You can love again despite the things you said about caring too much for a person you thought was the most important part of your life, but that's what you get for opening a closed door in hopes they'll find love on the inside.
I'm a house with no windows, you're the flowers on the front porch, and I can't stop.
Sometimes it scares me how much I think about going for a walk and never coming home, and how willing I am to leave everything I have and everyone I know.
And you said "I think your eyes could use some sleep."
And I said " but I don't want this to end."

and like wind you were noticed but forgotten, so far yet so close, so reachable yet so unobtainable. Like the stars twinkle you were so alluring and so self-assured but so humble. I don't know exactly how I feel about you and your beauty but what I know is that I find peace in knowing you once felt so infatuated by me. Knowing you once felt so comfortable speaking to me about the little things in your life was something I held close because what we had was something that didn't happen often for me, I felt deep serenity with you. I can't help but wonder what it is you think of me- that is if you think of me at all- I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have that feeling again. That feeling of knowing you have a beautiful human being loving everything about you, the feeling of true friendship and acceptance.

I met a person I could never live without exactly one year ago. I met him and now I can never forget him.
I met this boy and fell absolutely in love with the idea of me knowing him and him knowing me. Knowing each other's faults, knowing each other's weaknesses, knowing that I could find a quiet place in him and him knowing he could find that in me.
I met this total aloof and complex guy and he's the only one I can truly talk to, the only one who I can just be completely silent with. I remember when our feelings for each other had blossomed into a rather obvious thing, we would get away from our group of friends and walk over to the playground. Somedays we would talk and talk and talk, about everything ( we always filled the other in about our lives because we didn't see each other often) other days we would sit beside each other in silence. I felt his stare as I looked at down at my feet, when I looked up he looked away quickly. He looked so fragile yet so strong, his complexity was so intriguing. In those days we were aware of all the things that would go wrong, we aware of all the terribly wonderful events that would occur between us and we still decided to become entwined in each other's lives

you are a beautiful someone,
never mind the things you may think about yourself.
you are worth so much more!
please do not belittle yourself because you must see just how intriguing you really are
you aren't like everyone else, i beg you please do not try to become something you are not.
your mind works differently.
be yourself because that's when you shine the brightest.
and also know that someone in this world will love you for your diversity and simplicity

I was almost a little madly in love with you
You with your brilliant thoughts
Me with my insecurities
I've been rushing through the motions, but you seemed to like me too.
If I went away I promise, that it's okay.
I was so much a little madly in love with you.

All I did was fail today.
All I did was cry today.
All you did was hide away.

It's gonna be a year since we met soon,
I can't image my life without you even if it's not where I pictured we would be a year. I'm so grateful to have met a person has brilliant has you, but you don't see what I see

Bright eyed darling, where have you gone? Have you no sense in direction?
You've lost yourself in my soul. I have ruined the only good in you, I've ruined your soul. Forgive me darling forgive me please. I am utterly ashamed for what has happened.
Broken is what I am. Forever stolid is how I'll remain now that they have taken away my soul and took you with it.

And all I wanted was for you to stay
And try harder.
I guess that proves how much I meant to you, you meant a great deal to me and of course I still care about you but I just can't be so close to you. I can't pour my heart out to you again.

There is a heavy gloom in the July air
I don't know why but I don't feel at home here
Maybe it's from the kids who called me worthless or maybe its from the fact I don't really feel like I have a purpose
I'm just hoping the warmth from the sun will bring some comfort when it's gray
And despite all of this I've been doing okay
I just don't feel at home here...

You said you had a hamartia
but I did not believe you.
You said your hamartia would only hurt me, but I still loved you.
You said your hamartia would scare me away
But the truth is I loved you more because of this fatal flaw.
Your inability to love me as I loved you wasn't a hamartia
It was simply you being honest, that's all I could have asked for
You closed yourself off from love, I knew that. I still loved you though.
I don't regret loving you because after all your hamartia was a perfect imperfection to me

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it's still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you'll return my confession showing you care
And then I catch myself again... and drag my thoughts back to reality
I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?

Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this
But this is YOU, and you aren't like anyone I have met
How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet?
When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure
But then I sleep... and the dreams of you occur

The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear
I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear
People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them
I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear
Hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face
Hear it in my words and tone when we converse

I love you! I love you more than I ever thought I could
Be with me always and be loved like you should

I've learned that happiness doesn't have to be a dependency on others
& I want to apologize for depending on you for happiness when you were struggling with it as well.
I have learned to be happy on my own.
I hope you are happy too

And I wish poetry could cure my insomnia but it does not.
So I will drink sleepy time tea enough that I shouldn't have drank it all
And I wish my friends would care about me more but they don't
So I'll sit here writing wondering why I'm this person I am
Wondering if I'll ever like who I am and how I wish the stars could talk to me.
So sitting here alone in the dark on my roof wouldn't ever be so lonely
And how I wish I meant something to someone
I mostly wish I meant something to me.

I'm lost in my thoughts. I'm lost in my soul. I'm lost in this world. I'm lost in you. I'm lost in the unrealistic idea that it's you and I against the the universe.
I'm lost.

The memories of you come as sudden flash floods.
A glimpse of you appears in my head then a whole ocean of us together.
At night it's worse. All I see, all I think of, all I dream of is you. Piece by piece I'm unraveling. I fear you were the only thing keeping me whole.

