I can only recall good memories
No use in noting the bad
I don’t dwell
I reminisce  
We had a good thing
Lovely on most days
Working towards improvement was hard but worth it to me
I can’t take back any of the hurt I caused
I can only help repair the damage I’ve done
I don’t deny my actions nor try and justify them because that would be selfish
My peace of mind will only come from your closure
And if it’s not in the realm of thought that’s fine
Just know
I’m here and I’ve never forgotten you

If life wasn’t meant to have meaning
You would be free of all emotion
Always searching for a hint
Maybe a hidden clue
A map towards your grand treasure
If you served no purpose
You would believe the doubts
The everyday struggle becomes serenity
Now that you’ve spent seconds pondering these words
Ask yourself..was it worth it? If so
You value your life
If not
Well it’s not a total loss because life has no meaning
Other than your own

Tell me a story
Doesn’t have to be true
It could be a memory
Or maybe something about you
Give me a smile
I’d love to hear you laugh
Nothing in this world could compare
I treat every moment with you like it’s my only chance

Amongst all of you
I try to walk the same path
I’m stuck
In a shell
Not even my own to claim
This place is just hell
Everyday is a struggle
Someone new to be
Never myself
Because if I act the way I want to be perceived
You’d walk away along with those who’d love to see me jump off and into the  deep
I’m laughing and drowning In my drink
Blood thicker than water
With hopes that I will sink
I’m empty
I’m cold
My only wish is I might look back and laugh at this if I ever make it to growing old

You wouldn’t believe I do
I am
From every thought you have
To every doubt
Rethink
I’m not in the realm of things
Nor do I abide by rigid practices
I seem out of whack
That’s because in a sense
To some maybe
Or just
Free

How simple
Just laying side by side
One of
If not
The best feeling in this world
To be held
To be wanted
To be adored
Just to be loved
To the point of pure insanity
Or to the edge
jumping into a spontaneous rift
It’s in the present
I treat it like a gift
Never really know when It will become a last kiss

To my other
Though we haven’t met
I wonder what that day is like
The moment
That memory that will never fade
The perfect sunrise and sunset
And everything else in between
I hope it’s not just me..
But that’s how I think I’d feel
When you’re finally at my side .

Could I
Would I
Take a moment
Just a few counts
Pure
Silence
A thump
The one you don’t often hear
But feel
Every time
That’s what it’s like
So if you see me off somewhere
I’m lost
But somehow you’ve found me there

Unwanted at my best
Put down to be addressed as a problem
Can’t see through a mirror but you can try
The reflection is unclear but the resemblance is uncanny
How can one avoid a flaw while trying to improve our own
It’s a simple suggestion
A fresh face to look at only helps with forgetting
Same plot same characters
Just a different setting

Once an after thought
Maybe a second option
But it doesn’t matter
I only wanted a chance
Now that I have you here
My heart stops but mind won’t let this pass
I cant find the words
But I can show you how I feel
Like a dream
I’d pinch myself
And you laugh at my reaction
You can tell it’s all so real
Genuine like nothing you’ve ever had
Amongst all the others you’d never guess I’m the only good out of the bad

It’s effortless
Every thought that crosses my mind
Moments of peace
Like the warmth of the sun in the morning
Or the refreshing scent of rain
A rhythm that’s only naturally felt
Clearing up the air
Something soothing about the breeze
Heavy prints left in the sand
Side by side
It brings a smile to my face with such ease

You’d think giving in would feel free
Quite the opposite
Intangible and perhaps the most enslaving of deeds
Captured in a second
Struggled for a life time
Enjoy the laughs while slow dancing in hopes you’d have me chastised
I forget if I’m supposed to step in the holes that I missed
Can you blame for a second of bliss?

Sit back
Set in
Contribute to the balance
Steady on a path
No leads to be exact
Just writing my own map
Many places to cross
There and back
Ever after sort of thing
Stroll on by it’s not yours
The world can only spin so much before you feel the ride.

Given another option
I’d still choose this
Lessons learned
Opportunity missed
But to explain what’s felt
Cards on the table
It’s what’s been dealt
Hands up
Palms out
No malice
I can see your doubts
Don’t know how to read minds
Maybe not clear but I can make out what’s between the lines
You’d tell me that your fine
Heard it before
Cause for concern
I don’t mind working back
Peace is never given
It’s earned

A melody stuck in my head
The sound that makes me joyful
Stuck on repeat
No matter the genre
It’s constantly on play
Pause for a few seconds
Cherish ever note
Every line
Let me play your strings
You’ve already strummed mine
A song from the heart
Lyrics without a frame
Humming the chorus
For some reason I can’t remember the name

Except for the end the rest kind of ******
It lacked ******
Fun
Drugs
What did I understand?
None
Everything seemed fine
Till he decided it was time
Got up
Walked outside
Looked up at the sky
One last sigh
The screen went black
Over budget
No rewrite
Let’s assume it meant he was ready to change his life
Quite the ending

