this is a card back to you "dad"

not so pleasant and sweet like the usual
but a card,
a reply to all them opened birthday cards i never received as it was too painful to open them
you'd think by now your little 2 year old girl has grown up
no fairys, no princess! they was all the years you missed with me and yet a card.
a cared with a £20 check in it that used to be £50 addressed to my mum and singed at the bottom "dad ***"
maybe a card of guilt for i will not know as you remain a stranger to me.
who are you? are you really my dad? most people get a more warmer greeting, somtime a hug, a kiss when i cried or someone to look up to.
but a card. a meaningless piece of card that damages with out looking. for he does not know the person who he write to.

a card.

Sometimes I have these head blockages. Where my head gets lost. I don't where but it's almost like am out of my body.
I believe that I can't move like am screaming inside to tell myself to move but then nothing.
PARALYSED.
Confusion more than anything but paralysed.
When is it when u open ur eyes? in the morning or when you see your life for what it really is.
Still frozen in that moment it must have only been a minute but it's been an hour and I still haven't moved.
Can anybody else hear my thoughts?
I need to know why time moves faster than I can.