I'm having hard time processing things.

Cluttered thoughts...

Unhealthy mind...

Countless sleepless nights...

Leave me alone.

I...

I just need to process this Æ L O N E.

Don't need any approval.

Don't need your unsolicited advice.

I just needed S P A C E.

I know how to ask for help, believe me.

Behind the looking glass are pretenses
Where heartache flow like a stream
My feeble feeling keep me senseless
Future becoming vague dream

Every unspeakable words
Every pinch in my heart
Every unseen tears
A spark of hope in every prayer

Darkness always have its way
In my crossroads, even in my alleys
I cried for help, will you please hold me?
Abduct me from my self

There's no victory without battle
Winning isn't always a victory
Be pure to your countenance
Fraudulence will never do
Strive for excellence
Fight for righteousness
Lead us to honesty

You are a sincere lover
I'm afraid to hold you tighter
And break your innocence
Just to fill someone's absence

I'm happy in this madness
But I felt your sadness
You're the rainbow that brings colors
I'm the ashes who compels horrors

I wander in my dreariness
I travel in my loneliness
You fly in inspiration
And sailed in your hopeful anticipation

I'm in the long journey of mountains of apathy
Perhaps I'm tired of my lunacy
I want to take rest in your benevolence
And cherish your presence

I hope the world will not hinder us...
To know what we are
To become who we are
To love

I hope this emotions will not lead me...
To leave you
To stop what we are
To stop loving you

I hope this night will not let me...
Cry myself to sleep
Hurt myself even more
Feel that I'm insignificant

I'm hoping...
For you
For the best
For love

You play and drenched in dirts
And you know how it hurts
It is enemy's art
But HIS grace fixed your heart

You taste a new life
No more grief  
Free from strife
Vindicated to be HIS wife

The enemy still lingers
Chasing you away from your SAVIOR
Still wanting you to put in danger
Don't get wrapped by his finger!

At your heart he still knocks
Say goodbye and turn back
Don't give him kisses
Cling to LORD's promises

I had my victories
I had my struggles
Still lost
Back at point one
It must be You
It should be You

I shall live in quiet life
Free from hang-ups
Believing that I'm just a fragment of your memories- forgotten
Good bye is not the right word nor see you soon
For I shall see you and meet you in my dreams
I shall believe, I'll forget you
I'll be back in simplicity and gray colors.
Someday, Perhaps

Flesh and pleasures
Anxiety and loneliness
Tempted
Forms of confusion
Tangled in shame
Guilt untamed
Shattered tears
Shadowed in fears
Hiding in pain
Breaking in vain
Feeble
Surrender
Saved
Sanctified
Justified
Called
Eternity

She had a plan
She devised it tonight
She'll make it at New Years eve
They we're singing merry
She'll carry a rope
She'll jump and dance until the song stop
I hope she'll make it at New Years eve
She wonder if they'll mourn
She end up crying
She had the loneliest heart tonight

My dear heart why are you aching?
Don't withdraw from me
Tormented while sleeping
Emptiness scares me

My mourning mist
Unknown grief
Veined fist
Oblivious thief

Dear Heart, we're inseparable
But you're being unfavorable
I think we should part
I'll cease to breathe while you reach your dead-end

An oblivious future
And a cynical heart
A spark of hope
And a joy of an answered prayer
A moments of love
And mending of its broken pieces
An answer I can't seem to find
A hatred knocking on my way
A light that shutter all the darkness
A chance to be renewed
And gaining a new heart
A choice and its consequences
A learning for each mistakes
And His faithfulness throughout May