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Detatchment and wishing illusions
I morph into different people to distance from myself
When I truly return inside the rage is blinding
The loathing is unimaginable
Twisted vines with thorns wrap themselves around my lungs, suffocating me and digging into me ever so deeply
The demons tug at my legs, their strength gradually increasing enough to bring me to the floor
I long to scratch myself up as they wish, as I deserve, until they allow me to jump out of my own skin
I long for my soul to be heard
My true self isn't enough, it's infuriating
They have taught me that time and time again
What a pity it is, you silly little girl
Do you really think this torture will stop
When it's all
You are built for
  Jan 21 Screaming-Tides
julianna
My head wanders through the clouds,
But time still passes.
I can distract myself
And try to avoid life.
But it’s inevitable,
Someone will always yank me back down.
  Jan 16 Screaming-Tides
julianna
Where are you, my childhood?
You were a fool that I loved
Kites remind me when they fly above.
You’re gone but not dead,
Gone but not forgotten.
Your memory still breathes
When your winds blow my heart in.
The human life is so very strange
We are all filled with such different things
Different desires, different perceptions
Different scenes and experiences
Different pains and different demons
It's baffling, isn't it?
How we all live in the same world with one another, yet completely different worlds in our psyche
How our fates are tied with certain people temporarily, or perhaps forever although it's rare
We all have memories we will carry to the grave, memories that will carry on even after death
And those who are born after us may find our gravestones one day
And not think a thing of it.
  Nov 2018 Screaming-Tides
julianna
Music enters through my ears and floods my body.
It's too much to bear,
It's honest and raw.
The emotions ******* my soul, leaving it cut and exposed.
Do I lay on the ground and let the current wash over me,
Leaving me cold, but fresh
Vulnerable but new?
Or do I close my eyes and refuse?
  Nov 2018 Screaming-Tides
julianna
Bad
Days
That
Beckon
To
Be
Back
Again
Will
Always
Be
My
Future.
As another one rolls around, days are an endless wage of uncertainty...

Today happened to be a bad one.
  Nov 2018 Screaming-Tides
julianna
It’s a pit in my stomach,
Feeling nostalgic
For weather changes
And chills.
The music matches
The empathetic nausea
Inside,
But I don’t mind it
It feels kind of good.
I get very nostalgic during season changes, especially getting closer to the colder seasons. It’s a mixture between pure nervousness and nostalgia... the epitome of mixed feelings.
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