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alexandre Feb 2021
The truth is I would love to get to know
You better

I would love to be accepted by you

I would love to show you the good and bad
Parts of me

I would love to share my story
With you

I would love to know your secrets

I would love to share mine

I would love for you to love me as much
As I love you

I’m just not ready for you to see me
The way I see myself
alexandre Feb 3
I know I’m standing on a ledge
Pushing you to push me
But please
Can’t you see that this isn’t what I want?
Can’t you hear my cries for help?
It just seems like the only time you want to save me
Is when I’m close to falling off
alexandre Feb 19
Why don’t you love me the way you say you do?
I know for sure
I’d feel a little bit better
If I felt a fraction of the love you say you have for me
alexandre Jul 29
And it took time for me to realize,
That I only live to please you
All of you
As long as you’re happy
alexandre Apr 2021
Tell me
Am I allowed to feel like the world is ending

When there’s food on the table
Am I allowed to refuse to eat it because the mirror told me I shouldn’t

When there’s classes to attend
Am I allowed to not get up?

When I have friends waiting
Am I allowed to feel to anxious to hang out?

When there’s a boy in my life
Am I allowed to be scared to commit?

When I have a family
Am I allowed to miss the parents who gave me away?

When I have money to spend
Am I allowed to be impulsive?

Am I allowed to feel broken?
Am I allowed to want to die?
Am I allowed to replace the emotional pain with physical?
Am I allowed to take a day or a week or a month off?
Am I allowed to live like this?
I have everything a person should need. But the traumas from the past seem to follow me everywhere
alexandre Aug 5
numb the pain
Break the chain
Another one gone
Alone again
alexandre May 14
“Why’d you do it”

My world shattered

Why did I try to end it?
alexandre Feb 2021
Her wings are bruised
And she’s struggling to get off the ground
But she’s so **** strong
That she’ll fly
Straight through a storm
Even when her wings
Can barely work
She’ll use her hope to lift her off the ground
Her smile will light up the road ahead
She will never
Stop being the angel
She was always meant to be
Even if she has to learn how to fly
All over again
alexandre Jun 18
You heard I was a goddess
Between silk sheets
A divine power
Just down the street

I heard you were a creeper
In gloomy woods
A true cheat and a liar
I knew from the staff this could never be good

And I let you steal my heart anyways
alexandre Mar 7
I knew it was getting bad again
When I didn’t recognize the reflection
In the mirror

I knew it was getting bad again
When my mind seemed to have a mind
If it’s on

I knew it was getting bad again
When my thoughts don’t seem to
Make any sense

I knew it was getting bad again
When I had to constantly remind myself that
I was real

