your hands on my wrists

I told her about my family.
How I am a messenger that bears bad news that breaks
my dad's heart.

I have to ask the question for him that my mother doesn't have
the answer to.

I told her about the abuse that has been unleashed on my soul,
drowning me like deep blue water.
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