life is a high stakes game and
you’ve always gambled with consequences
I used to love that
you paid no mind to the risks
you weren’t afraid to lose
until I realized
I was no exception.

so tell me,
was the jackpot worth it?

i fell in love with a mountain man
with an insatiable hunger for beauty
in search of never ending views
on summits shaded by cloud sewn blankets
just beneath the stars and blinding sun
always en route to greater peaks
with each new sight prettier than the rest
he met me in the Rockies
then left me for Everest.

Where do I go from here?
Each direction feels so wrong,
When lost at sea.
Clinging to a buoy of hope,
Admittedly struggling to stay afloat,
In such troubling waters.
Looking to the sky for answers,
Perhaps the stars will point the way.
To place called home,
Where I'm not alone,
Where I'm not,
A Castaway.

we’ve learned a lot
in what it means to love, Love
that gives me hope
hope that we continue
to learn
to fix
and to mend
we will learn to love, Love
learn to love again.

i like comparing emotions to colors
they’re simple, sweet, and succinct
but those colors fade
and the memories made
are quick to follow
they fade to black reminding me that
shade is full of sorrow.

i can hear the wheels turn
between your ears
as your train of thought departs
down stubborn tracks
taking you far away from the place that i have brought you
only to realize upon arrival that
you can’t outrun them
for there are problems at every station
but i will be there waiting, love
wherever your destination.

i was never taught how to swim
and always struggled to stay afloat
but that didn’t stop me
from diving headfirst
into the depths of a lustful hell
so with eyes closed and breath held
i sank to the bottom
because i couldn’t save myself
from drowning in the toxicity
of a body called
“You”