I knew it was getting bad again
When food started to
Make me feel ill

I knew it was getting bad again
alexandre Jan 2021
I blame myself
Because I trusted too easily
And you hurt me
Just like
Everyone else
alexandre Jan 10
you were the first boy I had ever fully trusted
you made it past my walls
I shared with you my fears
my hopes
my past
and the darkest of my secrets
when I was drowning in sadness
you saved me
when I was stuck in isolation
you were my company
you made me feel worthy
worthy of friendship
and a future
I tried to push you away
to scare you off
but you only loved me more
I made many mindless choices
and you forgave me
time after time
you didn’t judge my scrambled thoughts
you made me feel like more than just a body that’s been used too much
you protected me
when I was falling apart
you held me together
I need medication to feel ok
but I didn’t need them around you
you promised me you’d never leave
you promised me you’d fight for me
you promised you’d never be the one to cause me pain
alexandre Feb 2021
It’s funny because I keep seeing you everywhere
Hanging out with your friends
Who used to be mine
Having fun
While I sit here
With the knife you left
Still in my back
I just want you to feel a portion of the pain you gave me and my best friend. You had already hurt one of us, why’d you have to take away her joy as well?
alexandre Jan 10
and maybe
it was my fault you changed
I was a little too friendly
too comfortable
too flirty
I trusted you too much
I loved you too much
I shared more than I should’ve
I made too many promises
I wanted to be loved
I wanted affection
and I didn’t have boundaries with you
I let you see me at my lowest
I let you see me naked
I entertained your feelings for me
I let you hug me a little too tight
I believed in you too much
and by the time I realized
how wrong I was
you had fallen deeper for me
you desired more from me
more than I could give
alexandre Feb 2021
I think it’s a little ironic
That you threatened any boy I ever liked
You told them they’d be in a lot of trouble
If they ever were to hurt me
Then you turned around and did exactly
What you said you wouldn’t
Let anyone do to me
Ever again
Now you’re moving on, and I keep moving backwards. You reopened the scars that you were helping me heal. Now I have to start all over
alexandre Jan 10
you said you loved me
I knew I shouldn’t have let it get that far
I did my best
to let you down easy
but you were consistent
not one to take no for an answer
I said we should return to being friends
normal friends
friends who had boundaries
you said we’d be perfect together
you did love me
by the end of the night we finally agreed
we would be friends
little did I know
my no’s didn’t really mean much
to you
alexandre Feb 2021
Hey old “friend”
In case you were wondering
We haven’t healed
Now me and her are just
Two broken girls
Struggling to keep each other
From falling apart
We’re falling.
alexandre Jan 10
3 days had passed
when we saw each other
face to face
it felt too normal
I should’ve know something was wrong
you were my best friend
I should’ve know what you were thinking
you gave me a drink
and then some more
till I slurred my words
and my world started to spin
we went down on the zip line
I felt it almost right away
you getting firm
against my ***
but I brushed it off
I should’ve known
I went off with another guy
one whom you thought
didn’t deserve me
you kept interrupting
tried to keep us far apart
when I almost went to far with him
you pulled me aside
words were coming out of your mouth
something about how I shouldn’t make stupid decisions
you said he wasn’t right for me
you said you were disappointed
he didn’t deserve me
you said again
alexandre Feb 2021
And if I’m being honest
Sometimes I still miss you
And I hate myself for it
Sometimes I wish that I could
Just forgive and forget
And things could all go back
To the way they were
You caused me so much pain
But you were also always there
You listened
You were kind
You cared
You always knew the right things
To say
You knew me
And accepted me and all my flaws
You were my light in the darkness
But I guess no light lasts forever
Even the sun takes a break at night time
alexandre Jan 10
having had too much
to drink
I leaned on you for support
at first
you had your arm around me
like a friend would
but then when there was
no one around us
you’re hand started to travel
slowly at first
I froze when I felt them reach the space between my cropped tank top and my black leggings
my thoughts scrambled
my subconscious sent forward a memory
a flashback
I felt your hand make its way into my leggings
I wanted to scream
but just like before
my mouth stayed close and refused to make a sound
you took my silence as permission
your fingers tugged at my underwear
caressing my skin
I felt a certain kind of pain
when you grabbed my ***
the kind of pain that makes a person
wish they were dying
the kind of pain felt after a moment of betrayal
your hands moved farther into my *******
I floated
minutes felt like hours
an eternity of me losing myself to you
alexandre Jan 10
I went back that night
To the very first time
I felt a man’s unwanted touch
while you were busy feeling me
deciding you were the one
who really deserved me
I went back to my worst nightmare
only this time
it was the boy I loved the most
my best friend
who promised he’d never hurt me
and maybe
it’s what I deserved
I should’ve
just said yes
#bestfriend #boy #sa #assault
alexandre Sep 2021
I want to feel alive again.
These days all I feel is darkness
My demons finally catching up to me
I feel like all the life that was once inside me has been flushed away
I’m broken
More than I was before
I’m used
All their fingertips still dripping with me
I’m broken
I’m used
alexandre Jan 2021
So if I must
I will build a wall
I will lift
These stones
Till I’m
Black and blue
In hope
That next time
My heart
Will be safer
alexandre Aug 5
I’m okay
I promise
I have multiple panic attacks a day
But I’m okay
I know how to stop them
My brain keeps telling me to end it
But I’m okay
I know how to silence her

It’s just that
Sometimes I wish someone else would understand how it feels to feel like you are not whole.
Like there’s all these pieces of you but none of them fit into your puzzle.
None of it make any sense.

I don’t make any sense.

There’s all these voices in my head
But I’m okay

They’re very loud
But I just drown them out in music

My emotions are overwhelming
But I get them out on paper

I’m drowning
But I took swimming lessons

I’m okay
I’ll be okay
alexandre Feb 2021
Can you hear me?
I’m screaming
I need help
These demons
Are taking over
I’m no longer
In control
I want this pain
To end
I can’t handle it
Can you hear me?
alexandre Jan 22
Some call us survivors
Others call us the children
Who were forced to grow up
A little too early
alexandre Jan 28
Red green
Apple trees
Do I stop
Or do I go?
Going could be quite sour
But staying means I might later regret that decision
alexandre Jun 13
My heart stops
Every time your name
Pops up on my phone
I don’t fear you
You just get on my GD nerves
You taunt me
Flaunt yourself
You’re so smart
You’re so clever
Aren’t you
Little man
You’re so clever
You’re so clever

You think you’re crazy
Wait till you see what I can do
alexandre Sep 7
I’ve got
Will it work?
Will it work?
Will it finally work?
alexandre Aug 5
She grabbed her shattered heart
As a pen
She used her pain
To write a poem
And her tears
To paint a picture
alexandre Feb 19
Tell me dear mirror
Do you feel the way I do when I see you looking back at me?
Do you know what I’m thinking about you?
Does it hurt?

