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Jun 11 · 40
Fed up
Alice Jun 11
I am fed up of crying
I am fed up of dying
I am fed up of buying things to fill this void
I am fed of of talking
I am fed up of walking
I am fed up of hoping wounds will heal with time
I am fed up of waiting
I am fed up of hating
I am fed up of dating people who disappoint
I want to be alone
I want to be on my own
I want to be free from you and myself
Feb 2020 · 72
Sometimes
Alice Feb 2020
Sometimes life is hard, unbearable even;
but then again sometimes you need some dark hues to give your painting some dimension ;)
Dec 2019 · 67
Void
Alice Dec 2019
I can't have you, so I have things;
filling up my house for the joy they never bring.

I can't have you, so I eat;
binging on food, until my thoughts stop to repeat.

I can't have you, so I cry;
trying to release your memory till my tears run dry.

I can't have you my mind does know;
But my heart is a child that won't take a no.
Nov 2019 · 124
Confession
Alice Nov 2019
What was it that I wanted to find?
Was it your love, or was it just a distraction from my daily grind?
I have felt so much it's beyond words could say;
In the past few months, I have found it so hard to keep my feelings at bay.

I waited each day for you hoping my love you would find;
And that would, in turn, ease my crazy, restless mind!
I hoped, I begged, I prayed, and I cried;
I waited till all my wet tears had dried.
Each day I carried my heart on my sleeve;
Prayed to God that in my love, you would believe.
But all my attempts went in vain;
Each day you crushed my hopes and left me in agonizing pain.
The more you ignored me, the more I followed you.
The more you hated me, the more I thought I loved you!
This clash of feelings went on for days;
I felt like a prisoner in chains, like a rat in a maze;
Then slowly but surely my agony diminished;
You loved me not of that; I became convinced!
I was crushed, but I had accepted my fate;
I knew there would be no one waiting for me at the gate.
I was sad, but there was peaceful calm above;
I didn't have to ponder for hours about whether you would accept my love.

Then one morning just out of the blue;
You came to me and said about my tender feelings, you knew!
At last, you said the words I was waiting to hear,
I thought I would feel an inexplicable joy, my dear.
But I didn't quite know what was going wrong?
I felt nothing....just nothing at all!
And then it dawned on me this revelation
It's wasn't you love that I wanted, it was your attention.
I was searching for myself outside of me,
And I thought somehow by finding you I would be set free.
But now I know I was just a lost soul;
I was a deer in headlights...I was a fish in a bowl.
At that moment when you confessed to me your feelings;
I should have felt love, but I felt old wounds healing!
I had found the solution to the problem I myself had created;
I realized it wasn't you that I loved, it was me that I had hated!
Nov 2019 · 49
Broken
Alice Nov 2019
I want to fix myself,
But I can’t find all the broken pieces;
I need a clean reflection as well,
But the mirror has too many faces.
Oct 2019 · 329
Ice and fire
Alice Oct 2019
She should have known not to trust the sparkling summer snow;
For it hardened into the ice that extinguished her fiery glow.
Oct 2019 · 523
The Cactus
Alice Oct 2019
A cactus grew in a pretty garden of roses;
No one knows how she ended up there.
Maybe the wind brought her there from the desert of Moses;
Or perhaps she was planted there by the warm summer rain with care.

The cactus had not a friend or a foe;
All the pretty roses around her did grow;
They looked at her with utter disdain;
Away from her, they had to remain.

Year after year the rose bushes grew;
Their pretty blossoms and oh the crowds they drew.
No one looked at the corner where the old cactus grew;
There, only the dirt from their dusty boots flew.

Fed up with her fate the cactus asked the roses:
You have thorns, and so do I,
Then why are we treated so differently by the passers-by?
It's not the thorns that the people look for; it's our bright red blossoms that the people adore.
That moment the cactus knew her worth,
In the eyes of the world, she was nothing if a blossom she couldn't birth.
Sep 2019 · 60
Walls
Alice Sep 2019
Walls have crumbled around me while I slumbered ;
And now I am too weak to push them apart ;
So I wait in anxious desperation while those pieces get sort...
Sep 2019 · 307
I don't know
Alice Sep 2019
I don’t know what is worse...
Not having anything or
Losing everything you have

In the valley between desire and grief
Where dreams come to die
Sep 2019 · 101
Tears and Raindrops
Alice Sep 2019
Tears and raindrops mix together
Weeping for the dreams that have gone forever,
For all my dreams have flown away like a cloud.
And all that remains of them are the raindrops on the ground.

Often I wonder what went wrong,
I tried to protect you I tried to be strong,
But you left me still oh dream,
Like a puff of smoke like a slithering stream.

I wait for you...come back to me
You were the only thing I every wanted to be....
Aug 2019 · 75
Blended
Alice Aug 2019
Should I merge in or should I be the bright yellow dot?
The world tells me to give in
'You are nobody special' just cave in
Be a grey or a light blue
Merge in the background like you are supposed to do

But the little voices inside me
Why won't they just let me be?
You weren't born to be in the background
You were meant to sparkle; you weren't meant to be bound.

What's right and what's wrong?
They both make sense, they both are strong
I battle these two every day
Neither will give in, neither will walk away
But their struggle is killing me now
I need to decide...decide somehow
To be or to be not
Should I merge in or should I be the bright yellow dot?

— The End —