I miss him
It's the new school year, it all reminds me of him.
How we used to stay up all night depriving each other of sleep because we didn't want the conversation to end, how we planned the next year to go, how we said we could work as long as we had confirmation class.
How he said I was all he needed, how he said he could see us with the same ring on our finger, as we ate cereal and had a child or two running around.
It's silly to think of it all now because we were so young and our love was naïve and how he now says our relationship was a sham
But sometimes I think about all we said to each other
And I miss him

You and I are going nowhere in particular. You and I are nothing in particular. You and I are falling in nowhere in particular. You and I are not what I want us to be. You and I? Is it even you and I anymore? Can it be you and I against everyone else? Can it be just you and I?

When the Big Bang happened all the atoms in the universe, they were smashed together into one little dot that exploded outward. So my atom and your atom were certainly together and who knows maybe they have met several more times in the last 13.7 billion years. So my atoms have known your atoms and they've always known your atoms.
My atoms have always loved your atoms.

Lost pieces of me in you, my head is in the mountains while my wrists tie me down to depression. Every noise I hear seems louder than life and make my bones rattle. My heart is an open door because I just want someone to care. I promise you I'm just trying to find my way back home.

You can meet someone tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you've known for years, time doesn't matter.
Character does.

Your guitar, it sounded so sweet and calm. I was infatuated by you from then on.

I've noticed we kinda only talk at night, maybe it's just me but you probably only text me when you're bored, I never text you first but when you text me I reply embarrassingly fast and I never seem to care about the other people I may be texting. You have me wrapped around your finger, it's so frustrating to love you this much. I feel like a fool.

I'm tired of this one sided never ending conversation.
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me what you're thinking.
Tell me it will all be okay.
Just tell me something.

I'll be alright soon.
I don't know if it'll be tomorrow or the next day or next month but there will be a day I don't think about you, that I don't talk about you, that I don't need you.
When that day comes don't you dare start missing me. We both know that I will always
Always go back to you.
It's inevitable, but that one day that you know I'm not thinking about you but I'm actually living my life don't come back to me.
Please don't
It'll only hurt me when you leave again.

The I love you stopped a long long time ago. Sometimes I'm tempted to say those three words just one more time. Sometimes when we're together the piercing words almost spill out but in a instant I stop myself.
I stop because I know how you'll reply.
When I hear those two words come out of your mouth I'll be crushed because that was the inevitable outcome for me saying I love you one last time

When the sudden realization that things are never going to be the same finally hits you, you're crushed because you didn't think this would ever happen to you.

But how do you love someone else when you don't love yourself, because to love yourself is to know yourself and you don't know who you are, but how are you supposed to know yourself? How do you truly know who you are?

I don't want to be alone tonight.
Will you be with me?
Just one more night, one more night of us?

I am unsure of the reason. I am unsure of myself. I got anxiety. I knew it would end soon. I am so uncertain of what's to come for you and I although "you and I" isn't the case anymore it's you and someone else. I yearn for everything to fall into place. I crave for you to be happy. For everyone to end up satisfied. It's okay if I don't but everyone else deserves happiness, especially you.

There's a girl in the corner; she's always breaking rules, always living cool but deep down always feeling used.
She tries really hard to be all he wants but in the end it comes back and haunts.

Maybe on the night of New Year's Eve I will go to my roof and all of this will disappear, maybe I can start all over and become a whole new better person because I'm not the person I want to be, and I know it's cliché to write about a new year but God do I need this year to be good to me. I always thought I knew myself and what I stood for but why am I rushing to be somebody? It shouldn't matter if I know what I want or who I am. I know this is the prime time of self discovery but I'm terrified. What if I figure out soon who I am and I don't even recognize her? Thinking about my future and whether or not any of this will matter is my biggest fear because the people and things I care about so deeply now could mean nothing to me in a matter of months. What does that mean for me? Spending a countless number of nights wondering about things and how I can make things right will be for nothing but will I feel resolved?

I can paint you a whole world but never can I paint myself an escape

Every thought is a battle
Every breathe is a war
I don't think I'm winning this fight anymore.

I wish my paper was blank, I wish I didn't write so much. When I look back on what I wrote the metaphors I used turn in to images in my head and I break again.

You say I make you feel like the bad guy.
You say when you talk to me you feel bad.
You say you're sorry, but not to my face.
You say you broke my heart but you broke more than my heart.
You broke my soul.
I forgave you.
Stop reopening the wound. It's too much to handle
I'm still so fragile.

You say "Do what you want."
I say "What I want will hurt others."
You say "Do it anyway."
I say "I can't"
You say "Why?"
I say "I care too much, I care about her and how she would feel if I did what I wanted. I don't know her but I know you two have a connection that you and I don't have. I know you have feelings for her too. I won't do what I want because I want you to do what you want and you want to be with her."
You say "Oh."
I say "I wish I didn't care about other peoples feelings as much as I do."
You say "That's a trait I love about you, you care about everyone even if they have hurt you. You care about your parents even if they treat you badly, you care about me even though I keep leaving you alone, you care about Grace even if you know she and I have a connection. You care about everyone. I love you, and when I say that I mean it but not in that way. You caring so much may seem like a flaw but I see it as a perfect imperfection."
I say "Sometimes I want to die."
You say "If you go who will care about everyone?"
I say "I guess I have to stay a little longer, don't I?"
You say "Stay, I need you."
I say "Only for you."
You say "Stay because you want to."
I say "I'll stay because I want you."

Youth.
Is that all we have?
Is that all we are?
Youth?
Wild, naïve kids, if that's all the world sees then I would much rather be an wise,aged elderly.
This world forgets the youth may be wild, naïve kids but your souls can be wise,aged elderlies.

You were aloof.
You were stolid.
You were distant.
You were mine?