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Annika Mar 2021
I truly hope it was worth it
Another notch on your belt
While hurting someone else
Are you even honest with yourself?

You broke my heart
And I broke some glasses
It’s not the same
Annika Nov 2020
Reciprocation is key

...my water is flowing into you
feeding you
growing you
I love to do it
To see you flourish

...At times I still wonder
Do you really want a girl like me?
Am I really for you?
...and you for me?
What do we need?

Show me
Tell me
Compliment me
See me
Whisper me sweet little nothings
Im yerning ,always
...I feel starved for your affection
Help me change this direction

In a world where nothing is given
You could be my person
Annika Mar 2021
I wish I wasn’t triggered
Everywhere I look
I see
Small little memories of you
Dancing all around me

I had to wash my bedsheets 3 times to stop smelling your unique scent
Pictures of your face would pop into my head whenever I turn on the tv
I can’t watch the same things anymore
Cant eat the same things anymore
Cant listen to the same music anymore
Cant drive the same way anymore
Cant laugh the same way anymore
Cant think the same way anymore
I can’t live the same way anymore

Even the plant’s remind me of what you gave me
What grows
And what dies
Annika Jul 2020
They say love is blind
So are you really into me
Or just reading between my lines

Curved bottle I’m a fab model
I’m wondering if you’re truly down for a girl like me

We are just in a love bind, lost, just full of lust
What a loss
Your discernment intrigues me
But better yet, your words entangled me
Like sour patch kids on a hot day
So let’s wait and see
What we may be
Annika Apr 2021
The only way to test the authenticity of a diamond is to place it under pressure
waiting to see if it breaks...

You wont find another diamond like me.
That is in stone...

Fakeness is the lesson you refuse to grow from
Fake is the world we live in
Fake is what you hate
But you love a fake face
Annika Apr 2021
Going through the process
Growing through the process
Letting go

I know, I'm being tested
For the amplitude of abudance that is to be poured over my head
trickle to my feet

For my Karma should be as light as morning break
As captivting as the sunrise

That first I must go through the pain
to come out on the otherside
To grasp the blessing that have been so eagarly
prepared for me
Annika Jul 2020
Divinity
I am hers and she is mine
I know her and she knows me
I knew her before I could breath
It’s time to put her on a stage for the world to see
Annika Apr 2021
I wish you had proved me wrong
Deep within my conciousness
I floated

Opening every door I came across
All of the forseen options
like chess moves

Knowing all of this, I'm too in-tune
I manifested this outcome
Without even wanting to

Thats the hidden side of being concious
You manifest what you think

I was thinking of you

Now the challenge is to grow
Untainted
Annika Apr 2021
There is a time for everything under the sun
now is the time
for mourning to pass
night to approach
our dreams to fly
and healing in the pursuit of happiness
Annika Apr 2021
I was nice
I was sweet
I was empathetic
I was strong
I was here
I was there
You where everywhere

I was holding you down
Like no one else would do
And I remembered
I'm not like everyone else
But for the first time
Maybe everyone else
Is right

Im too proficient with the faith

I have learned my lesson
Annika Nov 2020
In a world where nothing is given
You could be my person
Annika Jul 2020
Where did I find you?
In a place neither one of us has been

Where did I find you?
On a fishing boat far off at sea

Where did I find you?
On a floating rock alone, you chose to meet me
You took me by the hand and named me friend

Where did I find you?
We jumped into the waters together and swallowed the salt of the earth
It made us whole

Where did I find you?
Among laughs, eyes, trees, ipas, late nights and smile lines
I hold you closely

When did I find you?
At age 5
You kissed me behind the slide
And told me I was your favorite

When did I find you?
In the school yard at age 9
You held my hand and told me I was worth it
To be brave
Never to let them see me cry
Hold my head high

When did I find you?
At age 14 in the front row of my first ever concert
You lifted me high up onto your shoulders
And I felt like a bird for the first time

When did I find you?
17 your beautiful fro meshed with my curls
All night on the dance floor
You swung me around
And made me feel pretty
The night all the lies stopped

When did I find you?
At age 19 you asked me “will you be mine”
And I lied and said always

When did I find you?
When I was running away from my identity, past, abuse, goals, dreams and destiny
Everyone called me free spirited
pretending not to care about my well being
But that was the truth?
Running running running
I have a lot of practice

When did I find you?
In a cool calm place at age of 22
It was you
I found you
Beautiful, strong, wild spirit, brilliant, a creative, a truth seeker, wandering but not lost
lustful, always wanting more
Wanting something
The same thing as me

I finally found you:
Scared to let go, scared to move forward
Wanting to be great
Wanting to love and to be loved
Knowing what you really want
And learning to act on it

I finally found you
Now where will we go?
Back to the sea? The playground? School? I may never know

But for now
I’ll put my hand in yours and call you friend
I won’t lie and I won’t run
I stand with you on a big floating rock
Surrounded by the laughs, love, dreams, and faces of the swirling sea

Sea encompasses our past, present and future
And of the lives we lived a thousand times
She has brought us back
Back together
Back to who we are
And who we dare to
Be
Annika Mar 2021
When I told you I loved you
I meant it with every fiber of my being
I kept those words in a safe place for over 23 years...
Never to mislead anyone
When the time came for me to say it I knew what I said was true
Love does not fear
Love does not hide
Love does not regret
Love is mine
And I am it
I was it for you
I wish it was enough
#love #him #girl #truth
Annika Apr 2021
My cup
is far from half empty
Overflowing with dicsipline and self love
in her highest form
To choose self love and self respect
over forgivness in shallow hopes.
Annika Aug 2020
We rubbed your … raw
Coming to sweet highness
Blowing up my mind
I closed my eyes
And smiled
Annika Aug 2020
Today I saw your neck
Pulsing fast
Brown
I tainted it purple
In a circle
Proof of what was
Annika Jul 2020
I see the trees, you see the forest
It's a pairing
A picture painted well
You remove the fog
I guide the path
Both are separate but whole
I’d love to see the forest for the trees
To look through your eyes and
Breath
Annika Apr 2021
No matter
how purely
or deeply
you love
You are only ever in conrol of the love you give...
Annika Sep 2020
A mother’s love
Runs deeper than salt buried in the stone of canyons
The weight of this joyous burden is unlike any other
We hold their life between our legs
Then our palms
So fragile
So beautiful
My belly swells in longing
Knowing one day I might be able to
Know you
Until then
I’ll wait with a desire deeper
Than I’ve known
- To my future children
Annika Aug 2020
The simplest form of
I love you is
I miss you…
Annika Apr 2021
Hate does not have the Energy
Capacity
or Determination
to Extenguish
Love
Annika Jul 2020
The most radical thing to be is Free.
Annika Apr 2021
I smooth out the sand, sticking to my ankles
I look up to you, our eyes meet
Green as the sea
Mine as deep as the trees

We know
Forever connected
Forever growing
Forever in motion

The unknown
To stand still on the sand?
To move as the tide?
Or
Do we soar above the mountain peaks?
...
Annika Feb 2021
You used to compare me to an angel
That I was your one phone call
That we could bury a body together
Be friends into our 80’s
I remember as friends, when you told me you loved me...
Now when I think of you
I think about your ghost
Something I was feeding that I wanted so badly to touch me...but went right through me

When I came home from work
I read the letter and saw the key you left for me...
My heart dropped into my stomach
A pain that physically hurt deep in my chest, I couldn't breath
It was one of the saddest moments I’ve experienced
It reminded me of death, a sudden missing

Now I’m in a process of mourning
...
Mourning your loss

— The End —