Attracted to the broken
Like myself
I yearn to be fixed
To make amends
To feel once again
To wake up to my favorite person at my side
It’s not in the cards for me
And it wasn’t for you
So broken
No matter the repairs
I’ll never feel like new
Find me in a thrift store
Along with the other gems
Marked down due to being used

All of your might
All of your time
Everything done for pride
Overlooked and thrown away
Never to be seen
Behind closed doors clean the wounds that never stop it seems
But of course it’s done for  a glimmer of hope
They’d gladly kick your stool out once you’ve tied your own rope
A time and a place
Never one to stand in single file
******* and your company
Pay me what I’m worth
I’d like to see you go an extra mile

The same record played
The same joke told
Seems like these things happen so often
They’ve gotten old
Parents using college funds to give their child a proper grave
A place we gathered and felt safe
Now treated as a shooting range
Stepping on to campus is the same as teasing death
But no one wants to hear it
So I guess hold your breath
Clutch your grips
Hope that when you turn on the news it isn’t your kids

Hard to ****
Hard to love
Hard for anyone
Hard to answer
All of the above

You’d never understand what it’s like to carry weight
No codes to regulate
it’s as much as you can take
Bury all hope and abandon all faith
Just being honest I know some won’t escape
Not like any other
Not to be treated like a ******* phase
My life is on the line
The moment I awake
I’m sorry to my family
I’m sorry to my friends
Lastly I’m sorry to those I’ve ever met
Maybe one day
It won’t be treated as a trend

I’m honest
Just ask
It’s not a secret
It’s what I feel
I won’t hide
I won’t fade
I care
I do
But if it’s too much
I understand
It’s just every now and then
I’d like to know
How are you ?

Party out with the lord of the four
Hanging in the bathrooms
Roll up
Have some more
I’m ****** at the moment
But you seem kind of fine
Cut up with the rest
Stay in line
My my what a lovely smile you have
I’m afraid I’m sober now
This all seems like a ******* drag

In a room full of bodies
But no real weight
Smiles and laughter
All self hate
Fun with friends
Can’t Relate

Nothing like a full house to remind you your alone
****** on everything
Roulette on the phone
Either you don’t want to answer
Or no one is home

There’s moments we remember
There’s moments we never forget
There’s moments of silence ...
We wish we had
Death by stereo
Turn it down or give me death

Easy to push buttons to fall in love
Out of all options
I choose all of the above
I like the part where we connect over coffee and a talk
That sensation of holding hands when we walk
The smile from ear to here
That simple touch
Giggle and make me forget
Break up with me
Guide me to the ledge
I’ll show this **** isn’t so tough
I’d gladly jump off
6 feet isn’t much
The landing was soft

It’s there
It’s unseen
Untapped
Undeveloped
We all have it
We all waste it
The one thing we almost never do
Accept it
A gift given to you alone
Potential to conquer
Yet we’ve been told to hold back
The insecurities of society deny us the right to embrace our destiny
Never apologize for using your natural abilities to their best abilities
Without man to challenge god
Humanity would never know mortality

I could never explain what the feeling is like
But I’ve always known
It doesn’t seem like a sickness
I’ve always pondered
Always a thought in the back of my head
An acceptance only I knew and no one else would believe
I’ve always welcomed my final day
As kid I didn’t fear death but wondered would it matter if I died in this instant
Would the world care
Would I actually ever become anything relevant
Temptation wasn’t a thing but rather a challenge
I did things that I felt might end me in the quickest way
It’s only grown since then
It’s not a l threat because I don’t plan things
They just happen
I’m well aware I need help
I just don’t know how to anymore
I feel trapped and have no actual words to say because if I do they don’t seem real
I accept my flaws the issue seems I don’t feel my words carry any weight or any substance for someone to want to listen to me.
It’s always the same response I’ve heard it all
I’m trying really I am
My efforts should be noticed but I don’t feel they seem like enough  because well deep down
I still don’t see my purpose
I don’t think I need help finding it because I’ve never felt I served one.
Since I was a young child I’ve thought this and you wouldn’t believe it if I said it out loud
Maybe reading will help understand what I feel
I’m sorry
This is what I feel on a daily basis and can’t stop these thoughts
I do not mean to offend in anyway
please know that
This is my solace . Words on paper

No pain
No happiness
No calm
No emotion
You’re a human
Things only seem real
With time eventually you’ll die or heal

Whether I’m  happy
Sad
In pain
Pensive
Excited
Even mildly bored
When is it ok to feel anything ?

