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Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
The sunrise
Promise of a new day is a blessing I don't deserve

The autumn
Chance to change it brings is a gift I won't accept

Thoughts of beauty make me resent myself

Pulled me up a thousand times yet I still dig yet another hole to crawl back into

Dormancy making heart itch with restlessness

Living life in a frightened state of inactivity

Leaving pain somewhere I won't find it again but somehow it always makes its way back home
Like a lost pet
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
You're everything that is bad for me
Would resist if I could
Toxicity is easy to see
You make me feel so good

Not immune to exceptional charm
Infected
Love's disease
Knees wobble
Stomach churns
Like it's a stormy sea

Supposed to be secure
Why am I anything but?
Long to sever ties
Too strong to be cut

To and fro memories scamper
Throwing past in my face
Ten thousand pieces of happiness
I am unable to replace

I've seen the darker side of you
Yet also witnessed your best
There's no one else I'd rather cuddle
Or make me feel distressed

Want the heavenly highs
Without proportionate pain
That's just not how it works
Can't have rainbows without rain
I've learned by now you can't have the amazing breathtaking rush without equivalent heart wrenching agony because life is all about balance.
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
Woke up with headache
How day usually starts
The pain within my cranium
Does not compare to my heart

As tide creeps slowly in
Hope slyly sneaks out
The list of things I'm not
All I seem to think about

My voice dropped an octave
Sound I've grown to hate
It's just another line
In list of unattractive traits

I might be an artist
Good with words I am told
The descriptions I paint aren't pretty
Because world has made me cold

Life getting exhausting
Fed up with each breath
Have no choice but to carry on
Only cowards escape through death

Faces wearing smiles pass
Deepening my frown
Others make it look easy
Depression keeps me down

Darkness spreading as disease
Throughout expanse of my soul
My body feels like it's swallowed
By bottomless black hole

Turning corner after corner
Never reaching the maze's end
I get more and more lost
In labyrinth with every bend

Not sure if poor judgement to blame
Or the culprit is destiny
Either way stuck as a prisoner
Of everything I will never be
I had so much potential but I threw it all away
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
I wish I could accurately depict
Exactly how this feels
Maybe you would understand
My wounds won't ever heal

Want you to walk my shoes
You can drag heavy feet along
Cloud of depression overhead
Wandering where it went wrong

To see from my point of view
Have to exchange our eyes
You would have to cry my tears
Then you'd realize

Switch bodies for a day
You'll get how lonely I am
Sitting on empty bed
Too much time on my hands

Let's swap brains for a bit
You can be flooded with thoughts
Seemingly endless questions
Memories twisting to knots

If you borrowed tongue
Owned my voice instead
Would taste the copper flavor of blood
From biting back bitter words unsaid

I long to change places
At least emotions
I'd splash in a shallow puddle
You'd drown in my oceans

I bow head in defeat
Will never get why I am blue
Would suggest trading hearts
I already gave mine to you
Now you won't give it back
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
Truth hard to bear
Weight is heavy to hold
Can freeze your body
Your blood running cold

Challenging accepting change
It's something we must do
To grow as person first you must
Let go the world you knew

It will never be easy
Worse than any other pain
Torturing yourself with the past
Will drive you insane

Breathe deeply
Close your eyes
Let regret float somewhere far
All of your mistakes
Made you who you are
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