I think I would be very sad
If I knew you felt about me
The way I feel about you
alexandre Aug 30
I’m so in love, my words fail to appear
alexandre Jan 8
Santa Santa
Why don’t you see me
Santa Santa
why don’t you hear me
Im here I’m here
They said you were watching
Im starting to not believe in you anymore
alexandre Jul 30
teach me to write like you do
teach me to listen to the melody of my imagination
and put on paper
what I could never say out loud
alexandre Jan 2021
He is like the ocean
But I never learned how to swim
Now I’m drowning
In a love
I cannot contain
You’re perfect. I just don’t know how to love
alexandre Mar 6
They hurt me
they break me
until I am nothing
more than dust
and they just sweep me away

as if i were disposable
i am nothing
more than dust
disguised as a girl

hoping no one sees
what I really am
and decide to sweep me away
alexandre May 15
I miss the days
Before I met you
Now all my thoughts
Are filled with your presence
I feel you creep in deep in the night
I hear your whispers loud and clear
I see your worry I feel your fear
My dearest friend
I will not leave you
I love you to the moon and back
If the moon was the perfect image and back meant doing whatever it takes
alexandre Feb 2021
If ever there was a word stronger than hate
I would turn it into a math equation
Double it
Triple it
Times it by one thousand
Square it
Then maybe
Just maybe
It would be strong enough to describe
The way you make me feel
When I look in the mirror
And still can’t rid
Your prints off
My body
I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you how much you hurt me. I see you everywhere. *******
alexandre Feb 17
I loved you
In every way
I bet you never knew
I thought of you everyday
alexandre Aug 5
She says
My dear
It’s time to self destruct
Don’t you want to feel safe again?
alexandre Jan 31
God is not fair
Please don't tell me that he is

For how can I believe in someone
Who says that they are fair
But yet,has favorites

How can I believe in someone who allows bad things to happen to good people
While the bad seem to always be rewarded

How can I believe in someone
Who says we have free will
But also says that everyone who doesn't choose him
Will be punished

How can I believe in someone
Who takes credit for my hard work
And blames the things that he allows to happen
On someone else

Please don tell me that God is fair
For someone who is fair
Would not let his people suffer
While he just sits on his mighty thrown
And watches
alexandre Apr 20
Dance with me in the rain

Escape with me from the pain

Of this world for a moment

Kiss me slowly at midnight

Grab my waist

Hold me tight

Show me what it feels like

To be yours

Even if just for tonight

I want you to love me like we were the only

Ones who were meant to be
alexandre Jan 2021
In my final moments
I begged god to end my suffering
My mother prayed dear
Jesus please save her
And I asked him to please
save me from this pain
I can’t fight anymore
It just hurts too much
Just let me go
Turns out, that wasn’t my final moment
alexandre Feb 2021
I’m burning
Flames rising up
All around me
But I no longer
Feel afraid
My wavy hair
Falls with the ashes
Im not just in the fire
The fire is in me
alexandre Jan 2021
He makes me feel wanted
He touches every part of my body
And tells me how beautiful I am
He tells me he never wants to let me go
When he looks into my eyes
He says I am special
And he wants me all to himself
He wants this
And so do I
So I give him permission
To do as he pleases
Because he makes me feel wanted
Just for a moment
I just want to be wanted.
alexandre May 11
Yesterday Ed told me that I should restrict all of today. Today she told me the same thing. I almost listened. But I didn’t. I said F you Ed and I ate 2 meals.
alexandre Jan 1
I want to run in flower fields
With you
I want to watch the most amazing sunset
With you
I want to lay on the beach with you
I want to share laughter
With you
I want to go for long pointless drives with you
I want to go for a walk with you after dark when the stars are sprinkled like sugar on a dark autumn night
I want to dance in the rain with you
I want to cry with you
Share stories with you
Fall in love with you even more
Share my name with you
I want to grow with you
I want to share with you
I want to make memories with you
I want to make mistakes and love each other regardless with you
I want to plant with you
I want to share poems with you
I want a future with you
- I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything
alexandre Jun 17
Too black for white
Too white for black
We’re not colours of
A rainbow
Yet you still treat me as such

You made me a colour
So a colour I will be
I will make gray my home
And I’ll wear my depression as tattoos
alexandre May 18
He makes the world seem a little brighter
He adds colour to plain sunrises
He paints me beautiful sunsets
With his words
And skies become blue with a wave of his finger
Clouds create descriptive shapes to tell the story of me and him
His smile is deeply touching
It reaches down to the part of me that needs hope the most
His voice is a melody
I want to hear until the end of time
alexandre Jun 25
How do you know when it’s time to end the story?
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