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10.5k · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night
No one ever understands my scars
484 · May 2018
I Love You
Abi Cash May 2018
I never really knew you
you were just another friend
But when I got to know you
I let my heart unbend

I couldn't help past memories
That would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
And give another try

So I've fallen in love with you
And I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know

My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember this one thing
I will always love you
I only have two days left with you and it ***** so much
336 · May 2018
Stained Cheeks
Abi Cash May 2018
The angel lost her grace
As mascara ran down her face
She forgot love, remembered hate
She no longer had her faith

With tear stained cheeks
Through bloodshot eyes
She saw only pain and suffering
Love, she couldn't conquer

As the blue sky faded to black
Darkness filled her heart
Her wings vanished from her back
And her kindness fell apart

Even with all her might
Her dress still went black from white
She was sent to save
To help those who weren't brave

But as she looked around
At the marks she left...
Tear stained cheeks
And bloodshot eyes
I wanna give up
319 · Apr 2018
Abi Cash Apr 2018
You told me forever
you promised me always
you said you loved me
and that you would never leave me

I believed you
all your sweet lies
because I was young and blind
my heart still untouched

but now I know better
to give someone my heart blindly
and trust them not to hurt me

because you shattered my heart
and left me to pick up the peices
You made it hard for me to trust
290 · May 2018
Might Be The One
Abi Cash May 2018
My heart beats,
My soul speaks,
You might be the one,
I'll give my love to keep,
Emotions showing,
My smile glowing,
You might the one,
It's my mind you're blowing,
When we're having fun,
My confusion comes undone,
No questions unknown,
Because you might be the one.
Honestly I hope you are the one
259 · May 2018
Embrace Yourself
Abi Cash May 2018
Embrace who you are
and you'll go far
don't live in fear
for then you won't
see the world clear

You think you aren't good enough
when loving yourself proves you're strong and tough
You critique your flaws
instead of being part of a bigger cause

We need to love ourselves
It's good to be different
not like everyone else

Embrace yourself
Kinda took awhile but I think I finally like myself
252 · May 2018
Someone Like You
Abi Cash May 2018
I used to dream of someone like you
To hold me tight and see me through
To love my eyes and love my smile
And when I'm scared stay with me a while
But now I've got you I don’t know what to do
It's amazing this feeling I have for you
When I look at you my heart melts to the floor
Everyday I love you more and more
When life gets me down your always there
A good heart like yours is very rare
You’re my world you’re my universe my star
I would never change a thing that you are
All my worries and problems disappear
When you hold me in your arms I have no fear
The only fear I have that’s true
Is living my life without someone like you
I literally love you so **** much
242 · Apr 2018
Abi Cash Apr 2018
You make me smile

Even when I want to frown

Sometimes I hate you for that

Other times I love you for it

You make my heart race

Like I just ran a marathon

You are my everything

My sun

My moon

And my stars

I love you

More than I love sleep

And I love sleep

So stay with me forever

And we will create the perfect future

225 · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
I come with no wrapping or pretty pink bows
I am who I am from my head to my toes
I tend to get loud when speaking my mind
Even a little crazy some of the time
I'm not a size 5 and don't care to be
You can be you and I can be me
I try to stay strong when pain knocks me down
And the times that I cry are when no one's around
To error is human or so that's what they say
Well tell me, who's perfect anyway
I sure as hell am not perfect
204 · May 2018
Drug World
Abi Cash May 2018
Paxil to make you happy
**** to make you high
Nyquil to make you sleep
Energy shots to make you active

I'm told to feel a certain way
Suddenly heartbreak doesn't feel sad
And tears don't feel salty anymore
Love doesn't feel good at all
And pain is something I can't feel
A drug filled world is where I live

Prozac to make you glad
Mary Jane to make you rad
Atarax to make you tired
Dayquil to make you work

I'm fumbling in ecstasy
Living life sounds make believe
My reflection looks old and weary
An old soul has more zing than me
I can't get pleasure even from me
A drug filled world I where I live

Zoloft to make you smile
Mushrooms to make you fly
Tylenol to make you weak
Aleve to make you strong

I'm losing my mind
There is no strength even in my finger tips
My legs search for a firm grip
My heart seems to have stopped
And my mind can't control me anymore
A drug filled world is where I live
173 · May 2018
Carry On
Abi Cash May 2018
I don't hate you
Because I still love you
I can't look at you
Because it hurts to
We don't talk
Because there is nothing left to say
You apologized
But I just walked away
I'm leaving you and the thought of you behind
Because I just need to clear my mind
I'm angered because you wasted my time
Hurt because I believed you were mine
But I just didn't see the signs
I guess that's why they say love is blind
Because you got my heart caught in binds
Look me in my eyes
And listen as my heart cries
Cries out in pain
This feeling makes me feel like I'm covered in flames
Until ashes are all that remain
Thought you were different
But you're all the same
Thought this was real
But it was all a game
I gave you my love
And you gave it away
That's why my heart is blue
And my skies are gray
Will I ever see the light of day?
Will this dark cloud ever go away?
Or will it follow me for my remaining days?
Grasp all my joy and strip it away?
No I am too bold.
Way too bold to be stuck in the cold
I am way too strong not to carry on
I can live without you
166 · Apr 2018
Cigarettes and regrets
Abi Cash Apr 2018
You're like a cigarette
addicting as hell
but bad for my health
If only I could quit you
166 · May 2018
Living again
Abi Cash May 2018
Running, running
far away
Escaping dreams
of yesterday.
Faster, faster
there I go
Forgetting things
you'll never know.
Dying, dying
deep inside
Find a place
for me to hide.
Catching, catching
up with me
No more running
from reality.
Stopping, stopping
let me cry
Finding a way
to say goodbye.
163 · Apr 2018
Abi Cash Apr 2018
Live wild

with love in your heart

Let the wind rush through your hair

as you smoke a little ****
Always stay wild
140 · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
I keep trying to push you away
put you don't seem to see it
but I need you to let go
because I'm poison
and if you love me
that posion will **** you
I've let go, now it's your turn
137 · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
One day I will be gone
like a shooting star across the sky
their for a split second in your life
but then gone in the next
almost like I didn't even exist
I never say goodbye
137 · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
I hope to linger here in the moments before it hurts
to kiss you
hold you
feel your touch
before it gets bad and gets worse
before your blood flow increases with anger instead of excitement
before your feelings grow and then die overnight
I want to hold on to these late night conversations
to hold on to our love and how we make it
I want to extend this honeymoon to a lifetime
to feel sparks fly when I’m eighty-five
to keep dancing in the twilight and feel you sway under the night sky;
before it hurts,
I want to say I’m yours and mean it,
live in a romance in which I’m not mistreated
I want to keep feeling complete
if you will keep me like a secret
I swear I’ll never whisper myself to another
I swear I’ll try to show you nothing but wonder
I want the time before it hurts to be the time that makes it worth any mishap that may occur so that we know that we deserve to give ourselves a chance to make it work
to go back to the times before it hurt.
132 · May 2018
Abi Cash May 2018
I fell so hard for you
that when you left me
I could barely breath

It felt like my lungs had collapsed

I cried myself to sleep
till my tear ducts dried
and I could't cry anymore

I've lost all hope
I wish I never loved you

— The End —