It’s been years since we spoke
An actual conversation
I don’t know what you might feel or how you might feel
I’ve always made an effort to vent and reach out but with every passing year it seems the shoulders I hoped to lean on just seem to have turned away
Speaking out to someone feels like a burden
I’m plagued by guilt
I wake up with angst and I can’t explain
I have thoughts that maybe one day you’ll just find my remains
Seems like I scream loud but my lungs aren’t filled
I miss my friends
But I can’t say I feel Ive always had them .
Remember next time you catch me smiling
Is it genuine or am I just blending in like the past few years
You really wouldn’t know
And I would probably never say

Everyday every second
Amazing
Nothing to compare
Hurt you?
The gods wouldn’t dare
In time of war ,love, or simply for a hug
I’m there
Protector
Teacher
Hero
Villain
I will be
I am
Forever
Your father

Under my breath
Behind the grin
Distracted by a laugh
A tear on my cheek
The irony of asking your final words
No one ever knows the right thing to say.
Hopefully you remember that while marking a grave.

Break me
Build yourself
Push me
Don’t pull away
Talk to me
Things aren’t the same

Give me a reason or a cause
Not much to offer
But plenty to gain after you fall
I bring back memories you didn’t think were fair
The type to lie but tell the truth hidden in a form of a BUYER BEWARE
Can’t seem to grasp what you lack
A stockpile of numbers with no real value to add

They say falling in love is like when lightning strikes
Who would’ve thought that’s was the goal at the end of the tunnel nice and bright
I always pictured myself with a corpse bride
Guess the roles are reversed
Just don’t tell my girl I didn’t survive last night
Going on with the normalities of everyday life
She found love
The perfect mixture of bourbon and cyanide
Keeps me nice and stiff
A coat of formaldehyde
Get close catch a whiff

Like magic in a hat
Reach into nothing
Pull out a distraction
A game of smoke and mirrors
Couple tricks up my sleeve
A bouquet of flowers
Don’t expect them to be fresh
Maybe if you have a second stop and catch their scent

A night to remember
For some to forget
Final place of solace
A life time of regret
Seeking inner peace
Putting an end to the pain
Carry me to comfort
A final solution is what you seek my friend
Hold me and never let go
It’s a small price to pay for a healthy soul
Tell me I’m loved
I rather keep the truth to play it safe
It’s more than enough
It’s all I can take

I’d ask for you to speak to me
But the actions are enough
louder than anything your words would express
It’s fine
Just hope it was worth your time
Never one to disappoint
I’ll continue to be another broken toy

Not everyone is out to harm you
Not everyone is going to love or even like you
It’s not about them
It’s about you

Nothing special
Another person in your life
No direction
Yet you ask me for the next step
Am I taken into consideration
Or am I just what’s left.

The reason no one knows if  trees make a sound when they fall is because they don’t care enough to be around them
You’re a tree and you provide oxygen which is life
Not everyone deserves to live

I don’t believe in luck
Everything you do comes full circle
With that said
I owe you the world
Take my hand instead.

She talks to me like she doesn’t care
I’m just another face in the crowd
Noise without a voice
Nothing to add or gain
Just another option
I understand I don’t dwell

To be fair
It’s not a setting or placement
Rather exclusion
Exiled for self thought
I must not
therefore I am
Ten counts
One failure
Enough for attention
Relive tragedy an uncommon remedy for neglect

Skimming through the pages
A calamity of words
A fray
Sincerity between each sentence
Bringing about scents and feeling vividly
The closest way to turn back time
Recall a memory and smile.

The sun stopped shining and the moon never showed
The world began to tremble yet we stood strong
Accepting and letting go
Unexplainable but we choose to remain ignorant and try to find something to blame
It’s best to let it become history rather than baggage

The way things turn out
Not always expected
A sudden change
A new direction
New set of thoughts
Feeling something
Easier to crack a smile
A warmth when I see a certain face
No need to explain
I’ve been here before
Arrows drawn
Waiting for me to open the door
Only a matter of time
Armor off let’s see what’s in store

It’s crumbling
Everything I work for
Gone
Ready for an oath of silence
Nothing left
Taking in every moment
Rather not waste my breath
Nothing to fear while I’m alone
There’s a beat still there if you can get past the stone

The difference between struggles and needs
Not a fine line at all
Often persuaded by vanity
In a situation with an obvious choice
Statements repeated becoming the voice of reason
Obstacles built higher in our image
Frustrated with outcomes the moment they leave our lips
Seldom the times we can state the truth without affliction

We often tell others of their flaws
But when reminded of our own hostility takes over
That’s the ego coming into play
Needed for certain situations that involve triumph but not for self analysis
Learn to set aside anger
It’s only a catalyst or beacon for self destruction
When the mind is clear  so is the path
Improving becomes easier and so does everything else
Happiness will no longer seem like something to achieve rather a part of your everyday mindset
Learn to accept that perfection is constantly evolving and shouldn’t be the goal
Everyday you are a better version of yourself because we never stop learning
Mistakes of the past shape our decisions in the future
With ego being there you can either make the right choice or relive something you’ve tried to avoid
Ultimately it is up to you which seems logical